random rambles on random people

have you ever constantly think about someone really random that you barely know? we do think about famous people like anne frank and what she's been through or heath ledger about his tragic and sudden death.

but im not referring to those kind of people. im talking about people like the old lady you saw in the train on your way back, or the boy and his bicycle when you were walking to the shop.

im not sure about you, but i do.

i have this huge file in my mental RAM that holds all the random people i saw or met during the course of my life. weird and funny. and there are quite a number of them. maybe this is the effect of observing, i dont know. it could be anything. (hope it's not something psychotic or deathly. positively, it could be pictographic memory :p)

as for now, i'll keep on unconsciously picking up subjects to keep in memory.

*shakes head at self*

it's just life

when things dont go the way you planned it to, or when they actually went the way you have planned it but you later thought it was a wrong decision to plan it in the first place, let it be known that life is just doing it's job.

i know that and i hate it that i can do absolutely nothing about it but to just swallow it all in and scout for alternatives.

yes, alternatives is the wise people's way to get through with life. life may a bitch most of the times, but if you start bitching about how bitchy your life is, you will be starring as the ultimate bitch in this horrendous bitchy sitcom called - My Life.

crap. huge, major crap. now i feel like the bitch in my life. sure, i later realize (a few minutes ago actually) that life is not just a straight line of light that will lead you to the end of the journey of life. but instead, it is a multiple layer of lights, criss-crossing one over another (in the hopes of confusing you) and lets you pick the light you wish to follow that you think will lead you to the end. trial and error system applies here. and second chances are only for those who admits their mistakes, while risk-takers excels most of the times.

i dont really feel that good about the recent incident actually. i made a really huge mistake that i would probably remember my entire life. but lets make this a lesson for me. a lesson that i learnt through the hardest way possible (oh man, what have i done to deserve this?!) and i surely pray for history not to repeat itself. please dont.

gosh i feel like a tragic-mascara-smudging-under-eyes drama queen. some other people must have an even huger and majorer problem than mine. haih, i just wish..i just wish it didnt happen to me. but who am i to make the call?

this restlessness

this restlessness, is creeping me out of my own skin. i was caught off guard. it happened when i never expected it to happen. it involved people that i could never imagine would be involved.

i think about it night and day. i sweat unnecessarily. i walk around like a zombie. i talk when i dont have to, but am quiet the rest of the time.

im in a state of unsureness and it makes me restless. i dont like this feeling. like it's not black, neither it is white. grey spot. somebody said something about grey spot. yes, im exactly in the middle of it.

i have to take this off my mind. god, i need a job. pronto.

istana menanti pasti

orang kata penantian itu satu penyeksaan. memang betul. terutama sekali jika kita orang yang menunggu. tambah menyeksakan lagi, jika kita menunggu sesuatu yang tak pasti, macam kes aku ni.

aku yakinkan diri yang masa itu akan tiba juga, cuma aku tak pasti bila. sering aku bertanya sendiri, patutkah ku tunggu lagi, atau pergi begitu sahaja? ataupun, berjalan sahaja ke arahnya perlahan-lahan agar jarak yang jauh itu tidak begitu terasa?

aku menulis ini bukanlah kerana apa, hanya sekadar peringatan pada diri sendiri akan beberapa hari yang indah itu agar aku tidak pernah akan melupainya. harapanku, agar hari itu akan tiba lagi, biarpun aku terpaksa menunggu hingga kucing bertumbuh tanduk sekalipun.

face workout

you exercise regularly to keep your body fit. but what about your face? it needs excercizing too. jangan menganak-tirikan muka anda. thus, look no further cause i have the perfect workout for your eyes, ears and face. try it out. i dare you! (it's simple anyway).


Weird Face Tricks

random rambles

if people cared, it's really good.
if people cared too much, it's also good.
if people cared and forget, it's still good.
if people don't care, it's not good.
i care if people don't care,
and it makes me sad to know.

to give myself a reality check (apart from cheering myself up),
im going to sing along to the rainbow song! yee-haw! i first listened to the Kermit the frog's version. but Jason Mraz's is more romantic. here's to you, who cared :)





if you want to sing too, here are the words:

why are there so many

songs about rainbows?

and what's on the other side?

rainbows are visions

but only illusions

and rainbows have nothing to hide

so we've been told

and some chose to

believe it

but i know they're wrong

wait and see

someday we'll find it

the Rainbow Connection

the lovers, the dreamers and me.

who said that every wish

would be heard and answered?

when wished on the morningstar

somebody thought of it

and someone believed it

and look what it's done so far

what's so amazing

that keeps us star gazing

what do we think we might see?

someday we'll find it

the Rainbow Connection

the lovers, the dreamers and me.

have you been half asleep?

and have you heard voices?

i've heard them calling my name

are these the sweet sounds that called

the young sailors

i think they're one and the same

i've heard it too many times to ignore it

there's something that i'm supposed to be

someday we'll find it

the Rainbow Connection

the lovers, the dreamers and me.

my sugar and gold

to my dearest cribbers (housemates ):

1) thank you for throwing a mini (farewell) party the other day. though it just reminded more of my going away, i was flatterred nonetheless. lol

2) i love love love the striped mafla. i can see it in my daily outfit :p

3) thank you for being really great housemates thus far. remember: together, and apart :)

4) thank you for the stable, unjudged friendship we have built since we first known each other. we began as strangers, and end up being family.

5) walaupun orang ke-enam selalu tak ngam dan asyik memindahkan diri mereka ke rumah-rumah lain, kita tetap "tesl6". hahaha. weyh, tukar la password weyh.

6) this will be one of the chapters in my book of life that i will permanently bookmark.

7) pangsapuri anggerik is the best! krohoho~

8) i can't thank you peeps enough.

9) keep that spot, i'll be back!!

and,

10) i heart you.

[^.^]

a Jew said

"..despite everything, i believe that people are really good at heart.."

-Anne Frank-


she's right. she is definitely right. were men made to be good but turned out being bad or was it the other way around? i am not so sure myself. i believe it is the former.

a person didnt become evil just for the sake of it. people rob banks because they need money to feed their family out of desperation. people bitch about other people because they are insecure. people rebel just for the chance to be heard. people kill because they think there is no way out.

i might sound like some lost idealist right now and i know, yes i do know that Utopia is overrated. there's no such things as a happy, peaceful universe. even the planets are going to collide sooner or later. but by thinking positive of everyone and everything, it gives us a sense of hope, a hint of security that at the end of the day, everything will fall into place and we'll be fine.


i vow to think good of people, but also to think wisely of who i can trust and not trust.

we win some,we lose some

i am a walking cabbage right now. if not, i would be a bin full of things (huh?!). or a ball, rolling aimlessly. feelings are jumbled, i am edgy more frequently than i normally do and i get nostalgic tak kena tempat.

so what's eating me up?

maybe the fact that i know i will no longer be here. i will be going soon. i will leave all this, all i have..here. and that many things are going to happen. i will be jealous, i will be sad, i will be left out.

on the other hand, it's the opportunity of a lifetime. now or never. obviously, i chose now. but i cant bear the loss i might feel if i go. on the surface, yes, i am composed, and calm. i know i am brave enough to take on anything by the horns. but this, is different i guess.

change is inevitable and people change. that is what scared me to death. even now, things are not the way they used to be. it's not as fun as it was anymore. things that i enjoy doing, people who i enjoy chilling out with, they all changed.

if i go, will they all stay the same for a while?

will everything change, a major change?

sometimes, i long that everything i have and everyone i love are available in miniature sizes so that i can put them all in my pocket and bring them everywhere i go. so that they have to be wherever i am. so that we stay together all the time, and that is one thing that will never change - the togetherness.

but in the end, i cant be so selfish and not think about the people i love. they have their own, different lives, and i may or may not be a part of them. they might not want me in their pockets. they may want to change, to have other friends, to disregard the friends they have now. who knows, and who can stop that? nobody, not even mighty me.

i can do nothing, except to pray that all my friends and families will stay together, and that this togetherness will be forever.

and cross my fingers that even if i change, i will still be the same person to them.

till then..

of first loves

In Alexander Pope’s “Eloisa to Abelard”, the poet took the voice of a woman in between feelings of love and religiosity. A certain phrase caught my eye:

“..The world forgetting, by the world forgot...”

The poet speaks to an idea of bliss and outlines of morality and identity. And in parallel to that, it is suggested by Walter Chaw that experience and memory feed not only our personality, but also, our emotions. We might try to forget our past, or unconsciously forgot them, but we will always remember vividly the emotions that we felt at that particular moment of the memory. That is why; dramatically tragic and enchanting memories are always the ones that we remember because the emotions we felt at that time were so strong and distinct that what we felt then, actually tied us to the memory of the time, place, smell, people, just about anything that happened to be there.

I will take the example of Adrian Mole. Pandora Braithwaite was an outstanding character in Adrian’s life during his adolescent years. Why? Mainly because she was the one who taught him the pleasures and guilt of love, or in other words, she was his first love. He might not have ended up with her, but trust me, he would look back to his life from time to time in the future and be reminded of that blissful first love he experienced. He may never forget the memory, for it was his first experience and the feelings he felt was different and shall I say, strong.

How does it relate to us? I can testify that first loves do leave a certain impact to us and are outright unforgettable. The memories that include our first loves are the epitome of contentment and sorrow for us then. We remember everything about it, not by choice, but we just do – like a habit.

I definitely do remember mine. It was in high school and we were in form two. I started developing small crushes towards him along the way, until I was in form four – when I finally realize that I really, really liked him. We were very close by the end of form five and well, the rest is history. The sad part is that I never confessed how I felt and he didn’t either, though I know we both knew we share the same feelings.

Yes, I laugh about it now. The memory of him and us do occur to my mind once in a while, and when it does, I couldn’t help but smile at the thought. It is like I can feel the emotions I felt at that time – bashful, bliss, grief – everything all over again.

The emotions and memory are still fresh and vivid that sometimes, I think I might even still be fond of him. Funny.

la fille danse

La fille danse
Quand elle joue avec moi
Et je pense que je l'aime des fois
Le silence, n'ose pas dis-donc
Quand on est ensemble
Mettre les mots
Sur la petite dodo

toilet tunes

we all love to sing in the bathroom. i do too, really do. our bathroom is small so if you close the door and sing in it, it'd feel as if you are in a recording studio, except that this is critic and public humiliation-proof.

given a great vocal ability (*ehem ehem do re mi~), i dont use my talent to show off singing every single song i know. but i have a selection of songs that i love to test in the loo.

here are some of them (not in order):

1) god called in sick today - afi
2) morningstar - afi
3) on the arrow - afi

...(yeah we're seeing a lot of afi here. good job guys)

3) the island - aselin debison
4) i will always love you - whitney houston (this is usually if i shampoo)
5) torn - natalie imbruglia
6) redemption song - bob marley

...(a bit drowsy yeah, coz it compliments my vocal potential)

7) risky business - the cab
8) greetings to the new brunette - billy bragg
9) random (usually anything i hear before stepping into the shower)


that's the compilation for the shower jukebox..for now. haha. i'd repeat the same list over and over again. tired? not at all. love it.

maybe i'll change the list from time to time.

i'm still broke

let us sit by the road. just look around. people walking their dogs, children playing catch, couples helding hands. trees swaying to the breeze. me and just me.

it's not so hard to feel happy. the pursuit makes it worth all the while.

[^_^]

i'm shit broke

im skinned. really skinned. i have only a few bucks to continue surviving now. seriously. i think i am suffering, especially in the f&b department. i spent almost RM 450 for food each month. geez. i really gotta cut down a bit. but since im already broke now, there's no point, aint it?

two weeks ago i broke my glasses, and havent been able to replace it. i have to wear the old one for now. and my head is always dizzy because of that. i need a new pair and therefore, i need moolah!

in addition to that, i only have RM 0.07 amount of credit, so i apologize to those people that i havent been able to reply their messages. i swear i would reply once i get the money to topup (according to the level of priority).



and speaking of money, if dreams do come true, why hasn't money fall from the sky?!

seriously, this is really the perfect timing for a miracle to happen. hopefully somebody really extremely supremely kind would stop me in my way one of these days and give me a sack of green notes. smell the cash!

conclusion to love

love is fine,
if it's not in your mind.

love is good,
if it's understood.

love is love,
it's what you're made of.

the beginning of a new beginning

is it the end of the beginning or the beginning of the end?

one is unsure.

surely, it should be the beginning of the end - for one have arrived at a new phase of one's life.

the brink of a new dawn.

how difficult is it to start anew?

very.

one must be willing to take a risk one is not willing to take.
one must be absolutely sure that one is absolutely right.
one must restrain oneself from restraining a change.

essentially,

one must really know oneself, inside and out.


and at the verge of a fresh start, one must not forget one's past. history may repeat itself and one might repeat the same mistakes, and that is alright. for one will have already master the craft.


how is one sure it is THE dawn?

one will be able to tell, after one had awaken from a long, dark night.


one may opinionate, that in fact,

the end could be a beginning to a new beginning.

TATTOO

i had a tattoo. the other day. syud drew it on my right arm. my fat arm. wahahaha.

here it is:




purple butterfly. i have no idea why it is a butterfly. i wanted a sun. but it came out looking like sperms trying to get into an ovum. scientifically gross.

CHENG HO

it is the name of a restaurant. it caters chinese muslim seafood cuisines. you might think it is as normal as any seafood restaurant, but try and dine here, and you will know for yourself.

i went.

with my family to have dinner. lo and behold, i saw the most stylo, most idolized being (during my schooling days, and still is i think) in Malaysia. Amy Search. turns out that my dad heard a rumour somewhere that Amy Search was opening a restaurant, and so he went (with us) to see it for himself.

the decor of the restaurant was cool, with a lot of black and white pictures of people from the chinese muslim community on the walls. most pasrt of the restaurant is white and red.
the food itself, i can say, it was marvelous. from the most reliable resource, i get to know that the chef was a former cook at the Four Seasons Hotels specializing in this type of cuisine. his forte?

tom yam.

it was the best! superb! fantastico!

we finished everything we ordered in a spilt second, till the last slurrrrrp!
the prices are surprisingly reasonable and they offer packages, so that it is easier for the customers especially those who are impossible to decide on what to eat - like me familia. *ehem*

Amy personally checked on us, made sure that everything's fine, that all we ordered for came, and asked if we needed anything. that is the one thing, so special about Cheng Ho, i assure you, is the hospitality. i mean, c'mon, where can you get a ROCKSTAR to actually serve you?

LOL. it was one of the best dinners i had in a very looong time. good food, good service, good host \[^_6]/

after dinner, we talked a bit with Amy outside his restaurant, (note: he even sent us out!) and he said that he is probably opening up another food joint, a cafe simply named: Amy's Place

but of course, it's still under progress. and later somewhere in the conversation, he jokingly made me promise to write a blog on his restaurant. so Amy, here it is. and oh, I LOVE YOU :)

the famous buttered lemon chicken

yours truly, AMY SEARCH, dad

my dad taking charge and ordering all HIS favourites



my sista vista studying the menu

the packages that they offered

here's to you!

i surfed the net, searching for some cool gamelan performances, and apart from getting a few scoops on it, i stumbled upon a cyberfight about gamelan.

some people from different races were fighting on whose culture the gamelan belongs to. like, duh! culture is supposed to be assimilated, not just stagnant. dudes, if you want to OWN a culture, then go and live in Pluto where nobody lives there and then you can have your own thing (coz it's not even a planet now).

a particular race, claimed that another particular race, which apparently is the Malays, are always taking other people's culture. hello, not trying to be defensive here, but dude, you're making invalid accusations. first, what proof do you have in terms of history, demographic and socioculture? you don't have any.

and then, what's up with the "let's team up with the Borneo people coz they felt the same way as we do, and the malays ignore them all the time.." Dude, do you even know what you're talking about?

im just so sick and tired reading all that comments. i dont even feel like i want to preach peace and tolerance now. all i have to say for now is that just be glad you even have a race and a culture, coz i suppose people like you dont even belong here in this world.

today's hororscope

Hey, why are you doubting your position in your social circle right now? You need to have a little bit more faith that you are still loved by your friends. Sure, you should watch how you deal with other people right now, but that's only because they have weird stuff going on in their lives -- not because there is anything wrong with you. A new beginning is coming quite soon -- something that will excite your friends and unite all of you in a common cause.

it concludes everything i've been feeling. haha.

mode: rolling on the freshly-cut green grass