the low before the high

It has come to my attention that I may have taken more than a few things rather lightly, which result in me being swamped with consequences that I was not prepared to tackle which then finally result in me concluding myself as the ultimate counter-worrier and a super-tactless human being.

I am not proud of this, and therefore dear blog, you are lucky (or otherwise) that I only manage to confide and confess to you. 

As an objective person, I shall ask myself so what is it that you need to do now, moving forward? Heck, only God knows what's to become of me and this; but I can manage that I may try to at least be a little more attentive to details - to the unspoken words, the little actions, the "nothingness".

Well, what's been done has already been done, one can only look forward and that's what I'm doing.

I'm just gonna start looking at the smaller picture, get to each point one by one before I hit BOOM.

Guhbye peeh-puhl.

I Won't Back Down

I Won't Back Down by Johnny Cash


Obviously you can consider me infatuated with Mr. Cash; I keep coming back to classics, in general.

What can I say, I like taking advice in an unorthodox way from an experienced male subject. His songs, his voice is just that.

Just when I thought the only thing I could do was give up, this song aired on radio and infused a much needed b-tt kick.

Somebody once told me back in 2008:

"..Oh, but you are still too young; too many things to be done; too many things to be seen; too many hearts to be filled. Now why don't you put on those boots and buckled belt and take on the world?"


Too bad things didn't work out between us.

Goodbye 2011, Hello 2012.

So it's been a few weeks since the year turned a new skin; 2012. What have changed since? Or what remained?

Honestly, get real people, do you still believe in New Year's Resolutions? I've given up on those a long time ago. I now am more of the type who would make resolutions randomly at any point of my life; hence why the significance and/or importance of a "new" year has dissolved drastically for me.

I've decided that celebrating a brand-spanking-new year in a flashy way does not foreshadow the year you're about to have and how it would end. Rather, it is most likely to be deceiving. I now embrace in year-ends and the result of the 365 days I've endured. Celebrating a new year would heavily rely on this factor. Of course, making an appearance at celebratory events thrown by other people is a show of respect and good manners; which is why I still "celebrate" (heheh - they say don't shove the good stuff), but well you know..

So in retrospect, from 2011, what have you gained or lost?


It certainly was a year that left me breathless; or rather, out-of-breath where I was constantly frantic or panicking (nothing new there, I know). I've also realized how Jupiter plays an important role in my life, as it is the planet of Luck and I've been, if anything, so so lucky last year, which is good coz I was running out of energy for effort.

I've also lost track of my mid and long-term life plans and are now just focusing more on the short-term goals. I failed to cross a lot of things off of my to-do list and got a bit of an emotional tsunami, but towards the end I decided to eff it. This year, I'll be writing my to-do list as I do it. Carpe diem. Haha, how's that for a plan?

Bitterness and frustrations aside, 2011 has actually been the best teacher I've had so far. It taught me a lot of things and showed me things that I thought I could never see. A lot of "firsts" too.

Can't really say much but by the end of it all, I knew there's going to be a sequel - 2012.

This year will execute to answer a lot of questions and cliffhangers in 2011, and for that, I'm just super thrilled and amped up.

To 2012, I say BRING IT ON to your face.

Happy days ahead everyone ;)


p/s: How do you say 2012? Two thousand and twelve, or twenty twelve?

Vacuum of Humanism

I am not crazy - in fact I'm perfectly normal; which makes me crazy. Firstly because I just denied it and secondly because anyone would know that any normal human being is far from being normal.

I like trespassing other people's brains, and bulldoze their over-developed beliefs and convictions. I am an anti-principle (whatever it may be) when it comes to other people; but of course I am a person of strong, rooted principles myself. I believe in having beliefs, yet I don't believe for believing is deceiving.

I also like truths and honesty for they tell you things about things for what they are; but a white lie can never hurt when it is only meant to salvage. Therefore lying is alright, when the situation is apposite - but is telling the truth obligatory under any circumstances? If the answer is no then a lie and a truth weighs the same on a situational scale.

So question here is, what does this make me?

a) A crazy person who doesn't believe and lie
b) A normal person who has principles and tells the truth

Dream People

Dan Felton

Jade Puget

Sand in Hand

I said to my soul, be still and wait without hope
For hope would be hope for the wrong thing; wait without love
For love would be love of the wrong thing; there is yet faith
But the faith and the love and the hope are all in the waiting.
Wait without thought, for you are not ready for thought:
So the darkness shall be the light, and the stillness the dancing.


- T.S. Eliot

Eternal Lone Gypsy

More people are becoming adventurous (and a study reported that Zimbabwe and other exotic of-the-course travel destinations will so be in trend this year) and becoming lonely.

This archetype has long existed as a small percentage that others long to be, but is growing in numbers needless to say. They are the people who will do whatever the hell they want, when they want, and with whomever they want to. They only care to satisfy their insatiable thirst for experiences and adventure. They do outlandish things in their mannerisms and confide in strangers and peeves commitment.

They are most likely to achieve more things in life than others would, and are typically a Jack-of-all-trades. They charm people as they trod the globe; with their intelligence and beautifully flaunting some of the local vocabularies they know to strangers who soon become companions. They indulge in the localities to feel apart of something and yet away. They like to be in it without having to be attached.

Selfish and greedy - that's what they are, but only in the good sense to them. They mean well and they care for others, but they had to be selfish to actually get what they want and also greedy as they constantly want more; which may sometimes make them push away the people or things they already have to make way for new ones.

Once they reach a stage where they feel comfortable in a particular atmosphere, they will restlessly begin to look out for new adventures, to get them out of that safe zone again. This will happen repetitively. In between these cycles, there will be a gap; of total comfort and extreme desire to be uncomfortable. It is at this stage that they will be strawed in into the blackhole of loneliness.

They will feel so alone that they constantly have a tug-of-war of either getting very very comfortable at where they're at and just make things happen around them with whatever they have or just pack up, leave and start anew somewhere foreign.

They will most likely do neither, at this stage.

They also run - both physically and mentally. They run to understand the situation whilst not having to be in the situation. They run to run - from anything and everything, for as long as it last as a mini escape - for they know they will eventually run towards whatever they are running from again. They are also smart enough to know that running is not a solution, but a means. Therefore running is not who they are, but it is an all-important confidante to these non-committed creatures. The perfect life support, as opposed to a membership at the gym.

So when they've gathered their thoughts and mustered their spirits back, they are ready to elevate out of this blackhole and continue on a new quest. It does not mark an ending of a previous adventure, not at all, but in truth a continuation to the mega saga that is the journey of their life.

It is a chicken and egg situation - whether being amorous with new experiences make them some of the loneliest people in the world or the other way around. You can ask yourselves, if you think you share the same sentiments as this archetype, or you can ask the person you meet next who wears these characteristics like a fitted shirt.

Whatever it is, they are out there, collecting memories in their shoe boxes; with the tribal bracelets, postcards, museum tickets and polaroids while at the same time leaving footprints in the world and in people's lives.

Knock Knock It's Reality

There are bigger and more important things out there than your sorry little problems.

Hurt

Hurt by Johnny Cash

"If I could start again,
A million miles away,
I will keep myself,
I would find a way.."