Ocean

Ocean by John Butler

There are music out there that deserves a listen. And I believe that every song has a right to be heard before anyone make a decision whether it is good or not, despite of its genre and makings.

Good music can bring all sorts of emotions. For this particular guitar instrumental, I felt heroic. I have no idea why.

Check out other songs by him and the trio.

Haiku pergi

Toleh belakang -
Lihatku dari jauh
Selamat tinggal.

The destroyer

As a person, there are certain wisdoms, or wise words that you hold dear and swear by.

These are the philosophy that you either stumble upon, or seek for. Or sometimes blossom from your own experiences. It does not matter where they come from.

What matters most is that you believe in it and then use it.

The wisdom I cling on to like a tree bark is that 'Only you can destroy yourself'.

It's not smart and/or witty. But it's from the many things that had happened to me.

Yes, I strongly believe in the power of the individual.

It is not ego, nor is it selfish. It is simply having faith in yourself.


Sorry, I feel like such a bore today. Hehe.

Dad asked..

On Monday morning, my Dad asked me in the car when he was sending me to the LRT.

Dad: How much is 53 minus 46?
Me: *tempted to take out my handphone for the calculator* hmm..seven?
Dad: Ok..
Me: Why??
Dad: Nothing..

I figured he was counting the age gap between him and my mom. Somehow I felt sad.

Do you know, I once read in a study that the average life span of a Malay male is 60years, and Chinese men 65. Malay women goes up to 70 and Chinese women goes up to 75years old.

But of course, that's just a mean score, average. You would live a shorter life, if you smoke, or eat piles of sugar everyday and get diabetes which attracts high-blood pressure and yada yada. Or live longer if you consume fresh vegetables from the backyard everyday and drink lots of river osmosis water etc.

My point is, if the average Malay male lives up to 60 years of age, and my dad is now 53 years old, I only have 7 years left with him!! (This is just theoretically speaking, I know life and death is in the hands of God)

And my Dad is not the type of person who exercises, eats healthily, get enough sleep..in short, he just doesn't really worry about sickness and..death.

But I do worry, for him. I feel like I need more time with him. Indeed, we can never get enough; especially of the things and people we love.

I miss him, even when I'm with him.

Dad said..

My Dad said a wise guy told him that we always ask for what we want, but God only give what we need.

That actually kept me positive - for a while.

Until I came to a thought - we always ask for what we want and need, but only get what we deserve.

-.-"


Cue the cricket sound now.

Curiosity killed only the cat

The case is fragile.
I know not what is in store.
I will let it break.

herd

from here

Dear A

I am feeling a huge lump of air in my liver trying to burst out.

First of all, I'd like to apologize.. For everything. I mean it - everything.

Everytime I talk to you, I feel like I'm throwing up garbage. I feel like such a liar. And even if I am, you wouldn't know it. Because you only associate me with good things.

In fact, you always feel like you don't deserve me; that I am better than you. But A, let me tell you, it is me who don't deserve you. I don't even deserve to acquaint a person such as you, let alone to hurt and to lie to.

When I pretended not to see you the other day, it is not because I don't want to talk to you, but it's because I worry I wouldn't be able to contain myself from crying.

I will cry, because I know I am not for you. Neither are you for me, even though I know you like to think otherwise. You see the glass as half full, and you have such a big heart, so you will not understand where I'm coming from.

Sometimes I wonder myself, why I am so unlucky. I was lucky enough to know you, but unlucky that I won't be able to have you.

I know, when we talk it feels like there is nothing in between us, you would get my jokes, and I would get yours. We could talk endlessly and confide in each other. As a matter of fact, I really care about you, genuinely always wanting to know that you are ok.

It humbles me to see you grow before my eyes - from a very shy person, to someone who is confident and successful. You think you have achieved nothing, but I think you should be proud of yourself.

I will never be all the other girls who would fall at your feet anytime. I will never be like all the girls that could be yours. I will only be me, and I have no intentions of changing you.

You will meet another girl, who you will fall in love with so deeply, that you will forget me. I will accept this although it saddens me to know that that girl can share her happiness with you. I will be jealous, and will probably take quite some time to let this feeling go.

You are a great person, brought up in a great family. Come to think of it, there is nothing that I don't like about you. If I must, then probably your optimism - how you always believe that things are ok, even though in reality they aren't.

Your smile, your doe eyes, the way you look at me and think I didn't notice.

For now, as a powerless human being, I can only say that if it's meant to be, it is meant to be. But lest if it's not, do know that I wish not to see you ever again, simply because the hurt will be unbearable.

Again, I am so sorry. At the risk of sounding cliche, please take comfort in knowing that at least, whatever feelings I have for you, and whatever "connection" we have had, is true.


Yours truly.

Friday blues

A school friend gave me a call - it was unexpected. I was extremely glad she called, because a familiar voice was just what I needed at that time.

So we talked, about generic stuff - her sister is planning to take the course I took in uni and she had some questions.

Just as how you would feel when riding a bicycle after a long time not doing so, you just sort of ride like you never stopped doing it before. We quickly fell into the mould that we have had back then, and running jokes resurfaced, expected punchlines still surprised us, and we just kind of had a warm conversation altogether.

We then talked about the present. What each of us is currently doing. I as usual spoke of my not-too-bad job and how I am still surviving. She was happy to hear that.

And then it was her turn.

"Nothing new..", she said. I kind of can tell she was smiling when she said it.

"Oh come on, there must be something. So when are you getting married?!", I laughed.

"Err yea..actually, ermm, this coming November, if everything goes well..".

There was a pause. There shouldn't be.

"OMG. Are you for real?!?", I half shouted in the office.

"Hehe. Yes. Ey, don't tell anyone yet, you're the first person to know".

And I felt something building up in my tear duct.


That night, I was listening to the radio in the car ride home. My brother was quiet, and so was I.

And then, as if some spirits out there has been listening to me, a very dear song played on the radio.

Perfect timing.

I guess now I can just say that I shouldn't be embarrassed to admit it. I may not be the only one.





So Lonely by The Police

 
To sign off, here is a short poem:

Tomorrow is Saturday, 
and in the office I will be, Yay.

 

life. and deaths

And so, the ordinariness of the every day things brought me back to earth. Small things, that are huge to others, made me realize how we are in fact insignificant, what more the things I witness which are beyond my comprehension.

My kitchen was flooded today, so was my current "bed room" in the house - living room in front of TV (coz lately I was too scared to sleep in the mini library downstairs where I reside with boxes of my things unpacked still; ever since I heard the story my sister told me - I'll tell later). Point is, comfort before misfortune. I sometimes take things for granted and disregard things that should matter.

I also saw two fat mama and papa rats the other day, running straight from the house roof and skydive onto the backyard. I didn't save them, I didn't yell "stupid rats!!" to them, I didn't do anything. I just let them splat there for a good 5 seconds before they dust of their coats and started running through the drain. Somehow this incident made me feel insignificant. Because (I have a point ok), they didn't need me to go to them with a broom and brush them away. They got back up by themselves and continue doing whatever rats do.

A few people I know lost their loved ones - of old age, of stress, of an accident. Within the span of a month, having to attend 3 funerals is quite draining. It gives you like a black washout effect on your face and you somehow feel obliged to grieve.. at least I do. I asked my Mom to braid my hair for work last Monday out of randomness because I dreamed about her drinking rotten milk to save my life. Yes, I don't really know how to show love properly. Believe it or not, especially to my Mom. Again, taking good care of what you have. Love before lost.

My sister went for an intensive safety course (yes she is a worrywart) where only a handful of people were allowed to participate. She took notes, and was excited when I came home from work because she wanted to share with me what she learned. I laughed when I first heard, but she insisted and forced me to sit with my mom (who was busy chatting and facebooking with her girlfriends) and listen to her. I thought it was going to be some boring-ass kiddy safety 101. But no, it was serious points about safety in taking cabs, how to deal with robbery at your house (this was what got me scared to sleep downstairs), at the ATM etc. She even forced my dad to sit and listen. Prevention better than cure. Safety is all about that - making sure there are no opportunities for unwanted things to happen.

How we became someone we don't plan to be. How we became someone we hated. How we became unknown to ourselves. Had some serious talk with some friends at work (some I regard more as friends than colleagues lol) and yes, this is what happens and is happening. I'm not sure if it has happened to me yet (I'm still pretty much myself I think. Haha), but I've seen it happen. In fact just today. So never say never (don't imagine Bieber now, I'm serious). Might be next.

Small gestures of kindness. Like the dude who held the door for me eventhough he has passed through, the cab driver who gave a discount of RM6 for a ride, the lady who smiled like mothers would when she saw me bang my head on the car boot at the petrol station, the hug of a good friend.. all of that has made me feel better this week.

And then there is this person. Whom I have liked for a reason, and still likes, for a different reason. I rarely meet him, but when I do.. well, time just stops, as they say. But I dare not say a word because I know there are mountains I have to climb before I reach the river. And a friend said, "these things are never easy eventhough they are". So I'll just take her word since she's the expert and I'm not.

As of right now, you can say I'm in a state of a mild shock. Because of all the deaths that's been recurring. I need to shower now, to cleanse off all the "bad things" one can get from a funeral.


Have a great weekend.

muse

from here

lean closer, ladies

Three things:

1. I like beautiful men.
2. I like boys who grew up into beautiful men.
3. I like the grown up John, and he is a beautiful man.

Roses by Outkast covered by The Maine

Gone are the days of his messy mullet; and now sporting a neater, shorter hair with a fragile, couldn't-care-less rocker dude look.

I. Dig. It.

And the crooning of his just-got-outta-bed-and-imma-whisper-in-your-ear vocals.

Major. Dig.

Similar guys like John and John wannabes are invited to apply within. Hahas.

Also I noticed that the lyrics of their songs are always in favor of women/girls/chicks. I like I Must Be Dreaming and Whoever She Is (I forgot from which album, but like few years back).


Good job guys.

fuh-rai-day

Look at this photo.



And this photo.

What do Rebecca Black and this girl have in common?


THEY BOTH LOVE FRIDAY!


Friday is Playday. Woo to the Hoo.

madhouse

Ayah ku seorang yang unik. Tahap keunikan beliau adalah agak tinggi berbanding mere mortals yang lain, dan oleh itu, beliau bercakap dalam bahasanya sendiri. Seringkali beliau akan menggunakan perkataan-perkataan pelik yang hanya kami yang faham (kadang-kadang tak faham juga). Mostly, it's his gastronomic vocabularies that are just beyond us.

Contoh 1:

Ayah: Izza, go and buy franchise.
Me: Huh? *looking at sisters* Buy what?
Ayah: Franchise..McD
Me: Err..french fries ke?
Ayah: Ye lah! What did I say just now?? Franchise kan?
Me: -.-" Berapa juta ringgit dia ada nak beli franchise..sigh


Contoh 2:

Ayah: Oh dah pukul 10 (malam) patut la lapar..
Ibu: Haa, nak makan la tuh? We just ate dinner!
Ayah: Biarlah, I nak makan. You nak makan I tak halang pun
Ibu: *gives up*
Me: Yeap, orders?
Ayah: Go and buy Nippies. Dua. Yang besar.
Me: Buy what??
Ayah: Nippies!!
Me: *consults sisters* Did he say nappies? Nipples?
Sis A: I think the chocolate that he likes tuh..
Sis B: Yang red packet rasanya, ada kacang inside..
Me: Nips?
Sisters: Haaaaa yes yes
Me: Ayah, Nips ke?
Ayah: Ya Allah, ye lah! Kenapa tak pergi lagi? Nak duit ke? You kan dah kerja!
Me: T.T


Contoh 3:

Ayah: Someone, tolong belikan Lot 10 please!
Everyone: Huh?! Buy what??
Ayah: Lot 10! Semua kena korek telinga lah!
Me (who else): Nak apa again? Lot 10? Yang shopping mall tuh?
Ayah: *annoyed* Lot 10 laa, yang ada mango punya flavor tuh..dia macam chewing gum sikit.
Me: Yellow packet? Yang kita beli masa nak balik kampung?
Ayah: Haa yea that's the one
Me: That's Lot 100 lah!!! You missed a zero.
Ayah: Oh yeke? Whatever lah. Go now.
Me: *pulls hair*


By now, you get a glimpse of what a crazy house I live in. And that's only just my dad. Wait until you know my siblings, annnndddd my mom. Seriously, it's a miracle I'm still alive and fabulous (hahs!)
Let's take a sneak peek at my mom's gibberish semantics. But for her, it revolves more around electrical appliances and kitchenware rather than food.


Contoh 1:

Ibu: Ya Allah, baju tak basuh lagi! Who wants to volunteer!!!
Me: (eventhough I don't want to, I know by volunteer means "somebody better do this before anyone gets killed!") Me! I'll do it!
Ibu: Do it now! Put the laundry in the fridge first before you go shower.
Me: Huh? Whaa? Fridge? Who?
Ibu: Put the laundry in the fridge before you shower! so that it can spin first then you finish shower go and hang them.
Me: You meant washing machine right? Not fridge? *snickers*
Ibu: What are you laughing at?! You'll be like that when you turn 40! then you'll know not to laugh!! *defensive*
Me: oookkaaayyyyy


Contoh 2:

Ibu: Izza! Please put the cili kering in the microwave!
Me: Microwave?
Ibu: Eh, microwave pula. Fridge!
Me: Fridge?
Ibu: Eh, apa nama tuh..mixer!
Me: Blender..
Ibu: Apa-apa lah! Cuba bergerak tu cepat sikit! Buat kerja kena pantas!!
Me: (dalam hati) Nak cover line, aku pula yang kena -.-"


And my brother, no exception.

Contoh 1:

Bro: Ibu, remember me at 6 please.
Ibu: Why, would I want to remember you at 6?
Bro: Alah, just remember la, got something to do..
Me: You mean "remind" you at 6?
Bro: Poyo lah. You get what I mean. Bye.


Haha, sounds like some slapstick comedy, but it's not. When I think about it, they are funny moments - in retrospect. But while they were happening, you feel so outraged because they got you all confused and then get angry at you for things you didn't do! I'm sure you got your own stories to tell too!

But anyways anyhow, I love my family (I have to, coz otherwise I don't really have anyone else to love other than myself and I don't want to end up being like Sue Sylvester where I have to marry myself), and as crazy as they get, they're blood. Sooo which means..I'm crazy too? Ha ha, spend a day with me to find out!

And speaking about me (err haha), I've been down with fever and it's not even funny. I hate not being able to do anything and just like lying in on the couch watching MasterChef and Glee on repeat. Lucky there's Parenthood, KUWTK and also some old school stuff I got my brother to download and to just plug the drive into the tv. Seriously, Unifi is uh-mazing. Hope I get better soon, else, it's a no-work day for me!

To the victims of the recent tsunami attack, hang in there, good things will come your way! Peace be to the world. Amen!