morning of adieu

this morning, we were thrown a little farewell gathering by the exchange office of unisa. the morning tea was held at the civic gallery, city west campus and i must say it was our first time being at the hawke building. the place was surprisingly cool, with state of the art facilities and decor. cool stuff.

met a few of the staff, Dr Anna couldnt make it as she is now in Thailand. Rob the director, instead, came to greet us. they are some cheerful and friendly bunch, and not forgetting other fellow exchange students from around asia. Mak got a little chummy with an indian friend (haha, sorry mak!), chatting away about some bollywood stuff. we talked with Rob and he told us that his son married a swedish girl which he met through an exchange program. you see, that is one successful exchange! haha. certainly one of the bonus points, an interesting perk if you go under programs like this (apart from other perks, of course).

we took pictures, and chatted and ate, and then we shook hands, wished each other good luck with future undertakings and we bid farewell. as Rob put it in his speech, six months is certainly enough time to feel 'placed' in a place, enough time to associate yourself with things surrounding, and enough time to always miss home. i think he's right. for had this program been offered for a year, i would apply for PR and not come back at all. HAHA!

all of the things we want each other to be,

we never will be..we never will be.

the sky is silvery

no fluffy clouds

it might rain

storms rumbling loud.

this is the best kind of weather. just the way i like it. the moments before the rain pours. the view of the hills with shades of grey and green, is magnificent. how can i ever leave this place?

'tis the season to be jolly (and boros).

well, well. it's already the 6th of November. almost the end of the year. my most favourite months - november and december. just plainly because many festivals are during this time of the year, and holidays are longest. and everybody, well almost everyone, gets to let their hair down and relax after a whole year of busting asses and working mega hard. it's the time of the year for celebrations - particularly for me..and my brother. we often get extra "keraian" cause our birthdays usually get celebrated together, along with the family vacations (cause it's school holidays), but no presents should be expected. talk about 3in1. semua benda nak roll into one. nak jimat la katakan.

"ha, sape punya birthday lagi bulan sebelas dengan bulan doblas?"
"hah gabung sekali dengan doa selamat Atok"
"Zizah (my mother), kita pegi vacay nak? celebrate sekali birthday budak2 ni. Pegi jungle trekking la. pastu picnic."
"eh, i nak buat putung jambul baby i la. ok la, u bawa je la kek kat my house."
"no no no (hand gesture). apa kata, YOU bawak baby you kat muar so kita potong jambul, pastu kenduri doa selamat sekali, and celebrate their birthday terus. esok kita convoy la pegi FRIM."

sounds like a perfect plan. every single year. haih, nak kata rimas best jugak cause the more the merrier. but during my schooling days, i never get the chance to celebrate with my school friends. we are all scattered around the whole of malaysia (boarding school), and my birthday always falls on school holidays, where everyone will go back to their hometown. except for 2004. they did an advanced surprise birthday bash for me at school during the SPM.

and for some, it is the Christmas and End of the Year SALE that they've been waiting for! gee, i wish i hadn't spend so much on food. and then all of the frenzy will be closed with the New Year's celebration, to say adieu to the year we have had and to greet the new upcoming year. very poetic moments there usually.

but regardless, i enjoy this time of the year. i dont want the end to end!! (haha. ironic)

i need an energy drink lah. rasa macam puasa pula. baik puasa. i had a huge breakfast - toasts with scramble and cheese, peanut butter and chocolate spread waffle, an orange and air teh. haaaah, that's what i call perfect, hearty breakfast. kadang-kadang i add maggi goreng on the menu. hasta la vista baby! (gila arnie the terminator). perut ku pun semakin membuncit. in conjunction with xmas la kan. can you say Santa's belly? hello? lol.

Good job man. now make us proud

"While we breathe, we hope."

President Barack Obama, 2008

[first presidential speech]

Congratulations, Obama. Tomorrow is a new beginning, for you and the people. Hopefully you will execute and perform during your term as president and do something right. Don't let the hopes the people had trust you with die. Whatever you do from this point on, will matter.

p/s: i wish i can congratulate you in person. he he he

i like my toast buttered

i am tired. not physically, though. my soul is bruised; felt like i just got beaten up really badly. anyway, let's just hope tomorrow brings something better.

something-better. it somehow sounds smaller and less impossible as a noun.

give me a somethingbetter. haha. i like that.

the you in you

"What's underneath all the clothes, Brooke Davis?"

-One Tree Hill-

why is it utterly important for us to feel belonged? not necessarily belong, however. whichever ways, the sense of being in a group or society makes us feel less of a stigma. surely, but to what extend are we willing to go just to end up following and being in a group? i gathered that it is probably the security of being with unsecured others that makes one crave of it.

of course, our memberships beckon who we are, or rather, who we want to be and be seen as. for instance, some pushed their way to break the rich and famous society and be one of them, or some others may starve themselves to death just to be one of the gazilion beautiful people in the world. however, this may deviate the perceptions of others to one's true self, even him.

often times we tried so hard to be someone else that we are not and tried our hardest to believe that we can be and we are who we want to be and we think we can fool the rest of the world. we might, for a given time. but alas we forget; there will always be someone who knows us to the very core - ourselves. anybody can be fooled but not you.

so take a second and stand in front of your bathroom mirror, and take a good look of yourself. who is that person staring at you? is he who he thinks he is? does the group he belongs to provide him the comfort and the security he craves for? is he ever ashamed of who he is? will he be who he is without everything but him?

this moment, you can never feel more alone and vulnerable. self-confrontations will strip you off everything and make you see what lies underneath all that. Dolly Parton said, "find out who you are, and do it on purpose." for once, i thought she was smart.

tepukan buat encik dolphin kita!

entah la. secara tiba-tiba hatiku berputik melihat kelibat Josh Hartnett. Filem ni memang telah berjaya membuatkan aku tertarik bukan sahaja pada watak yang dibawa oleh beliau, tapi juga pada diri beliau yang sebenar kerana sanggup berkorban banyak demi filem dan watak tersebut. Sebelum ni memang ada sedikit rasa tertarik semasa menonton filem lucky number slevin dulu. tapi sekarang perasaan ku lebih kukuh. Lantas:

i lap yuh josh!

weather: 13 - 28 degrees. mostly sunny

today has been less than productive. i hang around in front of the lappie (watched GG back to back, since apparently everyone has watched it except me) and took a short walk to the park just now. that was quite a breather. i know this is whiny and cliche, but assignments are abundance and im nowhere close to getting it done.



two presentations up for next week. one about that guy, Ron Brooks and his renowned illustrations in picture books. another about language.



i could so use some entertainment right now, not in the mood for entertaining though. i just wish i could do one thing for now: kidnap Suri. pretty please? Cuteness personified.







come, come to Momma!

just another person at the bar

You're such a deep, deep man. Am i too selfish to ask for you back?

he loves santana

certain songs made you remember certain moments or vice versa. i just finished reading Where in the World, about a boy who has special musical talents and how his memory is dependant on music. he composed songs based on his feelings towards certain incidents. and different places reminded him of certain music.

im now reminded of the year after my schooling days. the year 2005. i just listened to Work by jimmy eat world and my mind instantly went back to those days. just absolute ordinariness. absolute mediocrity. absolutely nothing.

sigh. i like those innocent days.





p/s: missing my dad's corny jokes. (now listening to santana)

i gave two shillings to the two guys busking techno dance music

goodness. these past two nights, i've been watching movies like hell. as if a compensation for the past few months that i've missed out. good ol' chick flicks. hmm. last two nights, the moon was ridiculously huge. it was full and super bright and very low, as if it was falling on the horizons slowly. the clock on my mobile showed 7.35pm and the sky was purple and pink. so you could imagine how it looked like. and heck, it was because of the romantique ambience the moon has set out that made me and Eani walked the mile to Civic Vid to rent some dvds. on the way back, we saw a few people standing outside their houses, gazing at the moon. yeap, it was a hit with couples that night i bet.

so that was it about the moon. on the way back, we found a beautiful blue and white bicycle laying in front of somebody's house. it has no gear, no brakes and flat tyres, but it was such a beautiful bike that we took it home with us and i rode it for a while. it took all my might as the tyres were both flat. by the time we got home, my knees were wobbly like jelly on heat and i slept half way through Made of Honour. the only thing i like about the movie was the background songs when the were in Scotland. the songs made me fight my sticky eyelids, but then i surrendered and was in slumber in no time.

i am now in for a mini break as the toughest assignment in human history was done and submitted on tuesday. me and safa can now officially sigh a huge sigh of relief and relax for a bit. it was literature and it was the most torturous assignment EVER! after some surprisingly extreme remarks during the course of three days (saturday, sunday, monday) that were exchanged amongst us (i.e. "weh aku rasa cam nak bunuh diri skang ni. tu je cara yg kita ada", "ko tak rasa ke Gypsy tu gila.dia suka torture student kot", "ok cuba ko pikir, apa motif assignment ni? ni mass killing ar. cuma dia wat subtly xnak autho tau"), it is now safe to say that although assignments in for next week and the weeks after that, but once that particular monstrousity had been done, we are Free People now!

*doing hoola dance*

tatie the tagger

tatie tag aku lagi sekali, dia ni memang rajin bab2 begini. haha. ok tatie, ni aku buat.

My Top 10 Fave Food
1. roti planta
2. nasi goreng kampung (ada kangkung)
3. kombinasi nasi putih, telur goreng berminyak gila, kuah asam pedas
4. meltz kfc
5. dry salad (resipi izrul)
6. anything mexican, esp. burritos
7. lauk kampung
8. desserts! --> soufle, eclairs, everything chocolate and ice-cream
9. old school hot dog with lots of mustard
10. pasta or pizza with meted cheese flooding across the top

10 things i love doing
1. hanging out and just talk
2. collecting worthy stuff
3. sing in the shower (or just about anywhere)
4. travel
5. sit quietly and look around
6. annoy people
7. talking bimbo
8. getting to know people
9. being surprised
10. finding unique qualities

5 types of girls that i adore
1. respectful towards members of the same sex
2. girls who rock
3. girls just being girls
4. girls with disabilities but make it through (okaaay, im outta ideas here)
5. obviously, girls who are my friends

5 things i love doing when im feeling down
1. eat
2. read
3. write
4. talk
5. music

5 things i love doing when im happy
1. sing
2. talk
3. joke
4. laugh and smile and laugh and smile
5. make others happy too

10 ways to win my heart
1. dont have to be consciously wanting to win my heart (im not a piece of meat. hahahaha)
2. take me as who i already am
3. respect me and others in my life
4. treat me as you want to be treated
5. honest. no hidden motives
6. i guess thats all?

top 5 fave junk food
1. super ring
2. keropok durian
3. smith's thin cut: sour cream and onion flavour
4. doritos
5. nachos

5 things i wish could happen soon
1. the end of massacres. and bloodbaths
2. done assignments
3. summer time!
4. finding out how my child looks like (erk?)
5. tahap moksha

10 ridiculous things i wish to do before i die
1. get married (it can be ridiculous. hehe)
2. go hunting
3. learn to body surf (its ridiculously tough!)
4. join war (see whats the fuss is all about)
5. run for election and join parliament
6. have a chat with pak lah without him falling asleep
7. meet borat
8. join a riot or picket that uses fire
9. learn to dance
10. eat all i want without having to worry

top 10 recently most addicted songs
1. give a little love
2. shake it
3. just dance
4. angeles
5. twilight
6. between the bars
7. blitzkrieg bop
8. vampire
9. anything reggae
10. folk and country

10 things i want to tag
1. bert
2. azzam
3. liyana
4. hafriz
5. wawa
6. dierdre
7. zaza
8. zen
9. anyone reading this
10. yes, you!

we climb to fall

sometimes that hard slap on your face is just what you needed. falling down is never a bad thing, it teaches you reality - that the pedestal you're on is after all, made to be burnt down. a kick in the butt is exactly the kind of push you wish somebody would give you, just so you know how far, you can bounce forward. it is, in fact, a painful process. and its the best part of all, when you can finally give yourself a pat in the back, after all that.

here's a tip:

if you're falling and you know it, navigate.

make the black clouds disappear

astaghfirullah. life can be really short.

just these few days, i had some people who are close to me, or to someone i know die.

condolences to nurrizan harun's family.

condolences to fatin hamizah and her family.

and also, another important figure in my life, the one person who has helped me go through long journeys in buses and trains and LRTs and walks and jogs with his serenading music and soothing voice all through the four years i have been listening to him, Elliot Smith.

i can't believe i just found out that he had actually died in 2003 at the age of 34. he is still young and budding, how can he be taken away? i am yet to hear more of him, when it all came too soon. listening to him playing the soft, simple, bare-naked Angeles will never be the same anymore, definitely. i would have a vision of that wonderful, piercing (though not intermidating) eyes of his and it would then slowly fade away. i would listen to him strum the strings of his guitar and i would feel like sitting next to him and just listen.

his distinctive voice, how can i ever begin to describe that "whispery, spider-web thin" voice he wore so humble and full of love? as if listening to a baby cry, the sound so far, yet so loud. especially to know that he was dealing with depression and drinking problems and drugs, his songs now made perfect sense, like he was trying to reach out. but that scary thought of him having two stabs into the chest, (which was said might be self-inflicted) that certainly changed the way i listen to his songs.

he is my all-time favourite singer/songwriter. EVER. and my favourite tracks by this songbird are:

Angeles

(the best. now i know what the "trade" and "evil" is all about)

Between the Bars

("drink up"...)

Twilight

(this is very, very close to my heart. esp now that he's not around)

oh god. i feel like crying. man. this is really bad. like a kid who just found out that Santa isn't real. he always made me feel like crying listening to his songs. now, im really going to cry. especially on the long route from mawson lakes to the city on thursdays.

"sometimes there are songs you just wished you had written".

That is the only way to describe his songs. beautiful and honest. a masterpiece often over-looked.

But he's still my favourite guy.

He always will be.

May you rest in peace, Steven Paul 'Elliot' Smith. Always.

feast fit for the class

last wednesday was really cool. mak, safa and me decided to not just have the eid feast with our fellow muslim friends here, but also with the non-muslims. so we thought it would be great to 'bring the feast' over to our class and Andrew the course coordinator was more than happy. he even volunteered to bring the paper napkins. thanks man. lol. coincidentally, mak and safa had their solo presentations that day, so it was really like a malaysian day for the class. mak and safa were to present on arabic language and bahasa malaysia respectively. i was supposed to present on that day as well, on malaysian english (yeah, its worth talking about, huh?), and i prepared like mad, but we havent got enough time. so i ended up being pissed at myself for suggesting the feast, coz if not, i could have sighed with relief, coz i've got tonnes of presentations coming up!

anyway, we brought kuah kacang, nasi impit, flat fish crackers, serunding (courtesy of ms.sally), apple and mango juice (courtesy of safa) and marble cake (cam ala2 kek kukus mawar la. first attempt nih, tahniah2)

That's Andrew with Eric "Ermm..it's tasty, man. Like that Chinese take-away!"

Yeap, Sambo's trying to feed me ala 'ibu dan anak' and there's Wendy and Erin

those are just some pictures coz im so malas to upload here. go check out my fb later and i'll upload more there along with the picture of our multimedia display for constructing curriculum class, which was a huge success!

aiyo, what is all this la deyy?

i thought about life
and same things
come to mind
goals, hopes, dreams
i thought it was time
to think
of something else
so
i thought about death
and now im just
too scared
too worried
to think anymore
so
i thought i'd stop
and i did
- i think.



background music: some Hindi track from some dude's iPod or mp3 (wtv) behind me. dude, put on the earphones will ya?!? and hell, im trying to get some mood. (library computers are so communal. the princess in me cant handle it anymore. bloody friggin nasty)

just these few days..

things could get really interesting if you allow it to be. well i had interesting things happen to me these few days. most interestingly, i came across some witty and heart-warming phrases or quotes around town. hell knows if it's a sign (how so?). Some of them are:

1) Saw on someone's shirt in front of pub tab: "I used all my sick days, so I called in Dead" (i was lol)

2) On a notebook at the Newsagency: "Always remember that you're unique, just like everyone else" (im like, wtf?)

3) A t-shirt on a mannequin in a DIY tshirt store: "What happens if you get scared half to death twice?"

4) Found on Zaza's blog, a picture with this: "Vandalism: Beautiful as a Rock in a Cop's face"


And my personal favourite (cause it's personal. haha), is...

5) A rocker dude who lived near my house told me: "Your parents made beautiful children" (awww..)


There you go ladies and gentlemen. these little things made my days. find what made yours :)

tak suka monumen berbentuk orang. menakutkan.

hari ini panas. macam hati ini. ceh. haha. tengah bengang nih. dah la hari tu ter'miss' gig the Grates atas sebab perasaan "malu" (ada la cerita disebaliknya), sekali tu ingat nak cover balik. tak apa lagi la sebab diorang ada next show in october. gedebak gedebuk, rupanya gig tersebut jatuh pada hari ini! ah tensi ni sebab tak dapat pergi. melepas untuk kali kedua! haaa. gigit jari je la nampaknya :'(

Something from the Heart

Dear everyone,

I'd like to fully utilise this opportunity to do what other Muslims would have done by now; to wish all of you a blessed Eid Mubarak this year. We all deserve a little celebration, don't we? :)

And along with that, I'd like to mention a tiny and special Hari Raya greeting to these lovely people:

My dearest family

Ayah, Ibu, Rul, Ilin and Lia.

I know you guys are having a great time in the car, all peaceful and quiet, on your way to Muar now. But i promise y'all, I'll be back with more tunes to 'serenade' in the car next year! Oh, you're so missing 'the noise' (as you put it, Rul. you're no quiet than me yourself)

My dearest BB friends

Asil, Aida, Azrin, Azura, Shazlin

One of you guys would prolly do an open house, as usual. hehe. Guess I'd have to miss it this year. Sorry. But make sure next year it's double the fun!

My dearest Semesta friends

Fa, Zaza, Killy, Hazel, Moon, Kiera, Fayma, Didie, Nieza, Ecah, Jijah,

Fatin, Zara, Dayah, Faiz rashdi, Azmir

You guys have seen me during my 'braces' times. haha. Thanks for all the kindness and help. Hope we can meet each other again some time and have a feast during hari raya. oh and, sape nak kawen next lepas sarah? haha

My dearest compatriots

Liyana, Tatie, Emy, Ella, Nad, Syud, Hafriz

Thank you so much peeps. You were there through thick and thin. This raya, I'd like to apologize for every single perkara jahat that i had done to you and with you. And I'd like to say that (in case you are apologizing to me) you are all forgiven, though you must know, that there isn't any thing that you should be apologizing to me for anyway. I hope that the friendship we have (or had) would remain in the good basket of our memories and will be for a long time. Thanks a bunch :)

My dearest friends

The people in my batch during Pre-Degree TESL

Yaya, Napisah, Hana, Zack, Hani, Wani, Atep, Hafiz, Anis,

Jiji, Helmey, Yam, Farah, Ayu

Have a blessed raya, you guys. Maaf zahir dan batin. I am glad I met you guys during our 'innocent' phase. Things were pretty much different then, but I love you guys nonetheless :) Missing every one of you.

My dearest housemates (Shah Alam)

Kecik, Pika, Kak-Aisyah, Kak Lina

Guess it takes a lot to remain peaceful under one roof, huh? but we made it! (though some dropped out. hehe) Sorry for all the noise and 'inappropriate' behaviors during my stay at that house. don't fret, i'll be back soon! :p

My dearest kanak2 Suria

(wtf? haha) Acad, Moja, Cheap, Azri

Thanks for all the amazing times. You guys were always there for me to bully :p Do accept my apologies for 'using' your inferiorities (hehe) for my entertainment. And special thanks to Cheap (lol) for always lending us your pink camera.

My dearest TESL friends

Every single one of you (sorry, too many to mention)

esp: Maktab KB and GAYA people, Juniors, Seniors

I can't possibly mention every single name, but you are all important and meaningful all the same to me. Thank you for all your kindness and friendships and I wish you all a happy Hari Raya :)

xxxxxx

To everyone else (and everyone on the above list), I can't thank you people enough for just being there in my life and giving me a sense to live. Do know that I meant every word of my apologies. All your good deeds will, without a doubt, be returned with more big and great things, if not equivalent. I will always pray for your well-beings and prosperity, and may we be in acquaintance for a very long time. I truly hope that this Eid Mubarak would be the best for you and your family and that it will be a momentous one. Have fun and take care everyone!

Love, and love always,

Me

:)