You

Not quite a shadow

- that dark, wispy presence

that, as you turn, disappears

Nor that deep hum

- of a tune you can't recall

that, as you remembers, silents

But a glaring light,

- that glimmers ever so brightly

through the corneas of your eyes

to blind you from the darkness. 

All of Me

All of Me by John Legend


What would I do without your smart mouth?
Drawing me in, and you kicking me out
You've got my head spinning, no kidding, I can't pin you down
What's going on in that beautiful mind
I'm on your magical mystery ride
And I'm so dizzy, don't know what hit me, but I'll be alright

My head's under water
But I'm breathing fine
You're crazy and I'm out of my mind

'Cause all of me
Loves all of you
Love your curves and all your edges
All your perfect imperfections
Give your all to me
I'll give my all to you
You're my end and my beginning
Even when I lose I'm winning
'Cause I give you all of me
And you give me all of you, oh

How many times do I have to tell you
Even when you're crying you're beautiful too
The world is beating you down, I'm around through every mood
You're my downfall, you're my muse
My worst distraction, my rhythm and blues
I can't stop singing, it's ringing, in my head for you

My head's under water
But I'm breathing fine
You're crazy and I'm out of my mind

'Cause all of me
Loves all of you
Love your curves and all your edges
All your perfect imperfections
Give your all to me
I'll give my all to you
You're my end and my beginning
Even when I lose I'm winning
'Cause I give you all of me
And you give me all of you, oh

Give me all of you
Cards on the table, we're both showing hearts
Risking it all, though it's hard

'Cause all of me
Loves all of you
Love your curves and all your edges
All your perfect imperfections
Give your all to me
I'll give my all to you
You're my end and my beginning
Even when I lose I'm winning
'Cause I give you all of me
And you give me all of you

I give you all of me
And you give me all of you, oh

Wrecking Ball.

Feels dark in there. Light's are off.






We clawed, we chained, our hearts in vain
We jumped, never asking why
We kissed, I fell under your spell
A love no one could deny

Don't you ever say I just walked away
I will always want you
I can't live a lie, running for my life
I will always want you

I came in like a wrecking ball
I never hit so hard in love
All I wanted was to break your walls
All you ever did was wreck me
Yeah, you, you wreck me

I put you high up in the sky
And now, you're not coming down
It slowly turned, you let me burn
And now, we're ashes on the ground

I never meant to start a war
I just wanted you to let me in
And instead of using force
I guess I should've let you win
I never meant to start a war
I just wanted you to let me in
I guess I should've let you win

Don't you ever say I just walked away
I will always want you

I came in like a wrecking ball
I never hit so hard in love
All I wanted was to break your walls
All you ever did was wreck me

I came in like a wrecking ball
Yeah, I just closed my eyes and swung
Left me crashing in a blazing fall
All you ever did was wreck me
Yeah, you, you wreck me

Swimming in the Darkest Eyes

I swim in the darkest black
of your eyes

Those curtains to your windows
they seem so heavy

Your tears spill over
and trickle down your facade

The gaze I used to hold
move towards the gravity

I swim and I see
nothingness, weariness

Your soul has long begone
the body that you carry

Your eyes crowded
with nothing important

Your gaze is sharp
but it goes through me

Those eyes are my home
no more

Those eyes that used to light up
now are dim

Those eyes that first gave me butterflies
are now any stranger's eyes.

Why Didn't You Save Me?

Drowning
In the matter that is the world.

Suffocating
In the small space of insignificance.

Trembling
To grasp the fictitious whimper of hope.

Grasping
For the nonexistent scaffolding of strength.

Limping
Through coarse grizzles of broken lungs.

Screaming
In loud ignored whispers.

Waving, Crying, Kneeling
For help.

Love, Love, Love by Of Monsters and Men


Well, maybe I'm a crook for stealing your heart away
And maybe I'm a crook for not caring for it
Maybe I'm a bad, bad, bad.. bad person
Well, baby I know.

So I think it's best
We both forget
Before we dwell on it.

The way you held me so tight
All through the night
'til it was near morning

Cause you love, love, love
When you know I can't love
You love, love, love
When you know I can't love
You love, love, love
When you know I can't love

And these fingertips
Will never run through your skin
Those bright blue eyes
Can only meet mine across the room
Filled with people that are less important than you.

Give Thanks

I believe in miracles!

And luck!

Still in disbelief that me and the boyfriend actually won the Hitz.fm Fugitive, the last bounty!!

Alhamdulillah :)

Pebble in the Ocean

Everyone has their take on Love. Some say the way it works is funny, complicated, uncontrollable.

I think it works like randomly throwing a pebble in the vast ocean; and not knowing where it will land or if it'll ever even land properly.

You just gotta believe in it.

I Wish I Didn't Love You

by Chelsea Fagan

It’s hard to remember the time before I loved you. It exists all in some kind of vague, dull haze — a primordial soup of half-feelings and tired complacency. I know that it was good at the time, that I felt the peaks and valleys of happiness just as acutely as I do now, but I can’t remember it. It’s as though life was in black-and-white then, that every edge was dulled and noise muffled, and I didn’t know that color was an option. It was perfectly acceptable to go through life in this cloudy facsimile of what life could actually be, unaware that so much could change with the addition of a certain kind of love. How could I have known that the grass could be this Technicolor green, that morning coffee could be so deep and rich and sweet, that clouds could stand out so perfectly puffy-white against a sky too blue to look at? I wish I didn’t know this world, that you hadn’t shown it to me, because I can’t ever go back to the muted one I lived in before.

I wish I did not constantly struggle to remind myself that I am good, too, that I don’t need anyone to complete me or to make things okay — that I am not a puzzle with a jagged piece missing in the center. But I must often be talked back from the ledge of consumption, of feeling as though life is distinctly less worth living if this love does not exist within it. I tell myself that such a position is incredibly risky, that it is taking a jump without a parachute and hoping that you land on something soft — but I don’t listen. I am so much happier to let the undertow take me out far, far past the shore, to a distance I could not swim back from, rather than spend my days fighting against this wonderful, comforting current.

Will I forget who I am without you? What is the ultimate emotional toll of seeing yourself more as half of a whole than an entity to be cultivated and loved and improved on its own? Does one fade further and further into dependency and compromise, a copy of a copy of a copy of the full person they used to be? I wish I didn’t worry that I was suppressing some incredible life of personal agency and freedom. I wish that I could say that life is still being lived entirely on my terms, that I didn’t consider my future and my decisions as things to be made by consensus of two. I think about your plans, and wonder first if they coincide with mine. I wonder where they will take me, how they will twist and tangle with the plans I see, and what it will end up doing to the both of us. There is so much to love about the life lived totally for oneself, that considers only the dreams and aspirations and pleasures of one, in which life is a limitless hallway of open doors. And yet, I find myself even more excited at the prospect of taking your life and your desires into mine — did I lose that young, free, enterprising spirit? I wish I didn’t care so deeply about what you think.

And there is always the possibility, no matter how deep and consuming this love is right now, that it could all come to an unceremonious end one day. Like someone switching off a light as they walk out of a room, the connection that we have invested so deeply in could be stopped too abruptly to prepare for. There could come a moment when you or I wake up and feel markedly less passionate than we did the day before, when our love turns into a vague kind of discomfort, when we realize that we have fallen out of whatever this was and need to immediately begin looking for the EXIT sign. What if the other is still deeply involved? What if they watch as the love crumbles before their eyes, pulls farther and farther away from itself, until you hold the other in your arms and feel as though you’re grasping at gusts of wind? I have had nightmares of confronting this reality, of accepting that so much of my happiness was constructed on something so fragile, so impossible to guarantee. What then? Do I just put one foot in front of the other and pretend as though this whole passage of my life never occurred?

Life would be so simple without this love, without the fear and complexity and consideration of another impossible-to-understand human that it brings. I could live every day secure in the knowledge that I couldn’t be hurt, that I was in control of my destiny, and that nothing was stopping me from living in a perfect, selfish playground of the id. I could fall in love with myself instead, be thrilled by my own successes and challenges, and not sacrifice an ounce of my personal agency. I could be free. But I can’t pretend that I want that, that such a life — no matter how appealing it might have been before I met you — could ever appeal to me now. There is a part of me that, no matter how terrifying such love is, has become fully addicted to the feeling of symbiotic need, that gets a contact high from every sentence that starts with “we.” I wish I didn’t love you in such a precarious, unfiltered way; but I am so very, very glad that I do.

From: http://thoughtcatalog.com/2012/i-wish-i-didnt-love-you/#Bl3oJjLyImQ7f6M3.99

Miss Me

Pretty Lights

The lights are on.

Someone's in.

It is a form of addiction and obsession.

Russell Brand on Katy Perry.

I want to have the same amount of passion for the same person for the rest of my life. 

the letter

you look at those photos

and you feel a huge pang

in your stomach

like an arrow shot

right through the heart

but not in a cupid manner.

a very simple gesture

made years ago

an assurance of something

and a turning around

but then it dropped in silence.

you wondered.

and then you stopped wondering.

and later you found them again,

the photos

and things have changed.

not so much of

a verbal confrontations

but there was a letter.

there was a letter

and all the exact words

are drummed into my head

one after another.

and so i remembered

e ve ry thing

but i have no evidence

i have no idea where

i put the letter

and so it all

dropped in silence again.

goodbye

" i hope life treat you kind,

and i hope you have all you dreamed of.

and i wish you joy,

and happiness,

but above all these,

i wish you love.."

not something i do

sometimes you just dont know that it is happening. by the time you realize, it is already over. and you are left alone wondering what the hell just happened and why the hell were you so oblivious and was such a dumbass that such an eventful thing sept you in but you did not so much notice, let alone feel it.

yes, dear friends, there are people like that in this world. in fact, most of us probably has gone through this. you want it so much, but you deny it. but with the power of the universe, you get it, and then you didnt realize. so you couldnt appreciate it. and it goes away. and you blame yourself. and you missed a chance; could be the chance.

and you start to feel as if the world is crumbling down around you. and as painful as it is to swallow, you owe to yourself. the only person you could and would blame is you and no other.

and all that is left for you to do is to only hope.

to hope for a hope.

patience is virtue

you know that feeling when somebody took a portion of your heart, pull it out and keep it in a jar? yes, it will leave a hole in your heart. it hurts, it sucks, but it happens all the time. and they say time heals all wounds. but time is very, very abstract. some take longer time to heal, some in a blink of an eye.

but you heal, sooner or later. just need to be patient.

patience.

if only i had more of it.

people make mistakes

Miss Norhashima my Methodology in Teaching Grammar lecturer asked us today, the difference of errors and mistakes. we were to come up with answers to that, in which i thought is pretty narrowed. however, i soon came to realize that there is a huge difference between them.

errors, you make without knowing how to do something right. and mistakes are errors that you make with prior knowledge. in this sense, when you err and someone explains to you the correct way, it will be the first time you are enlightened with such knowledge. and then you strive to do it right the next time.

and mistakes, well, they are simply the things you do whilst knowing exactly how it is supposed to be. but given under certain circumstances, a "twist of fate", or mere unconsciousness and carelessness, mistakes happen. this is why people keep making mistakes, to do and then to re-do over and over. the errors are patented with habits and principles and ego that it becomes fossilized. it happens, normally more than once, before we arrive at the state of actualization. when we realize our mistakes fully, we then learn from it.

we actually learn from both making errors and making mistakes; learning happens in both the processes. that is the good thing of getting something wrong.

to learn.

at the end of it all, we are only human. and to err is human. sometimes we make mistakes just to feel human; perfect is not human - it is God.

thus, this is a song i'd like to share with all of you, about making mistakes..in Love :)

it is sung by Joanna Wang, whom i reckon will be the next big hit soon. she has the voice of norah jones, lisa ono and the likes. although her face does not seem to match her voice (thats what i think), but listening to her whispy singing and immaculate US accent, one would straight away fall into deep love. definitely one of taiwan's best product. enjoy!

start learning from your mistakes and forgiving others when they make one :)

just one more time

i've put my mind to it. and now it's really a problem to take it out of my head.
i think, it might explode.

in between four years.
in the course of twenty years.

only once, just once.
that one time i had.
that was all.

in between four years.
in the course of yet,
another twenty years.

there could be another,
and it could be twice.

oh God. help me go through this. breathe patience into me for i have a long and torturing wait before me. i have yet to find out if there will be a second time. hopefully, time is on my side. hopefully, it will still be there.

haiku on the hour

the wind blows here, there
gently; blew, caressed and went
- like migrating birds.

i once heard from someone who said something really worth quoting, especially now.

"i am missing the feeling of missing something"

i miss all the things i have been doing for the past few months, i miss everyone i have been fated to see each day of the past few months. and one person in particular - out of no reason.

or maybe there is a reason. it is for the ending we had. certainly not one that i (or we) expected to have. the distance, the differences. unattainable, unmanageable, unabriged. i regret everything i said, and the things i didn't say.

but out of all that, i am happy for all that happened. i learned from it. an experience, a person i will never forget for the rest of my life. an episode i had wished for my entire life. it happened; although it ended a bit differently. i loved everything about it. and i miss it now. i want to go back to that time.

i need a time machine.

:p