Liyana tagged me.

1) What is the most important thing in your life?

self expectations

2) What is the last thing that you bought with your own money?

sour tape candy (red and green)

3) Where do you wish to get married?

masjid or in the coziness of my home.

4) How old do you think you will be permanently owned by your love?

geez. i dont know, fortune-tellers told me my palms showed that im kind of a hopper. i have too many choices and im very curious to try all of them out. so i might not be permanent to anyone. but they might also be bullshitting me. but hopefully i can be permanent to someone. because i know I AM A LOYAL LOVER!

5) Are you in love?

always.

6) Where was the last restaurant you had dinner?

road house grill.

7) Name the latest book that you bought?

a passport. does that count? lol. truthfully, a black notebook.

8) What is your full name?

and the relevance of this question?

9) Do you prefer your mother or father?

this is a nasty question. well, my dad. and, my mom.

10) Name a person that you really wish to meet in real life for the first time.

Robert 'Bob' Nesta Marley. i believe he's a very intelligent and talented man. pure genius.

11) Christina or Britney?

which christina are you talking about? christina millian? christina yee wong? christina gopal? well, i'll have to go with Brits. she's a good girl, really. poor thing.

12) Do you do your own laundry?

yes. and the family's.

13) The most exciting place you want to go?

jamaica and northern britain (ireland, scotland)

14) Hugs or kisses?

hugs. and only certain kinds of kisses.

15) Point out 5 things about the person who tagged you.

Liyana
- talker
- reader
- care-taker
- cooker/chef
- laze-around-er
- pious. grahahahha. kiddin! (but she can be, who knows!)

16)8 things I am passionate about:

- things that affect my life
- the well-being of my people, the malays (ceh, MY people konon)
- keamanan dan kesejahteraan tanah airku
- history, cultures and traditions
- unique individuals and things
- learning new matters
- people
- love and peace

17)8 things I say too often:

- like
- thewperr! (super)
- amayzin' (amazing)
- oh, crapp!!
- geez
- kelam kelibut gila
- macam
- takdela, sebab lagipun...

8)8 books I've read recently:

wait, eight? mostly aren't books

- the economist (okayh..)
- newsweek (sounds a little better)
- why the earth is for us (an eye-opener)
- the LIFE compilation
- mid-life crisis and you (not on purpose)
- Gone. James' gone! (fatally funny)
- 13 Mei 1969
- whatever you think, think the opposite (very good)


19)8 songs I could listen to over and over again

- keep breathing (ingrid michaelson)
- canon in d (london symphonic orchestra)
- jangan tinggal daku (P.Ramlee)
- somewhere over the rainbow & wonderful world (remix by aselin debison)
- i will always love you (whitney houston)
- rainbow connection (jason mraz)
- grease soundtrack
- most AFI songs


20)8 things I learned last year:

- being at the top is dangerous
- the expectations you put on yourself is most of the times parallel to the potential that you really have
- never say never
- karma really works
- love is the closest thing to magic
- when an old man dies, it's like a huge library is burnt down
- a person can never understand, but they can try
- i would actually like to be a pirate


and, im tagging whoever reads this. im not a good tagger actually.

i saw a dead squirrel on the road twice

time sure flies. i never thought the moment of truth would come this quick. geez, the next thing i know, the results are out?! somebody told me it would be out like next week or the week after next. crap. now i can't sit still. im online, i have the uitm homepage on the other tab, but i cant bring myself to open it.

maybe if i dont open it yet, the results would be there and multiply itself like the money in your bank account. grahaha. okay, i'm going to check it out next month. or maybe i should just open it now. but i CAN'T! remember, the second PTE test where i fashionably left two essay questions? man. how great. ugh. why la thalasemia has to hit me that time. nice timing.

okay, okay. mind made. open next week - as (supposedly) scheculed. meantime, get my fingers crossed.

the jawa people

there's a portion of jawa in me. my grandfather was one, but my grandmother wasnt, she was a penangite. anyway, i just came back from a wedding of one of my relatives - the brother of my grandpa's son. so that makes me..what ah? i dont know, like cousins lah basically.

it was very simple. no bersanding, no menepung tawar, no kompang, no tanjak, no keris, no silat. the groom is a very shy person. but the food, it was fantastico! they served like 7 dishes (more than the usual) and two types of rice. very generous people they are, the jawa.

what caught my attention was, the hospitality and the cooperation between the family members. gee wheez, they were very2 helpful. the siblings all handled the wedding. they serve, they wash dishes, they welcomed guests, and they smiled all the way. the groom's brothers before this when they got married, the weddings were all handled by their own family too. it was all the same; the same hospitality, the same merry and cheerful people, nothing changed - except that this wedding is without their mother. she passed away more than a year ago. but the rest is pretty much the same.

i even felt bad for not helping. i felt like a VIP just sitting there. even the neighbours (who came as guests) helped refill jugs and clean tables. so i helped. and that changed everything - as in, my feeling lah. i felt more like a part of the family instead of just as a guest now. laughters where thrown out in the air, voices of java-speaking aunts and Waks (or uncles). i loved it. i love the whole thing.

i wish i could stay longer to talk to the other neneks and atoks. i wish i could stay longer to teach the kids how to play hopscotch. but as they say, time flies. the last time i saw Ninot was like 2years ago. she's now grown really pretty and fairer (the magic of sunblock, she said). she's 22years old. the next wedding the family is ever going to throw would be for her, since she's the last unmarried person (apart from Abang Sham, the one born before Ninot, but he refused to get married).

i remembered Abang Sham forcing Ninot and me to shower together at the toilet outside. their bathroom is outside so we were very scared to take a bath at night when we were little girls. so we would shower, screaming and laughing, all while Abang Sham waited for us outside. He's now already 30-something.

Wak, my grandpa's brother, he got parkinson and alzheimer. so it wasn't easy trying to talk to him. i had to remind him who i was every (approx) 18 seconds. it was hard. but imagine his children, how they could take care of him. sad. but he's still with his style. fedora hat, and cigars which he rolled himself. coolness. Wak, Wak. i would miss him. he's 80-something and looking really old and he smokes. i hope i could meet him again in future. i forgot to take pictures of him.

man, am i proud to have them as my family. ORANG JAWA ROCK!!!

carpe diem

when i look at people around me, i can say that they all have loved someone, lost someone, and feared something.

each and every person that stepped into the train (cause i was in a train. lol), they all have what we call luggage. some small, some huge. some light and some heavy. depends.

my eyes were drawn unto a pair of wrinkled hands. the owner, was asleep - a long day at work perhaps. she had with her an umbrella, a big green basket with things in it, and a stack of old newspapers. she sat across me and she wore an old pair of 'rubber' shoes.

i studied her face. she looked really, really tired. not because of work for the day or because she didnt get enough sleep from last night, but because of her luggage - her yesteryears. she looked like she just had enough, like all she wanted to do is nothing.

some part of me wondered, when that particular moment - the moment when i just get tired - happened to me in future, how am i going to embrace it?

i kept on looking at her, i know if people saw me they would think im a stalker, but there's just a magnetic force that made me keep looking. maybe that's how i would look like when im old, i thought. and another young person would do the same to me like what im doing now. maybe.

all that, with the track 100years by five for fighting playing in my earpiece, i just feel lucky that im realizing this now than later when its already too late. for now, i should just seize the day. the magic of carpe diem. lol.

what if cats grow horns?

ok amaran. ini blog post yang membazir masa. oleh kerana komen yang diberi oleh salah seorang peminat blog ini, namanya azzam (hahaha tepukan untuk violet gray!), yang telah mengatakan bahawa postpost saya semenjak dua menjak ini terlalu serious, jadi saya cuba untuk mempertenangkan keadaan di blog ini dengan mengalih ke aliran alternatif (bukan aliran pembangkang. eh dah masuk politik lak) iaitu untuk menulis benda tak serious.

jadi. apakah yang harus ditulis di sini. oh. mungkin beberapa hari yg dah aku lalui ni. sangat best jugak. aku berkawan dengan seorang penjaja di tepi putra lrt setiawangsa. beliau sangat baik hati. ketika hari panas, air tin yg dijual oleh beliau menjadi santapan jasmani. jika anda berada di situ, silalah ke gerai kecil beliau. beliau yang berbangsa india juga merupakan seorang OKU. tapi semua tu tak jadi penghalang. dia cerita kisah hidup dia yang sedih. tapi dia selalu senyum. tak penah nampak sedih. aku pelik. dia sangat berhabuk bila bertutur dalam English dan topik perbualan kitorang berkomposisikan global warming, lapisan ozone, homosexuals, politik dan sebagainya. beliau intelek, jadi mengapa hanya menjual air? dia kata orang macam dia (OKU) sangat susah nak dapat kerja. ish3. stereotaip masyarakat.

tanpa disedari, aku dah serious balik. gahahaha. ah tak best lah. roger and out

white flag

i feel like opening up the dictionary and find all the curse words i could and say it out loud for the neighbouring countries to hear (hint).

ugh. sucks. big time.

we lost. we lost. we friggin lost. and people who lose are called LOSERS.

MALAYSIA VS SINGAPORE

the reward of the battle: PULAU BATU PUTIH

the winner: SINGAPORE

i know, if things were to be in a different pair of hands, we could have won. we could have won the rich-with-resources Pulau Batu Putih. the natural resources is abundant and nobody should have given it up so easily. it was worth fighting for, but the fighting..it was worthless. i swore we could have won. heck, we should!

but, whatever, i guess. nobody seemed to really listen to me especially these days. the politicians are busy cleaning up their mess and coming up with revenge strategies and hate letters. the readers, they cant really do anything but read. me? i can only write and express things here. if only i can take matters into my hands..well, i would suck. lol. but ah, its not my job. in my position as a citizen, what i could do is to point out things that fell in the blindspot zone and let them know..and be a good rakyat. that's all :)

politikus mondok

yeahaha..the game is on! im liking this. kalau takde orang start cari pasal, mesti semua mangkuk hayun tu tak sedar. they are so full of themselves up there. sekarang baru dia tahu tinggi rendah langit ni. orang pilih pemimpin untuk memimpin (duh!) negara ni dan jaga kebajikan rakyat termasuk aku, kau dan dia. tak kisah la orang tu siapa, tapi semua orang bayar cukai! kitorang bukan pilih kau jadi pemimpin untuk buat renovation pecah dapur bagi besar ataupun untuk korang tukar kereta gempak2 beemer la merce la. so sekarang ni, kalau ko tanya aku apa komen aku, aku akan simply cakap "padan muka".

so, rakyat jelata macam aku ni, dah tersepit. kalau ikut islam, rakyat wajib ikut perintah dan menghormati ruler (bukan ruler pembaris la, pemimpin daa..). tapi kalau pemimpin dah macam %*&%@#, macam mana kitorang nak hormat, betul tak? kalau nak suruh kitorang be in your shoes, kitorang tau la, memang keja banyak sampai 20tahun akan datang pun tak siap. tapi cuba korang be in OUR shoes pulak. tak kan la kitorang nak support pemimpin yang tak memimpin mana, dahla kebajikan kitorang tak jaga. aku ni dah boleh di'label' bankrupt dah ni. orang kata biar papa, asal bergaya. tapi aku ni, dahla papa kedana, bergaya pun tak bergaya! tolonglah orang macam aku ni! turun kan la harga minyak, harga beras, harga gula, harga hargi hargu semua!! aku tidak dapat menampung penyeksaan ini lagi!!

ok, teremosi sekejap. *batukbatuk*. yang penting sekarang ni, apa yang korang as pemimpin boleh buat, is untuk muhasabah diri korang, apa motif korang jadi politician and pemimpin. kalau nawaitu korang betul, insyaallah rakyat semua akan terbuka hati untuk memberi sokongan yang tak putusputus untuk korang. tapi kalau nawaitu awalawal lagi dah terpesong (i.e. nak songlap duit rakyat untuk buat umah besar kat klang, nak guna kuasa untuk masukkan anak kat sekolah bagus etc), memang sah la kejahatan dan ke'evil'an terpancar di wajahwajah korang lantas tersebar cahaya hitam di poster yang ditampal merata tempat. nah, rentetan itu, rakyat pun macam caya tak caya je nak undi.

so secara asasnya (basically), apa yang aku nak cakap sekarang ni sebagai seorang rakyat yang super perihaten kat negara ni, aku just nak keadaan aman seperti dulu. bukan nak kata aku tak kesah pasal ekonomi whatevershit tuh, tapi you guys do la whatever you can to bring back the harmonious life we were all living before all this crap happened.

bottomline is, just do your job. do your job as honest and as sincere and as best as you can. we will all support you, but promise us harmony and productivity in return. do your thang baybee!

lastly, know that i have no hard feelings whatsoever, merajuk ke apa ke memang tak de la, cumo den ghaso kosian nengok nogaro den kacau bilau dek politik hancur punoh, itu jo jang oi!

so, kalau kita semua (terutama anda yang bergelar MELAYU) bersatu mesti kita boleh maju ke hadapan!!! jangan sampai kita dijajah di negara sendiri ye (maksud mendalam tu, sila ambil perhatian)!

akhir kata, bak kata pepatah, bersatu kita teguh, bercerai kita kahwin lagi. eh ehh eh, ehehe. silap pulak. bersatu teguh, bercerai roboh. ha hok tu yang benar! me, signing out!

what the hey?!

a die-hard-fan texted the other day, asking me to post a personal analysis on the political status with regards to the recent happenings around here. thank you so much to you (you know who you are) as you can see, a lot of things has passed, by i didnt really feel i want my voice and my thoughts to be heard, thus the lack of posts on politics in my blogs recently. but i warn you, just dont get me started!


1. [TUN'S STEPPING OUT OF UMNO]
the first question that popped in everyone's mind would be "WHY?!". exactly. he wants to trigger that attention so that everybody would sense something peculiar is going on that led him to step out of umno very abruptly. but really, why? from a very trustworthy source, it is said that something fishy is taking place in the PKR, particularly, Anwar. im not blogging this for the sake of doing justice to any political parties, but for the sake of justice itself. so let just say that im an objective third person, very neutral. all Tun wanted is for Pak Lah to step down. Thats why we see Tengku Razaleigh Hamzah decided not to follow suit, as he has his own different agenda - to be the UMNO president, and by convention, the Prime Minister. Tun has had enough of the family-oriented, best-friends-forever potrayal that our current PM exutes. taking into account what happened in the past, Tun is still taken aback by Pak Lah's decision to stop the bridge project with singapore. and now, after a series of abortion of potential projects, acts of disrespect for him who had served for more than 20years, i think that he's had enough. a man at his age now should really be vacationing or going on a honeymoon somewhere in costa rica, not spending his sleepless nights crying and thinking about the possibilitties of the future for his people. logically, we are not his people anymore, but we are as close to him as ever, especially the malays.

Tun is a very wise man. looking to his background, he's an engineering graduate, hence the meticulous and particular eyes for details. everything has to have a floor plan, back-up plan, black-and-white, evidence and things needed to be audited. he purposely and naturally looks out for details. when he hears a rumour, he checks, deliberate then he makes a decision. so, to say that his decision to step out of umno is plain stupidity and unprofessional, i think is wrong. as sudden as it may seem, i think he pretty much has sorted things out even before he made the call.

the news that he may have heard is that Pak Lah is planning to hand over his place to Anwar. as some of you might know, anwar is of good friends with a certain chinese and the president of israel who is a jew. what the hell is a muslim doing with a freaking jew? the jigsaw doesn't quite patch up, eh? i told you something really fishy is going on, and hell, we're not even in pasar borong selayang. gahahaha.

the chinese is said to have written an article in a foreign newspaper in the states that he is best friends with anwar and that anwar is the best possible prime minister of malaysia. the logic is that anwar is asking help from an outer party (yes, the israelis who want to see muslims down) especially in terms of financial resources. so there is a win-win situation between them both. and lets see, who else is good friends with anwar. oh yes, the infamous Khairy Jamaluddin, or KJ. he was the one who got Pak Lah to bail anwar out of prison. ok, by now you might have seen the big picture, but im just going to explain it a little briefly for those who dont.

we all (well, most of us) want Pak Lah to step down from that not-so-high pedestal. i think most of the umno people, they dont want to stop being umno members, but they just want Pak Lah to stop being the PM. so, what he would do, like he always does, is to make everyone happy, by going down himself (someday, dont know when. just my rough observations). anwar is a good friend of KJ, and KJ is the son-in-law of Pak Lah..see that? even if Pak Lah didn't get to be someone who has a say in the parliament, he has his 'trusted' son-in-law (who is now the naib pengerusi FAM..he's progressing). and this son-in-law has a dream of becoming the PM since he was a kid. who better to help him than his father-in-law and anwar.

why they can make a good team: KJ is a liberist. he doesnt believe in all the 'ketuanan Melayu' and hak istimewa orang melayu, but that's what umno is all about. thus, do you think he's a true umno member then? tepuk dada tanya selera. anwar on the other hand, is a companion of a chinese and a jew (phoooh! what a combo) and thus it's clear that he has no interest what-so-ever in the Malay issue and matters at stake. both of them dont care if Malays dont get special rights, both dont care if UITM will no longer be for MALAYS ONLY, both dont care whatever will happen to umno and the things they fight for, what else can prove?

they see the possibilities and the brightness of THEIR future if they team up and rule malaysia. KJ has friends all over the world, including Singapore. who knows, they (KJ and Anwar) might say yes to singapore if they want to join malaysia again. singapore being a very opportunist nation, sees a huge advantage if they join us. since the population of singapore now consists of 60% foreigners and malaysia has around 40% chinese (and they hold the economy of malaysia too), so then, you do the math.

by now you might think that everything is looking very dim and screwed up. and i say, yes. it is screwed up. but things can be done to overcome this, however on a few conditions - the malays stick together and unite themselves, pak lah admit his mistakes then step down and appoint muhyiddin (i like him gazillion times better than najib), tell the chinese, indians, and others that there is no equality here as the malays are the majority, reshape and firm up the government, and we're set to go.

whatever i said earlier in the post, they are all only personal analysis based on overall observations. i tried to be as fair and as sensible as possible, guarateed that there is no emotional reactions involved. these are all honest, no exaggerations, no science-fiction (haha), no cgi effects. all pure, honest information and thoughts that i'd like to share with you.

hit me back with any opinions or further information (if you have any).

cheers!

hold the horse down!

geez, this coupla weeks have been really darned hectic for me (and my brain), like things are desperate to happen "now now now! make it happen now!!", you know? but yeah, am as cool as always (applause) and though i might seem like a blur-straight-out-of-a-washing-machine kid these days, important matters still get processed in my mind. matters regarding our beloved nation, the world, and things around me - i think about those things, every day.


to sum things up in one post (i might do an extension post for some of the below):

1. [MALAYSIA] Tun decided to dismember himself abruptly (not a surprise for me, i would do the same) from UMNO. why? this goes in an extension post later. Pak Lah was firm when he said he wont step down nor would he stop any member to step out of UMNO. Mukhriz won't step out too. Lingam's case is out of hand. transparency is a bullshit idea. a small fight over small land in Cheras got my attention. an earthquake in KL at a 6.5 ritcher scale. all these are going in extension.

2. [WORLD] Earthquake in China and Myanmar - related to the position of the moon, an astrologer said. i witnessed the disalignment of the sunset - almost 30 degrees east. obama at the fringe of nomination - reminds me of the political status in malaysia.

3. [ME] not myself lately, not Britney Spears too, so who am i? gahahaha. i found one or two odd jobs. day care centre, "pusat pemulihan minda", big bookfest @ KLCC, travel agency (KIV). found a whole different side of life. encountered an angel. experienced new kind of feeling. busy being a rascal.


so, that's the lowdown on everything, in the most minimal amount of words i could jumble up. hope you all are having a blast with your lives! <-- coz im still trying *wink*

random rambles on random people

have you ever constantly think about someone really random that you barely know? we do think about famous people like anne frank and what she's been through or heath ledger about his tragic and sudden death.

but im not referring to those kind of people. im talking about people like the old lady you saw in the train on your way back, or the boy and his bicycle when you were walking to the shop.

im not sure about you, but i do.

i have this huge file in my mental RAM that holds all the random people i saw or met during the course of my life. weird and funny. and there are quite a number of them. maybe this is the effect of observing, i dont know. it could be anything. (hope it's not something psychotic or deathly. positively, it could be pictographic memory :p)

as for now, i'll keep on unconsciously picking up subjects to keep in memory.

*shakes head at self*

it's just life

when things dont go the way you planned it to, or when they actually went the way you have planned it but you later thought it was a wrong decision to plan it in the first place, let it be known that life is just doing it's job.

i know that and i hate it that i can do absolutely nothing about it but to just swallow it all in and scout for alternatives.

yes, alternatives is the wise people's way to get through with life. life may a bitch most of the times, but if you start bitching about how bitchy your life is, you will be starring as the ultimate bitch in this horrendous bitchy sitcom called - My Life.

crap. huge, major crap. now i feel like the bitch in my life. sure, i later realize (a few minutes ago actually) that life is not just a straight line of light that will lead you to the end of the journey of life. but instead, it is a multiple layer of lights, criss-crossing one over another (in the hopes of confusing you) and lets you pick the light you wish to follow that you think will lead you to the end. trial and error system applies here. and second chances are only for those who admits their mistakes, while risk-takers excels most of the times.

i dont really feel that good about the recent incident actually. i made a really huge mistake that i would probably remember my entire life. but lets make this a lesson for me. a lesson that i learnt through the hardest way possible (oh man, what have i done to deserve this?!) and i surely pray for history not to repeat itself. please dont.

gosh i feel like a tragic-mascara-smudging-under-eyes drama queen. some other people must have an even huger and majorer problem than mine. haih, i just wish..i just wish it didnt happen to me. but who am i to make the call?

this restlessness

this restlessness, is creeping me out of my own skin. i was caught off guard. it happened when i never expected it to happen. it involved people that i could never imagine would be involved.

i think about it night and day. i sweat unnecessarily. i walk around like a zombie. i talk when i dont have to, but am quiet the rest of the time.

im in a state of unsureness and it makes me restless. i dont like this feeling. like it's not black, neither it is white. grey spot. somebody said something about grey spot. yes, im exactly in the middle of it.

i have to take this off my mind. god, i need a job. pronto.

istana menanti pasti

orang kata penantian itu satu penyeksaan. memang betul. terutama sekali jika kita orang yang menunggu. tambah menyeksakan lagi, jika kita menunggu sesuatu yang tak pasti, macam kes aku ni.

aku yakinkan diri yang masa itu akan tiba juga, cuma aku tak pasti bila. sering aku bertanya sendiri, patutkah ku tunggu lagi, atau pergi begitu sahaja? ataupun, berjalan sahaja ke arahnya perlahan-lahan agar jarak yang jauh itu tidak begitu terasa?

aku menulis ini bukanlah kerana apa, hanya sekadar peringatan pada diri sendiri akan beberapa hari yang indah itu agar aku tidak pernah akan melupainya. harapanku, agar hari itu akan tiba lagi, biarpun aku terpaksa menunggu hingga kucing bertumbuh tanduk sekalipun.

face workout

you exercise regularly to keep your body fit. but what about your face? it needs excercizing too. jangan menganak-tirikan muka anda. thus, look no further cause i have the perfect workout for your eyes, ears and face. try it out. i dare you! (it's simple anyway).


Weird Face Tricks

random rambles

if people cared, it's really good.
if people cared too much, it's also good.
if people cared and forget, it's still good.
if people don't care, it's not good.
i care if people don't care,
and it makes me sad to know.

to give myself a reality check (apart from cheering myself up),
im going to sing along to the rainbow song! yee-haw! i first listened to the Kermit the frog's version. but Jason Mraz's is more romantic. here's to you, who cared :)





if you want to sing too, here are the words:

why are there so many

songs about rainbows?

and what's on the other side?

rainbows are visions

but only illusions

and rainbows have nothing to hide

so we've been told

and some chose to

believe it

but i know they're wrong

wait and see

someday we'll find it

the Rainbow Connection

the lovers, the dreamers and me.

who said that every wish

would be heard and answered?

when wished on the morningstar

somebody thought of it

and someone believed it

and look what it's done so far

what's so amazing

that keeps us star gazing

what do we think we might see?

someday we'll find it

the Rainbow Connection

the lovers, the dreamers and me.

have you been half asleep?

and have you heard voices?

i've heard them calling my name

are these the sweet sounds that called

the young sailors

i think they're one and the same

i've heard it too many times to ignore it

there's something that i'm supposed to be

someday we'll find it

the Rainbow Connection

the lovers, the dreamers and me.

my sugar and gold

to my dearest cribbers (housemates ):

1) thank you for throwing a mini (farewell) party the other day. though it just reminded more of my going away, i was flatterred nonetheless. lol

2) i love love love the striped mafla. i can see it in my daily outfit :p

3) thank you for being really great housemates thus far. remember: together, and apart :)

4) thank you for the stable, unjudged friendship we have built since we first known each other. we began as strangers, and end up being family.

5) walaupun orang ke-enam selalu tak ngam dan asyik memindahkan diri mereka ke rumah-rumah lain, kita tetap "tesl6". hahaha. weyh, tukar la password weyh.

6) this will be one of the chapters in my book of life that i will permanently bookmark.

7) pangsapuri anggerik is the best! krohoho~

8) i can't thank you peeps enough.

9) keep that spot, i'll be back!!

and,

10) i heart you.

[^.^]

a Jew said

"..despite everything, i believe that people are really good at heart.."

-Anne Frank-


she's right. she is definitely right. were men made to be good but turned out being bad or was it the other way around? i am not so sure myself. i believe it is the former.

a person didnt become evil just for the sake of it. people rob banks because they need money to feed their family out of desperation. people bitch about other people because they are insecure. people rebel just for the chance to be heard. people kill because they think there is no way out.

i might sound like some lost idealist right now and i know, yes i do know that Utopia is overrated. there's no such things as a happy, peaceful universe. even the planets are going to collide sooner or later. but by thinking positive of everyone and everything, it gives us a sense of hope, a hint of security that at the end of the day, everything will fall into place and we'll be fine.


i vow to think good of people, but also to think wisely of who i can trust and not trust.

we win some,we lose some

i am a walking cabbage right now. if not, i would be a bin full of things (huh?!). or a ball, rolling aimlessly. feelings are jumbled, i am edgy more frequently than i normally do and i get nostalgic tak kena tempat.

so what's eating me up?

maybe the fact that i know i will no longer be here. i will be going soon. i will leave all this, all i have..here. and that many things are going to happen. i will be jealous, i will be sad, i will be left out.

on the other hand, it's the opportunity of a lifetime. now or never. obviously, i chose now. but i cant bear the loss i might feel if i go. on the surface, yes, i am composed, and calm. i know i am brave enough to take on anything by the horns. but this, is different i guess.

change is inevitable and people change. that is what scared me to death. even now, things are not the way they used to be. it's not as fun as it was anymore. things that i enjoy doing, people who i enjoy chilling out with, they all changed.

if i go, will they all stay the same for a while?

will everything change, a major change?

sometimes, i long that everything i have and everyone i love are available in miniature sizes so that i can put them all in my pocket and bring them everywhere i go. so that they have to be wherever i am. so that we stay together all the time, and that is one thing that will never change - the togetherness.

but in the end, i cant be so selfish and not think about the people i love. they have their own, different lives, and i may or may not be a part of them. they might not want me in their pockets. they may want to change, to have other friends, to disregard the friends they have now. who knows, and who can stop that? nobody, not even mighty me.

i can do nothing, except to pray that all my friends and families will stay together, and that this togetherness will be forever.

and cross my fingers that even if i change, i will still be the same person to them.

till then..

of first loves

In Alexander Pope’s “Eloisa to Abelard”, the poet took the voice of a woman in between feelings of love and religiosity. A certain phrase caught my eye:

“..The world forgetting, by the world forgot...”

The poet speaks to an idea of bliss and outlines of morality and identity. And in parallel to that, it is suggested by Walter Chaw that experience and memory feed not only our personality, but also, our emotions. We might try to forget our past, or unconsciously forgot them, but we will always remember vividly the emotions that we felt at that particular moment of the memory. That is why; dramatically tragic and enchanting memories are always the ones that we remember because the emotions we felt at that time were so strong and distinct that what we felt then, actually tied us to the memory of the time, place, smell, people, just about anything that happened to be there.

I will take the example of Adrian Mole. Pandora Braithwaite was an outstanding character in Adrian’s life during his adolescent years. Why? Mainly because she was the one who taught him the pleasures and guilt of love, or in other words, she was his first love. He might not have ended up with her, but trust me, he would look back to his life from time to time in the future and be reminded of that blissful first love he experienced. He may never forget the memory, for it was his first experience and the feelings he felt was different and shall I say, strong.

How does it relate to us? I can testify that first loves do leave a certain impact to us and are outright unforgettable. The memories that include our first loves are the epitome of contentment and sorrow for us then. We remember everything about it, not by choice, but we just do – like a habit.

I definitely do remember mine. It was in high school and we were in form two. I started developing small crushes towards him along the way, until I was in form four – when I finally realize that I really, really liked him. We were very close by the end of form five and well, the rest is history. The sad part is that I never confessed how I felt and he didn’t either, though I know we both knew we share the same feelings.

Yes, I laugh about it now. The memory of him and us do occur to my mind once in a while, and when it does, I couldn’t help but smile at the thought. It is like I can feel the emotions I felt at that time – bashful, bliss, grief – everything all over again.

The emotions and memory are still fresh and vivid that sometimes, I think I might even still be fond of him. Funny.

la fille danse

La fille danse
Quand elle joue avec moi
Et je pense que je l'aime des fois
Le silence, n'ose pas dis-donc
Quand on est ensemble
Mettre les mots
Sur la petite dodo