laundry for dracula

today i felt like a Dracula, allergic to light. i didn't get out from the house, with the curtains closed and dried out refrigerator. but thank God for the internet, got to watch a couple of barbaric short indie movies - helped me through the day. i even did laundry - a tough one indeed - and it involves my bantal busuk, translated as 'smelly pillow'. but of course, it's not really literally 'smelly' as opposed to popular societal stigma, i just felt i had to wash it anyway. so yeah, twas a cool dracula-like day for me.

a Brand New Year 08

I welcomed the New Year a bit differently this time. I was worn-out by the frenzied, never-ending hustle and bustle of the city, especially during festivities and celebrations. Normally on New Year’s Eve, I would join some of the Setiawangsa residences up on top of the hill to watch the fireworks display all around KL. It was a great spot but I didn’t feel like climbing up this year. There were no plans what-so-ever, and I didn’t feel like painting the town red either, but I was equally delighted that the nasty 2007 is finally over. I was surfing the net alone at home on new year’s eve, when my family came home from shopping and asked me if I wanted to join them and a few of my mom’s friends (and their families) for dinner at the port. Well, who could say no to seafood, right? And in the next few minutes I found myself dressed for a seafood-dinner jamboree.

We ate and ate till there ain’t nothing left to eat. We laughed and laughed and snorted once in a while in between crabs and prawns. It was a happy moment. Just a lo-fi ambience, chilled-out mood. I loved it.

After dinner, we went for a walk around the jetty. It was cool. There were some stalls selling colourful, spinning lights, some selling ‘kacang rebus’ and there was also a stall retailing religious merchandise like cassettes and books (good idea. And JAIS was everywhere in sight too. Not that I’m scared or anything, duh). The breeze was calm, hot at times. Everyone was filling their time, waiting for their watches to strike midnight to mark the New Year. One of the people there had his radio on to listen to the live broadcast of the celebration in the city.

Me and a few of the girls sat a few feet away from the small crowd. I sat there, imagining how the rest of the world is celebrating the eve of the ‘New Beginning’. I reckon some of them praying, asking for a better life to come, some may be holding pints of liquor, prepared to be soared to cloud nine. Some may take comfort in the presence of their family members, and some may be even distressed at the actuality that they have to be alone for the night. Whatever it is, everyone is anticipating it.

My dad told me that the people at sea have their own way of commemorating the New Year, and it is certainly something that I have awaited for a long while now. Tonight. It’s going to be tonight.

Ten seconds to midnight, everyone was counting, aloud. Not that they’ve never counted out loud before, but this is a moment they want to share with everyone and also to remind themselves that “man, it’s 10 seconds away from the new year, which would probably be a tad better than the last one” – it is hope, that they put in their counting.

I counted aloud, along with the rest. Our voices were harmonious (mine was, at least), our eyes looking up in the sky. The ships –big and small – were all stopped or slowed down.

10. 9. 8. 7. 6.

I was anxious. What’s it going to be like?

5. 4. 3. 2.

This is it!

1.

HONK!!!! HONK HONK!!!!! HONK!!!

All the ships at sea were honking their steel horns away. It was loud, the loudest ‘horny’ orchestra I’ve ever heard. Haha. It was so funny that most of us were laughing, amused at the comical affair. I was told that they can only use the horns for serious emergencies, and only on New Year’s Eve that they have the liberty to honk as they wish. Some of the sailors or fishermen were shouting “yey!! Tahun Baru!!” “Selamat Tahun Baru!!!” One definitely caught my ear. “Tahun Baru aku nak bini baru!!!” Haha. Priceless.

We took some photos, we sang the old English Auld Lang Syne, and we took some more photos and then chatted for a little bit before everyone realized how their beds seemed like a slightly better place to be at that instant. I was exhausted by the end of all that. It was a new thing. A new experience (though may be ordinary in a lot of ways). But it is just how it should be to start a new year. It was perfect.

I’m off to a very jolly start and I hope that the rest of the year would be to. I don’t mind a bit of bumps and bangs once in a while, but I certainly hope that life would be a little easy on me so that I can endure the year with ultimate coolness (like I always did hehe) and to finally end it in style.

I pray that yours would be a fantastic one, too. And that you get to accomplish your new year’s resolutions – for real this time!

So long, for now. Happy Embracing 2008!!!

a birthday gift

i rarely receive expensive presents for my birthday. i only normally get "reasonably priced" things, or handmade goodies, which i like all the same (the effort people put into them touched me). however, this time around, i was spoilt a little. and being on the receiving end, i was fortunate and grateful. it was Daisy. an EDP by marc jacobs. here's a pic:




the fragrance is flowery, and reminded me of the verge of spring. i dig the whole thing - bottle, smell, the three huge daisies on top of the bottle cap..everything.

except that, i really love the Maybe Baby parfum by Benefit. its smell is something that would make you think of..hmm, me? *sheepish grin* i like it for the fact that it is very low-fi, subtly seductive and all the things along that line.

not that im taking Daisy for granted, i love them both. but i'll slave my way to get my hands on Maybe Baby (not like literally slave, perhaps save up a dime or two a day, no pressure on me). well, a broke girl can dream right? maybe, baby!

twenty is not such a big deal anyway

i thought it was going to be like super exciting, and life-changing in some ways, and im going to have a major freak-out moment, but no, i was fine. it was just like any other day..worse, in fact. it started out with a mega battle with a family member. i lost and was quite down and upset throughout the entire day. well-wishes from friends and family consoled me a tad, but not enough to bring up the mood i had initially in the morning. and by the end of the day, i just thought "twenty isn't such a big deal after all".

of dreams

do you dream in black and white?

just a thought

At times we may forget that soldiers are just people like everyone else. They laugh, they cry, they have sweethearts and mothers, birthdays and favorite cars - and they die. Sometimes when we are celebrating victories we forget about those who made it possible, those who gave the ultimate sacrifice for their country.

the best tunes to aidilfitri

i love all the Raya songs. however, i only have two favorite Raya songs that i would go nuts if i didn't listen them aired on the radio. those two songs are:

*drumrolls*

2. Cahaya Aidilfitri - Ramlah Ram
1. Sepasang Kurung Biru - Khairil Johari Johar

i love these two songs for respectively different reasons. i will include the lyrics here:

Cahaya Aidilfitri

Saujana indah pandangan
Alam keliling di desa permai
Saujana handai dan taulan
Masa berhimpun beramai-ramai
Riang suasana
Gurau senda sesama keluarga
Gembira menantiMenjelang cahaya aidifitri
Selamat Selamat Hari Raya
Salam ucapan untuk semua
Aidilfitri kita raikan
Bersama kesyukuran
Bergema suara takbir
Laungan suci di sini sana
Bersyukur pada Ilahi
Menjelma kini hari yang mulia

( 1 )
Riang suasana
Umat islam miskin dan kaya
Gembira di hati
Menyambut aidilfitri

( 2 )
Selamat Selamat hari Raya
Salam ucapan untuk semua
Aidilfitri kita raikan
Bersama kesyukuran

( 2 )
Selamat Selamat hari Raya
Salam ucapan untuk semua
Ampun dan maaf kita bersama
Selamat hari Raya


Sepasang Kurung Biru

Tiada salam atau ucapan
Tiada pesan tanda ingatan
Suasana penuh keriangan
Ku teringat pada seseorang
oh...

Di hari yang berbahgia ini
Hatiku kosong dan sepi sekali
Betapa manis kenangi lalu
Menyambut raya bersama denganku
oh...

( korus )
Tiada bisikan lembut yang ku dengar
Hanya suara azan sayup bergema
Masih kurasakan hangat tanganmu
Di pagi raya bersalam dengan ku
Tetamu datang tetamu pergi
Namun tak tiba orang ku nanti
Hanya sepasang kurung nan biru
Menjadi teman mengubat rindu ku

let's write some more!

8:30 am -- psychology -- presentation

11.30 am -- study -- for nihongo no tesuto
-- work -- phonetics project

2:00 pm -- japanese -- oral test
-- listening test

4.oo pm -- work -- phonetics project

8:00 pm -- phonetics -- submit project

cant wait till it's time to get out of this hell!!

i shall not freak out. especially when it IS the perfect time to freak out. workload is surmountably huge, it simply sounds ridiculous. man, i wish i had a few more hands and brains.

no.

maybe i should wish for less work.

as of this moment, i have a bunch of things to be done and submitted TODAY, but i'l resort to this.

for crapping is my only solace.

(i want to laugh my heart out now! -- just to ease the tense)

ambulances' sirens

i heard the ambulance from my bedroom last night. and i wondered, who could that person be? i wondered if it was someone i know. or someone who i have met before. sometimes when i hear the ambulance passing by i would imagine myself at the place of the person being rushed off to the hospital.

would anyone have wondered if it was me inside?

heck, we're human

right this moment, there's nothing else i'd rather be than myself. there are many shortcomings, but heck, we're human. to change a person's temperament is not an easy thing to do, but yes, we can try. i know, i am all i'll ever be - but i can try.

there are no special things

there are no special things.

only normal things looking like magic.

miracles. do they exist?

time will tell. how much time do i have left?

i should wait. am i patient?

give me a hint. i cant tell.

belief. i do have.

faith. checked.
...
im good.

life's not complicated

a good old friend of mine called last night..and it was very awkward at first. weird cause he never called me. after some time of junking (we coined that word) finally he said he is going through some kind of a problem. and need some time off. nway, point is, he left me pondering on his final advice before he hung up. he said:

"life is not complicated. we are."

which is sort of true. i found myself believing in those words. some things are very obvious and simple, but we tend to complexify it. yes, yes. very true.

maybe this principle might help me to be more optimistic about things.

thank you, man.

it isnt fair

it's not fair. it's not fair and it will never be. how can you feel obliged to return someone's love when you don't actually have to?

happiness

is it important to be happy? i used to think it isnt, but i soon learned that it is primarily essential. everyday, it is a common view we see where people laugh and smile with friends and families, but how do we know if they are happy? does it show through facial expressions and words? or is it intrinsic, a feeling that only the person knows?

being happy is important. my dad always ask me about my career choices. and his advice before pursuing a goal would be to deliberate the most fundamental question : "do i want to be rich or happy?". from the point you answer that, the journey's half completed.
happiness is a priceless sensation. you may be going through the worst time of your life, or a major bad hair day, but it is possible to feel happy despite of that. when you are happy, bad things are fragranced.

happiness is constant. but it is also a phase. it might be extreme, but most of the times it is moderate. happy people dont go around putting a huge smile on their faces. they might be wearing a blank expression, but their hearts are spilling with happiness that others couldnt see. that excess happiness is spread to people around them and that is why, happy people attracts people. they share their bliss.

most people get confused. they think they are happy, but the fact is, they are not. what they are feeling, is not happiness, but comfort. dont jumble up between being comfortable and happy. you may think they are similar, but they look different, they are spelled differently, and they totally feel different.

currently, i have so many problems to settle, so many things to do, so many issues to think of. things turn from bad to worse. i dont have everything i wanted. but i do have something. i think i am happy.

so, is it really that important to be happy?

oh, yes.

.a (three, actually) sin.

situation: i stole a magazine of Christian understanding from a clinic in town.
reason: there was an article on the Armour of God that i need to finish reading and suddenly it was already time to go. because of my deep drive to seek knowledge, stealing seemed to be the best option.

sin (1): stealing is a crime.
sin (2): something 'religious' was stolen.
sin (3): the venue of the crime was inappropriate.

resolution: i regretted the action and vowed not to commit any of the above sins.

harlem

what happens to a dream deferred?

Does it dry uplike a raisin in the sun?
or fester like a sore --
And then run?
Does it stink like rotten meat?
or crust and sugar over --
like a syrupy sweet?

Maybe it just sags
like a heavy load.

or does it explode?

a prayer

never at all a second gone,
without me crying and mourn,
i pray humbly to you.. God,
to save me from this treacherous lot.

They preach kindness,
but they practice it not.
They ask for peace,
but war is what they sought.
They sing for love,
but to love back they won't.
They kill their brothers,
to unite as one they don't.

oh, the Most Merciful!
let go of my hands never,
save me from all these Fools,
save me today --and forever.



writer's note: the poet wrote this when she felt that the world is a big hipocricy and not less than a contradiction. nobody else is better at keeping the world and the people at bay than Him. and because of that, she communicated with Him in the hopes that the world would be a better place, at least, before it ends once and for all.

*this is a private property of theroyalcrapster.

what i want

what do i want?
what do i want?
what do i want?

i want peace.

in my mind --
in my land, and
in my soul.

time flies

very recently, i had a craving - not in the form of food or things, however a feeling of wanting to meet people that i've long forgotten about. i found an album full of my high school pictures - specifically, those of my form 1 year. i've been looking for this particular album for ages but failed to be detected. haha. now, i just missed all of them (my f1 classmates)!!

we all looked so young and innocent. with perculiar poses and the 'peace' sign can be seen in 8 out of 10 pictures. how cute. the good old days..

i guess, for me to meet again with all of them, especially the ones im not very close to, is really difficult. almost impossible. how i wished i had known them better.

when i looked at those pictures, with some of the people i couldnt remember the names and teachers i forgot they ever taught me, i thought to myself "hmm, how time flies.."

the sad fact is, u didnt even notice when time passes by.