what they really want

i dont even know where to begin.

i am only half way through, but it felt like an epic; practicum. i have so many things to share, so many problems to be solved, and yet i couldnt get around in putting it to words. this has been one of the best periods of my life. i have a feeling that i just cant get enough of it, i wouldnt even if you pay me to stop.

some may speculate that the fact that i like teaching so much is prolly because of other factors: the school, admin, students, facilities etc. yes, i dont deny all those contributing factors, although my school is definitely not one of the best (hell no). but what really hooked me to it (teaching) is the rapport, the special bond i have between the students and i, as the teacher.

let us be reminded that each and every class is different, let alone every child in the classroom. they have varying experiences and feel different emotions at the moment you are teaching. it is your duty to pick those (experience and emotions) up. every 10minutes of the lesson is also different. everything happens very quickly in the class. you have to be very spot on and work well under constant and rapid pressure. failing to do so can cause many backlash from students that may affect you and the children.

a classroom is an onion. intricate and complex. fragile when the layers are separated, but strong when in a unit. there are multiple layers of cultures and subcultures and socio-eco-demographical factors, to be peeled one after another by the teacher. the time you take varies. you can never set a list of the same steps and rules for each class. they are all different. so take your time..get to know your students. and, one thing i learned is to not to 'get to know' your students under technical and visibly purposeful terms. do it on purpose, but do it because you want to. because you really care and this will help you throughout the rest of your teaching days.

i have to admit, some students you can get close to them with a snap of the finger; but some are very reserved and secretive about their background. it is our job to find out what makes them who they are at that point of time in the classroom. informations like illiteracy, being victims of bully should not be revealed hastily and impulsively. these are the things that you should keep under the concept of trust that the students have for you and, especially, to not use it against them.

for example:

"Haa Ali (bukan nama sebenar)! Hish buat kerja la! Awak ni tak nak pandai ke? Nanti dah besar nak jadi apa? Mak ayah awak dah la orang susah!"

Thats a violation of two important things:

1. you are using the child's personal information against him/her and therefore breaching the trust he/she has towards you.

2. you are humiliating and demotivating the student and telling him to change something he cannot (the status of his parents).

in short, what we are actually doing is putting the blame that the parents are poor on the student.

at the end, it comes down to two things. students either want your attention, or they need it. you have to be able to tell. because those who need your attention (especially those who are less smart and have learning or personal problems) normally dont want your attention. so you have to give it without them asking.

for me, all these kids want and need is love and attention. they have an insatiable thirst for love. they like it if you listen with your eyes glued to them, although you dont understand a thing about the MMORPG they are talking about. but they appreciate. and when they notice and appreciate the time and attention you invest in them, they will do anything in the world for you, trust me.

kids are the most honest bunch of homo sapiens. if they dont like you, they will show it in their actions or they will just tell you straight. and if they do like you, they will let that be known too. so if they can be honest to you, you can be honest in your love to them too. and they will know if you are sincere or not. (they are very observant and sensitive!). they will do everything they can to make you notice them, especially in a big class. they will break into a fight, shout, or for the quiet ones, they will rebel and not do their homework for example. those are some of the negative ways. positively, they will ask to help carry your books, or always walk around in the staff room aimlessly..and etc.

you see, i can write a whole lot more, but i think i'll save it for later posts. hehe. im not so good at this myself; still learning as i go. but i guess you can say that i am eager and excited to learn and i wouldnt mind sharing what i learned with everyone.

as for now, if you feel like you dont love teaching enough, take some time and put yourself in the little shoes of the students. they dont want many things (like money, fame, great marriage etc), they only want small things that adults are too ignorant and stingy to provide them with. and those things are free. think about it.

till then, happy teaching! :)

(thats what my superviser, Mr.Kieran always say to me: Happy Teaching)

pelajar dan cikgu

pelajar A: teacher, teacher banyak baju-baju klasik eh..

cikgu: tu pujian ke apa?

pelajar A: entah lah..

cikgu: entah? ish.

pelajar A: *bershuffle*

this is the future generation. the generation that i have to mould into becoming leaders.


pelajar B: teacher berapa tahun teacher?

cikgu: rasanya?

pelajar B: tak taulah, tapi mesti anak dara.

cikgu: .....

pelajar B: yang penting teacher jangan dengar sangat cakap kitorang teacher. kena tetap pendirian.

cikgu: (eh dahla statement contradict, pastu siapa cikgu ni?)


the generation that is oriented towards their own needs and beliefs. although, given the fact that most children are like that.


pelajar C: teacher kita tak yah belajar nak harini?

cikgu: habis tu?

pelajar C: kita merempitttttt.

cikgu: ok. rempitlah sekarang.

pelajar C: terrrrrrrrbaekkkkkkkk!!!

cikgu: ha nak pegi mana tuh? merempit dalam kelas je.

pelajar C: ak enen..kecowh ar! cakap x serupa bikin ar. camne jadi cikgu ih? bodoh pan*ek sial!!
buat lawak ak dia.

a generation that creates a divide in the language and thus the lifestyle they adopt.

pelajar D: cikgu, besok saya ponteng auw. nak lepak sunway.

cikgu: (wtf? gila jujur) kamu nak tukar sekolah SMK Sunway Pyramid ke? lagi senang.

pelajar D: ek eh, emo lak dia. takde la kalo cikgu lain cari tolong bagitau diorang eh.

honest, comes clean and has no care in the world.

cikgu: everybody listen!

pelajar: liseng tu apa?

cikgu: dengar! (patutla selama ni aku suruh listen diorang xdengar-dengar)

pelajar: oh. lerh cakap melayu sudeyh..

cikgu: (ni waktu BI kott. ish) ...

*masih bising*

pelajar: WOIH babi kat belakang tu senyap ar bodoh! awek aku dah marah ni!! ok, hehe, sori cikgu diorang memang tak paham bahasa..


definitely without a doubt, i am going to miss their antics :)


cikgu: kamu minat band apa?

pelajar 1: kerispateh!

pelajar 2: lady gaga.

pelajar 3: weh harun betul la ko ni. tu bukan band bodo. tu solo la bangek.

pelajar 1: lah, mampus dia ar ko nk cari gado apsal?!

pelajar 3: ko xcaya ko tanya cikgu.

cikgu: ye, tu solo.

pelajar 3: ha kan betul. aku cakap xcaya babi betul. cikgu, saya pulak minat michael jackson.

pelajar 1: weh mangkok sial ko ni. tu pun solo ar!

pelajar 3: eh bukan band ke? sorang putih sorang hitam kan?

pelajar 4: bapak ar ko ni hidup zaman bila. ko menyewa kat dalam keranda ke apa xbaca suratkhabar!

pelajar 3: aku menyewa kat lobang hidong bapak ko!! banyak songeh lak. mampos ar babiiiiii!! nah keranda ko! *menolak pelajar 4 jatuh dari kerusi*

cikgu: (semuanya berlalu dengan begitu pantas)

through hardships, gems are found

you do learn a lot of things from your students. as much as they learn from you, if not more. i realized they are not to be underestimated. their interests can be unworldly, but they sure are very passionate about the things they like or do not like. they can give you a gazillion reasons if you ask them to justify that.

i grow to respect them as individuals, despite their shortcomings; and more importantly, i realized this early. therefore i still have time to be the best i can to them :)

as one of my students wrote in his journal today:

Per Aspera Ad Astra

(through hardship, to reach the stars)

it has been such a long time since i saw this phrase. the first time i got across it was when i read about Apollo 13, second time was when i heard a song by that title (sang by Haggard) and the third time, in a 16 year old's journal, five years later. though i read about it when i was about his age (17), trust me, i am still impressed.

very impressed.

6th - 12th of June 2009

i am currently undergoing my practicum - the school orientation program for a week. next week im going to be in classes; teaching. i have no idea if i have what it takes to be a teacher. more pressure when the GPK KoKu briefed us just now, asking us a bunch of questions on application of the theories we actually learned - the things we would do in class, and also a whole lotta other things about the height of Batu Caves, how to cook rice on wet logs, and the Holland personality tests. i got nil right for all the questions. it got to me that general knowledge is too very important to be a teacher. geez, and i thought i had read a lot. clearly not enough. never enough.

i have got three hectic days to prep myself mentally and physically (also emotionally) for whats worst to come. i am friggin scared to the bones, anxious, but i am also very enthusiastic, excited and on my toes to get started with this career. its a beginning!

everyone seasoned in this field would suggest us to have one thing in common: sincerity.

u gotta be ikhlas to be an educator, a great one. and things will fall in to place.

i am wishing the best for myself now :)

"if i dont try then i dont hope"