Como esta?

"How are you?"

Every time I get asked that question, I seem to lose the ability to speak.

Actually, I have no idea where to begin. Not even sure if the person is sincere enough to really know how I'm doing. Or maybe it's a form of conversation-starter so that the person on the other side of the conversation can start rambling about his/her great/shitty life.

Like i.e.

X: How are you?

Me: Err..

X: Hope things are great! By the way, I just bought a new car!! And it has a super engine and..

Me: *constantly nodding head to appear attentive to the conversation*

Yeap.

So what about when I'm the one asking the question?

I gotta admit, sometimes when I ask "how are you?" I expect a really brief answer. Like ten words is pushing it. This happens if I'm on my way to do something or go somewhere and I bum into you. Or if we've only known each other through a mutual friend on Facebook where we constantly see each others' faces on tagged photos. Or you're a distant family member.

Then the ideal situation would be:

Me: Hey! How are you?

You: I'm fine thanks! (Even if you're not) And you?

Me: Yeah, I'm doing well! (Even if I'm not) Listen I gotta run. Nice meeting you!

You: Yeah, you take care!

Two sentences each would suffice.


But, if you are a good friend of mine; someone whom I've made a pact to die with together if Armageddon were to hit, or if the Zombie Apocalypse is real after all.. or my blood and flesh, or someone I sleep and wake up looking at.. then I expect more than a "fine". Coz "fine" does not mean a single legit thing in this world. In fact, in most cases where "fine" is used, the person using it is "not fine".

Demo situation.

Me: Hey! How are you?

You: I'm fine, thanks.

Me: (what does she/he mean by that?!)

Not cool. Not ideal.


Ideal situation where I expect to happen without me having to ask "No, really how ARE you?"

Me: Hey! How are you?

You: OMG. We have to sit down and get coffee.

Me: (Liking the intensity of it already) Wow, ok. Something happened?

You: Yea! You know that job I had? I quit. Bla bla bla (continue story)

That, my friend, is a REAL conversation. This applies to online conversations as well. (Not that I'd appreciate it if we were to be face to face and still be talking via our gadgets. No sir.)

So lesson of the day, it is largely important for every single human being no matter what ethnicity, language or the kind of brutal or civilized culture you grow up with to know that it is immensely important to know how to communicate well especially in these two key, most commonly used, conversation starters.

If you ask someone "How are you?" make sure you mean it. And if you're on the other end, having to answer the question.. know your place and answer adequately.

Thank you, class dismiss.

Malaysia, My Home

This was the promo video. After 20 days or so, he got a lot of video responses. And I think this video he compiled (from all the responses) speaks a lot of my point of view on Malaysia and Malaysians..SPOT ON!

Watch the video below. I feel so patriotic right now, I'm gonna go hang the Jalur Gemilang flag in my porch.





I heart MALAYSIA

Puppy Love

My sister came to me and said "Kak, is this normal? He hasn't texted me in two days.."

Oh well, wait till it's at least 3 days then come back to me with this question

"But..I have this weird feeling in my chest.."

I looked at her. What feeling?

"I don't know, you're the expert!"

Crap, I'm the last person on Earth people should come to for advice on love and relationship.

"It's like I can't do anything else but think of him.."

Are you, missing him?

"Yeah, I guess that's it.."

Then silence.

"Maybe he doesn't like me anymore.."

Shit, this is serious! Noone is allowed to make my sister feel such a way!

Nah, how can he not like you! Look at you, you're awesome! He's just stupid. But don't call people that. That was a bad word

"Is this how love is? Is this what people in a relationship would go through?"

Sigh, she could've gone to my mom to get advice and would have felt better by now. I'm a bad sister.

Uhm, yeah, I suppose. Actually yes, you know what, it is normal. Just calm down, chillax; things will get better and he'll text you. Ok?

She didn't seem convinced.

A badminton game was on.

"I miss Thomas Cup (where she met the boy). Can't believe it was a year ago.."

Why don't you text him. Tell him you miss Thomas Cup. And that you miss him.

"Okay"

3minutes later..

"Kak!! He replied! Waaaaa I'm so happy!!" She was more than happy, actually. Jumping up and down, humming to herself, looking at herself smile in the mirror. Lovesick.

I continued with minding my own lame business. Ignoring her, when suddenly..

"Kak, you know, you should take your own advice sometimes..I'm just saying!"

Sigh. How do kids get to be so smart?

Talk Show #2: Bulan Ramadhan

Salam 1Malaysia, Salam Ramadhon.

Kota Kuala Lumpur.

Di bulan yang mulia ini, semua syaitan dan iblis akan diikat di dalam api neraka. Oleh kerana itu, kebanyakkan filem-filem berkisarkan hantu dan thriller banyak menerima sambutan, malah ada yang box office kerana orang tidak takutkan hantu pada bulan ini. Lantas mereka akan menonton semua cerita hantu yang telah di'download' tapi tak berani untuk tengok pada waktu ini.

Bila emak bertanya: "Romzi! Kau tak pergi solat tarawikh ke?!"
Romzi menjawab: "Kejap mak, tak leh nak pause ni, pontianak tu tengah nak gigit leher dia ni!"


Ramai yang menggelengkan kepala.

Ya, memang benar. Isu hedonisme melampau sudah lama menjengah abad-21 ini. Malah, kita telah terlalu taksub dengan keghairahan dunia dan fantasinya.

Jejaka usia 20-an bertanya pada teman wanitanya: "B, kita nak buka kat mana harini?"
Teman wanita lepasan SPM menjawab: "Hmm, Pizza Hut? Eh tak nak lah, KFC lah? Oh tak tak, Flaming Steambot kat Subang tu lah nak?"
Jejaka membalas: "Ish you ni, gelojoh tau!"  Sambil mencubit manja lengan teman wanitanya.

Kita menggeleng kepala. Tapi adakah kerana kita juga melakukannya?

Tepat jam 7 malam, semua meja dia restoran-restoran terkemuka di kota dihuni pengunjung-pengunjung lahap yang sudah bersiap sedia untuk membaham makanan di depan mereka.

Para pengunjung bukan Islam yang baru tiba terkejut kerana bukan sahaja meja dipenuhi orang yang sekadar melihat saja makanan (ya lah, belum waktu berbuka), tetapi masih ramai lagi yang sedang beratur membeli makanan.

"Sudahlah di pasar juadah sesak dengan orang, di sini juga tak kurang penuhnya"


Itulah hakikatnya.

Yang di atas jalan, cuba memotong sana sini agar sampai ke destinasi sebelum berbuka. Ya, tiada siapa yang suka berbuka di dalam kereta.

Tepat waktu berbuka, serentak bagai di army boot camp, semua insan yang berpuasa, tak kira di mana jua, mengangkat tangan membaca doa dan terus menyelamkan muka di dalam timbunan nasi (bagi yang makan nasi lah).

Selesai makan, semua tersandar di kerusi.

Anak muda A bertanya rakannya: "Weh, hari ni nak tarawikh tak?"
Anak muda B: "Aduhh, senak pula perut ni. Aku selang-seli makan sambil minum tadi. Nasi belah kanan, air belah kiri. Esok jelah. Tak apa, Ramadhan kan sebulan.."


Dan bila melakukan solat tarawikh..

Gadis A: "Kita buat lapan je tau. Hari ni moreh sedap. Bubur kacang hijau!"
Gadis B: "Ok! Nanti lepas witir tunggu kat luar cepat-cepat. Sebab kena rebut dengan jemaah lelaki..Diorang selalu habiskan makanan.."


Inilah dia beberapa situasi biasa di bulan Ramadhan. Fikir-fikirkanlah yang mana amalan yang kita patut jadikan teladan, dan yang mana tidak. Saya juga selalu terjebak, dan cuba sering mengingatkan diri sendiri.

Jadilah diri anda yang terbaik bulan ini, kerana kita belum pasti jika kita boleh meraikan Ramadhan tahun hadapan..

Semoga berjumpa lagi di lain kali. Saya, melaporkan.

Hello, welcome to my new talk show.

Salam 1 Malaysia.

Darsa-warsa ini, terlalu ramai orang yang ingin menjadi seorang yang unik, dan berbeda antara satu dengan lain. Mengapa? Kerana ini adalah perlu.

Malah, 'perlu' itu adalah satu understatement; kata yang lebih tepat adalah wajib. Imperative. Compulsory. Salient.

Lantas, apa akan terjadi tatkala setiap orang di muka bumi ini menjadi unik? Jawapannya, semua orang akan jadi normal. Anda ikut? ("Are you following?")

Huh? Apa ni? Cakap berbelit ar! Panggil Bik Syoliha lah, dia pandai sikit explain benda-benda falsafah ni!

Maaf para hadirin, bawa bertenang. Bik Syoliha kini sedang bercuti di kampung halamannya, di Jawa Tengah, Indonesia (iklan: untuk kiriman salam buat Bik Syoliha sempena bulan Romadhon ini, sila dial 1-800-44-tekan-tekan-tak-dapat)<-- argh lame!

Jadi, saya akan mengambil alih tanggungjawab berat untuk terangkan ini pada anda semua. Harap bertenang.

Baiklah, berbalik pada hujah kompleks tadi. Bila seseorang itu lain dari yang lain, dia unik. Bila semua orang unik, mereka adalah normal.

Kosa kata:

Different = unique
Unique = different


Ekuisinya (equation) di sini adalah:

1 person being different = unique
10 people being unique = trend
1 billion people being unique = normal

Sementelahan itu, ada juga populasi yang merasakan mereka makhluk unik, namun tidak dipersetujui masyarakat sejagat. Kumpulan ini digelar dengan nama saintifik, Wannabes. Namun tidak salah untuk mencuba.

Rentetan itu, nasihat saya pada anda di luar sana yang ingin menjadi unik, hanyalah satu: jadilah normal. Kerana normal itu unik di era pembangunan kini yang dipenuhi dengan manusia "unik".

Sekian, semoga berjumpa lagi di hari dan waktu yang sama. Salam 1Malaysia.

Who was I in the past life?

My sister showed me this website: Past Life Analysis (click to go) and it will diagnose you to who you were in the past life.

So, who was I? A jeweller or a watch-maker apparently. Sounds good.


Your past life diagnosis:

---

I don't know how you feel about it, but you were female in your last earthly incarnation.You were born somewhere in the territory of modern Portugal around the year 400. Your profession was that of a jeweler or watch-maker.

---

Your brief psychological profile in your past life:
Inquisitive, inventive, you liked to get to the very bottom of things and to rummage in books. Talent for drama, natural born actor.

---

The lesson that your last past life brought to your present incarnation:
The world is full of ill and lonely people. You should help those, who are less fortunate than you are.

---

Do you remember now?

So find out yours now!! *Excited*

Who let the dogs out? Teachers.

I saw some photos that my friend from high school uploaded on Facebook. Normally, I would just scroll down the news feed really fast like a finger on a treadmill and ignore stuff that aren't a) related to me b) appeal to me c) involve Malaysian politics (ok I lied. I actually like stupid, unnecessary drama).

So anyways, I saw this album that he uploaded and I clicked on it. It was of a friend's wedding that I was supposed to go, but couldn't at the last minute. And there they were, my schoolmates - those whom I was always in a fight with, those whom I've pranked and have pranked me, and those who have taught me the meaning of friendship (or how to differentiate real friends and FFBs)

They all looked so.. civilised. So grown up. The bizarreness of it went to a whole new level when I felt a smile actually growing on my face. And a tiny little tear peeped through the corner of my eye.

I missed those carefree/careless days, in school. Days when all adults can do to you if you're being naughty is to shout at you, cane you, humiliate you publicly or throw a *insert item* at you. But never could they make you feel small despite your size, because at that moment in your life, kids rule.

However miniature or geeky you are, you are bound to have at least one friend who share the same interest as you. All the better if you can actually influence other kids to be your 'followers' or minions, to break into the science lab in the middle of the night, or not go to class and hide behind the frail and pathetic bushes at the risk of getting busted by teachers whom you hated for knowing what's best for you and etc.

These friends you have in school are the ones who grow up with you. Who've seen you pre and during puberty. Who've shared tips on how to cheat in a test, who've helped you go through a 'surgery' to bust a zit on your nose, who've covered for you when you didn't do your homework.

These are the people who you've cried together with over a lost of RM50 (this is big bucks those days)coz you don't recall where you put it, whom you've ganged up with to go against the boys, or the teachers/authorities/government/world/universe, who had accompanied you to leave lyrics to Greenday songs under the desk of a boy you have a crush on, in the hopes that he would actually 'read between the lines' and know how you feel about him. And these are the people who, on prom night, stood with you on the stage to sing 'Where Have All the Boot Boys
Gone' by ACAB.

I can't say I was a good kid throughout my schooling days (who is anyway right? Well, no offence to those who really were good kids) but it was all definitely worth it when you do all the wrong things with the right people.

I miss my school friends, and school itself (the academic aspects weren't that bad either. You actually like, learned, like..stuff). I'm so proud to see them all grown up - some looked the same but have grown some facial hair (quite an upgrade). Most of them looked different, but still with the same glimmer of mischief in their eyes.

I hope someone from my school will get married soon, so that I have a reason to meet up with them - I mean some normal lame ass reunion is sooooo uncool, and I wouldn't want to ruin my rep in front of these punks who'd pranked me! Haha.

I love RM1 mee goreng, nasi lemak, and mihun goreng. RM1 canteen food FTW!

I'd give anything to go back to school - minus homeworks, exams, the school uniform, assembly, teachers, BCG, rubella, kawad kaki, and kelas tambahan on weekends. Other than that, I LOVE SCHOOL!

life after death

I had the biggest fear today:

What happens after death?

One can only imagine.

Dad asked..

On Monday morning, my Dad asked me in the car when he was sending me to the LRT.

Dad: How much is 53 minus 46?
Me: *tempted to take out my handphone for the calculator* hmm..seven?
Dad: Ok..
Me: Why??
Dad: Nothing..

I figured he was counting the age gap between him and my mom. Somehow I felt sad.

Do you know, I once read in a study that the average life span of a Malay male is 60years, and Chinese men 65. Malay women goes up to 70 and Chinese women goes up to 75years old.

But of course, that's just a mean score, average. You would live a shorter life, if you smoke, or eat piles of sugar everyday and get diabetes which attracts high-blood pressure and yada yada. Or live longer if you consume fresh vegetables from the backyard everyday and drink lots of river osmosis water etc.

My point is, if the average Malay male lives up to 60 years of age, and my dad is now 53 years old, I only have 7 years left with him!! (This is just theoretically speaking, I know life and death is in the hands of God)

And my Dad is not the type of person who exercises, eats healthily, get enough sleep..in short, he just doesn't really worry about sickness and..death.

But I do worry, for him. I feel like I need more time with him. Indeed, we can never get enough; especially of the things and people we love.

I miss him, even when I'm with him.

mountain girl

Grateful Dead, Carolyn "Mountain Girl" Adams

From here.