brain congestion

f f f f f f f f f f f f f f !!!!

it takes an endless list of things to be done to get me to swear that much. haish. next week, beginning 7th of April.

07/04 - PTE test (update: i did it without studying. now the prospect looks very, very dim. i feel like a major failure now. wonder how tomorrow's going to be like)
08/04 - Microteaching (done it. went quite well)
Creative Project submission (submitted, though with struggle)
Creative Project presentation (did it. went well. very simple)
09/04 - Literature and Media test (Remains of the Day & Pygmalion) (yeah, did it. was one of the last to go. it was an open book test and still it was @%^$^!#@$. geeez)
10/04 - Japanese solo presentation (okay lah..not bad. but i confused myself with the 'imasu' and 'arimasu'. so...)
Adrian Mole assignment submission (the due date is delayed!!!)


not a day off! every single important thing is happening this week! crap. major crap.

the week continues..

11/04 - Nad's house-warming party (finally! i chance to let my hair down)
12/04 - Thoughts of Mahathir's exam


and the moment of truth, and a grand finale to the whole week...

13/04 - IELTS results
Woah! WILLOW production team gathering @ Windmill, Subang.


it sure will be a rocky ride through the whole week. wish me luck people!

whatever

the person who coined the word 'whatever' and popularized it is the coolest, most gonjeng person in the world. when you feel like you malas nak layan dah, you can just say "whatever!" provided with your hand gestures and blondish-bimboish facial expression and accent.

i love it. my state of mind right now, is Whatever, with a huge capital W.


here's a Whatever-toast to the person i dislike, the things i despise and anything else along that line.


huh, whot-evargh~!!!

the Dean's List Dinner 07/08

Last night was the DL Dinner. it was held at the glamorous INTEC Hall *haha* and was supposed to start at 7.45pm. but yeah as usual, it started a full 20mins later. the Dean came, along with most of the lecturers. i felt appreciated, thanks to their support just by showing up.

i came at 8pm (just cause i know it wont start at 7.45) with Anis and Jiji, and the first bullshit happened. my name wasn't on the list and so i wasn't 'numbered' and had to sit at the very back. and then came my friend whose was also not on the list, Marina. so we sat together through the whole thing.

then it was time to 'jamu' or dinner lah. so being the person at the very back, it was a piece of cake to be the first in line. but some uncourteous people cut the line so we became the 8-ish people to take food. we had to tolak-tolak and tarik-tarik a bit, but the whole getting-the-food experience wasn't as tough as i had prepared myself for. so a few minutes in the moshpit later, we freed ourselves from the crowd and started to search for place. to our dismay, everyone dah cop tempat. so we had to sit at the 'candlelight dinner tables' di sebelah orang buat persembahan. sheesh. don't even talk about being in the spotlight, it was dark and the candles are tiny (almost invisible).

Marina and myself having a romantic candlelight dinner *wink*

however, we had fun and felt really 'special', though i almost choked myself for i thought the tulang was the daging cause of the same colour. but i survived. not long after that, i accidentally burnt my pinky finger because the candle (though tiny, can be extremely hazardous because of the wax) was so close to my pinggan and my jari jemari are so runcing so terkena the fire.


after that, we went in and get on with the programme. theY called each name one by one and everybody get to go on stage. and since marina's and my name wasn't on the list at the registration, we had to go last after everybody else. what discrimination! how unfair! wahahaha.

oh btw, in between the name-calling, there was a dikir barat performance by the PART 4 TESL students and it was the bomb! i loved it was (frantically) clapping and singing along (though the lyrics were totally out like im singing in Urdu) and recording videos. they were superb. most of it maybe because they are my friends, and i got extra excited. lol. but Mr.Shah enjoyed it too. i saw him sitting at the edge of his seat while clapping and 'grooving' (yes, he grooved!) to the dikir barat. i think they won a competition yang peringkat UiTM or something like that. but they rock! especially the Tukang Karut, Pok We!! *clap clap* woo-hooooo!!!!

izza yang sempoi dan Pok We yang sedang 'naik sheikh'!!

yeah, then my name was called and by that time the hall was half empty, which is cool. hehe. and later, we took some pictures and borak-borak a bit and then go home. that night, i slept like i have never slept in a loooong time.

team Gamelan yang sangat fantastic. Afifah main macam main drum. hehe

man, i felt like Queen Elizabeth getting the royal treatment!











Fitri, pelajar comel lagi cemerlang gitu!







till then!

talk, by talking

it's unfair that you can like someone in the phone, exchanging text messages, feeling like that person is the perfect soulmate, or someone that you IM everyday and can talk about anything under the sun without feeling the slightest bit uncomfortable. or that person you like when you talk over the phone, hanging on to every single word that come from that husky voice.

but the moment you step out into reality, getting vis-a-vis with that person, everything turns out differently. as different as night and day. you no longer like that person you text every night when you get face to face. you no longer find their voices sexy when you talk without the phone. their wits aren't so spot on when you you communicate in real time.

is this the wrath of the technology we worship so much all this while? whatever it is, i still hold on to the fact that simple communication, where body language is involved and facial expressions are visible, is still the best way of exchanging bubble thoughts.

try talking and joking around without the company of sophisticated gadgets and techs (excluding webcam or anything like it) more than you do with those mediums (text, IM) and what you say may mean more to the person you are talking to.

tatie's treat!

we had dinner just now, and tatie made my day when she paid for dinner! haha. we all ate satay, at Restoran Selera Kampung, section 9. twas lo-fi but cool nonetheless. it has been quite a loooooong time since anybody belanja me. it was a very heart-wrenching, tear-jerking moment. hope my rezeki murah and somebody else will belanja me pulak in future. im broke!

which one?

i want a lomo camera and have been saving up to buy it, however, i just found a scoop on this cool camera, called the fisher price kid tough camera. it's slightly cheaper and it's digital, so we save from the developing costs. it comes in both purple or pink. but i still want the holga. or color splash. now i dont know which one to get..damn. granted that i am an indesicive person, so making a call would be really tough. now i gotta look further into this major predicament. grahahaha~

jangan marah-marah

nowadays, memang banyak sangat benda yang boleh buat kita tick-off. semua benda buat kita rasa nak marah. kadang-kadang benda yang sangat kecil. tapi bila fikir balik, buat apa nak marah, bukannya boleh betulkan keadaan tu pun.

apa yang kita boleh buat is either laugh it off, or deal with it, tapi bukan dengan cara marah-marah la. relax. cool, cool. tarik nafas dalam-dalam, lepas tu selesaikan.

yes, aku pun kadang-kadang edgy and rasa cam nak jerit jugak, tapi kita try la sama-sama. perasaan annoyed and iritated tu memang selalu ada, especially bila berada berdekatan dengan orang yang macam tu (annoying dan irritating). jadi, kita sama-sama ingatkan diri kita untuk selalu bersabar. kalau marah-marah dah tak macho la kan. kita kena relax, supaya dunia ni lebih aman. kan best kalo semua orang tak jerit-jerit, tengking sana sini.

till then, always give the people around you a smile!

an ode by a friend

I have no name.
No truth i cradle.
No jokes to humor you.
No physique to satisfy.
No breadth to breathe into.

No eyes to appreciate.
No passion to lust for.
No love worth dying for.

All I have,
is heart.
to cry out.
to die.
to hate.




p/s: this is a piece by my very dear friend, mr.hafriz. he has a very beautiful soul, handsome face and sensitive heart. i am glad to have him as a friend :)

down with the flu

devilish! this disease never leave me. it is constantly following me around like Misery would. scientifically called the influenza, but i prefer to call it mucus-flowing-nose-wiping-moments. geez, i had to drag my white napkin around like a baby with her blanky/blanket with some eternal yellow spots stained on it. well, i ain't stain nothing on mine, but if you look closely, u might find something. haha. my eyes are swollen, and i can't pronounce any words with the phonetical sounds: /m/, /n/, and /ng/. all the nasal sounds. and i speak like a retard without a nose. but hey, nobody's complaining. heck, the flu's around since forever, and it sure look like it's stayin for quite some time.

the crappiest part is, i got my microteaching tomorrow, and hell, it's the most important thing in my career as a teacher so far. and i dont think i have all the energy to be super teacher tomorrow. maybe i should call in sick. yeah, i'll do just that. not that im finding reasons or anything. but the flu is turning to be a blessing in disguise, coz you know what? i haven't done my lesson plan yet. hehe.

my handkerchief's sangat basah kuyup right now. so i gotta go change it before some virus become epidemic. till then.

i want to be Sleepyhead

i am utterly deprived of a deep, peaceful slumber right now. wish i could dive into a sea of pillows and just be sailed in a technicolor, rainbow-filled dreams. or just plain sleep would do.

truthfully, this has been a very hectic week. with the Maulidur Rasul event (i managed to bag the 2nd runner-up spot in the poetry recitation contest), and the preparation for my IELTS test last saturday -29th april. also, i was busy doing my assignments, most of it group work, so it was really tough to get all the group members together, thus all the workload needed to be squeezed in the time we actualy sit together to work on it.

my brain freezed a lot of times, untimely, and my nerves wrecked like it never did. i actually forgot what 'sleep', 'eat' and 'hang out' meant. until i experienced them yesterday, after ielts.

i didn't realize i walked around looking like a zombie (which died a tragic death by the way i looked), and i rarely (almost never) give any sweet remarks or compliments or stopped for small talks during the Hellish week (notice the capital letter).

i was glad that i could take a breather for today is the end of the week, which universally mean i could take a rest. some of the shits i need to get done has been done, but most of it are still under way. which brings us to the conclusion that next week is not looking any good either. who knows, this might even be the last time i hear the word sleep. man, i sure am going to miss my sleep.

speaking of sleep, maybe i really am deprived of it. like, a super, major deprivation. i was diagnosed with insomnia during my high school years. i could stay awake for four days or more with no sign of energy declination. and now, im still losing my sleep, but not because i want to, but coz i have to! argh, dummy ass. gonjeng bastard. now what the hell am i still doing here with some stupid blog. i'd better go sleep. now i can finally say, Goodnight! (well, for now. hehe)

the two questions i asked myself

u came to the point in your life, when u ask those ultimate questions. what do i want? and who am i? two very simple questions, but never underestimate them. you might not be able to answer those questions, even until you are lying weak on your deathbed.

i tried answering that, the first question. seemed easy. i threw a whole list of things i could ever wish for. but then, something made me ask myself. what for do i want all these things? money, cars, money, excellent grades, money... then, my thoughts shifted. well, i want peace in the world, and unity amongst brothers, poverty to be curbed, and to turn back time to the early age where there was no pollution. yes, i want that. but again, it asked. what for do i want all these things? if i were to be granted all those that i wanted, will it guarantee me a place in heaven? will it prove the love that i have for the Almighty? will it make me happy, ever after?

then my thoughts shifted again. this time a huge shift. i thought, i want nothing more, than for Him to forgive me truly and to accept me unto his Kingdom. i want nothing more than for Him to love me for He is the Ar-Rahim. i want nothing more, than just to serve Him, for life, for that was what i promised Him before my soul was slowly placed in my mother's womb. i want nothing, but to taste that infinte sweetness of Heaven. and that, i am sure, will make happy. for ever and after. and by that, i might have answered the second question as well. i am, the servant of God.

laundry for dracula

today i felt like a Dracula, allergic to light. i didn't get out from the house, with the curtains closed and dried out refrigerator. but thank God for the internet, got to watch a couple of barbaric short indie movies - helped me through the day. i even did laundry - a tough one indeed - and it involves my bantal busuk, translated as 'smelly pillow'. but of course, it's not really literally 'smelly' as opposed to popular societal stigma, i just felt i had to wash it anyway. so yeah, twas a cool dracula-like day for me.

a Brand New Year 08

I welcomed the New Year a bit differently this time. I was worn-out by the frenzied, never-ending hustle and bustle of the city, especially during festivities and celebrations. Normally on New Year’s Eve, I would join some of the Setiawangsa residences up on top of the hill to watch the fireworks display all around KL. It was a great spot but I didn’t feel like climbing up this year. There were no plans what-so-ever, and I didn’t feel like painting the town red either, but I was equally delighted that the nasty 2007 is finally over. I was surfing the net alone at home on new year’s eve, when my family came home from shopping and asked me if I wanted to join them and a few of my mom’s friends (and their families) for dinner at the port. Well, who could say no to seafood, right? And in the next few minutes I found myself dressed for a seafood-dinner jamboree.

We ate and ate till there ain’t nothing left to eat. We laughed and laughed and snorted once in a while in between crabs and prawns. It was a happy moment. Just a lo-fi ambience, chilled-out mood. I loved it.

After dinner, we went for a walk around the jetty. It was cool. There were some stalls selling colourful, spinning lights, some selling ‘kacang rebus’ and there was also a stall retailing religious merchandise like cassettes and books (good idea. And JAIS was everywhere in sight too. Not that I’m scared or anything, duh). The breeze was calm, hot at times. Everyone was filling their time, waiting for their watches to strike midnight to mark the New Year. One of the people there had his radio on to listen to the live broadcast of the celebration in the city.

Me and a few of the girls sat a few feet away from the small crowd. I sat there, imagining how the rest of the world is celebrating the eve of the ‘New Beginning’. I reckon some of them praying, asking for a better life to come, some may be holding pints of liquor, prepared to be soared to cloud nine. Some may take comfort in the presence of their family members, and some may be even distressed at the actuality that they have to be alone for the night. Whatever it is, everyone is anticipating it.

My dad told me that the people at sea have their own way of commemorating the New Year, and it is certainly something that I have awaited for a long while now. Tonight. It’s going to be tonight.

Ten seconds to midnight, everyone was counting, aloud. Not that they’ve never counted out loud before, but this is a moment they want to share with everyone and also to remind themselves that “man, it’s 10 seconds away from the new year, which would probably be a tad better than the last one” – it is hope, that they put in their counting.

I counted aloud, along with the rest. Our voices were harmonious (mine was, at least), our eyes looking up in the sky. The ships –big and small – were all stopped or slowed down.

10. 9. 8. 7. 6.

I was anxious. What’s it going to be like?

5. 4. 3. 2.

This is it!

1.

HONK!!!! HONK HONK!!!!! HONK!!!

All the ships at sea were honking their steel horns away. It was loud, the loudest ‘horny’ orchestra I’ve ever heard. Haha. It was so funny that most of us were laughing, amused at the comical affair. I was told that they can only use the horns for serious emergencies, and only on New Year’s Eve that they have the liberty to honk as they wish. Some of the sailors or fishermen were shouting “yey!! Tahun Baru!!” “Selamat Tahun Baru!!!” One definitely caught my ear. “Tahun Baru aku nak bini baru!!!” Haha. Priceless.

We took some photos, we sang the old English Auld Lang Syne, and we took some more photos and then chatted for a little bit before everyone realized how their beds seemed like a slightly better place to be at that instant. I was exhausted by the end of all that. It was a new thing. A new experience (though may be ordinary in a lot of ways). But it is just how it should be to start a new year. It was perfect.

I’m off to a very jolly start and I hope that the rest of the year would be to. I don’t mind a bit of bumps and bangs once in a while, but I certainly hope that life would be a little easy on me so that I can endure the year with ultimate coolness (like I always did hehe) and to finally end it in style.

I pray that yours would be a fantastic one, too. And that you get to accomplish your new year’s resolutions – for real this time!

So long, for now. Happy Embracing 2008!!!

a birthday gift

i rarely receive expensive presents for my birthday. i only normally get "reasonably priced" things, or handmade goodies, which i like all the same (the effort people put into them touched me). however, this time around, i was spoilt a little. and being on the receiving end, i was fortunate and grateful. it was Daisy. an EDP by marc jacobs. here's a pic:




the fragrance is flowery, and reminded me of the verge of spring. i dig the whole thing - bottle, smell, the three huge daisies on top of the bottle cap..everything.

except that, i really love the Maybe Baby parfum by Benefit. its smell is something that would make you think of..hmm, me? *sheepish grin* i like it for the fact that it is very low-fi, subtly seductive and all the things along that line.

not that im taking Daisy for granted, i love them both. but i'll slave my way to get my hands on Maybe Baby (not like literally slave, perhaps save up a dime or two a day, no pressure on me). well, a broke girl can dream right? maybe, baby!

twenty is not such a big deal anyway

i thought it was going to be like super exciting, and life-changing in some ways, and im going to have a major freak-out moment, but no, i was fine. it was just like any other day..worse, in fact. it started out with a mega battle with a family member. i lost and was quite down and upset throughout the entire day. well-wishes from friends and family consoled me a tad, but not enough to bring up the mood i had initially in the morning. and by the end of the day, i just thought "twenty isn't such a big deal after all".

of dreams

do you dream in black and white?

just a thought

At times we may forget that soldiers are just people like everyone else. They laugh, they cry, they have sweethearts and mothers, birthdays and favorite cars - and they die. Sometimes when we are celebrating victories we forget about those who made it possible, those who gave the ultimate sacrifice for their country.

the best tunes to aidilfitri

i love all the Raya songs. however, i only have two favorite Raya songs that i would go nuts if i didn't listen them aired on the radio. those two songs are:

*drumrolls*

2. Cahaya Aidilfitri - Ramlah Ram
1. Sepasang Kurung Biru - Khairil Johari Johar

i love these two songs for respectively different reasons. i will include the lyrics here:

Cahaya Aidilfitri

Saujana indah pandangan
Alam keliling di desa permai
Saujana handai dan taulan
Masa berhimpun beramai-ramai
Riang suasana
Gurau senda sesama keluarga
Gembira menantiMenjelang cahaya aidifitri
Selamat Selamat Hari Raya
Salam ucapan untuk semua
Aidilfitri kita raikan
Bersama kesyukuran
Bergema suara takbir
Laungan suci di sini sana
Bersyukur pada Ilahi
Menjelma kini hari yang mulia

( 1 )
Riang suasana
Umat islam miskin dan kaya
Gembira di hati
Menyambut aidilfitri

( 2 )
Selamat Selamat hari Raya
Salam ucapan untuk semua
Aidilfitri kita raikan
Bersama kesyukuran

( 2 )
Selamat Selamat hari Raya
Salam ucapan untuk semua
Ampun dan maaf kita bersama
Selamat hari Raya


Sepasang Kurung Biru

Tiada salam atau ucapan
Tiada pesan tanda ingatan
Suasana penuh keriangan
Ku teringat pada seseorang
oh...

Di hari yang berbahgia ini
Hatiku kosong dan sepi sekali
Betapa manis kenangi lalu
Menyambut raya bersama denganku
oh...

( korus )
Tiada bisikan lembut yang ku dengar
Hanya suara azan sayup bergema
Masih kurasakan hangat tanganmu
Di pagi raya bersalam dengan ku
Tetamu datang tetamu pergi
Namun tak tiba orang ku nanti
Hanya sepasang kurung nan biru
Menjadi teman mengubat rindu ku

let's write some more!

8:30 am -- psychology -- presentation

11.30 am -- study -- for nihongo no tesuto
-- work -- phonetics project

2:00 pm -- japanese -- oral test
-- listening test

4.oo pm -- work -- phonetics project

8:00 pm -- phonetics -- submit project

cant wait till it's time to get out of this hell!!

i shall not freak out. especially when it IS the perfect time to freak out. workload is surmountably huge, it simply sounds ridiculous. man, i wish i had a few more hands and brains.

no.

maybe i should wish for less work.

as of this moment, i have a bunch of things to be done and submitted TODAY, but i'l resort to this.

for crapping is my only solace.

(i want to laugh my heart out now! -- just to ease the tense)