love at first sight

I used to like this song; i still like it (amidst all the angst-driven numbers i listen to in school, we all do). haha. heard it again after such a long time on mix.fm today. miss those carefree days when love is all that matters. some things never change, dont you think? :)

faith and belief

Demi matahari, dan cahayanya di pagi hari,

Demi bulan bila ia mengiringi,

Demi siang bila ia menampakkannya.

Demi malam bila ia menutupinya.

Demi langit serta pembinaannya.

Demi bumi serta penghamparannya.

Demi sukma dan penyempurnaannya,

maka Allah Mengilhamkan kepada jiwa itu jalan kefasikan dan ketakwaannya,

sesungguhnya beruntunglah orang yang menyucikan jiwa itu,

dan sesungguhnya merugilah orang yang mengotorinya.

- QS Asy Syams (Matahari) 91:1-15

Let me ask you a personal question. How many times do you pray each day? How many times, each day do you really, really pray? How many times do you pray with all your heart, at the most sincerest, and sense of submission in a day? How many times?

I will use myself as the subject of victimisation. I honestly only pray occasionally. In times when life is too hard too handle, when only I have time, when somebody invited me to pray together, when my mom or dad asked whether or not i have prayed, then i will pray. I lack discipline, responsibility and gratitude. I was not aware of the fact that I too often ignore or put Him on the sidetrack, and not as the main purpose of my life. I always forget the little detail that He is always, always, all the time, every single nanosecond with me and taking care of me and being not just by my side, but within me. He essentializes me. I forgot. Being human, that's what we all are - forgetful.

I have gone through many 'realization' phases concurrently. I recently came about a thorough expose of the ESQ program in the April 2009 edition of 'Majalah I' whereby Dr. Ary Ginanjar was interviewed and the ESQ program was reviewed. I know a lot of people who would die to participate in the program, and i was truly lucky to be able to join although for the short course (cheaper!). The articles in the magazine of Dr. Ary Ginanjar definitely moved me to reread the books that i got from the program and those that my dad bought: The Islamic Guide to Developing ESQ: Emotional Spiritual Quotient, Rahasia Sukses Membangun Kecerdasan Emosi dan Spiritual and other related books. Quoting from Allah's Manual (the Holy Quran), the books definitely affected me in a whole new level.

I felt very far. It's unexplainable, but i feel very far, from wherever I am supposed to be. I know I am not going to be donning the hijab any time soon, but who knows, with his Hidayah, i might. they say never say never. but what is clear, i will try my best to right all the wrongs and try to be the better version of me everytime i have the choice.

A second 'realization' incident. my dad recently brought home the script for a soon-to-be released drama series for this Ramadhan, titled Fitrah (but may be changed to Cinta Sempurna). So i read the script to give a review to my dad about the series. and i have to say, it is one moving tale! definitely one to watch out for in Ramadhan (August)! It is based on a true story of a brother and a sister who is 'far' from the truth of Islam and trying to find their way back through a young Ustaz who uses not Sunnahs and Hadiths, but Facebook, blogs and YouTube to explain the meaning of human life in the eyes of Allah. Very, very interesting, huh? And so from there, i learned a lot myself, and imagined myself in the shoes of the siblings. the line-up of casts is interesting too: Ashraf Muslim, Tungku Tiara, Fizow, Siti Fazurina, Ellie Suriaty, Akhil Hayy, Akbar Azmi, Maria Farida, Jalil Hamid and etc. The most interesting part of the story is of course, there will be love. But will the love between humans defy the love of the Almighty? We'll have to wait and see! (note: even the scriptwriter hasleft the ending hanging as it is based on true story, so they still dont know whats about to happen). It will be aired on Astro Oasis channel 106.

I have yet to read a book called 'Mother of the Believers: A novel of the birth of Islam' by Kamran Pasha which i will have to borrow from a friend, Baiti, as it is not released yet in Malaysia. We saw it at the Singapore Kinokuniya and i had to save some money, so I couldnt buy it. but not to fret, I will get my hands on those! :) I have to say, the book caught my eye from the very first page. The first sentence of the prologue is this:

What is faith?

How cool. the words Kamran Pasha uses definitely pulled the strings of my heart, comparing memories to the wind and etc. of course, he is a well-known cowriter for NBC's Bionic Woman amongst many others. You can check him out at his website.

So again, i would say that this past few weeks have been very very testing and i am glad that i have great support from all these books and resources to keep me strong ang going. But one that is constantly there to help is definitely Him :) I wish that the days to come will be better for me and for you.

Take care everyone.

we're not on the same page

today feels like a just-broke-up day. everything went either wrong, or monotonous. the last straw was the incident tonight. this mouth, didnt do what it's supposed to do - speak up! really, im not very good at talking about this kind of feeling; i rarely talk about it. or if i do, i do it in circles.

some things are better felt, than said.

this swept me off my feet

if a person asks me what the perfect moment for me to find my significant other would be, i can explain in detail. i can get down to even naming the perfect tone of the colour of the dress i would be wearing. i can name the year/era/age that the incident would take place. but hell, we all know things like that dont come true in the real world. you agree?

but recently, i found the 'perfect moment' in the form of a film. Becoming Jane (starring Anne Hathaway). there is this slight second in the film that really caught my attention. i was too happy beyond explanation.

then i was in a cyber cafe in singapore, doing some work on the internet. youtube in the background. i was listening to one of my all-time fave bands, Iron and Wine, and came this song, My Lady's House, which is dear to my heart. normally i would listen to it on iTunes and just daze off to space. but this time, someone (an angel for sure. lol) has made a video for this song. so i checked it out. i was gobsmacked, ecstatic and all the emotions along that line; the person used scenes from Becoming Jane for this video of My Lady's House!! how convenient! so i can watch my fave scene with my fave music!!

the scene of the 'perfect moment' is also included. hehe. here's the video:




ok check out the dancing scene, (1:16 - 1:60 min). that's the best part of it all. and the 'moment', is from 1:53 to 1:58. OMG. perfect.

that was how (young) people in the old age get to know each other and search for their long-life partners. i definitely want to be in that time. notice how hathaway's face was first very grim and sad in the beginning of the dance? as if she couldnt find anyone that she likes. and then, BOOM!, the 1:56 minute, the right guy danced along, giving a knowing smile. and the dance fits perfectly with the music (or the other way around). i think i might die just watching it over and over again. haha.

oh lord, save me from over-romanticizing a simple video, and aggravating over the fact that this would never happen to me. can dreams ever come true? :)

kudos to Jake Slavik!

Slumdog star returns to the slums

I watched this and questioned the future of the human kind; not the pre-determined, but more of the choices made by us for our own sake.




watch this video and read the comments on youtube. this is the link to it. how do you feel reading the selfish American bastards saying that this homeless boy (amongst thousands others with the same fate) is just begging to America and using his fame from Slumdog Millionaire for his benefits? he's just a kid with no powers in his hands. and the States cant even save their own economic ass for crying out loud! so stop being so ignorant and selfish as i think this is a lesson for you to learn and take more notice to others for once. here's a piece of my mind:

"the end is near, and yet we are growing further"

Temasek

Currently in Singapore; hostile humid austere Singapore. yet, trying to find what is so special about this place. been here a couple of times; came here again with some friends. more developments for sure. but the people, nothing's changed at all.

i am here in physical. my mind, my heart is somewhere else. i wish i was there. or the other way around.

Malaysian's kind of jokes. "Haha"

jokes of the century: (for malaysians, at least)

1. DUN Perak - macroscopically

wth? omg, i was too embarassed to even talk about it. i saw the video from Malaysiakini (thanks to Shukri!) last week and at the end of it i just had to laugh. i mean, how worse can it get? gila catfight. i get that v. sivakumar is probably in denial that he had just been (finally) dropped off his position, and as most veterans would react due to biologically old age (i.e. a.samad said. explained later), he refuse to 'move from his seat'. as if that would make any difference. then later on the opposition bench was outraged of this i think and they soon all indulged in a "Kabammm!!" session. these are the people whom we call leaders, that supposedly represents us. leaders who should abid to the judiciary system and laws..how do you expect the citizens to act mature when you are not being good examples yourself?? very, very childish for a nation that claims to practice a mature democracy. what a shame. very very skanky.

2. It invloves the King

dalam mata pelajaran sejarah yang kita belajar dulu, siapa orang paling tinggi dalam negara ni? (bukan gabenor. ni pasca-kolonisasi lahh) RAJA. ni apa hal sampai tak hormat Raja ni? Pemangku Raja Perak (Raja Dr. Nazrin Shah) terpaksa tunggu selama 5jam sebelum dia boleh masuk. apa ni?!? saya tahu ramai orang cina, india dan melayu liberal di luar sana (ni lah fungsi aku speaking malay ni. lol. kiddin) yang asyik mengatakan bahawa kita patut bubar institusi ke'raja'an, raja semua tak ada fungsi. ada PM seorang cukup lah. tp aku still percaya yang raja tu ada fungsi. salah satunya? ha, patutnya kes-kes macam ni lah dia kena jatuhkan titah. arahkan je si v.sivakumar tu pergi. kalau dia tak nak ganjak juga dari kerusi, suruh security angkat dia dengan kerusi sekali letak kat luar. ni satu penghinaan kepada raja dan rakyat yang menghormatinya!

3. the Opposition

para pembangkang pula, dah jadikan 'emotional outrage' ni macam trademark mereka pula. sesuka hati nak jerit pekik, gaduh-gaduh, tunjuk perasaan, hantar MEMO (bukan petition atau surat. kurang ajar kan namanya tu) dan sebagainya within the lines of laws and bureucracy. kenapa perlu sampai macam ni? nak sangat berkuasa, kita bagi dia tengok sikit. tak payah tengok jauh-jauh, ni dekat selangor/shah alam ni dah cukup. nampak tak billboard yang selalu ada kat roundabout tuh? apa dia tulis? "Kembalikan Hak Air Kepada Rakyat" kan? ha, mana janji -janji yang tak terlaksana lagi tuh? daripada dok gaduh sana sini, apa kata fokus keje-keje anda yg tak siap lagi ni. ni yang buat aku membebel ni. naik angin.

4. PPSMI

sekarang ni, i want to know why these people despise so much the idea of teaching S&M in english. yea, i read the six arguments here the other day (and some hidden for wth purposes) but whats the worst that can happen? yes, some UK institution did a research that BM bole berkembang sebagai one of the top 4 languages used in the world. do u think i give a shit? last time they say the year 2010 will have flying cars and mobile houses on clouds. look now, we're in the 2009 and the only thing thats flying is your zipper. give your fantasies a break. speaking as a malay, i want my race to be one of the top 10% breeds in the world. and other races in our country has the privilege of being fluent in at least 2 languages, do you still want our people to be left behind? when else do we start if not now?! of course, we cant see the implications right away, it may take years to show any signs of negativity or positive impacts; so why jump? i love what muhyiddin is doing. he said that the people opposing this are arguing based on emotions and sentimentals, but what we should really do now is study the affects that may take place in an objective manner. hence, the extension of the time for research of PPSMI. we dont want things to 'flip flop' as muhyiddin put it. dah banyak sangat dah yang flip dan kemudian flop semenjak dua menjak ni. this time around, we have to make a decision, and make it work. no more having to always go back to square one.


ok bye, jari jemari dah kena osteoporosis. will continue later

My friend makes the headline

Kanak-kanak maut kereta jatuh gaung

KUANTAN 11 Mei - Seorang kanak-kanak maut manakala kakaknya koma selepas kenderaan yang dinaiki bersama keluarga mereka terbabas lalu terjunam ke dalam gaung di Kilometer 40, Jalan Kuantan-Segamat dekat sini semalam.

Dalam kejadian kira-kira pukul 3.30 petang itu, mangsa, Mohd. Suria Hidayat Mohd. Nasir, 7, dari Sungai Isap Damai di sini meninggal dunia di tempat kejadian akibat kecederaan parah di kepala manakala kakaknya, Maimunah, 9, koma dan dirawat di Hospital Tengku Ampuan Afzan (HTAA) di sini.

Ketika kejadian, kedua-dua mangsa bersama dua ahli keluarga mereka dalam perjalanan dari arah Muadzam Shah ke Kuantan dengan menaiki sebuah kereta yang dipandu abang mangsa, Zulhelmi, 22.

Ketua Polis Daerah Pekan, Supritendan Yahaya Othman berkata, semasa kejadian, abang mangsa yang memandu kereta dipercayai gagal mengawal kenderaannya sebelum terbabas ke sebelah kiri jalan.

"Kereta itu kemudian melanggar sebatang tiang papan tanda amaran di bahu jalan menyebabkan ia berpusing beberapa kali sebelum terjunam ke dalam gaung," katanya ketika dihubungi di sini hari ini.

Berikutan kejadian itu, Yahaya memberitahu, Zulhelmi patah kaki kanan dan ibu mangsa, Norazizon Saiman, 45, yang duduk di bahagian penumpang depan cedera parah pada bahagian kepala.

Menurutnya, Mohd. Suria Hidayat dan Maimunah duduk di bahagian belakang kereta itu.

Sementara itu, beliau berkata, kesemua yang cedera dikejarkan ke HTAA untuk menerima rawatan dan dilaporkan stabil.

p/s: Zulhelmi is my friend. Let's put our palms together and recite the al-fatihah to his family members who perished, and those who are injured and still waiting to be healed. He is the one in white shirt (obviously.huhu)

news article taken from here. picture taken from here.

no easy feat

nobody said it was easy. well easy to say, but not when you have to do it.

letting go is even harder than having to hold on to something.

oh, can we not let go, but still move on?

red roses

i received a bouquet on the doorstep,
the other day.

along with a card.

it was sent to the wrong house,
but then returned to me.

such a bold move,
i thought.
red roses, and 25 of them.

a very bold move,
for something that is not his..


p/s: thank you for the flowers. they are beautiful.

the problem with this world is that women worry too much about their age,

and men don't act their age.

haha.

sometimes i seriously believe that men and women ARE from different planets.

why, oh why?

*laughs*

to impress

we go a long way to impress people. i've witnessed a lot people doing the things that are against their values and principles just to impress.

most people try to make their marks in this world, not excluding me. we find ways on how we can be noticed and appreciated and be deemed as those who have 'helped' the world in one way or the other. but this is not the same with having to impress. these people are often called the 'wannabes'. nobody should blame them/us for being so.

the need to impress others, comes naturally to human beings. we love to be appreciated and praised. but i think, it is only necessary and fitting if we deserve it.