tangled up in transliteration

गी व्हीज़, हाहा लुक अत ठाट! इ'म अच्तुअल्ली त्र्यिंग आउट थिस थिंग फॉर थे फर्स्ट टाइम, एंड आईटी'स अच्तुअल्ली प्रेत्टी कूल।.

haha. i was actually bored (despite the amount of work i had to get done), and decided to try out the transliteration (yeah, the above). pretty cool, huh?

who doesn't have them?

ah, the things you think you know.
sometimes it just isn't what it might seemed to be.
everything is an illusion, but everything is illuminated.
life is hard. so we have to try harder.
and we fall, yes we do, all the time.
and then we climb back up, or sometimes we just crawl.
but we move forward.

a friend said, this is your chance. if you dont grab it,
you'll regret.
but regret is what i have plenty of.
not because i never take the chance to do things.
but simply because i never learn from them.
or i just dont feel the need to try.

my most used mantra: ahh well, maybe someday.
i used that a lot for missed opportunities.
but some never came twice.
and they will add to my notorious collection of regrets.

i always wear heavy boots.
i bring these regrets everywhere in my boots.
to remind me every time.
to remind me not to repeat the things i should not.
but i keep forgetting.
and i keep wearing heavy boots.
and they keep getting heavier.

soon i will have to add another one
-this one. and i have
heavy boots filled with regrets.
eyes filled with shame.


but then, who doesn't have them?

Grassroots Will

It is not always that something makes you cry..or almost want to cry. this video is one of it, welling up my tear tank. and most importantly, it makes me feel ungrateful and guilty for taking things for granted.

Grassroots Will

it is a teaser of a documentary shot in Cambodia in February 2005 by a crew of Brazillian filmmakers. the film was released in 2006. i watched it three times, and still couldn't answer the everlasting question of inequity in this world.

they want to change for the betterment of Cambodia, they want to change so badly, but they dont have the means or power. it is true, that education is one of the most fundamental elements of a nation. and these people have nothing left at their disposal. all the wise men and the role models were killed and all they have is themselves and what they know..which is not enough. they need us, people who have the ability, to help them, guide them, give them support and love. and essentially, breathe into them the belief that they can do it, and that they are as good as anyone in this world. i have never felt like crying for quite a long time, until this.


*there are random quotations from the video

Me: 1987-Now

Dates captivate me, in a sense that it can be very, very mysterious as it can be transparent. They hold history, in which may mean different things to different people. They invite narratives, when people ask “what happens on that date?”, and they bring you through mental time machines when you try to remember certain incidents on certain dates.

They can be recorded in many forms.

December 6
31/08/57
1987-2008
Tuesday

They can be vague, they can be specific. Eitherways, they will all be meaningful.

December 6 is my birthday.
31/08/57 is the national Independence Day.
1987-2008 is the life time of my friend, Nurrizan Harun.
Tuesday is the day my brother started SPM.

But those dates may retrieve different memories from your archive. Tuesday may be the day you got your first paycheck, and December 6 may be the day you moved house. But they hold incidents, memories, histories, nonetheless. Yours and mine. They hold our roots; where we come from, how we get where we are and what’s to become of us.

A date will never repeat itself. Once it happened, it will be closed and remembered. That’s the most we can do. We hold dear to the dates we deem important to our lives. Maybe, the accumulation of dates we remember can tell something about us. If we were to ask every single person in this world to list down the dates they remember or had written in their diaries and notebooks, there is a fat chance that every one would have different sets of dates. These collections, I take, can tell a lot about our identities.

Today: 13th November 2008, can mean a lot of things to a lot of people. Some may keep it in their minds, some may forget about it. Different things would have happened on this date. There will never be another November 13th of 2008 again.

A date is more than just a date. It is your past, your present, your future.

It is who you are.

First Australians

My Mother Reread Me Tenderly
With Me She Took Much Paines
And When I Arrived In This Coelney
I Sowd The Forst Grain and Now
With Me Hevenly Father I Hope
For Ever to Remain.


I just thought this is smart. Spelt exactly as it would be pronounced. The first Australians were ignored and unappreciated in previous years, but now all of that seemed so distant. the gov goes for equity in everything they do now. these people deserve it.

Whisper
in my ear
here
Louder
Can't hear
Come closer
Closer,
dear.

kepanasan melampau membangkit semangat membara api marak menyala

oohhh, gila bapak la panas kan harini. cecah 32darjah gak la. tepek sunblock setengah botol pun bakar juga rasanya. keluar je rumah teringat malaysia. hehe. rindu. tapi sini berangin lebih sikit la. stok rambut terbang-terbang.

terus pergi uni. kuota internet banyak lagi, baik guna. rumah punya memang lambat tahap dewa. anyways, lately makan banyak makanan kurang berkhasiat. but who cares betul tak. nanti la bila dah tua sikit baru jaga kesihatan. sekarang enjoy semua.

by the way, kepada semua orang. join la Youth'09 nanti 9-11 January 2009. macam banyak aktiviti la. pegi google event tu.

oh and betul ke next semester belaja shakespeare for literature? sheeeeeet. i can hardly wait. as for now, i have two major assignments. language and identity nak buat pasal apa? most probably about membership or language as narratives. ah fergeddit. bowhsan.

nak aiskrim la. nak aiskrim. aiskrim. nak yg ada kacang ngan mcm chocotop sket toppings dia. pergh. layan seh.

ok jap lagi gegas gi kedai.

immana chow now. bye peeps.

ah, this thing!

1. Complete this sentence. Life is...

(pauses for a while)

Well to me, life is anything and everything that happens in between the moment you wake up, and the moment you sleep. Whatever happens in between, that is Life.

2. How many pets do you have?

Six and they are all dead.

3. Are you listening to anything now? What is it?

Music. Hetty Koes Endang's Tinggal Mimpi.

4. What was the last movie you watch?

The Door in the Floor.

5. Have you ever regret anything in your life?

Yes. Many things. One of it is to have regrets at all.

6. Who do you want to be today?

Just myself.

7. Who are you tomorrow?

I don't know, probably some nobody walking down to uni.

8. What's good about you?

I take things as they are.

9. What's bad about you?

Ask people who hate me. There should be a whole list.

10. If you die tomorrow, what is the one thing you would say to a person you love before you go?

See you there.



I would like to tag everyone who's reading this, especially those who follow my blog.

Have a great day, everyone :)

morning of adieu

this morning, we were thrown a little farewell gathering by the exchange office of unisa. the morning tea was held at the civic gallery, city west campus and i must say it was our first time being at the hawke building. the place was surprisingly cool, with state of the art facilities and decor. cool stuff.

met a few of the staff, Dr Anna couldnt make it as she is now in Thailand. Rob the director, instead, came to greet us. they are some cheerful and friendly bunch, and not forgetting other fellow exchange students from around asia. Mak got a little chummy with an indian friend (haha, sorry mak!), chatting away about some bollywood stuff. we talked with Rob and he told us that his son married a swedish girl which he met through an exchange program. you see, that is one successful exchange! haha. certainly one of the bonus points, an interesting perk if you go under programs like this (apart from other perks, of course).

we took pictures, and chatted and ate, and then we shook hands, wished each other good luck with future undertakings and we bid farewell. as Rob put it in his speech, six months is certainly enough time to feel 'placed' in a place, enough time to associate yourself with things surrounding, and enough time to always miss home. i think he's right. for had this program been offered for a year, i would apply for PR and not come back at all. HAHA!

all of the things we want each other to be,

we never will be..we never will be.

the sky is silvery

no fluffy clouds

it might rain

storms rumbling loud.

this is the best kind of weather. just the way i like it. the moments before the rain pours. the view of the hills with shades of grey and green, is magnificent. how can i ever leave this place?

'tis the season to be jolly (and boros).

well, well. it's already the 6th of November. almost the end of the year. my most favourite months - november and december. just plainly because many festivals are during this time of the year, and holidays are longest. and everybody, well almost everyone, gets to let their hair down and relax after a whole year of busting asses and working mega hard. it's the time of the year for celebrations - particularly for me..and my brother. we often get extra "keraian" cause our birthdays usually get celebrated together, along with the family vacations (cause it's school holidays), but no presents should be expected. talk about 3in1. semua benda nak roll into one. nak jimat la katakan.

"ha, sape punya birthday lagi bulan sebelas dengan bulan doblas?"
"hah gabung sekali dengan doa selamat Atok"
"Zizah (my mother), kita pegi vacay nak? celebrate sekali birthday budak2 ni. Pegi jungle trekking la. pastu picnic."
"eh, i nak buat putung jambul baby i la. ok la, u bawa je la kek kat my house."
"no no no (hand gesture). apa kata, YOU bawak baby you kat muar so kita potong jambul, pastu kenduri doa selamat sekali, and celebrate their birthday terus. esok kita convoy la pegi FRIM."

sounds like a perfect plan. every single year. haih, nak kata rimas best jugak cause the more the merrier. but during my schooling days, i never get the chance to celebrate with my school friends. we are all scattered around the whole of malaysia (boarding school), and my birthday always falls on school holidays, where everyone will go back to their hometown. except for 2004. they did an advanced surprise birthday bash for me at school during the SPM.

and for some, it is the Christmas and End of the Year SALE that they've been waiting for! gee, i wish i hadn't spend so much on food. and then all of the frenzy will be closed with the New Year's celebration, to say adieu to the year we have had and to greet the new upcoming year. very poetic moments there usually.

but regardless, i enjoy this time of the year. i dont want the end to end!! (haha. ironic)

i need an energy drink lah. rasa macam puasa pula. baik puasa. i had a huge breakfast - toasts with scramble and cheese, peanut butter and chocolate spread waffle, an orange and air teh. haaaah, that's what i call perfect, hearty breakfast. kadang-kadang i add maggi goreng on the menu. hasta la vista baby! (gila arnie the terminator). perut ku pun semakin membuncit. in conjunction with xmas la kan. can you say Santa's belly? hello? lol.

Good job man. now make us proud

"While we breathe, we hope."

President Barack Obama, 2008

[first presidential speech]

Congratulations, Obama. Tomorrow is a new beginning, for you and the people. Hopefully you will execute and perform during your term as president and do something right. Don't let the hopes the people had trust you with die. Whatever you do from this point on, will matter.

p/s: i wish i can congratulate you in person. he he he

i like my toast buttered

i am tired. not physically, though. my soul is bruised; felt like i just got beaten up really badly. anyway, let's just hope tomorrow brings something better.

something-better. it somehow sounds smaller and less impossible as a noun.

give me a somethingbetter. haha. i like that.

the you in you

"What's underneath all the clothes, Brooke Davis?"

-One Tree Hill-

why is it utterly important for us to feel belonged? not necessarily belong, however. whichever ways, the sense of being in a group or society makes us feel less of a stigma. surely, but to what extend are we willing to go just to end up following and being in a group? i gathered that it is probably the security of being with unsecured others that makes one crave of it.

of course, our memberships beckon who we are, or rather, who we want to be and be seen as. for instance, some pushed their way to break the rich and famous society and be one of them, or some others may starve themselves to death just to be one of the gazilion beautiful people in the world. however, this may deviate the perceptions of others to one's true self, even him.

often times we tried so hard to be someone else that we are not and tried our hardest to believe that we can be and we are who we want to be and we think we can fool the rest of the world. we might, for a given time. but alas we forget; there will always be someone who knows us to the very core - ourselves. anybody can be fooled but not you.

so take a second and stand in front of your bathroom mirror, and take a good look of yourself. who is that person staring at you? is he who he thinks he is? does the group he belongs to provide him the comfort and the security he craves for? is he ever ashamed of who he is? will he be who he is without everything but him?

this moment, you can never feel more alone and vulnerable. self-confrontations will strip you off everything and make you see what lies underneath all that. Dolly Parton said, "find out who you are, and do it on purpose." for once, i thought she was smart.

tepukan buat encik dolphin kita!

entah la. secara tiba-tiba hatiku berputik melihat kelibat Josh Hartnett. Filem ni memang telah berjaya membuatkan aku tertarik bukan sahaja pada watak yang dibawa oleh beliau, tapi juga pada diri beliau yang sebenar kerana sanggup berkorban banyak demi filem dan watak tersebut. Sebelum ni memang ada sedikit rasa tertarik semasa menonton filem lucky number slevin dulu. tapi sekarang perasaan ku lebih kukuh. Lantas:

i lap yuh josh!

weather: 13 - 28 degrees. mostly sunny

today has been less than productive. i hang around in front of the lappie (watched GG back to back, since apparently everyone has watched it except me) and took a short walk to the park just now. that was quite a breather. i know this is whiny and cliche, but assignments are abundance and im nowhere close to getting it done.



two presentations up for next week. one about that guy, Ron Brooks and his renowned illustrations in picture books. another about language.



i could so use some entertainment right now, not in the mood for entertaining though. i just wish i could do one thing for now: kidnap Suri. pretty please? Cuteness personified.







come, come to Momma!

just another person at the bar

You're such a deep, deep man. Am i too selfish to ask for you back?

he loves santana

certain songs made you remember certain moments or vice versa. i just finished reading Where in the World, about a boy who has special musical talents and how his memory is dependant on music. he composed songs based on his feelings towards certain incidents. and different places reminded him of certain music.

im now reminded of the year after my schooling days. the year 2005. i just listened to Work by jimmy eat world and my mind instantly went back to those days. just absolute ordinariness. absolute mediocrity. absolutely nothing.

sigh. i like those innocent days.





p/s: missing my dad's corny jokes. (now listening to santana)

i gave two shillings to the two guys busking techno dance music

goodness. these past two nights, i've been watching movies like hell. as if a compensation for the past few months that i've missed out. good ol' chick flicks. hmm. last two nights, the moon was ridiculously huge. it was full and super bright and very low, as if it was falling on the horizons slowly. the clock on my mobile showed 7.35pm and the sky was purple and pink. so you could imagine how it looked like. and heck, it was because of the romantique ambience the moon has set out that made me and Eani walked the mile to Civic Vid to rent some dvds. on the way back, we saw a few people standing outside their houses, gazing at the moon. yeap, it was a hit with couples that night i bet.

so that was it about the moon. on the way back, we found a beautiful blue and white bicycle laying in front of somebody's house. it has no gear, no brakes and flat tyres, but it was such a beautiful bike that we took it home with us and i rode it for a while. it took all my might as the tyres were both flat. by the time we got home, my knees were wobbly like jelly on heat and i slept half way through Made of Honour. the only thing i like about the movie was the background songs when the were in Scotland. the songs made me fight my sticky eyelids, but then i surrendered and was in slumber in no time.

i am now in for a mini break as the toughest assignment in human history was done and submitted on tuesday. me and safa can now officially sigh a huge sigh of relief and relax for a bit. it was literature and it was the most torturous assignment EVER! after some surprisingly extreme remarks during the course of three days (saturday, sunday, monday) that were exchanged amongst us (i.e. "weh aku rasa cam nak bunuh diri skang ni. tu je cara yg kita ada", "ko tak rasa ke Gypsy tu gila.dia suka torture student kot", "ok cuba ko pikir, apa motif assignment ni? ni mass killing ar. cuma dia wat subtly xnak autho tau"), it is now safe to say that although assignments in for next week and the weeks after that, but once that particular monstrousity had been done, we are Free People now!

*doing hoola dance*

tatie the tagger

tatie tag aku lagi sekali, dia ni memang rajin bab2 begini. haha. ok tatie, ni aku buat.

My Top 10 Fave Food
1. roti planta
2. nasi goreng kampung (ada kangkung)
3. kombinasi nasi putih, telur goreng berminyak gila, kuah asam pedas
4. meltz kfc
5. dry salad (resipi izrul)
6. anything mexican, esp. burritos
7. lauk kampung
8. desserts! --> soufle, eclairs, everything chocolate and ice-cream
9. old school hot dog with lots of mustard
10. pasta or pizza with meted cheese flooding across the top

10 things i love doing
1. hanging out and just talk
2. collecting worthy stuff
3. sing in the shower (or just about anywhere)
4. travel
5. sit quietly and look around
6. annoy people
7. talking bimbo
8. getting to know people
9. being surprised
10. finding unique qualities

5 types of girls that i adore
1. respectful towards members of the same sex
2. girls who rock
3. girls just being girls
4. girls with disabilities but make it through (okaaay, im outta ideas here)
5. obviously, girls who are my friends

5 things i love doing when im feeling down
1. eat
2. read
3. write
4. talk
5. music

5 things i love doing when im happy
1. sing
2. talk
3. joke
4. laugh and smile and laugh and smile
5. make others happy too

10 ways to win my heart
1. dont have to be consciously wanting to win my heart (im not a piece of meat. hahahaha)
2. take me as who i already am
3. respect me and others in my life
4. treat me as you want to be treated
5. honest. no hidden motives
6. i guess thats all?

top 5 fave junk food
1. super ring
2. keropok durian
3. smith's thin cut: sour cream and onion flavour
4. doritos
5. nachos

5 things i wish could happen soon
1. the end of massacres. and bloodbaths
2. done assignments
3. summer time!
4. finding out how my child looks like (erk?)
5. tahap moksha

10 ridiculous things i wish to do before i die
1. get married (it can be ridiculous. hehe)
2. go hunting
3. learn to body surf (its ridiculously tough!)
4. join war (see whats the fuss is all about)
5. run for election and join parliament
6. have a chat with pak lah without him falling asleep
7. meet borat
8. join a riot or picket that uses fire
9. learn to dance
10. eat all i want without having to worry

top 10 recently most addicted songs
1. give a little love
2. shake it
3. just dance
4. angeles
5. twilight
6. between the bars
7. blitzkrieg bop
8. vampire
9. anything reggae
10. folk and country

10 things i want to tag
1. bert
2. azzam
3. liyana
4. hafriz
5. wawa
6. dierdre
7. zaza
8. zen
9. anyone reading this
10. yes, you!

we climb to fall

sometimes that hard slap on your face is just what you needed. falling down is never a bad thing, it teaches you reality - that the pedestal you're on is after all, made to be burnt down. a kick in the butt is exactly the kind of push you wish somebody would give you, just so you know how far, you can bounce forward. it is, in fact, a painful process. and its the best part of all, when you can finally give yourself a pat in the back, after all that.

here's a tip:

if you're falling and you know it, navigate.

make the black clouds disappear

astaghfirullah. life can be really short.

just these few days, i had some people who are close to me, or to someone i know die.

condolences to nurrizan harun's family.

condolences to fatin hamizah and her family.

and also, another important figure in my life, the one person who has helped me go through long journeys in buses and trains and LRTs and walks and jogs with his serenading music and soothing voice all through the four years i have been listening to him, Elliot Smith.

i can't believe i just found out that he had actually died in 2003 at the age of 34. he is still young and budding, how can he be taken away? i am yet to hear more of him, when it all came too soon. listening to him playing the soft, simple, bare-naked Angeles will never be the same anymore, definitely. i would have a vision of that wonderful, piercing (though not intermidating) eyes of his and it would then slowly fade away. i would listen to him strum the strings of his guitar and i would feel like sitting next to him and just listen.

his distinctive voice, how can i ever begin to describe that "whispery, spider-web thin" voice he wore so humble and full of love? as if listening to a baby cry, the sound so far, yet so loud. especially to know that he was dealing with depression and drinking problems and drugs, his songs now made perfect sense, like he was trying to reach out. but that scary thought of him having two stabs into the chest, (which was said might be self-inflicted) that certainly changed the way i listen to his songs.

he is my all-time favourite singer/songwriter. EVER. and my favourite tracks by this songbird are:

Angeles

(the best. now i know what the "trade" and "evil" is all about)

Between the Bars

("drink up"...)

Twilight

(this is very, very close to my heart. esp now that he's not around)

oh god. i feel like crying. man. this is really bad. like a kid who just found out that Santa isn't real. he always made me feel like crying listening to his songs. now, im really going to cry. especially on the long route from mawson lakes to the city on thursdays.

"sometimes there are songs you just wished you had written".

That is the only way to describe his songs. beautiful and honest. a masterpiece often over-looked.

But he's still my favourite guy.

He always will be.

May you rest in peace, Steven Paul 'Elliot' Smith. Always.

feast fit for the class

last wednesday was really cool. mak, safa and me decided to not just have the eid feast with our fellow muslim friends here, but also with the non-muslims. so we thought it would be great to 'bring the feast' over to our class and Andrew the course coordinator was more than happy. he even volunteered to bring the paper napkins. thanks man. lol. coincidentally, mak and safa had their solo presentations that day, so it was really like a malaysian day for the class. mak and safa were to present on arabic language and bahasa malaysia respectively. i was supposed to present on that day as well, on malaysian english (yeah, its worth talking about, huh?), and i prepared like mad, but we havent got enough time. so i ended up being pissed at myself for suggesting the feast, coz if not, i could have sighed with relief, coz i've got tonnes of presentations coming up!

anyway, we brought kuah kacang, nasi impit, flat fish crackers, serunding (courtesy of ms.sally), apple and mango juice (courtesy of safa) and marble cake (cam ala2 kek kukus mawar la. first attempt nih, tahniah2)

That's Andrew with Eric "Ermm..it's tasty, man. Like that Chinese take-away!"

Yeap, Sambo's trying to feed me ala 'ibu dan anak' and there's Wendy and Erin

those are just some pictures coz im so malas to upload here. go check out my fb later and i'll upload more there along with the picture of our multimedia display for constructing curriculum class, which was a huge success!

aiyo, what is all this la deyy?

i thought about life
and same things
come to mind
goals, hopes, dreams
i thought it was time
to think
of something else
so
i thought about death
and now im just
too scared
too worried
to think anymore
so
i thought i'd stop
and i did
- i think.



background music: some Hindi track from some dude's iPod or mp3 (wtv) behind me. dude, put on the earphones will ya?!? and hell, im trying to get some mood. (library computers are so communal. the princess in me cant handle it anymore. bloody friggin nasty)

just these few days..

things could get really interesting if you allow it to be. well i had interesting things happen to me these few days. most interestingly, i came across some witty and heart-warming phrases or quotes around town. hell knows if it's a sign (how so?). Some of them are:

1) Saw on someone's shirt in front of pub tab: "I used all my sick days, so I called in Dead" (i was lol)

2) On a notebook at the Newsagency: "Always remember that you're unique, just like everyone else" (im like, wtf?)

3) A t-shirt on a mannequin in a DIY tshirt store: "What happens if you get scared half to death twice?"

4) Found on Zaza's blog, a picture with this: "Vandalism: Beautiful as a Rock in a Cop's face"


And my personal favourite (cause it's personal. haha), is...

5) A rocker dude who lived near my house told me: "Your parents made beautiful children" (awww..)


There you go ladies and gentlemen. these little things made my days. find what made yours :)

tak suka monumen berbentuk orang. menakutkan.

hari ini panas. macam hati ini. ceh. haha. tengah bengang nih. dah la hari tu ter'miss' gig the Grates atas sebab perasaan "malu" (ada la cerita disebaliknya), sekali tu ingat nak cover balik. tak apa lagi la sebab diorang ada next show in october. gedebak gedebuk, rupanya gig tersebut jatuh pada hari ini! ah tensi ni sebab tak dapat pergi. melepas untuk kali kedua! haaa. gigit jari je la nampaknya :'(

Something from the Heart

Dear everyone,

I'd like to fully utilise this opportunity to do what other Muslims would have done by now; to wish all of you a blessed Eid Mubarak this year. We all deserve a little celebration, don't we? :)

And along with that, I'd like to mention a tiny and special Hari Raya greeting to these lovely people:

My dearest family

Ayah, Ibu, Rul, Ilin and Lia.

I know you guys are having a great time in the car, all peaceful and quiet, on your way to Muar now. But i promise y'all, I'll be back with more tunes to 'serenade' in the car next year! Oh, you're so missing 'the noise' (as you put it, Rul. you're no quiet than me yourself)

My dearest BB friends

Asil, Aida, Azrin, Azura, Shazlin

One of you guys would prolly do an open house, as usual. hehe. Guess I'd have to miss it this year. Sorry. But make sure next year it's double the fun!

My dearest Semesta friends

Fa, Zaza, Killy, Hazel, Moon, Kiera, Fayma, Didie, Nieza, Ecah, Jijah,

Fatin, Zara, Dayah, Faiz rashdi, Azmir

You guys have seen me during my 'braces' times. haha. Thanks for all the kindness and help. Hope we can meet each other again some time and have a feast during hari raya. oh and, sape nak kawen next lepas sarah? haha

My dearest compatriots

Liyana, Tatie, Emy, Ella, Nad, Syud, Hafriz

Thank you so much peeps. You were there through thick and thin. This raya, I'd like to apologize for every single perkara jahat that i had done to you and with you. And I'd like to say that (in case you are apologizing to me) you are all forgiven, though you must know, that there isn't any thing that you should be apologizing to me for anyway. I hope that the friendship we have (or had) would remain in the good basket of our memories and will be for a long time. Thanks a bunch :)

My dearest friends

The people in my batch during Pre-Degree TESL

Yaya, Napisah, Hana, Zack, Hani, Wani, Atep, Hafiz, Anis,

Jiji, Helmey, Yam, Farah, Ayu

Have a blessed raya, you guys. Maaf zahir dan batin. I am glad I met you guys during our 'innocent' phase. Things were pretty much different then, but I love you guys nonetheless :) Missing every one of you.

My dearest housemates (Shah Alam)

Kecik, Pika, Kak-Aisyah, Kak Lina

Guess it takes a lot to remain peaceful under one roof, huh? but we made it! (though some dropped out. hehe) Sorry for all the noise and 'inappropriate' behaviors during my stay at that house. don't fret, i'll be back soon! :p

My dearest kanak2 Suria

(wtf? haha) Acad, Moja, Cheap, Azri

Thanks for all the amazing times. You guys were always there for me to bully :p Do accept my apologies for 'using' your inferiorities (hehe) for my entertainment. And special thanks to Cheap (lol) for always lending us your pink camera.

My dearest TESL friends

Every single one of you (sorry, too many to mention)

esp: Maktab KB and GAYA people, Juniors, Seniors

I can't possibly mention every single name, but you are all important and meaningful all the same to me. Thank you for all your kindness and friendships and I wish you all a happy Hari Raya :)

xxxxxx

To everyone else (and everyone on the above list), I can't thank you people enough for just being there in my life and giving me a sense to live. Do know that I meant every word of my apologies. All your good deeds will, without a doubt, be returned with more big and great things, if not equivalent. I will always pray for your well-beings and prosperity, and may we be in acquaintance for a very long time. I truly hope that this Eid Mubarak would be the best for you and your family and that it will be a momentous one. Have fun and take care everyone!

Love, and love always,

Me

:)

puitis (wannabe) dari adelaide

hari ini terasa amazingly normal.
macam bukan nak raya.
maybe sebab kat tempat orang,
dan mereka tak sambut Eid Mubarak.
semua orang jalan macam biasa.
macam hari ini hari isnin.
hari isnin
yang supposedly membosankan.
oi!
semua orang!
lagi dua hari
hari raya lah!

i'm gonna soak up the sun

it was fantastically sunny and beautiful today. i almost cant believe that i experienced a bodily, biological process, called perspiring. i didnt even remember how it felt to have your shirt moisten. man, sweat is cool! haha (to some extend, yes). there are heaps of people today. like a mass parade, walking towards the city.

they all love the sun you can tell. i do too, i just hate the uv ray and the cancer effect it can bring us. yeap, skin cancer is just a ray away.

i read recently somewhere in a health mag that skin cancer starts from your lips. coz apparently, that's where the skin is most thin and vulnerable and exposed. like, duh, you dont slop huge gunks of suntan lotion on your lips, right? so i guess basically now, all girls and gays and guys will have to go out into the sun with some balm on your smackers! the best is to wear lip balm or lipstick (guys, you've got very little option here. sorry!) and try your best to avoid lip gloss coz it absorbs the uv ray.

and skin cancer is like the 'thing' now, since global warming is slowly evolving into global hot-as-hell heating. free saunas everywhere for everyone! (trying to be optimistic. the glass is half full people)

yeah, i reckon, more money will be rolled into the pharmaceutical business, since a lot of people buying moisturising lotions coz of the dry weather, suntan lotions, balms, ointments etc. more Watsons and Guardians!

whatever it is, here in Adelaide (and Australia), more people are putting away their clothes. you can sort of hear them under their breaths when they walk next to you, "soak the sun. soak the sun. soak the sun.." like a mantra. seeing half naked bodies lying around wherever there is grass is a new thing for me man. (im not that innocent! -brit) can you say "culture shock siyot!!" haha. ah sod it. im used to my bro and sisters running around the house naked with things dangling and swaying all over.

just this morning, i have a girl come to me and ask if 'my tan' is original coz "it certainly looks real!!". gee honey, let me tell you something, being tanned is normal from where i come. and yeah, it's original! i was quite shocked by the stranger-coming-up-to-my-face-asking-unlikely-questions incident, that im not sure whether i should take it as a compliment or insult. like she's trying to say im coloured? holy crap. and for the record, im not tanned. im bloody burned! (serious shit, the sun is doing me no good, though i like it. remember, skin cancer)

anyways, things are turning up these days. hope more good things would come my way :)

i am muff, the discoverer

i found the best, most scenic and secluded place in Adelaide. its somewhere in Para Hills. take the 506 bus and get down at stop 52. its near the Para Hills Ovals. once you get down, be prepared to be blown away by the wonderful, surprisingly extravagant view just from where you are standing.

i didnt get to snap a picture as i was too absorbed in the tranquility and amazing breath-taking panorama upon my eyes (apart from the fact that i was rushing to catch another bus). i cant believe people took for granted of this place. vehicles drive pass it like nothing and people jog pass it, not to it. it's just sad.

from there you can see the whole view of the airport, houses, highways and roads. just go and see for yourselves. it's worthwhile.

orang-orang kejam

sila kasihani whales kerana mereka tidak berdosa. ada ke patut menyalahkan mereka untuk perkara yang tak sepatutnya.

ni idola azzam. dia yang bagi link nih. wahahaha:

http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=whales_suck

kekejaman berleluasa di arena marin! sila tangani segera!

*lari-lari sambil freak out*

kebosanan menggamit diriku

orang yang asyik cakap dia bosan serious shit tak menghargai hidup. rilek ar bro, wa tak cakap lu. the thing is, aku pun buat benda yang sama. ha ha. bosan ar weh. tadi pegi Woolies, beli sebotol air sprite. ntah kenapa. padahal bulan puasa, kalo tak puasa pun, aku tak minum sprite. baik beli ice lemon tea. nampak sangat hari ni hari pelik.

oh iya, kenapa ada orang suka bunuh whales. kenapa? kenapa? diorang stok comel tahap gaban masih ada orang yang sanggup melakukan mass murder terhadap mereka. aku tak nak la pinpoint sape-sape, nor menuduh sape-sape, tapi sebenarnya aku bengang dengan negara jepun! mereka terlalu keterlaluan dan rakus memamah daging whales yang tidak berdosa itu!!

*termenung sejenak*

haish, manusia. ini lah manusia. sentiasa mahukan yang lebih. (jap, tak faham point). ok tukar topik.

deyyyyy, aku rindu mahu makan itu roti planta sama itu teh tarik. dan juga mi goreng mamak. harapanku agar persatuan mamak malaysia akan meneruskan usaha mereka dalam bidang perniagaan ini terus prosperous kerana major consumer (aku la tu) sudah tidak lagi meng'consume' buat masa ini. jejak je kaki kat malaysia, bergegas pegi mamak dulu. haha. hish, mamak-culturized betul aku. (dan juga beribu-ribu orang lagi rakyat malaysia).

ok la, nak pegi kacau orang sebelah (farhana aka mak). nak tengok komen yang dia tengah tulis kat friendster nak bagi kat boyfriend dia. aku suka jadi annoying terutama sekali ketika aku tak diperlukan. hahaha. i rock la bebeh. chow.

BORING IS THE NEW BLACK.

HA HA HA

they are party poopers

last night was shaheeza's birthday. we all enjoyed some spaghetti, roasted chicken and cake. it was done at faris' house. everything was going well, until the mak guard came and pooped the party. you can straight away tell that she's a newbie, so a bit like poyo lah. she said we were too noisy. and she freaking came like 4 times! and sitting nearby the house in between the times she actually knocked the door telling us to keep quiet. i know it was a bitchy thing for shaheeza, poor her, and she had that sad look on her face last night. it was heart-wrenching. there were more than 10pax in the house (of course, its a party for goodness sake) and the mak guard was all about sending out half of the people in the house. it was like a mini holocaust. haha. nahh.

anyways, that incident intstantly reminded me of another similar tragic that happened while i was staying in kolej cemara. we were celebrating atep's birthday, and as usual, we went overboard; making ridiculous noise and all that jazz. throwing flour at each other was like pulling the trigger on the gun for the pak guard. hahaha. he was pissed like never and called us "monyet". im like, wtf. haha yeah, but that was a cool one. i missed all that - making the guards pissed. and last night was a remake of the history. hahaha

btw, HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHAHEEZA (if by any chance you're reading this. haha)

new movie

O sweet Lord. have u guys heard of the new movie? the one with takeshi kaneshiro? its Accuracy of Death aka Sweet Rain. takeshi is the grim ripper. huh. gotta love it man, gotta love it! im watching out for that! he's one hellov a jap! the best product from japan!

check it out: http://www.yowazzup.com/

do butterflies ever cry?

today's the last day of class before spring break. i have no plans whatsoever, and im pissed. just purely pissed over the fact that im short of two _____ tutorials!! hah. self-regretion is something i cant live without now, it's all splattered over me. it followed me around. man. ah. fuh-get it! i still have the email. yes, thank god for the internet, the cyber world, the email and everything else! thank you, O Lord!

made a new friend today, while waiting for the (damn) bus. she was crying, quite loudly and expressively. and i was the only one there, and i just could not ignore the weeping and all that and so i had to go and ask her what was wrong.

to cut the story short, she had guy problems, and as it turned out we go to the same uni. so we talked some more on the bus, and exchanged numbers. she was from macau. i like macau. not that i've been there. but i'd like to someday. all in all, she pulled herself together with my help (ehem, ehem), and i was equally happy to help.

by the end of today, as in before this moment now, the smile i got on my face turned upside down. and then it turned up again. and then down again. (wth? i need caffeine man) but whatever. all im trying to say is that today is a series of unwanted and unexpected things. geez. that image of that cathedral, is going to stick in my mind like a supernova effect man. it's permanent memory. im gonna miss it :(

gee wheez. geez bananaz. hoolla goronggo. gotta chow peeps. need to go get some chocolate before i go nuts with depression and self-guilt. hahahahahaha (yeah. u can laugh) oh btw, im fasting okayy. (who says im not? u bloody bastards!) so i cant really go get chocs. gotta wait for..erm..yeah an hour and a half. i can survive till then. wookayh, buhbye.

yeap, call me vulnerable

talk about vulnerability.
that's what im made of, now
i realized.
ugh. bugger.
that look; just that one look,
it got me hooked.

last lecture

today's the last day of lecture for constructing curriculum. michael started off by saying that today is a sad day - well, i have to agree, despite the fact that my mind nearly drifted off one too many times; heck, i love the lectures. they were available online, but it's different when you go and attend them.

judy's presentation was the cherry on top. she's my tutor and i love her. she has this low-key confidence oozing out of her everytime i listen to her speak - it's almost like listening to a bed-time story but when you listen to it really closely, they're full of critical analysis, judged opinions and all that. im gonna miss her.

people in my class are going for their practicum beginning after the spring break i think, and it's really going to be heaps of longing on my part. they will be teaching in schools and we will all be meeting each other again only on week 9, when our multimedia presentation is going to be held. but we still have a tutorial this thursday, which is going to be the last before their prac.

geez. this view in front of me is just amazingly tear-jerking. this is the first time i've used a computer in this part of the library - the one facing the GP block and the fountain and lake outside. mawson lakes campus is simply the most state-of-the-art campus and it's so beautiful that you just have to love to come to class everytime!

ah, what else can i say? i just dont want to leave this place. i want to study and keep on studying here. i would if i could, man. sigh, i'll try and make full use of this week and swallow it all in - the sight and smell.

next week is spring break for two weeks. hope our plan to go to kangaroo island would not be intervened. maybe i'll save melbourne for end of the year break. huh.

bugger. bugger. bugger.

i was lost for words. haha. i got back my first assignment for literature, and guess what? i got a bloody freaking C. yeap, that moon crescent look on my feedback form - a C.

i freaked out when i saw that, and was dumbfounded. well, there's a first time for everything, i thought. but i dont want to ever have a first time for this! ugh. i was quiet the whole time in class.

at the end of class, i went to see the tutor. i said, i got a C. and she nodded, not understanding the basis of my statement. i dont know what to say, so i repeated, erm, i got a C. now she looked super confused. like i just told her i'm not a woman. she said yesss... hmm do you need justification?. i bloody well do! but instead i replied but i got a C. almost in a weepy tone. she chuckled. well, yes, you got a C as far as i can see. and C is for credit. that's not bad at all! you just have to work on your referencing (as she flips my paper). wait, two things. C is a credit? oh. ok. so in malaysia...hmm. it's a B. haha. well, thats alright by me. hahah. can you say over-reaction? LOL. but still, C is not a good sight. why cant she just write full spelling? Credit, that would seem a lot better. geez. second, i dont do referencing back in uitm. all i did was copy and paste the website url. this type of referencing, is new to me man. course, i've heard of that harvard-style referencing and all that bull, but as if i apply it.

"Do add embedded referencing in your essays".

wtf? i have to reference? and i have to embed it in the essay? man, really. what have you got me doing oh academicians. crucify them! crucify them!

*deep breaths*

for the sake of education. for the sake of a degree, for the sake of high distinction! i will REFERENCE! if that's what it takes! i will practice referencing in my daily life!

haha. on a lighter note, i got okay for the other three subjects. *sigh*. hope i will be flying back with flying colours. i need to make my mom proud man. she was sceptical of me going to OZ for this program. she thought i partied all night here. i mean come on. me? party? nahh. hahah. whatchu lookin at bro? nway, i just wished she wouldnt be so "untrusting" towards me. i'm a big girl man. (in a big world. haha. that song). well yeah, gotta go get that effing high distinct for that literature assignment. geez. i dont want to be a nerd! i dont want to be a nerd! who started off that label should go suicide.


bye y'all. have a great day.


p/s: how would i look like if i were blonde? hmm..point to ponder. LOL

i need a cuppa!

ah, this funny little thing called humanity. never liked the idea of it. you acknowledged, and you will find the need to abid to it. let me tell you, it's a whole bucket full of bull. really. and there's the other thing by the name of stigma. the feeling, the action of labelling, just the notion of it - is automatic. you can't help it. you can't help giving people categories, calling them names; those which frequently emerge during first encounters. it's all in your mind. well, have the comfort of knowing that..i do it too.

first thing i do when i meet people is to put them in their astrological categories. ha ha weird. i read the symptoms - their body language, the way they do something, they way they speak, they way they listen to you speak - you know, signs. then i presume a group for them - the initial stage, i shall say.

the next phase is quite an interesting one. this usually takes me by surprise. this is the moment when the truth reveals itself - whether or not my presumption is correct (or otherwise). truth be told, i normally have a 50-50 chance, so i'm not really an expert at categorizing people, but i sure can be a professional gambler. *sniffs* *coughs*

if my hypothesis was proven wrong, i normally feel a little down. more or less like a failure. like i had done the person a measurement of injustice. i've interpreted him/her wrongly. yada yada yada - along the lines of mild disappointment.

if i was right, i feel a jolt of joy. i feel like i have a talent (of categorizing..sheesh) - to read what lies beneath. sometimes i find myself smiling or grinning (this is most embarassing cause it exposes the teeth). but whichever side of the coin it is, i always feel a sense of enthusiasm to dig deeper and to know more about that person - which is, obviously, a good thing.

beyond this point, i normally become neutral and uninhibited to any sort of notions and pre-judgements. this is the part i like most. this is the part where i got the most information on the person. just opened up to a glass window with a view of the endless horizon. haha cool stuff.

gotta chow peeps! (before i get really deep. hehe)

dont fall on your feet

hey people. how have you all been doing? hope things are fine with the Ramadhan on the radar, just try to be good people right. haha.

class were good just now. we discussed about the multi-culturalism that some people seem to tag to themselves - and that pretty much reminds me of where i come from. Malaysia. i believe we are multi-cultured, on the basis that everybody practices their culture and traditions freely. however, the fact that some of these people actually disacknowledged others who possess different cultures than those that they have, really sucks.

and i dont feel like giving a whole lecture on that now, since my brain is fizzed out from the discussion just now that all i need now is just a mango juice. thing is, its fasting month. mannn. i need to juice my brain!

guess i'll go make myself useful for a while. go check out some good books. really into children's book now. they're pretty damn good i tell ya! embedded messages and the illustrations are wicked! wish i have the talent to draw. life sucks. haha.

gotta bounce y'all.



p/s: the title is spur of the moment

post-party report

OMG. fo shizzle ma nizzle! gee wheez hoolla banana! the party was D.O.P.E.!! it was intense, we got a whole crowd come knocking on the door (some just barged in. oh well, the door was open anyway). and more than 100pax came to our supposedly-humble-and-small-and-random party. there were heaps of heads in the house, that some even had to eat in the bedroom (MY bedroom). coz apparently, they all came at the very same time, though we had allocated 11am-4pm, they all came at 1pm anyway. safa brought many of his guy friends to the house, like it was his party, haha. nah, it was good of him. good guy. he tried to match make us at every chance he got. geez, thanks but no thanks man. hehe. hani and fatin came too. they got a bit lost. one of the guys jokingly wondered if our house is already in the borders of melbourne. haha. funny.

the food was great, so says the guests, and everybody enjoyed themselves. the crowd started coming at 1pm with empty tummies, and the food was gone in a split second. so i had a teeny weeny bit of trouble, as i was in charge of the bread pudding (and i had to attend to guests, mingle smingle), and i had to restock the pudding as it was finished earlier than i thought it would be. these people sure have massive sweet teeth! and it takes almost 1hour and a half for a bread pudding, so u guessed it. it was pretty messed up. i mean, the planning and organizing of my desserts. sheesh.

the rest of it, fun fun fun. we met a lot of people. they all come from different places and backgrounds. friends from everywhere got together and just eat and got to know each other. it was pure awesome. i'll put up some pictures some time soon, coz i have some trouble with my banddrive at the moment. it was lost last week, and a hell lot of things were in there. but i'll work on that later.

and, we got a TV! Sam brought it with him on sunday, and it was quite a huge one. we used a coat hanger for the aeriel, but the it's pretty much working beautifully. last night we watched Thank God You're Here and Australian Idol, and we were just dumbstrucked by the fact that we actually have a freakin' tellie! we had dinner in front of the tellie, we did our assignments with the tellie on, we decorated it with flowers we took from the backyard; it was just amazing. like having a newborn baby. very gut wrenching moment there for a little while. haha.

my housemates are fine. we're bonding. farhana and safa are doing good too. things are cruising for now. am looking forward to the grates' gig. hah. can't wait. there's also the OZ festival. we might catch the moon lantern festival, sounds great. the rpesentation just now started with a whole technology racketty wreck but it ended well. angela was very supportive.

guess that would be all for now. thank you again, for those who came all the way to our house from the city, mile end, east and west. it was really amazing having you guys. do come by some day; our doors are always open :)

diari sebiji perut

Hari ini hari khamis.

Dah nak masuk tengahari.

Tak breakfast pagi tadi.

Kejar bas pulak tuh.

Rentetan itu,

AKU LAPAR.

gila nak mamps punya lapar.