the things to assure you that i am getting by well

"when the going gets tough, the tough..well, ain't just tough anymore"


alright people. that's the words of wisdom for today. i ain't pessimist, but just stating the current situation. i feel horrible, wasted (but not drunk). feel super shitty, even shit dont stink as much. and to add the cherry on top (not the top of the shit, you dummy ass), i have no idea why.

*laughs lunatically*

fine. i was just overeacting. things are fine - in fact, im having the best times now. it's just that having all the fun and not many people to share it with, it sort of sucks in a way, y'know?

and for those who asked, things are great. it's superb. everyday is a learning process for me. like the other day, i learned how to use the vending machine which swallowed my $6. but im friends with it now, just that i couldnt buy as much cheese doritos coz i've got a tight budget (not tight a*s).

and i learned how total strangers can be like super duper friendly to you, especially when you have a map in your hands and the word 'LOST' stamped on your forehead.

i also learned how people really rely on each other to survive in a foreign world. although, its not as if im in the Amazon or Mars or something. but i survived so far. i withstood the test of homesickness. LOL.

having subjects like Language and Identity with Angela and Jonathan is subliminal. they are the greatest people. and Andrew, he's another interesting educator. love his lectures.

what else do you want to know? hmm..the rest is just normal. im beginning to miss writing about controversial stuff. now all i write is about me and my boring life and the boring things around me (contradiction alert).

most important of all, i miss dining at the mamak. when i get back, the first few things i'd like to eat:

• mi goreng mamak [al-awwal]
• roti planta [al-awwal]
• nasi goreng kampung [al-awwal and kedai kelantan mana-mana pun boleh]
• mihun goreng [hassan]
• padprik ayam [hassan]
• nasi putih, tomyam ayam, telur dadar taknak bawang [exceptional: gerai lilin tu]
• roti canai garing [jumma -near my house]
• teh tarik gila bapak punya kow [mana-mana mamak]
• teh taknak tarik [mana-mana mamak gak]
• kuey tiow goreng [mamak -haha, tetibe teringin pulak]
• OMG, lupa. MAGGI GORENG [HASSAN - nak dua paket]

ok, i noticed that the list sort of got carried away. anyways, point is that i missed the grand array of food we have in malaysia.

i want mcD, KFC (MELTZ!!!), and the the rest of the food i usually eat.

for the time being, i'll just make do with hungry jack's, pizzaland, and cheesecake shop. that's the only places i go for food (as recommended by some great malaysian people here) apart from the cooking we cook at home. my turn to cook is on tuesdays and saturdays. i really am not a hustler in cooking, coz i normally just cook for survival, not for impressing people or for the craving tastebuds. but practice makes perfect. so im gonna chill for now. haha.

talking about food really made me hungry..which brings us to the end of this 'unpostly' post.

adieu people.

mind explosion (sort of lah)

my head nearly explode yesterday. it was one hell of a class. like you sit there listening to lectures, and you have all these simple but complexicating questions being thrown at you, and you find yourself thinking and thinking, trying to search for the right answer, but u got none.

questions being asked are like:

"Who are you?"
"Really, who are you really?"
"What makes you, you?"
"Are you being shaped by language and society?"
"Are you you all the time or someone else at different times?"

Geez! who the heck would've thought those questions could actually cause severe headache. i went to see the lecturer right after the tut and told her about the mental debate i was having in my mind. she immediately grabbed my shoulders and shrieked "Dont explode!! Alright, talk to me. You have to talk to me".

like it was some kind of an emergency. the readings we had to do, and the questions we have to answer, they were brutal. really. i liked doing it though, but it does have a consequence that is quite unlikely. you end up answering the questions with questions that lead to another question.

now i have an essay to submit next week, and i havent got a shit to write about. i mean, i do have a lot of things to say, but none of it very academical, i must say.

this friday, my minor essay on children's literature has to be submitted. im bombed with insecurities telling me i couldnt do it by the deadline, and im shit scared it might just come true. besides, i really havent done any research so far.

golly, what did i do during my weekends?? (mental thought: tee hee hee..i did go sightseeing and taking a [long] breather in the city)

fine, i'll go straight home today, and work on my essay all night long, as long as my eyes and mind can bare. blimey, tough night its going to be for me.

how have you guys been doing? hope all is well. dont forget to update me :)

our all-time heroes

today i learned about the ANZACs. and the Gallipoli legend. it was fascinating. and heart-warming, and touching.

to know that there are a lot of people who would do anything to be a part of it, to fight for the country and allied nations. to sacrifice their lives to shape what it is today, and to not fear to die in the horrors of war.

my heart was deeply touched; through the words of Anthony Hill who wrote about Private James Charles Martin, who died as the youngest ANZAC. the book, Soldier Boy, was exactly what i needed to feel what i always felt during this time of the year.

i am sure that australians must be really proud of this boy, who only lived 14years of his life, before he was killed in a self-battle with typhoid during the Great War. at that time, australians were sent to Gallippoli, Turkey as reinforcements to help Britain. the boy died on the hospital ship, without the presence of his beloved family members.

we discussed about it in class, and it was amazing when Helen (the lecturer) showed a video she had edited regarding the ANZAC.

the ANZAC Day is on the 25th of April. on this day, australians celebrate despite the defeat as they are really rejoicing the sacrifices of the soldiers, and because it is the first war that they fought as australians; that victory is not so much of an importance.

at 11.00am sharp on that day every year, the whole of australia will stop whatever they are doing and will stand in silence - praying, and remembering the loss and contributions their soldiers had made - for one whole minute, with the music of trumpet being played in the background, before proceeding with whatever they are doing again.

some will go to Gallipoli (yes, all the way to Turkey), to commemorate the ANZAC. the ANZAC Dawn Service will normally go on longer than the one in Australia itself, with the normally freezing weather.

they also have a special round of AFL in conjunction with ANZAC Day.

all these made me think. and weep a little. i doesnt matter if i am not an Aussie - as a human being, i think fighting in the war is very noble and extremly self-less; eventhough i could not understand why there has to be a war.

we should cherish those who have perished to let us have the lives we have today, no matter who we are and where we are in the world.

my weekend

last saturday i went to the city east campus to join some Malaysians to watch a short film directed and acted out by the malaysian students here in Adelaide.

it was good, to have someone sacrificing time, energy and money just to relive the innocent meaning of celebrating our Independence Day. for me, it wasnt at all about the movie itself, it's about our understanding and what we do to commemorate our Merdeka.

i am a very patriotic person. i really am. but sometimes, it's more of an inside thing rather than physical. i feel patriotic, but i dont necessarily do anything about it. so joining this kind of thing is good, for me and anyone else.

after that film, there was a feedback session. so we can actually throw on our opinions and suggestions regarding that film to the director himself. some of the actors were there too, i recognized their faces.

later on, we went to have a barbie! the bbq was great; and it was actually my first bbq since i arrived here - most probably coz of the weather that nobody really cared to have a barbie during winter.

it rained; heavily and drizzled. and sometimes stopped abruptly. and started to pour again violently. it's crazy, really. i was drenched to my bones on the way from one block to the other. crap.

but the food was good. the people were good too. they came and talked and introduced themselves. coz honestly, im quite tired of having to introduce myself and starting conversations with strangers all the time. it's good to have strangers come and talk to me first for a change.

after the barbie, me and two other friends went for a walk on rundle street and grabbed a sip of my favourite (which has now become their fave too) Chioccolata Italiana at Cibo. it was so rich with choc. just sensational. gotta have them again. Hani introduced me to it when i first came.

in a nutshell, the day ended with me being very happy; as far as i can recall. i have no idea why, but i did. i guess its good coz im missing my friends at home, and meeting fellow malaysians is a redemption for me, in a way. really, they are very good people. hope i could meet them up again, for the merdeka celebration maybe.

fuhhh, its already august. one of my favourite months in the year. you can get away with being patriotic.

i want to go to the merdeka parade.

the Machines Just Hate Me saga

with regards to the previous blog post, i need to clarify my reconciliation with the vending machine today. after my SLA class just now, i went straight to the vending machine with a new goal in mind, not the cheese doritos anymore, but the twisties wicked cheese.

i was trying to get my coins out when my classmates - Sam and I-have-your-name-somewhere-in-my-brain came to buy some chips too. then Sam saw an opportunity to get a pack of chips out without coins. he banged the machine to the left and then to the right, and then, as simple as taking your clothes off, the pack of chips fell into the designated chute. i was so amazed that i had to refuse the chips we he handed it to me. anyhow, me being muslim (tau beza halal dan haram) i cant accept that marvelous offer. i said i dont eat that kind of chips (its onion and cheese or something). so he took it, snapped it open and stuffed his mouth with crunchy onionic chips.

so i felt some victorious sensation as if Sam had just beat the machine out. wait, what the heck am i rambling about?! geez. im such a loser. condemning a lifeless machine.

well, its dinner time. we have tomyam for today. hmm-mm. time sure flies.

i gotta go before i gotta go!

gahahaha. some weird corny joke im trying to crack.

catcha later peeps

machines just hate me

these are the times when i wish i live in the 19th century. i have no idea how to operate the friggin machine. the vending machine that sells cheese doritos hates me. it ate $6 off me - thrice in a row. shitty.

now i cant seem to return the books i borrowed from the library, coz the return machines are stupidly too technical.

give me back the simplicity of life, people!!!

literature tuts/tuto

we did the readings for literature today. discussed it and all that. i read seven little australians and the magic pudding and it was amazing. i didnt get to read snugglepot and cuddlepie though, coz of the time constraint. but i will, some time soon.

i cant believe how everything has got to do with politics. the magic pudding was supposed to be a children's story book, but how the hell it got its politics' blues, i dont know. turns out that the writer was a big rebel back then - i guess that explains it.

geez, sometimes we need innocent, simplistic readings, dotn we? i miss those days when i was young and reading the enid blyton series. simple, yet interesting.

gtg!

the Malaysian Carnival

yesterday was the Malaysian Carnival and it was held at the Elder's Park (but forget the name, it's for both elderly and youngsters. haha). to tell you the truth, it wasn't that Malaysian-lah. it could have better been a Malaysian Food Carnival. the booths sucks. it's not commercialize, not promoted to the max, and even if it was, to the wrong people. you dont promote Malaysia to Malaysians, duh. course we know it at the back of our hands. go tell them whities! sell it to the Australians, Nigerians, Singaporeans..whoever! geez.

the performances, they were so-so. some were okay, some really stood out, like the silat show and the dikir barat. they were fan-freaking-tastic! the silat was straight out off Kung Fu Panda. haha, nooo. straight from Pendekar Bujang Lapuk, with more seriousness. gahaha. but they were good. they were very into it i shall say.

another major aspect of the carnival, was, the Food with a capital F. they were awesome. super wicked! the roti john by the Buxton Brothers were even better than the ones i ate in Malaysia. the 'chef' was a friend of mine, which i just met earlier this month. so dapat sos extra. haha. Kalau buat bisnes kat Pasar Malam sure laku beb! all the food booth people are Malaysians, so they know the food well. Nasi Kerabu ada, satay ada, nasi hujan panas ada, pendek kata, semua ada lah! memang sempoi huruf besar! semua sedap belaka.

the park, it was stunning. with bikes you can rent, and the birds. sheesh, perfect. we have people from all walks of life playing what we call ini Malaysia as the getah. i played, but obvious enough, i lost my charm. i used to be a champ in school, not anymore i guess. better off retiring at it. haha. batu seremban also got. safa played the sepak takraw, but he sucked. haha. no lah. he was a true takrawian (i coined this word. dont use in your essay). he was even called up front to display his talents, along with some other hustlers.

the whole thing ended at 4pm and after that i went for coffee with Hani, and some new friends - Putri, Fatin, Aida, Adibah and Jeremy.

oh by the way, Jeremy is playing for Jason Mraz in his tour in Melbourne this coming 10th of August. i am friggin jealous of that guy. really jealous, like, JEALOUS! and all that but still keeps his cool. all the best man!! he's coming out with his own EP next year. watch out for him people! but he plays jazz lah. hihi.

okay, better get going. this PC is public property. haha. gtg!

constructing curriculum

i missed the lecture for this course last monday, so today i came to the workshop with nothing in my mind. yesterday, safa freaked me out by telling me that it's whole bunch of scary things and topics are regarding the Australian education system, which, as you can guess, i have no single idea about. and i freaked out, of course. especially when safa immediately dropped the subject and took something else. i cant sleep last night thinking that i would fail this paper with or without trying my best. my feet trembled, not cos of the weather, but because i was so afraid about what might happen to me and my whole academic life.

so i went into the class. some people were already there. some old, some young, some look like they dont give a damn. i look like a freaking nerd, who got lost on the way to this room. so we had some ice breaking thing going on. met a few people - Liam, Nathan, Emma (or was it Emmy?), Aska etc. then the whole thing just melt into me - i felt a bit relieved that there are quite a number of people who dont really know about the curriculum here in asutralia, and mind you, they are Aussies. haha! great. just what i need. a confidence booster. talk about ignoramus :p

so we went on discussing stuff, some in the class are arrogant (i hate you), and refuse to enlighten me on things i couldnt comprehend. but alas, a knight on a white horse helped me out. hah! seriously people, i tell you, he looks exactly like Keanu Reeves. hows that for a classmate! *drools* geez. anyway, we had to come up with a picture/logo/symbol that represents the curriculum system (what the heck?) in a group of four. and given the fact that i LOVE coming up with things, i unconsciously let loose and relaxed. so there. no more scary thoughts and hopes to die.

my group came up with a snakes and ladders concept with snakes representing the challenges and bombs/booby traps/dragons as the stake holders which could, if overpowered can be damaging to the system. we had a bunch of shitty stuff on that picture too, that i just have to draw (i.e. clock, a tarzan, a tree, loopholes etc) all on the same piece of paper. so it kind of looked like a bit of a complex, unidentifiable, random curriculum we've got. we presented it amidst barrels of laughter and snorts.

but least unexpectedly, the workshop tutors (there's two of them), liked it. he thinks that we saw it in a new light that most people cant see. geez. what a twist! i guess it's because that i explained the whole idea of the snakes and ladders is that the system could sometimes be in the hands of fate and chance - the roll of the dice. we can never know whats gonna come out of the proposal we just implemented and shits like that, y'know? so yeah, he liked it and decided to put in in his office. haha.

but that's just for starters. you have no idea what else is in store in our assessments plan. i've got a major essay, and a multimedia display, which i have to present in the presence of 9 external scholars/lecturers from the whole uni. but lets forget it for now.

tell me, what's going on with all of you people over there? hows class? update me.


roger and out.



p/s: i wonder how the political states are in Malaysia. i've almost forgotten all about it. gosh, i missed local politics.

my address

yeah, im back at the computer barn. cos basically, this is the only chance i have to connect to the cyber world. i have no internet back at home. not yet at least. tomorrow, im gonna get them internet providers. just ended class.

anyway, to all you peeps who want to contact me, or send me cards and cookies, please do so and send it here:

18, Ozone Parade, Paradise, 5075, SA, Australia.

i know you're probably thinking, "geez, Ozone parade? what a name!" yeah well. i think it's a cool name. like the black parade. as if the ozone layer is parading along. and the suburb, is called Paradise. it sure is one heck of a paradise! i'll talk about my house in another post aite. i'll upload some pictures of it too. i gotta go catch Asar. it's almost ending. gahahaha. procrastinator me. very naughty girl. and the prayer room here at the uni is not bad too. sufficient facilities. ok, really gotta go.

bye peeps! and in case you need to know, i miss you all!

:)

my third day of class

the third day of class has commenced today, and i have a feeling that im going to like it, despite the fact that the assignments are friggin tough. but what is one to do right? i'll just go with the flow. expectations are flying high, and competitions are everywhere with anyone, all the time. to excel, i have to be very, very extraordinary. i cant be my usual self. sigh. no more last minute assignments. now, i have to rehearse my presentations, not like before, spontaneity is the name of the game.

the assignments, involve hardcore researches, and need hardworking people with ridiculously creative minds. whether i will be able to complete the assignments by the due is one thing, whether or not i can get high distinctions for all of it is another.

to prove the extremeness of it all, there are 2 to 3 lecturers in one lecture. not like back home, one lecturer per lecture/tutorials. all of the lecturers give speeches that are so freaking inspirational you just have to be awake. to tell you the truth, i cried in my first lecture. they were so bloody, unbelievably good. i love lectures!! (for now)

you know, im actually at the computer barn here at the cafe (where there are public computers), and there are actually people waiting to use this PC. i think i might have just abused the IT usage here. more than my quota. gahaha. so i guess, i'll just write more later. i cant stand the guy standing behind me watching every letter i type.

gotta bounce, peeps. catcha later!

My day today

On the way back from Victor Harbour today, I came to deep thinking. I wondered what He has got written on for me. What’s to become of me in the future, and what the freaking hell is going to happen.

I thought about why I was sent here, there must be a reason (or reasons). Of course, I can’t very well see it now, but the curiosity is killing me. ‘The unknown’ has been quite a primal interest of mine but sometimes, I do feel like it’s a torture.

However way it is going to lead me in this one and only life of mine, I wish that it would be the best for me. For regret is the worst thing that can happen to me, and it is the last thing I need.

On the way back from Victor Harbour also, I thought about the friends I have met in the course of my stay here since the last week or so. They all come from different backgrounds, varied cultures and have similar or different ‘baggage’ from the lives they live.

When I talked to them, I got to know a little bit of their pasts, and the things that brought them here. They come for different reasons, and all of them very interesting and some unusual.

It amazes me how people simply amaze me, every time.

The trip, which is part of the orientation process, was really tiring. I was friggin’ exhausted by the end of it all. When we all got to the coach bus, everyone was lying back on their seats and dozing off into effortless slumber.

I wasn’t, though. Or rather, I couldn’t. Like I said, I went into heavy-loaded mental journey. And it was one that I couldn’t get my mind off.

I’ll have to go get some Baghlava now and clear my mind with happy, unserious thoughts. Toodles.

a hell of a shower

if i take showers here in Ade, it is bound to be more than 15minutes. once im in the shower, i can never allow myself to get out of it. thank God for water heaters, they made my bathing experience very pleasant. i need anything and everything warm these days - hot chocs, hot teas, hot scones, hot guys..

geez, snap out of it izza.

okayh peeps, going to take a warm shower. i'll make it a loooong one.


p/s: Mak takes an even looooooooooooong shower everytime. she has kurap.

Abrar

Abrar is the name of the house that i stayed for the first two days. the house is originally resided by four seniors but it soon became the place for new students to get help and shelter before they settle down on their own. hence the name Abrar as it means charity.

there are a few major houses like Abrar here in Adelaide. the people who reside the houses are close to each other. they call them selves sisters, while the guys are called the brothers. they are like family. i have nothing to worry about as they took care of everything. they cooked, they provided sleeping bags and quilts, they made me feel like home. people keep coming to the house. those from Campbeltown, Windsor Gardens, Newton, they all came to have dinner together. i had no idea it was going to be like this. we prayed Jama'ah all five solats. they are very close-knitted.

on the second day, 90% of them were going on a one-week road trip to a few parts of Australia. so Mak, Yani and me had to transfer to Mile End and stayed with Shidah and Fiza. so now, that's where i am staying for the time being. it is approx 10mins to the city centre. a very huge one-storey house. very colonnial. i like it here, but i will have to find my own place to stay soon. maybe somewhere with a garden and patio.

Adelaide Arrival

upon my arrival in Adelaide, Australia at approximately 5.30am in Saturday 12th July 2008, i was calm and relaxed like nothing happened. i didnt get any sleep in the flight and i didnt eat much. i was almost too nonchalant about everything.

when i get out of the arrival hall, i saw a lot of families, friends and whoever waiting for somebody for them to pick up. and then it hit me - nobody's going to pick me up. being a so-called "seasoned" traveller, i didnt panicked. well, not really, maybe a tad. i went thinking "geez, nothing to worry about. it's only Adelaide, the equivalent to Perlis maybe. or Perak. i'll get around safe. so i texted Mak, and ask her if she could pick me up. but she didnt reply so i thought maybe she's asleep coz it's still Subuh. then i decided if i call her, maybe she'd wake up.

so i went to find a phone booth. and heck, i aint got no coins. so i went back to the money exchange counter (with all my horridly huge and uglaaayyy suitcases) and asked for small change. the lady gave me some in return for my $10 that i have. so i tried to call. i was so darned stupid. i was confused, the number was confusing and i confused the phone that it went hay-wired. in the end, i just managed to vandalize a foreign country's public amenity and i still have nobody to fetch me. it's unbelievable how my klutziness followed me all the way from malaysia to australia.

by then, i already got frantic. my hair was all over the place, i didnt care about my belongings anymore, the only thing i held on to was my passport and my sometimes-useless creativity. my brain didnt stop working. my eyes scanned around, looking for handsome looking males that i could ask for help. then something caught my eyes - tudung. i saw somebody wearing tudung. i automatically assumed that person must be from Malaysia or Indonesia (coz of the type of tudung). yey, a friend! saudara seIslam! i dashed towards her, who is busy texting someone on her phone. i greeted her warmly and straight away told her about my predicament. she spoke Malay. her name is Saidatul.

to summarize, her friend (Anne) came to pick her up, i borrowed her friend's phone and finally got to talk to Mak, and she will come to pick me up with a senior. turns out that the senior was Saidatul and Anne's friend. it is a really small world after all, and i was saved.

when i stepped out of the Adelaide Airport, it was shit cold. colder than Cold Storage (that's where i practiced cold-endurance). i didnt wear any coats, just the tshirt and blazer i wore from KLIA. but heck, i was Superman and my teeth didnt really grittle. so i loaded my stuff in the boot, and we drove off to Abrar.

*to be continued

bring it on

geez bananas. holy shit. major crap. this is serious. adelaide is in two days - which summarily means really really really around the corner. and, lo and behold, i havent done packing.

packing is a JOB. i should get paid for packing, cause it takes so much time and energy and perseverance. but if i were to choose, i'd rather pack than unpack, that's double the task.

i can't wait to embark on this journey. it might not be that far from home, but a new place promises a whole new experience - and 'the unknown' is something i truly anticipate. i'll be going off alone to adelaide, as some of my friends have gone or will be going later. i dont mind the 'going off alone' part. used to it.

some of my friends promised to send me off at the airport, my family will be there too of course. i dont know what to expect. will it be deeply saddening? tearful maybe? merry and joyful? i reckon it will be a mixture of feelings and sensations. different people may feel differently about parting and goodbyes. but one thing's for sure, saying adieu is never easy. the impact will hit you sooner or later - even temporarily.

my progress for the packing part is quite pathetic. what i've done so far is dump everything i saw in the closet that can be used in that huge green suitcase. i'll fold it all tomorrow. some stuff is still in the stink laundry basket, havent washed it. quite a right timing for the murphy law to take action unto this humble creature (me), our washing machine is shit. it almost fall to pieces yesterday while spinning. it actually, and out-of-this-wordly jumped forward and the top cover sort of shut on top of my index finger. now i cant write or eat with my right hand injured, and i cant do laundry.

when the clock strikes midnight tonight, i'll be a modern day cinderella, doing laundry manually. geez. i hate alkali from the washing soaps. i prefer detergent, though made of the same substance. and i'll be an OKU cinderella. i'll have to hold the brush in a weird way since i cant really get my (injured) fingers wet. oh maybe i'll just use gloves.

im writing this and sighing sighs after sighs of laziness and disappointment at the situation im in - all simultaneously. thankfully, i can still type. but everything i do, my index will be sticking out oddly with the yellow cartoon plaster.

my granny is here in KL to send me off. she is really confused about where im really going. she kept telling me to take care of myself when im in GERMANY. im like, err, no. im actually going to Australia. and she'll go "ohh, Ostrolia. Ostrolia tu kat dalam German ke?". the ugly thing is, she told everyone about me going to GERMANY. so some of my extended families and her neighbours in johor who get the news from her thinks im going to germany and they (quite "efficiently") automatically presumed i'll be doing a degree in engineering there. geez people, stop believing the first thing you hear. i'll have to spend my last moments in Malaysia clearing my name and telling people the real story. nobody gets granny's obsession with germany.

well i guess that's that for now. the next post will be after my arrival in Adelaide, Australia, i think..cause im running out of time to blog after this, i havent done packing, remember?

so till the next one, dear readers!

on cloud 9

Being on a plane again after a few years was quite an experience. it resembles the sensation i had when i first got the wheels of a manual car after almost one and a half year not driving a stick. i feel jittery initially, then i start to feel religious (i.e. praying so i'll be home safe) and my adrenaline thrusts through every calm vessel i have. give five seconds grace, then i feel relaxed and almost out-of-this-world (i.e. hey, i can survive this!). the rest will be history.

i almost forgot what it felt like to be amongst the white cottony clouds. ahh subliminal. it was just like heaven - the closest you can get to it, at least. the higher it gets, the smaller and thinner the clouds become. they will almost lose their shapes and forms - all merging into one huge white cloth surrounding you. at its peak, the horizon formed an endless line - a borderless border.

i saw cruise ships breaking the stillness of the glass-like sea, all looking like miniature doll parts that gradully grew smaller till they finally lost from sight. as much as everything is in the system, anything can happen up here, and there's no way out. there are exits, but they lead to death. lol. getting to the destination safely everytime is already a miracle in itself.

i'll be going on another jet plane series in a few days time. bet i will be feeling a little different and maybe a tad smuggish. lol. i'll update you on how i whiz through it, alright?



*written after touchdown

Her two cents

"Beneath the stain of time, what have I become?"

-Khairiah Tadin-

I can't help but notice, this string of words stampered on the profile page of her Friendster. geez bananas, what have i become? hmm, pretty much nothing. i mean, sure i've been myself all this while, but something to be proud of? not really. we are supposed to be relatively wiser with time - the older you get, the wiser you become. experience teach you everything you know.

and taking that into account (experience), i personally think im quite wise. haha. really, how can we even measure experience? we cant, and for that matter, i think im accountable to say im wise, enough to rough it all out, that is.

so to answer the question by Khai's shoutout, i think that beneath the stain of time, i have become.. wiser.

you can reach Khai here and ask her for something to ponder upon :)

red basket

there's a red basket next to me. full of laundry. here in this house, just me and the red basket. geez what a life. mom's out for aerobics, dad's in pahang and sisters' at school. i bet they're all having fun wherever they are.

i just finished half a dozen of j.co doughnuts, all by myself. they were good and unbelievably doughy and soft that it gets me to think there's something fishy beyond the addictive donuts.

anyways, things are going fine with me this few weeks. learned a lot, met a lot, ate a lot, and enjoyed a lot. im just overflowing with happiness and joy right now - for no apparent reason. who needs reason to be happy right? you can too if you try.

thank God i have you to talk to, or else, i'd die out of boredom at a very young age. and that would be ironic, since young people should have loads of things to do i.e. get laid. yes, it doesn't matter if you have nothing beneficial to do, just as long as you have something to do.

blogging helped me survived. without this simplistic hobby, i would be dead. physically i would be up and about and alive, but inside, im just dead. hahaha.

okay that was a joke. not a good one, i know. im just too lazy to do anything, even crack a joke (which is my second nature supposedly). but that doesn't mean that i've lost my sense of humour. i get a good dose of humour from mraz's blog. he's just born to be an entertainer. god bless him.

ok chow people.

a birthday wish

on this beautiful, sunshiny day, i would like to forward a birthday wish especially for a friend who is as beautiful as the weather today (corny alert).

and she is...(oh, it's a she!), none other than Nurliyana Hanim!

she's turning 21 today, and it could be a big step for her, especially because she's still single despite the huge amount of love she spent on everyone. *giggles* (she's a Cancer, that's why i guess)

so to her the birthday girl, i wish you all the best in life, and that you will finally find the Guy you have been searching for for years! hey, it's not too late you know!

and to the birthday girl's mother, Mrs. Marina, i'd like to say, congratulations and thank you for bringing this wonderful individual to the world!

anyways, i have nothing more to say, but:

HAPPY 21st BIRTHDAY!!

and li, i didn't forget okay? i just feel like wishing a birthday wish is cliched, thats all :p (but i did, huh?) hahaha


*clap clap clap*

p/s: those of you who want to wish her in conjunction with today, please feel free. this is her blog: liyana's blog , and this is her friendster page: liyana's friendster

Send her a message or birthday wish and make her day!

wedding bells

gedonggg! gedongg! <--sound effect of the bells not the gong-->


woohoo! everybody seems to be getting married these days. these few weekends have been filled with attending weddings and gaining weight (dont ask the amount of rendang and mutton consumption), but hey, who's complaining? im very much into weddings (not marriage though, not yet!) since i first heard of the word and grasped the concept of it.

geez. aren't brides the prettiest people? rosy cheeks (ignore the overly-done make-ups), kissable shimmy shimmy lip-glossy lips, and the aroma of flowery fragrant. oh and the grooms, fooh! they send goosebumps to me, even in their simply crisp and white baju melayu added to their charismatic confidence to go through, what would be men's greatest fear - commitment. what's more, they have the X-factor that we unmarried people dont have. yeah, that "knowing" smile they wear on their inner-shined faces, like they have a secret that others dont share. the secret, the recipe of their love that brought them to vow being with each other for the rest of time a.k.a. Sehidup Semati (not literally of course).

i always indulge myself in deep thought in between bites of Acar Buah or during the Menepung Tawar ceremony, thinking about the brides. about how they trust the man they're marrying with their life. marriage is a gianormous step, based on trust as the core fundamental. trust, huh? can i do that? well, time will tell. sure when the wrong person who seemed right to me comes along, i'll learn to do so. meantime, let's not trust anything but the purest and truest feeling we have been granted, and that is, my friends..love.

with love, comes sympathy, empathy, care, tolerance and trust. thus, learn to love and everything will fall in line. yes, yes, love everything and anything! love yourself, your family, your neighbours..even the smallest and grossiest things - like the pimple on your forehead (they're there for a reason!), the stray cats (i try to, though am not a big fan of cats), your friends' friends, your things. you can also love the things that you dont possess. like those kids in poverty-stricken third world nations, they dont have proper education in the system, but they love it, they love to learn. and people who love to help the poor, even if they dont have enough money for themselves.

*breaking into casual laugh*

when you have so much going on, so much problems to deal with, you tend to forget that you have God's greatest give, His love. i can talk so much about this, but why would i? everyone has felt this, everyone knows what it is. so let it be one unspoken and common thing that everyone in this world, regardless of who they are and where they are, will have sowed deep within their hearts. that's one equal thing we will all have.

in the meantime, i will keep attending wedding ceremonies, i will try my best to keep my open mind open (haha) and open my heart to just feel the love. yeah baby! love is the most beautiful truth, so believe in it! and yeah, i have five wedding invitations this weekend alone, of friends and relatives, and i promised to attend all of them. yippee! wait a sec, how the heck am i going to do that? seems like i need a plan...okayh, time to freak out!!!!!

toodles!


*dancing away in ballet-like manner with a smile plastered on face)

i wish i was a tree..not

this is a song that always remind me to be grateful for who i am and what i've got. a simple reminder when i sing it.





this song is titled Tree Hugger sung by antsy pants. love them pants. lol.

viva la vida!!

no ONE but No. 1

it is fashionable for so-called thinking people to try to lose their ego. well, they should think a bit harder. presumably, we were given egos for a reason. great people have great egos; maybe that's what makes them great.

so let us put it to good use rather than try to deny it.

Life's all about 'me' anyway.


lolwe.


(laughing out loud with ego)

Liyana tagged me.

1) What is the most important thing in your life?

self expectations

2) What is the last thing that you bought with your own money?

sour tape candy (red and green)

3) Where do you wish to get married?

masjid or in the coziness of my home.

4) How old do you think you will be permanently owned by your love?

geez. i dont know, fortune-tellers told me my palms showed that im kind of a hopper. i have too many choices and im very curious to try all of them out. so i might not be permanent to anyone. but they might also be bullshitting me. but hopefully i can be permanent to someone. because i know I AM A LOYAL LOVER!

5) Are you in love?

always.

6) Where was the last restaurant you had dinner?

road house grill.

7) Name the latest book that you bought?

a passport. does that count? lol. truthfully, a black notebook.

8) What is your full name?

and the relevance of this question?

9) Do you prefer your mother or father?

this is a nasty question. well, my dad. and, my mom.

10) Name a person that you really wish to meet in real life for the first time.

Robert 'Bob' Nesta Marley. i believe he's a very intelligent and talented man. pure genius.

11) Christina or Britney?

which christina are you talking about? christina millian? christina yee wong? christina gopal? well, i'll have to go with Brits. she's a good girl, really. poor thing.

12) Do you do your own laundry?

yes. and the family's.

13) The most exciting place you want to go?

jamaica and northern britain (ireland, scotland)

14) Hugs or kisses?

hugs. and only certain kinds of kisses.

15) Point out 5 things about the person who tagged you.

Liyana
- talker
- reader
- care-taker
- cooker/chef
- laze-around-er
- pious. grahahahha. kiddin! (but she can be, who knows!)

16)8 things I am passionate about:

- things that affect my life
- the well-being of my people, the malays (ceh, MY people konon)
- keamanan dan kesejahteraan tanah airku
- history, cultures and traditions
- unique individuals and things
- learning new matters
- people
- love and peace

17)8 things I say too often:

- like
- thewperr! (super)
- amayzin' (amazing)
- oh, crapp!!
- geez
- kelam kelibut gila
- macam
- takdela, sebab lagipun...

8)8 books I've read recently:

wait, eight? mostly aren't books

- the economist (okayh..)
- newsweek (sounds a little better)
- why the earth is for us (an eye-opener)
- the LIFE compilation
- mid-life crisis and you (not on purpose)
- Gone. James' gone! (fatally funny)
- 13 Mei 1969
- whatever you think, think the opposite (very good)


19)8 songs I could listen to over and over again

- keep breathing (ingrid michaelson)
- canon in d (london symphonic orchestra)
- jangan tinggal daku (P.Ramlee)
- somewhere over the rainbow & wonderful world (remix by aselin debison)
- i will always love you (whitney houston)
- rainbow connection (jason mraz)
- grease soundtrack
- most AFI songs


20)8 things I learned last year:

- being at the top is dangerous
- the expectations you put on yourself is most of the times parallel to the potential that you really have
- never say never
- karma really works
- love is the closest thing to magic
- when an old man dies, it's like a huge library is burnt down
- a person can never understand, but they can try
- i would actually like to be a pirate


and, im tagging whoever reads this. im not a good tagger actually.

i saw a dead squirrel on the road twice

time sure flies. i never thought the moment of truth would come this quick. geez, the next thing i know, the results are out?! somebody told me it would be out like next week or the week after next. crap. now i can't sit still. im online, i have the uitm homepage on the other tab, but i cant bring myself to open it.

maybe if i dont open it yet, the results would be there and multiply itself like the money in your bank account. grahaha. okay, i'm going to check it out next month. or maybe i should just open it now. but i CAN'T! remember, the second PTE test where i fashionably left two essay questions? man. how great. ugh. why la thalasemia has to hit me that time. nice timing.

okay, okay. mind made. open next week - as (supposedly) scheculed. meantime, get my fingers crossed.

the jawa people

there's a portion of jawa in me. my grandfather was one, but my grandmother wasnt, she was a penangite. anyway, i just came back from a wedding of one of my relatives - the brother of my grandpa's son. so that makes me..what ah? i dont know, like cousins lah basically.

it was very simple. no bersanding, no menepung tawar, no kompang, no tanjak, no keris, no silat. the groom is a very shy person. but the food, it was fantastico! they served like 7 dishes (more than the usual) and two types of rice. very generous people they are, the jawa.

what caught my attention was, the hospitality and the cooperation between the family members. gee wheez, they were very2 helpful. the siblings all handled the wedding. they serve, they wash dishes, they welcomed guests, and they smiled all the way. the groom's brothers before this when they got married, the weddings were all handled by their own family too. it was all the same; the same hospitality, the same merry and cheerful people, nothing changed - except that this wedding is without their mother. she passed away more than a year ago. but the rest is pretty much the same.

i even felt bad for not helping. i felt like a VIP just sitting there. even the neighbours (who came as guests) helped refill jugs and clean tables. so i helped. and that changed everything - as in, my feeling lah. i felt more like a part of the family instead of just as a guest now. laughters where thrown out in the air, voices of java-speaking aunts and Waks (or uncles). i loved it. i love the whole thing.

i wish i could stay longer to talk to the other neneks and atoks. i wish i could stay longer to teach the kids how to play hopscotch. but as they say, time flies. the last time i saw Ninot was like 2years ago. she's now grown really pretty and fairer (the magic of sunblock, she said). she's 22years old. the next wedding the family is ever going to throw would be for her, since she's the last unmarried person (apart from Abang Sham, the one born before Ninot, but he refused to get married).

i remembered Abang Sham forcing Ninot and me to shower together at the toilet outside. their bathroom is outside so we were very scared to take a bath at night when we were little girls. so we would shower, screaming and laughing, all while Abang Sham waited for us outside. He's now already 30-something.

Wak, my grandpa's brother, he got parkinson and alzheimer. so it wasn't easy trying to talk to him. i had to remind him who i was every (approx) 18 seconds. it was hard. but imagine his children, how they could take care of him. sad. but he's still with his style. fedora hat, and cigars which he rolled himself. coolness. Wak, Wak. i would miss him. he's 80-something and looking really old and he smokes. i hope i could meet him again in future. i forgot to take pictures of him.

man, am i proud to have them as my family. ORANG JAWA ROCK!!!

carpe diem

when i look at people around me, i can say that they all have loved someone, lost someone, and feared something.

each and every person that stepped into the train (cause i was in a train. lol), they all have what we call luggage. some small, some huge. some light and some heavy. depends.

my eyes were drawn unto a pair of wrinkled hands. the owner, was asleep - a long day at work perhaps. she had with her an umbrella, a big green basket with things in it, and a stack of old newspapers. she sat across me and she wore an old pair of 'rubber' shoes.

i studied her face. she looked really, really tired. not because of work for the day or because she didnt get enough sleep from last night, but because of her luggage - her yesteryears. she looked like she just had enough, like all she wanted to do is nothing.

some part of me wondered, when that particular moment - the moment when i just get tired - happened to me in future, how am i going to embrace it?

i kept on looking at her, i know if people saw me they would think im a stalker, but there's just a magnetic force that made me keep looking. maybe that's how i would look like when im old, i thought. and another young person would do the same to me like what im doing now. maybe.

all that, with the track 100years by five for fighting playing in my earpiece, i just feel lucky that im realizing this now than later when its already too late. for now, i should just seize the day. the magic of carpe diem. lol.

what if cats grow horns?

ok amaran. ini blog post yang membazir masa. oleh kerana komen yang diberi oleh salah seorang peminat blog ini, namanya azzam (hahaha tepukan untuk violet gray!), yang telah mengatakan bahawa postpost saya semenjak dua menjak ini terlalu serious, jadi saya cuba untuk mempertenangkan keadaan di blog ini dengan mengalih ke aliran alternatif (bukan aliran pembangkang. eh dah masuk politik lak) iaitu untuk menulis benda tak serious.

jadi. apakah yang harus ditulis di sini. oh. mungkin beberapa hari yg dah aku lalui ni. sangat best jugak. aku berkawan dengan seorang penjaja di tepi putra lrt setiawangsa. beliau sangat baik hati. ketika hari panas, air tin yg dijual oleh beliau menjadi santapan jasmani. jika anda berada di situ, silalah ke gerai kecil beliau. beliau yang berbangsa india juga merupakan seorang OKU. tapi semua tu tak jadi penghalang. dia cerita kisah hidup dia yang sedih. tapi dia selalu senyum. tak penah nampak sedih. aku pelik. dia sangat berhabuk bila bertutur dalam English dan topik perbualan kitorang berkomposisikan global warming, lapisan ozone, homosexuals, politik dan sebagainya. beliau intelek, jadi mengapa hanya menjual air? dia kata orang macam dia (OKU) sangat susah nak dapat kerja. ish3. stereotaip masyarakat.

tanpa disedari, aku dah serious balik. gahahaha. ah tak best lah. roger and out

white flag

i feel like opening up the dictionary and find all the curse words i could and say it out loud for the neighbouring countries to hear (hint).

ugh. sucks. big time.

we lost. we lost. we friggin lost. and people who lose are called LOSERS.

MALAYSIA VS SINGAPORE

the reward of the battle: PULAU BATU PUTIH

the winner: SINGAPORE

i know, if things were to be in a different pair of hands, we could have won. we could have won the rich-with-resources Pulau Batu Putih. the natural resources is abundant and nobody should have given it up so easily. it was worth fighting for, but the fighting..it was worthless. i swore we could have won. heck, we should!

but, whatever, i guess. nobody seemed to really listen to me especially these days. the politicians are busy cleaning up their mess and coming up with revenge strategies and hate letters. the readers, they cant really do anything but read. me? i can only write and express things here. if only i can take matters into my hands..well, i would suck. lol. but ah, its not my job. in my position as a citizen, what i could do is to point out things that fell in the blindspot zone and let them know..and be a good rakyat. that's all :)

politikus mondok

yeahaha..the game is on! im liking this. kalau takde orang start cari pasal, mesti semua mangkuk hayun tu tak sedar. they are so full of themselves up there. sekarang baru dia tahu tinggi rendah langit ni. orang pilih pemimpin untuk memimpin (duh!) negara ni dan jaga kebajikan rakyat termasuk aku, kau dan dia. tak kisah la orang tu siapa, tapi semua orang bayar cukai! kitorang bukan pilih kau jadi pemimpin untuk buat renovation pecah dapur bagi besar ataupun untuk korang tukar kereta gempak2 beemer la merce la. so sekarang ni, kalau ko tanya aku apa komen aku, aku akan simply cakap "padan muka".

so, rakyat jelata macam aku ni, dah tersepit. kalau ikut islam, rakyat wajib ikut perintah dan menghormati ruler (bukan ruler pembaris la, pemimpin daa..). tapi kalau pemimpin dah macam %*&%@#, macam mana kitorang nak hormat, betul tak? kalau nak suruh kitorang be in your shoes, kitorang tau la, memang keja banyak sampai 20tahun akan datang pun tak siap. tapi cuba korang be in OUR shoes pulak. tak kan la kitorang nak support pemimpin yang tak memimpin mana, dahla kebajikan kitorang tak jaga. aku ni dah boleh di'label' bankrupt dah ni. orang kata biar papa, asal bergaya. tapi aku ni, dahla papa kedana, bergaya pun tak bergaya! tolonglah orang macam aku ni! turun kan la harga minyak, harga beras, harga gula, harga hargi hargu semua!! aku tidak dapat menampung penyeksaan ini lagi!!

ok, teremosi sekejap. *batukbatuk*. yang penting sekarang ni, apa yang korang as pemimpin boleh buat, is untuk muhasabah diri korang, apa motif korang jadi politician and pemimpin. kalau nawaitu korang betul, insyaallah rakyat semua akan terbuka hati untuk memberi sokongan yang tak putusputus untuk korang. tapi kalau nawaitu awalawal lagi dah terpesong (i.e. nak songlap duit rakyat untuk buat umah besar kat klang, nak guna kuasa untuk masukkan anak kat sekolah bagus etc), memang sah la kejahatan dan ke'evil'an terpancar di wajahwajah korang lantas tersebar cahaya hitam di poster yang ditampal merata tempat. nah, rentetan itu, rakyat pun macam caya tak caya je nak undi.

so secara asasnya (basically), apa yang aku nak cakap sekarang ni sebagai seorang rakyat yang super perihaten kat negara ni, aku just nak keadaan aman seperti dulu. bukan nak kata aku tak kesah pasal ekonomi whatevershit tuh, tapi you guys do la whatever you can to bring back the harmonious life we were all living before all this crap happened.

bottomline is, just do your job. do your job as honest and as sincere and as best as you can. we will all support you, but promise us harmony and productivity in return. do your thang baybee!

lastly, know that i have no hard feelings whatsoever, merajuk ke apa ke memang tak de la, cumo den ghaso kosian nengok nogaro den kacau bilau dek politik hancur punoh, itu jo jang oi!

so, kalau kita semua (terutama anda yang bergelar MELAYU) bersatu mesti kita boleh maju ke hadapan!!! jangan sampai kita dijajah di negara sendiri ye (maksud mendalam tu, sila ambil perhatian)!

akhir kata, bak kata pepatah, bersatu kita teguh, bercerai kita kahwin lagi. eh ehh eh, ehehe. silap pulak. bersatu teguh, bercerai roboh. ha hok tu yang benar! me, signing out!

what the hey?!

a die-hard-fan texted the other day, asking me to post a personal analysis on the political status with regards to the recent happenings around here. thank you so much to you (you know who you are) as you can see, a lot of things has passed, by i didnt really feel i want my voice and my thoughts to be heard, thus the lack of posts on politics in my blogs recently. but i warn you, just dont get me started!


1. [TUN'S STEPPING OUT OF UMNO]
the first question that popped in everyone's mind would be "WHY?!". exactly. he wants to trigger that attention so that everybody would sense something peculiar is going on that led him to step out of umno very abruptly. but really, why? from a very trustworthy source, it is said that something fishy is taking place in the PKR, particularly, Anwar. im not blogging this for the sake of doing justice to any political parties, but for the sake of justice itself. so let just say that im an objective third person, very neutral. all Tun wanted is for Pak Lah to step down. Thats why we see Tengku Razaleigh Hamzah decided not to follow suit, as he has his own different agenda - to be the UMNO president, and by convention, the Prime Minister. Tun has had enough of the family-oriented, best-friends-forever potrayal that our current PM exutes. taking into account what happened in the past, Tun is still taken aback by Pak Lah's decision to stop the bridge project with singapore. and now, after a series of abortion of potential projects, acts of disrespect for him who had served for more than 20years, i think that he's had enough. a man at his age now should really be vacationing or going on a honeymoon somewhere in costa rica, not spending his sleepless nights crying and thinking about the possibilitties of the future for his people. logically, we are not his people anymore, but we are as close to him as ever, especially the malays.

Tun is a very wise man. looking to his background, he's an engineering graduate, hence the meticulous and particular eyes for details. everything has to have a floor plan, back-up plan, black-and-white, evidence and things needed to be audited. he purposely and naturally looks out for details. when he hears a rumour, he checks, deliberate then he makes a decision. so, to say that his decision to step out of umno is plain stupidity and unprofessional, i think is wrong. as sudden as it may seem, i think he pretty much has sorted things out even before he made the call.

the news that he may have heard is that Pak Lah is planning to hand over his place to Anwar. as some of you might know, anwar is of good friends with a certain chinese and the president of israel who is a jew. what the hell is a muslim doing with a freaking jew? the jigsaw doesn't quite patch up, eh? i told you something really fishy is going on, and hell, we're not even in pasar borong selayang. gahahaha.

the chinese is said to have written an article in a foreign newspaper in the states that he is best friends with anwar and that anwar is the best possible prime minister of malaysia. the logic is that anwar is asking help from an outer party (yes, the israelis who want to see muslims down) especially in terms of financial resources. so there is a win-win situation between them both. and lets see, who else is good friends with anwar. oh yes, the infamous Khairy Jamaluddin, or KJ. he was the one who got Pak Lah to bail anwar out of prison. ok, by now you might have seen the big picture, but im just going to explain it a little briefly for those who dont.

we all (well, most of us) want Pak Lah to step down from that not-so-high pedestal. i think most of the umno people, they dont want to stop being umno members, but they just want Pak Lah to stop being the PM. so, what he would do, like he always does, is to make everyone happy, by going down himself (someday, dont know when. just my rough observations). anwar is a good friend of KJ, and KJ is the son-in-law of Pak Lah..see that? even if Pak Lah didn't get to be someone who has a say in the parliament, he has his 'trusted' son-in-law (who is now the naib pengerusi FAM..he's progressing). and this son-in-law has a dream of becoming the PM since he was a kid. who better to help him than his father-in-law and anwar.

why they can make a good team: KJ is a liberist. he doesnt believe in all the 'ketuanan Melayu' and hak istimewa orang melayu, but that's what umno is all about. thus, do you think he's a true umno member then? tepuk dada tanya selera. anwar on the other hand, is a companion of a chinese and a jew (phoooh! what a combo) and thus it's clear that he has no interest what-so-ever in the Malay issue and matters at stake. both of them dont care if Malays dont get special rights, both dont care if UITM will no longer be for MALAYS ONLY, both dont care whatever will happen to umno and the things they fight for, what else can prove?

they see the possibilities and the brightness of THEIR future if they team up and rule malaysia. KJ has friends all over the world, including Singapore. who knows, they (KJ and Anwar) might say yes to singapore if they want to join malaysia again. singapore being a very opportunist nation, sees a huge advantage if they join us. since the population of singapore now consists of 60% foreigners and malaysia has around 40% chinese (and they hold the economy of malaysia too), so then, you do the math.

by now you might think that everything is looking very dim and screwed up. and i say, yes. it is screwed up. but things can be done to overcome this, however on a few conditions - the malays stick together and unite themselves, pak lah admit his mistakes then step down and appoint muhyiddin (i like him gazillion times better than najib), tell the chinese, indians, and others that there is no equality here as the malays are the majority, reshape and firm up the government, and we're set to go.

whatever i said earlier in the post, they are all only personal analysis based on overall observations. i tried to be as fair and as sensible as possible, guarateed that there is no emotional reactions involved. these are all honest, no exaggerations, no science-fiction (haha), no cgi effects. all pure, honest information and thoughts that i'd like to share with you.

hit me back with any opinions or further information (if you have any).

cheers!

hold the horse down!

geez, this coupla weeks have been really darned hectic for me (and my brain), like things are desperate to happen "now now now! make it happen now!!", you know? but yeah, am as cool as always (applause) and though i might seem like a blur-straight-out-of-a-washing-machine kid these days, important matters still get processed in my mind. matters regarding our beloved nation, the world, and things around me - i think about those things, every day.


to sum things up in one post (i might do an extension post for some of the below):

1. [MALAYSIA] Tun decided to dismember himself abruptly (not a surprise for me, i would do the same) from UMNO. why? this goes in an extension post later. Pak Lah was firm when he said he wont step down nor would he stop any member to step out of UMNO. Mukhriz won't step out too. Lingam's case is out of hand. transparency is a bullshit idea. a small fight over small land in Cheras got my attention. an earthquake in KL at a 6.5 ritcher scale. all these are going in extension.

2. [WORLD] Earthquake in China and Myanmar - related to the position of the moon, an astrologer said. i witnessed the disalignment of the sunset - almost 30 degrees east. obama at the fringe of nomination - reminds me of the political status in malaysia.

3. [ME] not myself lately, not Britney Spears too, so who am i? gahahaha. i found one or two odd jobs. day care centre, "pusat pemulihan minda", big bookfest @ KLCC, travel agency (KIV). found a whole different side of life. encountered an angel. experienced new kind of feeling. busy being a rascal.


so, that's the lowdown on everything, in the most minimal amount of words i could jumble up. hope you all are having a blast with your lives! <-- coz im still trying *wink*

random rambles on random people

have you ever constantly think about someone really random that you barely know? we do think about famous people like anne frank and what she's been through or heath ledger about his tragic and sudden death.

but im not referring to those kind of people. im talking about people like the old lady you saw in the train on your way back, or the boy and his bicycle when you were walking to the shop.

im not sure about you, but i do.

i have this huge file in my mental RAM that holds all the random people i saw or met during the course of my life. weird and funny. and there are quite a number of them. maybe this is the effect of observing, i dont know. it could be anything. (hope it's not something psychotic or deathly. positively, it could be pictographic memory :p)

as for now, i'll keep on unconsciously picking up subjects to keep in memory.

*shakes head at self*

it's just life

when things dont go the way you planned it to, or when they actually went the way you have planned it but you later thought it was a wrong decision to plan it in the first place, let it be known that life is just doing it's job.

i know that and i hate it that i can do absolutely nothing about it but to just swallow it all in and scout for alternatives.

yes, alternatives is the wise people's way to get through with life. life may a bitch most of the times, but if you start bitching about how bitchy your life is, you will be starring as the ultimate bitch in this horrendous bitchy sitcom called - My Life.

crap. huge, major crap. now i feel like the bitch in my life. sure, i later realize (a few minutes ago actually) that life is not just a straight line of light that will lead you to the end of the journey of life. but instead, it is a multiple layer of lights, criss-crossing one over another (in the hopes of confusing you) and lets you pick the light you wish to follow that you think will lead you to the end. trial and error system applies here. and second chances are only for those who admits their mistakes, while risk-takers excels most of the times.

i dont really feel that good about the recent incident actually. i made a really huge mistake that i would probably remember my entire life. but lets make this a lesson for me. a lesson that i learnt through the hardest way possible (oh man, what have i done to deserve this?!) and i surely pray for history not to repeat itself. please dont.

gosh i feel like a tragic-mascara-smudging-under-eyes drama queen. some other people must have an even huger and majorer problem than mine. haih, i just wish..i just wish it didnt happen to me. but who am i to make the call?

this restlessness

this restlessness, is creeping me out of my own skin. i was caught off guard. it happened when i never expected it to happen. it involved people that i could never imagine would be involved.

i think about it night and day. i sweat unnecessarily. i walk around like a zombie. i talk when i dont have to, but am quiet the rest of the time.

im in a state of unsureness and it makes me restless. i dont like this feeling. like it's not black, neither it is white. grey spot. somebody said something about grey spot. yes, im exactly in the middle of it.

i have to take this off my mind. god, i need a job. pronto.

istana menanti pasti

orang kata penantian itu satu penyeksaan. memang betul. terutama sekali jika kita orang yang menunggu. tambah menyeksakan lagi, jika kita menunggu sesuatu yang tak pasti, macam kes aku ni.

aku yakinkan diri yang masa itu akan tiba juga, cuma aku tak pasti bila. sering aku bertanya sendiri, patutkah ku tunggu lagi, atau pergi begitu sahaja? ataupun, berjalan sahaja ke arahnya perlahan-lahan agar jarak yang jauh itu tidak begitu terasa?

aku menulis ini bukanlah kerana apa, hanya sekadar peringatan pada diri sendiri akan beberapa hari yang indah itu agar aku tidak pernah akan melupainya. harapanku, agar hari itu akan tiba lagi, biarpun aku terpaksa menunggu hingga kucing bertumbuh tanduk sekalipun.

face workout

you exercise regularly to keep your body fit. but what about your face? it needs excercizing too. jangan menganak-tirikan muka anda. thus, look no further cause i have the perfect workout for your eyes, ears and face. try it out. i dare you! (it's simple anyway).


Weird Face Tricks

random rambles

if people cared, it's really good.
if people cared too much, it's also good.
if people cared and forget, it's still good.
if people don't care, it's not good.
i care if people don't care,
and it makes me sad to know.

to give myself a reality check (apart from cheering myself up),
im going to sing along to the rainbow song! yee-haw! i first listened to the Kermit the frog's version. but Jason Mraz's is more romantic. here's to you, who cared :)





if you want to sing too, here are the words:

why are there so many

songs about rainbows?

and what's on the other side?

rainbows are visions

but only illusions

and rainbows have nothing to hide

so we've been told

and some chose to

believe it

but i know they're wrong

wait and see

someday we'll find it

the Rainbow Connection

the lovers, the dreamers and me.

who said that every wish

would be heard and answered?

when wished on the morningstar

somebody thought of it

and someone believed it

and look what it's done so far

what's so amazing

that keeps us star gazing

what do we think we might see?

someday we'll find it

the Rainbow Connection

the lovers, the dreamers and me.

have you been half asleep?

and have you heard voices?

i've heard them calling my name

are these the sweet sounds that called

the young sailors

i think they're one and the same

i've heard it too many times to ignore it

there's something that i'm supposed to be

someday we'll find it

the Rainbow Connection

the lovers, the dreamers and me.

my sugar and gold

to my dearest cribbers (housemates ):

1) thank you for throwing a mini (farewell) party the other day. though it just reminded more of my going away, i was flatterred nonetheless. lol

2) i love love love the striped mafla. i can see it in my daily outfit :p

3) thank you for being really great housemates thus far. remember: together, and apart :)

4) thank you for the stable, unjudged friendship we have built since we first known each other. we began as strangers, and end up being family.

5) walaupun orang ke-enam selalu tak ngam dan asyik memindahkan diri mereka ke rumah-rumah lain, kita tetap "tesl6". hahaha. weyh, tukar la password weyh.

6) this will be one of the chapters in my book of life that i will permanently bookmark.

7) pangsapuri anggerik is the best! krohoho~

8) i can't thank you peeps enough.

9) keep that spot, i'll be back!!

and,

10) i heart you.

[^.^]

a Jew said

"..despite everything, i believe that people are really good at heart.."

-Anne Frank-


she's right. she is definitely right. were men made to be good but turned out being bad or was it the other way around? i am not so sure myself. i believe it is the former.

a person didnt become evil just for the sake of it. people rob banks because they need money to feed their family out of desperation. people bitch about other people because they are insecure. people rebel just for the chance to be heard. people kill because they think there is no way out.

i might sound like some lost idealist right now and i know, yes i do know that Utopia is overrated. there's no such things as a happy, peaceful universe. even the planets are going to collide sooner or later. but by thinking positive of everyone and everything, it gives us a sense of hope, a hint of security that at the end of the day, everything will fall into place and we'll be fine.


i vow to think good of people, but also to think wisely of who i can trust and not trust.

we win some,we lose some

i am a walking cabbage right now. if not, i would be a bin full of things (huh?!). or a ball, rolling aimlessly. feelings are jumbled, i am edgy more frequently than i normally do and i get nostalgic tak kena tempat.

so what's eating me up?

maybe the fact that i know i will no longer be here. i will be going soon. i will leave all this, all i have..here. and that many things are going to happen. i will be jealous, i will be sad, i will be left out.

on the other hand, it's the opportunity of a lifetime. now or never. obviously, i chose now. but i cant bear the loss i might feel if i go. on the surface, yes, i am composed, and calm. i know i am brave enough to take on anything by the horns. but this, is different i guess.

change is inevitable and people change. that is what scared me to death. even now, things are not the way they used to be. it's not as fun as it was anymore. things that i enjoy doing, people who i enjoy chilling out with, they all changed.

if i go, will they all stay the same for a while?

will everything change, a major change?

sometimes, i long that everything i have and everyone i love are available in miniature sizes so that i can put them all in my pocket and bring them everywhere i go. so that they have to be wherever i am. so that we stay together all the time, and that is one thing that will never change - the togetherness.

but in the end, i cant be so selfish and not think about the people i love. they have their own, different lives, and i may or may not be a part of them. they might not want me in their pockets. they may want to change, to have other friends, to disregard the friends they have now. who knows, and who can stop that? nobody, not even mighty me.

i can do nothing, except to pray that all my friends and families will stay together, and that this togetherness will be forever.

and cross my fingers that even if i change, i will still be the same person to them.

till then..

of first loves

In Alexander Pope’s “Eloisa to Abelard”, the poet took the voice of a woman in between feelings of love and religiosity. A certain phrase caught my eye:

“..The world forgetting, by the world forgot...”

The poet speaks to an idea of bliss and outlines of morality and identity. And in parallel to that, it is suggested by Walter Chaw that experience and memory feed not only our personality, but also, our emotions. We might try to forget our past, or unconsciously forgot them, but we will always remember vividly the emotions that we felt at that particular moment of the memory. That is why; dramatically tragic and enchanting memories are always the ones that we remember because the emotions we felt at that time were so strong and distinct that what we felt then, actually tied us to the memory of the time, place, smell, people, just about anything that happened to be there.

I will take the example of Adrian Mole. Pandora Braithwaite was an outstanding character in Adrian’s life during his adolescent years. Why? Mainly because she was the one who taught him the pleasures and guilt of love, or in other words, she was his first love. He might not have ended up with her, but trust me, he would look back to his life from time to time in the future and be reminded of that blissful first love he experienced. He may never forget the memory, for it was his first experience and the feelings he felt was different and shall I say, strong.

How does it relate to us? I can testify that first loves do leave a certain impact to us and are outright unforgettable. The memories that include our first loves are the epitome of contentment and sorrow for us then. We remember everything about it, not by choice, but we just do – like a habit.

I definitely do remember mine. It was in high school and we were in form two. I started developing small crushes towards him along the way, until I was in form four – when I finally realize that I really, really liked him. We were very close by the end of form five and well, the rest is history. The sad part is that I never confessed how I felt and he didn’t either, though I know we both knew we share the same feelings.

Yes, I laugh about it now. The memory of him and us do occur to my mind once in a while, and when it does, I couldn’t help but smile at the thought. It is like I can feel the emotions I felt at that time – bashful, bliss, grief – everything all over again.

The emotions and memory are still fresh and vivid that sometimes, I think I might even still be fond of him. Funny.

la fille danse

La fille danse
Quand elle joue avec moi
Et je pense que je l'aime des fois
Le silence, n'ose pas dis-donc
Quand on est ensemble
Mettre les mots
Sur la petite dodo

toilet tunes

we all love to sing in the bathroom. i do too, really do. our bathroom is small so if you close the door and sing in it, it'd feel as if you are in a recording studio, except that this is critic and public humiliation-proof.

given a great vocal ability (*ehem ehem do re mi~), i dont use my talent to show off singing every single song i know. but i have a selection of songs that i love to test in the loo.

here are some of them (not in order):

1) god called in sick today - afi
2) morningstar - afi
3) on the arrow - afi

...(yeah we're seeing a lot of afi here. good job guys)

3) the island - aselin debison
4) i will always love you - whitney houston (this is usually if i shampoo)
5) torn - natalie imbruglia
6) redemption song - bob marley

...(a bit drowsy yeah, coz it compliments my vocal potential)

7) risky business - the cab
8) greetings to the new brunette - billy bragg
9) random (usually anything i hear before stepping into the shower)


that's the compilation for the shower jukebox..for now. haha. i'd repeat the same list over and over again. tired? not at all. love it.

maybe i'll change the list from time to time.

i'm still broke

let us sit by the road. just look around. people walking their dogs, children playing catch, couples helding hands. trees swaying to the breeze. me and just me.

it's not so hard to feel happy. the pursuit makes it worth all the while.

[^_^]

i'm shit broke

im skinned. really skinned. i have only a few bucks to continue surviving now. seriously. i think i am suffering, especially in the f&b department. i spent almost RM 450 for food each month. geez. i really gotta cut down a bit. but since im already broke now, there's no point, aint it?

two weeks ago i broke my glasses, and havent been able to replace it. i have to wear the old one for now. and my head is always dizzy because of that. i need a new pair and therefore, i need moolah!

in addition to that, i only have RM 0.07 amount of credit, so i apologize to those people that i havent been able to reply their messages. i swear i would reply once i get the money to topup (according to the level of priority).



and speaking of money, if dreams do come true, why hasn't money fall from the sky?!

seriously, this is really the perfect timing for a miracle to happen. hopefully somebody really extremely supremely kind would stop me in my way one of these days and give me a sack of green notes. smell the cash!

conclusion to love

love is fine,
if it's not in your mind.

love is good,
if it's understood.

love is love,
it's what you're made of.

the beginning of a new beginning

is it the end of the beginning or the beginning of the end?

one is unsure.

surely, it should be the beginning of the end - for one have arrived at a new phase of one's life.

the brink of a new dawn.

how difficult is it to start anew?

very.

one must be willing to take a risk one is not willing to take.
one must be absolutely sure that one is absolutely right.
one must restrain oneself from restraining a change.

essentially,

one must really know oneself, inside and out.


and at the verge of a fresh start, one must not forget one's past. history may repeat itself and one might repeat the same mistakes, and that is alright. for one will have already master the craft.


how is one sure it is THE dawn?

one will be able to tell, after one had awaken from a long, dark night.


one may opinionate, that in fact,

the end could be a beginning to a new beginning.

TATTOO

i had a tattoo. the other day. syud drew it on my right arm. my fat arm. wahahaha.

here it is:




purple butterfly. i have no idea why it is a butterfly. i wanted a sun. but it came out looking like sperms trying to get into an ovum. scientifically gross.

CHENG HO

it is the name of a restaurant. it caters chinese muslim seafood cuisines. you might think it is as normal as any seafood restaurant, but try and dine here, and you will know for yourself.

i went.

with my family to have dinner. lo and behold, i saw the most stylo, most idolized being (during my schooling days, and still is i think) in Malaysia. Amy Search. turns out that my dad heard a rumour somewhere that Amy Search was opening a restaurant, and so he went (with us) to see it for himself.

the decor of the restaurant was cool, with a lot of black and white pictures of people from the chinese muslim community on the walls. most pasrt of the restaurant is white and red.
the food itself, i can say, it was marvelous. from the most reliable resource, i get to know that the chef was a former cook at the Four Seasons Hotels specializing in this type of cuisine. his forte?

tom yam.

it was the best! superb! fantastico!

we finished everything we ordered in a spilt second, till the last slurrrrrp!
the prices are surprisingly reasonable and they offer packages, so that it is easier for the customers especially those who are impossible to decide on what to eat - like me familia. *ehem*

Amy personally checked on us, made sure that everything's fine, that all we ordered for came, and asked if we needed anything. that is the one thing, so special about Cheng Ho, i assure you, is the hospitality. i mean, c'mon, where can you get a ROCKSTAR to actually serve you?

LOL. it was one of the best dinners i had in a very looong time. good food, good service, good host \[^_6]/

after dinner, we talked a bit with Amy outside his restaurant, (note: he even sent us out!) and he said that he is probably opening up another food joint, a cafe simply named: Amy's Place

but of course, it's still under progress. and later somewhere in the conversation, he jokingly made me promise to write a blog on his restaurant. so Amy, here it is. and oh, I LOVE YOU :)

the famous buttered lemon chicken

yours truly, AMY SEARCH, dad

my dad taking charge and ordering all HIS favourites



my sista vista studying the menu

the packages that they offered