Apparatus

Let the balloons go
I've had someone say
But chase the chase of a dream

And just before you grasp
the entirety of it
in your hands,

record the wind underneath
keep the feeling in your hand

and then pull it by the string.

Let it float free
but tug at it when need be.

Who let the dogs out? Teachers.

I saw some photos that my friend from high school uploaded on Facebook. Normally, I would just scroll down the news feed really fast like a finger on a treadmill and ignore stuff that aren't a) related to me b) appeal to me c) involve Malaysian politics (ok I lied. I actually like stupid, unnecessary drama).

So anyways, I saw this album that he uploaded and I clicked on it. It was of a friend's wedding that I was supposed to go, but couldn't at the last minute. And there they were, my schoolmates - those whom I was always in a fight with, those whom I've pranked and have pranked me, and those who have taught me the meaning of friendship (or how to differentiate real friends and FFBs)

They all looked so.. civilised. So grown up. The bizarreness of it went to a whole new level when I felt a smile actually growing on my face. And a tiny little tear peeped through the corner of my eye.

I missed those carefree/careless days, in school. Days when all adults can do to you if you're being naughty is to shout at you, cane you, humiliate you publicly or throw a *insert item* at you. But never could they make you feel small despite your size, because at that moment in your life, kids rule.

However miniature or geeky you are, you are bound to have at least one friend who share the same interest as you. All the better if you can actually influence other kids to be your 'followers' or minions, to break into the science lab in the middle of the night, or not go to class and hide behind the frail and pathetic bushes at the risk of getting busted by teachers whom you hated for knowing what's best for you and etc.

These friends you have in school are the ones who grow up with you. Who've seen you pre and during puberty. Who've shared tips on how to cheat in a test, who've helped you go through a 'surgery' to bust a zit on your nose, who've covered for you when you didn't do your homework.

These are the people who you've cried together with over a lost of RM50 (this is big bucks those days)coz you don't recall where you put it, whom you've ganged up with to go against the boys, or the teachers/authorities/government/world/universe, who had accompanied you to leave lyrics to Greenday songs under the desk of a boy you have a crush on, in the hopes that he would actually 'read between the lines' and know how you feel about him. And these are the people who, on prom night, stood with you on the stage to sing 'Where Have All the Boot Boys
Gone' by ACAB.

I can't say I was a good kid throughout my schooling days (who is anyway right? Well, no offence to those who really were good kids) but it was all definitely worth it when you do all the wrong things with the right people.

I miss my school friends, and school itself (the academic aspects weren't that bad either. You actually like, learned, like..stuff). I'm so proud to see them all grown up - some looked the same but have grown some facial hair (quite an upgrade). Most of them looked different, but still with the same glimmer of mischief in their eyes.

I hope someone from my school will get married soon, so that I have a reason to meet up with them - I mean some normal lame ass reunion is sooooo uncool, and I wouldn't want to ruin my rep in front of these punks who'd pranked me! Haha.

I love RM1 mee goreng, nasi lemak, and mihun goreng. RM1 canteen food FTW!

I'd give anything to go back to school - minus homeworks, exams, the school uniform, assembly, teachers, BCG, rubella, kawad kaki, and kelas tambahan on weekends. Other than that, I LOVE SCHOOL!

i am not

a legend
a role model
a whiz
a maestro
a beauty
a match
a good daughter

your expectations
bucketful of sunshines all the time
like every bit of your dream

perfect

somebody or
a person with potential to be somebody

a person who knows you anymore

coming back to where we were.

Mr. Tambourine Man

Happy 70th this year to Dylan.

"I was so much older then.."

- Robert Allen "Bob Dylan" Zimmerman, UNCUT Magazine: Dylan 70th Birthday Special

 I owned a copy. YEAY!

i miss Atok

Went to visit my Atok - she just came back from the hospital past few days. She had a smile on her face when she saw me. She thought I was still mad (about a particular incident) and went MIA because of merajuk.

I said no, when in fact it was because of that, but I didn't want her to feel sad or like create drama, so I denied it.

I secretly weeped looking at Atok - she is no longer as strong as she used to be; no longer bubbly and talkative the way she was as I remembered her to be.

I miss her so very badly. She was telling me about how the doctors poked her fingers and hands to put in the drippers and complained about how bad the hospital food was. She said she remembered my grandpa, and missed him everyday at the hospital. Grandpa passed away in 1991. She said if Grandpa was still alive, he wouldn't let her go to the hospital; he would take care of her at home.

I miss my Atok, I wish I can stay with her everyday. But she's so far away in Johor. She's always alone at home and all of us are here in KL.

I hope my mom will never have to go through that when she's old. I will take care of my parents the best I could.

Gentle the Rain at Home

Gentle the Rain at Home by The Innocence Mission


Going, at no return.

Diary of an Angry Kid

Well hello there mofakazz, I have decided to be rude today.

Yes, don't thank me, thank the stupid *insert particular race here* motorcyclist who knocked my car window because he thought I was in the wrong lane (like hello?! I'm a freaking awesome driver, I wouldn't be caught dead in the wrong lane evahh!), when actually HE was in the wrong one. Some very high self-confidence right there mister!

And he was like "(curse word) (curse word) (curse word) (more curse words) tak nampak jalan ke?!?!"

Errr kalau aku buta aku tak layak dapat license!

Biyatch. Well, thankfully nothing happened to my car, just some high-valued damage to my ego and patience.

Anyways, just got a call from the office (I just hate calls from the office when I'm home), and I'm supposed to go to the office, when I am already, like right this moment, in the comfort of my bed.

What is this world I'm in?!?!

Ughhhhhhh Lord grant me patience, grant me will power. Patience, and will power. Please! Or I might kill someone!!!

Sang Pemimpi

I was reading a blog - a good one at that - and read his latest post. Bellissima.

From his blogpost (an excerpt from a book, Sang Pemimpi):

"biar kau tahu, Kal, orang seperti kita tak punya apa-apa kecuali semangat dan mimpi-mimpi, dan kita akan bertempur habis-habisan demi mimpi itu!!". "Tanpa mimpi, orang seperti kita akan mati..."

                                                                                                    ~Sang Pemimpi~


How true. Dreams keep us alive. 

Read the rest of his post here.