now or never

I watch the morning dawn upon your skin
A splinter in the light
It caught and frayed the very heart of us
It's been hiding there inside for all this time
How a sure thing winds up just like this
Clockwork silence only knows
And it's no one's fault
There's no black and white
Only you and me
On this endless night
And as the hours run away
With another life
Oh, darling can't you see
It's now or never
It's now or never
Sleeping anxious still at 3 am
We're trying far too hard
The tattered thought balloons above our heads
Sinking in the weight of all we need to sayWhy's and what if's have since long played out
Left us short on happy endings
And it's no one's fault
There's no black and white
Only you and me
On this endless night
And as the hours run away
With another life
Oh, darling can't you see
It's now or never
It's now or never
You know that there's so much more
And it's no one's fault
There's no black and white
Only you and me
On our final night
And as the hours run away
With another life
Oh, darling can't you see
It's now or never
It's now or never


p/s: i luv the words, i just had to put it here. by josh groban

i just talked to a person who thinks he was being judged. clearly, the name can not be revealed for confidential purposes. he is not straight but has a really kind heart. he decided to take part in donating some blood at the campaign the other day.

however, the person at the registration counter refuse to let him donate cause he has the tendency to get HIV/AIDS. i know that might be true. but brushing him off like he's some kind of a walking disease is totally not appropriate.

she should let him know properly of the reasons why he couldn't and should next time take off the sceptical look from her (oops) face.

basically, im just an advocate for my poor friend, which i know has been hurt many times with people who does not have a sense of sensitivity in them.

for you, my friend, just take a deep breath and move on. you chose to be the way you are and therefore you have to swallow the sweet and bitter. anything, gimme a buzz.

all that i've got - the used

So deep, that it didn't even bleed and catch me Off guard, red handed Now I'm far from lonely Asleep I still see you lying next to me So deep that it didn't even bleed and catch me I... I need something else would Someone please just give me Hit me and knock me out And let me go back to sleep I can laugh All I want inside I still am empty So deep that it didn't even bleed and catch me I... I'll be just fine Pretending I'm not I'm far from lonely And it's all that I've got I guess, I remember every glance you shot me Un-harmed, im losing weight and some body heat I squoze so hard I stopped your heart from beating So deep that I didn't even scream fuck me, I.... I'll be just fine Pretending I'm not I'm far from lonely And it's all that I've got And it's all that I've got Yeah, it's all that I've got It's all that I've got It's all that I've got! So deep that it didn't even bleed and catch me So deep that I didn't even scream fuck me I'll be just fine Pretending I'm not I'm far from lonely and it's all that I've got And it's all that I've got Yeah, it's all that I've got

alfie made me wonder

i was watching 'alfie' when it occured in my mind about the people around me. how much they've sacrificed for my sake, how tolerable they've been with my antics and shortcomings, how they've seen my imperfections as a gift that only i have..

all these thoughts made me realized how thankful i should be. yes, people come and go. but they have certainly left a mark. some came for a very short while and disappear as soon as a blink of an eye - but left the greatest impact. some stayed for a very long time - like the time i would take to finish my vegetables, but affect me just a little bit. how i would explain the 'impact' is totally subjective according to my preferences.

i've wondered a lot about "jodoh dan pertemuan". like if someone i would always, but eventually meet out of the blue is truly someone i should give more attention to, if you get what i mean. or if someone who has always been by my side possibly means nothing to me..just a matter of geographical factors. like im close to that person because i only have him/her, or because i really want to be close to that person, have mutual connections.

i've wondered if a friend can be called a friend. or should only be called acquaintance, because he/she don't really play a role as a friend - just there because of a situation,coincidentally. i really don't know how to explain this.ugh. then, would i be friendless? maybe i have many acquaintances but no friends. or maybe the other way around. or none of both. nada. zilch.
geez.this sucked,my mind suggested.

i've wondered the answers for the questions. but ended up eating Tesco potato chips while starring into space. my mouth chewing on auto-pilot.

like 'alfie', i guess the answers will just come along by itself. time is what i have plenty of, and my journey's just beginning. i'll leave the questions as it is for now.