Why Didn't You Save Me?

Drowning
In the matter that is the world.

Suffocating
In the small space of insignificance.

Trembling
To grasp the fictitious whimper of hope.

Grasping
For the nonexistent scaffolding of strength.

Limping
Through coarse grizzles of broken lungs.

Screaming
In loud ignored whispers.

Waving, Crying, Kneeling
For help.

Life in Point Form

Overwhelming.

Like trying to fill the glass of soda as much as you can and have the froth spilling over.

Few things:

1. Will be voting first time this year for the General Election. Excited to be a part of history, albeit I'm just one out of the 13.26 million voters this year. My decision counts.

2. Will be anchoring the GE with live updates covering every nook and cranny in Malaysia, and every possible range of sectors.

3. Impossibly high benchmarks to match and break.

4. More people waiting to break you down.

5. I'm the only person I can trust right now, and even then I still can't trust myself sometimes.


And finally but most importantly: I'm exhausted. Really, really exhausted.


*On a side note, I'm beyond happy that Spotify has reached our shores. But still find myself dedicating a tab for my Grooveshark. Good stuff.

**Another side not: Suddenly miss the cold breeze of Glenelg Beach in Adelaide. Where it would swish swoosh my hair but doesnt make it frizzy. Miss looking out across the sea to mere nothingness, while the sun melts as it reach the tip of the horizon. Miss being free.

Click here to be linked to a song I'm dedicating to you. Surprise.

That One Step

I was spending some time in the dark last night - recalling events in glimpses that come together. Almost like a filtered collage of memories that're put on top of each other layer by layer. A little overwhelming, but enough so.

I recalled thinking "Oh well."

It's a handy tool of communication: "Oh well"s.

It serves as a sign that you acknowledge things that have happened, and still have some hope for things about to happen.

Life has been amazing of course. But Life is not Life without turbulence and problems.It's an SOP. In fact, the better your life is, the bigger your problems are. Unless you're effing lucky; which I'm not.

I feel like in this moment, no matter how much I say and whatever it is that I say, it's going to add up to only one little fact. The fact that I have grown to be a better, and more mature person than I used to be.

And I am proud of that. Despite the things that have occurred, this is the silver lining. Above all, this is the only thing I ever wanted.

Memories will still be memories. They well always be kept safely in my mind and in my heart. But time will always be time. And there is no time to go back, but to only move forward.

As I'm writing this, I have one feet ahead of the other. I'm taking that step - the step that will shift me from where I am.

 Cheers to Life.

Let Her Go by Passenger

"Only know you love her when you let her go.."

The Road I Should Have Taken

I was never her.. who you wanted me to be. Who you had hoped for me to be.

In truth, I was already broken beyond fixing. I am flawed beyond repair.
I am everything you had hoped I was not.

My hope was not for you to be someone you weren't.
Never. 

My hope was to get a glimpse of happiness, if it was possible.. if I had deserved.

But clearly it was for someone else. It was for someone better. Someone deserving.

I have understood this a long time ago, but I was stubborn. 

I thought I could change my fate.

But what I am is a prisoner of my own fate. 

How foolish of me to think I have the power to change my life!

How stupid!

I am so ashamed that I can't even bring myself to look into the mirror.

Who is that girl? Why would she think a happy ending is in her cards?

Maybe I asked for too much. Maybe I was bound to hit a wall to realize. 

After all, I was never meant to fall too deep or be willing to take a bullet.

Now that it has finally come to a dead end, I decided I will jump over the edge.

For I never will turn back and trod the same road.

I made a mistake once, and I shall never do it twice.

Unless it is written by You.