corat-coret seorang perwira

went to watch Marley & Me the other night, amidst all the hectic-ness, BUT it was worth it. felt like i need a refresher course and last weekend has given me just that. i now feel relinquished, fresh and more creative than i was in previous weeks (last time i can come up with a thousand reasons why not to go to class, but now macam dah less kreatif utk berfikir. nway, skng dah improve sikit dah). HAHA. annndd, di samping itu juga, aku dah organize kan diri sket. dah ada calendar (ye, kali ini ADA and GUNA. selalu ada je), organizer, notebook..you name it, i got it. ceh. dah kata sexytary, kena la hidup tersusun. (ye, next time aku nak upah org lain pula jadi secratary aku. tak dan la kome nak buat semua). rasanya, Pak Lah pun tak busy macam ni. (yela, dia keja bercinta je. negara porak peranda pun peduli apa dia. haha. jgn marah pak lah. sindiran bermakna, sila ambil tindakan).

nway, marley and me was very sad. i think coz it's regarding unconditional love between the dog and its family/master. so, very touching. based on true story lagi. acad, moja, chip sampai beli buku dia buat koleksi sampai akhir hayat. cuti-cuti nanti nak pinjam boleh baca tambah ilmu. bagi yang belum tonton, hari selasa dan rabu murah. malah harga early bird memang tak masuk akal. silalah bergegas ke panggung bersama kad pelajar anda.

rentetan itu, minggu ni menjanjikan sebuah lagi minggu yang pasti mencabar kesabaran dan kecekalan ku dek kesibukan dan tuntutan kerja (cewah gitu!). lantas, masa itu semestinya emas. janganlah kita membuat kerja minit terakhir kerna sesungguhnya, hanya aku yang tahu bala bencana akibat melengahkan kerja. HAHA. tapi saya pasti anda semua hebat dalam bidang procrastinatism ini. memang, saya akui sendiri, ia adalah satu sindrom berbahaya! oleh itu, jika masih mahu membuat kerja last minute, jangan berseorang, biarlah berdua bertiga dan lagi ramai lagi bagus. supaya rakan-rakan anda bisa memberi anda satu jenis ego-boost yang anda pasti perlukan di saat genting. support system, bak kata orang barat dari segi demografinya lah. jika buat hanya seorang, anda pasti akan berasa guilty, lonely, dan low self-esteem. renung-renungkanlah coretan ini. semoga kapan kita ketemu lagi. iya bisa doank!

lesson of the day: ya apa saja bisa!! (adapted from Obama, 2009: Yes We Can!)

salam sayang dari perantauan.

captain cook sans the hook

yeap, i need ponstan for that. haha, can't believe such a minor accident can be so painful. it was swollen to double the real size. and now, i can only wear huge pants and long clothing that can disguise this bandage from the eyes of the public. wahahaha. if you must know, i am skinless (well, at that particular spot) and now have to wait till the skin regrow and my leg will look (almost) normal again. can't wait for brand-new skin. it surely would feel like i have been reborn (not!).

what a tragedy. can't reveal much, or you'll faint upon seeing it. LOL

atlit malaysia

ye, baru selesai menonton piala All England Open 2009 yang bagaikan kertas conteng dikeronyok lantas dibuang ke tong sampah. perasaan membuak-buak dengan kekecewaan dek kekalahan DATUK lee chong wei kepada lin dan dari china. nak katakan kalah tipis, memang jauh panggang dari api lah. memang diketahui bahawa dalam 15 kali pertemuan mereka berdua (tak kira tourney apa) Lin Dan meragut kemenangan sebanyak 12 kali dan lee c.w. hanya menang 3 kali dengannya. tapi seorang rakyat malaysia sejati tidak akan nafi mempunyai segelumit harapan yang lee akan menang. sekali tengok, first set dah lemah. second set lagi la. dapat satu mata, bagi satu mata. dapat satu, bagi satu - tu motto baru dia ke? sampai lah akhirnya masa point ke 15 macam tu, Lin Dan dah sangat selesa, dengan 4 mata di hadapan, and time tu aku sedar yang tak mungkin untuk lee mengejarnya. bukan pesimis, tapi realistik. orang tu dah nak match point; masa tu mata ke 20, tinggal satu je lagi. tak kan lah nak harap dia buat silap je? tak mungkin.

yang aku nampak kelemahan lee: bila dia jatuh, lambat bangun. and he's a late bloomer. so dia ambil masa agak lama nak warm up. by the time dia dah heat up, opponent telah pun bersorak gembira dengan kemenangan dalam tangan. bubur dah jadi sup. time waits for no man. ombak pergi meninggalkan kerang. hahaha.

not only that, yesterday DATUK nicole ann david, KALAH kepada Natalie Grainger, an american in the final CIMB KL Open. one thing i noticed is that, she has this 'habit' of losing when it comes to national championships. how funny. i have no clue if it has anything to do with the prize money, as money is still money, but seriously, she's the world no.1 squash player in the world and she lost on her own turf more than anywhere else in the world. very interesting, nicole. maybe it's just tough luck kot, although im starting to think you have something up your sweaty sleeves.

talking about malaysian athletes. they all claim that they were given too little incentives and rewards. the black sheep when it comes to that. now the allowances has been raised, more incentives are given, and there are other rewards in accordance to the their performance and achievement. i.e. datukship. and i.e. both the datuks mentioned above.

when they have been given all these nice things and special treatments - kompang at arrivals at the klia, all the menteri coming down to greet them, not 'punishing' them by taking back the incentives if they suck at their game - then all they do is relax. every game that comes after that will be taken not so seriously as they feel superior and already good enough at whatever they're doing.

please la people, wake up. one thing our athletes lack - and surpass any other aspect as it is the most essential - patriotism and resilience. (oh wait, thats two things. haha nway.) so better do something guys. the malaysian football team has long been a disgrace to us.

somebody's got to clean up this mess. and it ain't gonna be me.

penantian = penyeksaan

betul kata orang, penantian itu satu penyeksaan. dah lebih dua jam dah ni menunggu. tapi nasib baik menunggu di tempat selesa (yakni bilik) dan berinternet. haha.

aku sudah lambat untuk kerja. haih. nak salah kan orang tu, dia yang bagi aku kerja ni, tapi dia juga yang boleh menyebabkan aku kehilangan kerja. another irony of life ;p

pagi tadi hantar liyana, dia nak pegi on a trip to cameron highlands with some of our friends. something that i kind of need myself. but its ok. the time will come for me lah soon. hope they bring back some tea and strawberries for me ;p

today, i want to reward myself with something i've longed for for a very long time:

to curl up in a book before i fall into deep slumber.. hehe. economical, simple, yet very very rewarding :)

one and a half weeks in one post

mode: definitely busy.

highlights:

1. my sisters' sports day was fantabulous. was held at the bukit jalil sports complex. izrin was the flyer for her rumah sukan and i couldnt believe my eyes seeing her cheer like an expert, given that this is her first attempt. thinking of cheer comp, girl? ;p

2. the short film awards at KLCC CC was a refreshing event. got to meet some cool personalities (i.e. ehem ehem, bunkface), and we breathed the same air and took the same escalator! hahah, loser gila! omg. we even stalked them at the end of the event. i am such a groupie. but i dont give a sh*t. they're cute and i like them ;p

3. another week of post-poned quizzes and presentations. i just want to get them done and over with! please!

4. jason mraz was the highlight of the week! i believe he's one elligible bachelor but not ever up for grabs. coz he's every girl's man. full report soon :)

5. helped fa move out. just the two of us, we managed the can-fill-one-whole-warehouse load of stuff! to level 3!! fa, Angel Face satu! LOL.

6. chilled with gfs. definitely trying the New Age next :) im so loving this!

7. -ve: MAJOR injury on right thigh caused by the dumbass exhaust of a bike.flesh exposed. right before mraz's show! like hadi said..no pain, no gain! yea right, this is almost fatal la dude :)) hahahaha (exaggerate)

i hope more great things will come my way. repeat, only great things. got too much bad chi nowadays. shooh negative aura, shooh!

people make mistakes

Miss Norhashima my Methodology in Teaching Grammar lecturer asked us today, the difference of errors and mistakes. we were to come up with answers to that, in which i thought is pretty narrowed. however, i soon came to realize that there is a huge difference between them.

errors, you make without knowing how to do something right. and mistakes are errors that you make with prior knowledge. in this sense, when you err and someone explains to you the correct way, it will be the first time you are enlightened with such knowledge. and then you strive to do it right the next time.

and mistakes, well, they are simply the things you do whilst knowing exactly how it is supposed to be. but given under certain circumstances, a "twist of fate", or mere unconsciousness and carelessness, mistakes happen. this is why people keep making mistakes, to do and then to re-do over and over. the errors are patented with habits and principles and ego that it becomes fossilized. it happens, normally more than once, before we arrive at the state of actualization. when we realize our mistakes fully, we then learn from it.

we actually learn from both making errors and making mistakes; learning happens in both the processes. that is the good thing of getting something wrong.

to learn.

at the end of it all, we are only human. and to err is human. sometimes we make mistakes just to feel human; perfect is not human - it is God.

thus, this is a song i'd like to share with all of you, about making mistakes..in Love :)

it is sung by Joanna Wang, whom i reckon will be the next big hit soon. she has the voice of norah jones, lisa ono and the likes. although her face does not seem to match her voice (thats what i think), but listening to her whispy singing and immaculate US accent, one would straight away fall into deep love. definitely one of taiwan's best product. enjoy!

start learning from your mistakes and forgiving others when they make one :)

"useless passion"

terima kasih sartre atas kata-kata mendalam itu. hari ni tak ada isu. semua berjalan lancar dan tenang. hari yang cukup pleasant. oh, sebenarnya ada satu perkara lah. hahaha. pergi fakulti hari ni memang super awal. bangun-bangun pagi je, terus terfikir oh Lord, the day has finally arrived. hari untuk aku memakai baju yang telah dikirim oleh bonda. haha. baju oren berlengan puffy dengan motif bunga ditengah. bright orange ok, bukan calang-calang oren. dah kata my mom dulu kaki glamer memang la baju semua meletop ala-ala pearl harbour! so yang aku ni, baju kurung limited, so asyik pakai yang sama sampai koyak kat bahu la, hangus masa gosok la, berlubang, berbau loker dan sebagainya.

lantas mulut ini pantas mengusulkan pada mak suruh bagi baju kurung. haha. sah-sah la dia bagi semua hand-me-downs dia. yang warna kuning, merah, hijau, berbunga 3D dari bahu sampai pinggang, cutting rapat cutting jauh, ada pesak, xde pesak...semua ada kak! haaa, mai pilih pilih pilih! haha. aku pun hamparkan semua baju yang memang macam untuk dress rehearsal citrawarna tu, and "rambang mata". actually, bukan banyak sangat pilihan, tapi takde pilihan! semuanya tak taste la nok! hehe. semuanya yang stok fabric mahal; chiffon, kasa rubiah, english cotton..seganlah i nak amek! haha. dah tu, nak bawa pegi fakulti je. memang abes kena caci la aku nanti! hehehe.

contoh terdekat, tadi. belum pape dah kena gelak ngan kak aisyah (sampai hati u ;p) pastu si hafizuddin lelaki macho tunjuk-tunjuk dari jauh sambil cakap "hahaha, bahu..bahu.hahaha. bahu, bahu (terus bergelak)". tak ke mematahkan semangat? haha. mak, atep semua pun tegur dengan nada sinis dicincang halus. hehehe. xdela. komen membina.


dalam kelas shakespeare best gila. semua orang jadi watak macam-macam. hafriz jadi king lear, liyana jadi kent, aku jadi cornwall, nazri jadi edmund, firhan, aimi, niza semua ada watak la. and a few other people. yang kelaka sekali firhan dengan niza sebab suara masing2 tak sesuai dengan watak. hahahaha. haih, kelaka la.

akhirnya dapat juga lidah ini menjamah Meltz di KFC buat kesekian kalinya. pegi dengan liyana, tapi dia xbelanja pun. haha. (hint) pastu hantar brader macho seorang lagi (junior brader macho di atas) yang semangat sangat nak belajau french tuh. yang aku dengar dari first class sampai hari ni bonjour, bonjour, bonjour je. xpun cava, cava bien. haha. xpe, tengah berkobar tuh, kita pupuk jela.

pastu pegi makan kari kepala ikan paling sedap di shah alam. haha. dengan the royal scoopness yang aku dah lama xjumpa. ada kawan2 advertising dia sekali. turns out one of them sekolah VI. apa lagi, sorang CBN, sorang BBGS, sorang VI. bermula lah al-kisah sekolah-sekolah inggeris ber'secret pathways' dan ber'penghuni paderi' dan sebagainya. secara tak langsung, merindui zaman sekolah yang gemilang lagi terbilang.

tiba-tiba mendapat panggilan dari kawan yang akan pulang ke bumi kangaroo malam ni. ada sorang lagi balik esok, dan lusa. haih, aku pasti merindui mereka. and vice versa. haha. dan rindu jua akan bumi adelaide. tapi actually paling rindu ialah the Great Ocean Road. ohmaigod. the most amazing place on Earth i've been thus far. haha.

i remembered the words my dad uttered on the way back on murray bridge "bila lagi agaknya kita nak datang sini. ntah-ntah the next time you guys datang sini dengan family masing-masing pula..ibu ngan ayah dah takde..mesti korang nangis bila lalu balik jalan ni..cantik betul tempat ni. kalo mati kat sini aman je agaknya.."

T_T

the long, endless road in Victoria

berita terkini (kott)

kuah, kalau tak ke nasi, ke mana kuah akan tumpah?

- Samy Vellu

pandai-pandai je dia tukar susunan proverb tuh. takpe la, at least dia ada juga keberanian untuk menggunakannya. ha, harini ada beberapa perkara/aktiviti terkini yang nak di ketengah-pastu-ketepi-sikit-kan. seperti berikut, ladies and gentleman (gentle itu bukan literal):

1. aku akhirnya mewarisi jam tangan ayahku yang telah kuperhatikan sejak dari dulu lagi. jam tangan idamanku. tak perlu jam baru, jam ini sudah cukup untuk membuat hati seorang gadis gembira (waima bentuk ukir seperti sedikit kelelakian).

2. tgk PGL dengan abang photographer bertangan kaku. hahaha. haih lawak betul. gambar paklah kemain snap lagi, sampai jambang baru nak tumbuh pun amek gak, gambar Stephen Rahman? ZERO. hahaha. xpe bro, you are still the best :)

3. pemberontakkan dan kebobrokkan sikap sesetengah pihak. akan diulas lebih jelas dikemudian hari. clue: ada kaitan dengan fakulti, eh silap, majlis perbandaran.

4. pergi ice skate sampai sprain ankle. nasib baik minor injury. semua sebab tali xdiikat dengan serius. havoc sekejap skating rink dengan jeritan powerku. hahaha. sekarang tinggal kesan lebam sahaja. kalian jangan risau.

5. ada jemputan ke rumah nabil ahmad siri jemputan umrah, depa buat makan-makan. kalau ahli keluarga fa tahu, mesti mereka teruja. hahahaha.

6. insiden birthday party di Las Carretas. oh mengapa sebegitu?!

7. hidup ni banyak asam garam. aku ni banyak sangat makan benda bergula. harap di masa depan dapat kurangkan dan lebih reseptif terhadap kemasinan hidup.

sekian. itu sahaja buat masa ini. semoga hidup kita semua lebih diberkati dan lebih ceria!!

mengapak, mengapak? mengapa aku susah sangat nak manage time. hidup ni memang sebenarnya adil, semua orang dapat 24jam sehari. tapi aku rasa macam aku dapat 10jam je sehari. gila banyak benda nak dibuat, tapi sememangnya tak sempat. nak kata aku buat kerja lambat, tak juga. cepat gila (tahap xpeduli produk yang penting siap). tapi kenapa masih tak cukup masa?

aku nak topup masa. nak topup masa banyak banyak. ada jual x?

the better road, taken

today, i established a Thewperr Thunshine Mission 22 with a friend, Fa. this mission is to help us get by every day, in the best way possible. i believe i will be able to be a better person if i follow through with the plan.

may God assist me in every sense.

:)

my briefs

today i feel like writing about these tiny things in briefs:

1. most of the times, i prefer the traffic light than the traffic police - they dont always know what they're doing in the middle of the road. and bad traffic jams can get really jammed when they're around sometimes.

2. valentine's day celebration is overrated. it causes heavy traffic especially around the city centre, impacts people who dont want to be involved and encourages feeling of low self esteem to people who dont celebrate.

3. le tour de langkawi is not internationally recognized. only during the Tun's era. further information you can get it from our prime minister.

4. a lot of the chinese business style and tactics can be observed at the KL IT centre, Plaza Low Yatt. watch and learn.

5. immigrants, legal and otherwise, could one day overstep us by number. i go everywhere, and i feel like either im in india, vietnam, indonesia or bangladesh. please, i dont mind mamak, but i want to be in malaysia. i hope i wont lose a job to them someday.

6. the phrase "on the way" could mean anything in the whole wide world.

7. i love more people than i thought i do, and that, can bring me down sometimes.

8. extreme weather symbolizes the angst of the worldly spirits. do take good care of the environment and nature. start by doing things that are reacheable.

9. you always find helpful people at unexpected places and events, and at untimely times.

10. i think everyone realizes that whenever we do a list, it always ends at number 3, 5, 10, 15. mostly at #10.

biarkan. tak penting.

kita semua badut

kadang kadang terasa geli hati melihat gelagat orang..tak ubah macam pelawak kelas pertama. cuma mereka tak sedar yang mereka diperhatikan. orang yang suka 'berjenaka' ni selalunya orang yang suka menghibur. bila orang terhibur, maka dia pun secara tak langsung dihiburkan. selalunya mereka ini adalah orang-orang yang pada hakikatnya sedih.

mungkin terlalu sukar untuk mereka menerima realiti, atau mungkin memang mereka sengaja lari daripada realiti; tidak penting, apa yang penting, penghujungnya tetap sama.

tak ubah juga seperti badut yang menangis, tetapi terukir senyuman merah diwajahnya. walau sesedih mana sekali, tugas menghibur diteruskan.

maka berterusan lah cereka dan sengketa,
yang mana hanya dia yang rasa.

just one more time

i've put my mind to it. and now it's really a problem to take it out of my head.
i think, it might explode.

in between four years.
in the course of twenty years.

only once, just once.
that one time i had.
that was all.

in between four years.
in the course of yet,
another twenty years.

there could be another,
and it could be twice.

oh God. help me go through this. breathe patience into me for i have a long and torturing wait before me. i have yet to find out if there will be a second time. hopefully, time is on my side. hopefully, it will still be there.

haiku on the hour

the wind blows here, there
gently; blew, caressed and went
- like migrating birds.

i once heard from someone who said something really worth quoting, especially now.

"i am missing the feeling of missing something"

i miss all the things i have been doing for the past few months, i miss everyone i have been fated to see each day of the past few months. and one person in particular - out of no reason.

or maybe there is a reason. it is for the ending we had. certainly not one that i (or we) expected to have. the distance, the differences. unattainable, unmanageable, unabriged. i regret everything i said, and the things i didn't say.

but out of all that, i am happy for all that happened. i learned from it. an experience, a person i will never forget for the rest of my life. an episode i had wished for my entire life. it happened; although it ended a bit differently. i loved everything about it. and i miss it now. i want to go back to that time.

i need a time machine.

:p

Look at your outfit!!

Yes, clearly somebody thinks that whatever you wear means a lot to not only you, but also to everyone that sees you. I was walking down Russell St of Melbourne City, and I saw this sprayed on the tar pavement. I wonder, how many people thought about his/her appearance when they saw this 'public message' and turn back to change their outfits..cause i definitely, immediately checked mine (although i didnt necessarily think about changing it.haha) but i admit, there was a slight feeling of 'care' for a while :p

we definitely need this kind of reminders everywhere, for people like me. lol

you cry, and nobody cries with you

in contrary to the previous post, i now feel like a bucket full of bullsht.

i hate this path i am on.

hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate

it leads me to nowhere.

and i am sad.

really, really sad.

:'(

people have been asking me how i was doing (there) and how i have been (here). it is somewhat tiresome since i myself am just starting to get a grip of things. too many things are happening at one single moment, in a good way of course!

hehe. well, generally all things life have been on the upside, upside, upside! i can never be happier..(let me keep the reasons to myself :p)

studies. im kind of catching up a LOT. i have to. i've missed 2-3 weeks worth of classes.

the Alma MATTERS

i just realized this morning over breakfast, how important my schooling days are to me. and as important as they seemed to be to me, they clearly aren't so important to some other people.

why do i say this? because the schools i went to, they are all no longer where they used to be (or no longer here in the face of earth); hence, no tangible memories for me. i cant be doing what others from other schools would do when they have children of their own, which is to proudly show their alma maters and curate the experiences they had growing in the fences of the school.

my kindergarten:

Tadika Fatima, Jalan Ampang KL.
attended from 5years old to 6years old.

- I had the best time of my childhood years here. My favourite teacher in the whole wide world, Teacher Noor. The last time I saw this building being used as a SCHOOL was in 1997.

- Has now been turned into a Syarikat Menjual Kereta Terpakai. there are more than 30 cars there on the compound where we used to have our sports day. *swear word* *swear word*


my primary school and some secondary:

Bukit Bintang Girls' School (BBGS), Jalan Raja Chulan KL.
attended from 7years old to 13 years old.

- Got to know some of the best people who are now my close friends, still.
- The place was strategic: across was Tower Records (where the Moffats once set foot on, with us girls shrieking on the balcony), Star Hill, BB Plaza, The Marriot Hotel, Karyaneka etc etc. it's in the middle of the forked road. Traffic jam inevitable.
- The place where i embarked on the 'terowong' investigation. found a tunnel that led to three other schools in KL (namely St. Mary's, St. John's, Convent Bukit Nanas)
- Very near to my dad's former office: Lot 10. i used to go to his office and look at my school from the 20th floor.
- My most favourite mamak stall that my dad and i used to go after school is situated at the alley between the office and the school. That guy definitely serves the best mee goreng mamak, EVER.

- Was demolished in the year 2001.
- Has now been totally 'revamped' as the Pavilion high-end shopping centre. YES. the huge building that homes some of the best renowned coutures and brand labels.
- the school is now moved to Taman Shamelin and renamed as Sekolah Seri Bintang Utara. it is now a co-ed school and no longer an all-girls school.

because of some selfish persons who feel obliged to contribute to the consumer world, my schools were sacrificed. and they are buildings from the colonnial era, so indeed, you would think there would be some sentiment there for antiquity and old architecture..but no. all they care about is to make more money, regardless.

:'(

moronic morning musings

just when you thought you are safe, there comes the crossroad again..and that three humongous containers. you sort of dragged your foot in front of the other, as if forcing it to decide the path you would be taking. or should be taking.

you think: is this all worth it? do i even have to decide? if i decide, does it even matter? who will it matter to, if it does?

you feel like crap, you feel undutiful, you are fickle and you are stuck.

and the things you carry with you, they have to be sorted out in those three containers. you label the containers.

so which goes into which? you can't bring them all, you have to let go, you have to be free, to actually be able to decide.

you cant seem to let go, you figured that they could be useful to you someday; that they might try to get you in the afterlife, that you can try to love these things again..

but hell, reality hits you hard like a meteor. these things you 'own', they have no hearts. they cannot feel. they wont be able to love you back. they cant appreciate. they will be cycled and then they will leave you.

which they did.

supersleep

i want nothing more, now, than to fall into a deeeeeeeep slumber, for as long as my eyes long for.

i want to really sleep and dream of good dreams.

i want to be refreshed, rejuvenated, re-un-eyebagged, restored with energy.

i want all these fundamental needs of Maslow's hierarchy to be fulfilled.

coz i need to be focused, need to be tough,

this time around you bet it's going to be rocky.

i have to be prepared

- yeah, i'm roughin' it baby!

fever here, and there

i am 42 degrees.

when i got back from campus yesterday, the last thing i needed now came to visit, finally. ahhh the fever.

i've been online to suffice myself with the latest updates on our brothers and sisters in Gaza, and all i can see is blur images of blood-wrenched faces and bodies, and walls, and guns. words became fuzzy, and i tried to catch on some keywords.

well it is a really sad thing. one would think that this would happen sooner or later, and the day finally arrived. like this fever.

they certainly have issues thats been kept inside for one too many years. and now they're giving the old cannon a go.

i hope now when i go to sleep that all of this would go away. please, God. help them. or help us help them.

im really tired now, i need to go to sleep and clear the storm in my head for a while.

have a great night to the rest of you :)

home, finally

it was unbelievable. it is surreal to me, now.

a period of time came and left, just like that.

again i taste all of it that i have put aside for a while:

the familiar smell, the sights and sounds, the people.

God, it is the best place in the whole wide world.

it feels good to be here, again.

this is home.

:)

try is a strong word

people, at their best, are still short of perfect. nothing anybody can do could make them perfect..but there are almost perfect people.

in the end, what counts is the fact that we even tried. trying is a huge thing to me. but some people think that to try is to do something without actually doing it. yes, they want the results to be apparent to them before they actually acknowledge the 'trying'.

this is why, i think, most people stopped trying. because they were criticized for doing so. nobody gave them the encouragement they expected to get in the process of trying. trying is a process. a journey. an endurement towards a destination of destiny. it takes courage, support, belief and faith.

everyday, people try to be something..either to be a better version of what they are or to be the worse. and in my case right now, i am trying to find myself. i thought i found it, but it doesn't suit me. im trying to find the best, most noble; the version i myself would like to see in other people, that is hidden somewhere in me. and or for that matter, i really appreciate people who dont judge, and people who dont even have the best interest in me trying but would like to see me do so without passing criticizations to make me stop trying.

why do we take, if we can't give back?

this world has become a huge orbiting monster. im shit scared of it, and especially the fact that im actually living in it. monster, in the sense of its retaliation and agitation we have seen before our eyes happening in this short years.

most of all, im scared of the people living in the world. my idea of a perfect world is to witness the world being evergreen; defying the aging process, safe from harm of irresponsible exploiters named human. abusers of the great creation of the Mighty God, using the name of human kind, using its wealth and nutritions for the benefit of the exclusived.

walking along the straight, untouched paths of the roads from the town of Kingston, Victoria, one is certainly reminded of the goodness this kind nature has given us, and how much we have taken from it. we have done nothing but take, take and take from it all this while. it is high time we give back as much as we can.

hold the time

it is christmas day today, and i rushed back home from a friend's place in magill this morning. had to take a bus to the city, wait for a freaking hour for the bus to my house before i had to endure yet another 40minutes to finally arrive. it is a public holiday. yes, and that reads infrequent buses. as an economical public-transportation enthusiast, i still have problems with waiting. patience is virtue, undeniably, but if i were to accumulate the time spent just for the wait from all the years i've taken a public transport, i bet it could take up more than a quarter of my 21 years of life.

man, i can never roll back the time i've spent to just wait. in general, waiting is pure pain. it kills you from the inside - slowly and torturingly.

would you rather be the person waiting, or the person who made others wait?

sometimes, it can do you some good to choose the latter. less harm. but in fact, this varies to situation. and the kind of situation i am in now, i'd rather wait.


wait
wait wait
wait wait wait
wait wait wait wait
wait wait wait wait wait
wait wait wait wait
wait wait wait
wait wait
wait

if we wait and wait, would we be left behind? will we be static, or will we actually move together with the rest of the world. what if everyone waits..then the world would pause and nothing would happen. can we blame each other then, for everything we waited for will never be achieved?



***

had a game night with yusri "rifle", euan, and ho san. it was awesome.

some wild ride

it has been quite a long while since i pour some juice from this brain and devote some time to blogging. things are going at warp speed in whirlwinds. i've only got two hands and one body which, if i could, i would have divided into several other me's and delegate different stuff to do.

these few weeks have put me to the test of many things important in life. and the gracing skies have witnessed friendships and relationships being bonded in many ways unexpected.

i am happy for the days i have lived and survived - with faith and dignity still close in tact. some things are just too precious to be sacrificed for trivial matters, i found. and now, i put the selfishness aside and are able to realize that dependibility is salient at all cost. as it is a second nature to rely on nothing but myself, i have now learned the fine points of purposely putting yourself in the vulnerable spot and, just out of nothingness, hold out your hand for someone else to reach.

being in the house with no one else but the TV surely drives me to stay out and away as much as possible from it. after a few days slaving myself to the dirt and parasite in every nook and cranny of the house, i was left with nothing else to do.

during the days, i wear my alter ego: salad girl, and bust my ass of at the sri lankan eatery. hold on a sec, they eat salad in sri lanka? at least my days are not so bland. after work till night, i spend time with great company, friends who kill my nightmares of being cold and lonely in a house somewhere in the middle of nowhere. haha. thank god for them.

indeed, if i were to put things up in a bun (made-up expression. Li Eng hates it when i say it.lol), i will never be able to write about the experiences, the emotions, the thoughts and whatever else that comes in the package of these past few weeks.

a lot has happened:

1. the sydney-melbourne-Great Ocean Road trip. everything encased in this trip will definitely be in my top shelves of great episodes in life. what more, the trip is filled with unexpected encounters with people and the process of adapting and getting to know more about them..it was refreshing :)

2. zayna's graduation, as well as yusri's, euan's, my classmate in Lit (how the heck she graduate before me?), and some other friends. it was very momentous :)

3. meeting more people, old and new friends. the next time i see them, it could be my last time meeting them as the time has almost arrived for me to go back home. hehe


there are many other things, but as they say, time waits for no man, and now i might have to catch it. i will continue soon. ta!

it is a teasing truth

from the moment i wake up
to the moment i sleep
the image playing in fast motion
the music playing on repeat

same old story
again and
again and
over and
over and

i cant leave it there
where it belong
in that black box
with that old song

open up
clam up
shut up
close up

what do i do
to get through
of what is true
for me and you

Both sides the tweed

Yes, when all else fails, you have yourself to turn to. you have friends, therapists, family to share whatever that is bugging you, but nobody would understand what you go through but yourself. nobody could see the things you see from your point of view. indeed, our eyes may look the same, but they dont necessarily look at things the same way.

and after the endless conversations you have with your mind - contemplating over strict choices, pushing to make salient decisions - you have Him to drop you a hint. and then it's all up to you.

report

location: some korean cyber cafe. pitt street. sydney.

time: morning

purpose: download and upload photos.

elapse time: 24minutes

report: this is taking forever!

a cloud is a shape?

when the clouds:
come together, or
drift from each other,
are they still
the same clouds?

when they move about:
sifted into the sky
shifted when birds fly,
are they still
the same, no doubt?

when they swayed:
in and out
up and about,
could they have
actually stayed?

the patterns they form,
the shapes they make,
can they even
be called shapes?

so how many shapes
can the clouds make?

every second:
when they move,
when they sway,
when they come together,
or out from each other,
they are really making shapes.

there could be a googolplex of shapes up there in the sky:
and nobody would have noticed or cared.
if you do,
see if it's true
(what i said).
count the shapes, give it a try.

don't take time for granted (ha ha)

this week has been hectic, not that it's over, but thus far. we sent off two of our housemates and some friends home. took care of some house issues. AAAANNNDDD, my paper is coming up this saturday.

which is:

TOMORROW

(blinking ala billboard effect)

O M G. honestly, this feels like going into battle without a weapon, or any kind of preparation. i have no metal boots and stainless steel suit on. armor? none. but you must have at least a shining sword? at least nanti boleh main tikam. nope. swiss army knife? tiada. but i do have a penknife.. what are you, a scouts girl? this is THE exam! and despite all that commotion in my pounding head, im sitting here whining away, while i could be more productive and go study.

quote from russell peters (with Indian accent): "This is counter-productive!"

HAHAHA

hani called and she screamed the scream of joy cause she had finally finished hers. (how i wish i was her) and i told her, mine's not over yet, and she went

"oh babe, i thought you dah habis cause you selalu update blog.."

hehe. time for a sheepish grin for greater effects. well, its my guilty pleasure, and i've only got one. and plus its my solace. what if i go mad cause of the unbearable exam pressures? (which is, very unlikely, but still..)

oh God, please make it easy for me tomorrow. light the path and convenienate(?) the journey. thank you.

and meanwhile, i'll save this for after the exam.

the hula dance, bebeh

chow.

if you can't hold children in your arms, hold them in your heart

that was a quote from Clara Hale. i went through the pictures alia passed to me last night. they were awesome, especially of those cute little pumpkins :) they never let me down, always the charmer.

umayr. "dah besar mesti hensem!"

focus habis la tu yeh? hehe

uish, garangnya cik abang!

just can't resist posting up this one. comelll!

these are only some of other great photos of them. kak kay came to my house the other day, so dapat la juga kiss pipi umayr! kalau tak selalu kena 'beratur' or 'berebut'. hehe. famous anak kak kay. i heard news, there's gonna be some new kids on the block! haha. a few mommies on the preggers --> more kids to kacau :D im so proud of these kids! entah bila lagi agaknya dapat jumpa budak-budak ni. masing-masing petah gila bercakap, siap aussie accent lagi tuh. bagus bagus. hehe.

oh boy, now i must sound like a stalker. macam nanny Carrie dalam cerita One Tree Hill tuh. better stop before i can't!

*all photos are courtesy of Alia Mazalan. thanks :)

crabbing

i forgot the last time i (really) slept. haha. had to wake up really early in the morning today to go crabbing. definitely something new to me. and it was awesome! probably going back soon with them again. next time i hope we get more crabs. at least sorang dua (bukan tamak, optimis). haha.

Hasil tangakapan hari ini:

blue crab in green

join the club, crabby

gotcha bebeh

we had to let go of this one. pregnant la pula. (notice the huge dark lump there. not a tumor. the eggs)

a passing afternoon

weather report: currently 11 degrees.

today is not an especially amazing day. quite a good day. i am still sleepy from the lack of sleep few days back. fatigue and exhaustion get the better of me. i can't even crack a corny joke (it is my specialty, so i heard. who came up with that ah?).

i think today is something you call 'normal', like a passing afternoon. not important, but have to go through still. not exactly a milestone moment in life, but i enjoyed today nonetheless. today, i :

1) went to shifa's house. they cooked a little meal for us (people from my house) and them (people from sole's house) and also them (some other friends).

2) went to places i've never set foot on with eani and jan. discovered some interesting photo spots. should come back with holga.

3) favourite spot of the day: balcony of nova cinema. romantic. haha

4) delight of the day: marshmallow puff with chocolate. (gosh, i really have a massive sweet tooth)

5) favourite..apa lagi eh. ha favourite moment today: balkis and fizah sleptover at our house. eh tu last night. takpela. kira today cause they went back today.

reality check of the day: clock is ticking faster than i realized. january will come in no time. i wish i dont have to go back so soon. i just got to know the people here, and they are awesome. maybe if jodoh berpanjangan kan, can meet again in future. who knows. haha.

have to go catch up on some sleep now. seeing too many words and letters made my eyes fuzzy.


till the next. have a pleasant night everyone :)

some updates after last night

as the title had well suggested, these are some of the updates after a loooooong, hell-ish night:

1) i pulled an all-nighter at the uni, which i didn't plan and was left with
2) the cold night. i was freezing sh*t. had i known i would've brought a jumper
3) i cant type as fast as i normally do, as my hands were frozen, which caused
4) longer time to type even a sentence
5) i was stucked with what Stephen King wouldnt normally get stuck with: mental block
6) hence, the countless trip to the loo for inspiration
7) i washed my face with hand soap, and now it irritates my skin
8) i had no shillings nor a 5 or 10 note to spare for a hot choc and was left unfed

but i gained some good things too:

7) i managed to restrain myself from suicide
6) i fought every single distraction that came my way
5) i even forced a smile through out the process
4) i gained confidence, and felt like a survivor
3) i didn't yell at the couple behind me for getting on my nerves
2) i found some reliable references

and the number one good thing, would definitely be, the fact that:

1) i have finally completed the essay!


phewww. *wiping imaginary perspiration off forehead*


so what now? ganti tidur? tu kena postpone. kena pi beli groceries, kemudian kena masak. malam ni ada tetamu kehormat nak datang dinner. he he. masak apo, den tak tau. hok tu kena tanya chef naa. kita fokus dessert. bg eskrem skoop jela. ha ha.

di malam yang hening, aku ditorture sebuah benda bernama REFERENCING

the only reason im not doing work right now is the fact that i couldn't find any fitting reference for my essay. ni lah akibatnya bajet nak creative sangat kan. pilih topic bukan-bukan. kononnya revolutionary thinking la kan. points memang banyak, tapi tak leh pakai if tak ada reference untuk back-up. siapa punya idea la tu kena letak reference minimum lima, memang nak kena. penat memang tahap tak-yah-sebut-la-buang-masa, tak penah la before this nak buat keje advanced tiga hari sebelum. ni empat hari sebelum dah mula research and satu hapah pun tak dapat.

progress sekarang cuma introductory paragraph dan juga point pertama. jadi ada dua paragraphs kat situ. tarikh akhir submission adalah pada hari esok jam 5 petang. sekarang entah tak pasti pukul berapa tapi yang pastinya dah malam dan otak dah berdenyut tanda penat dan menyampah tengok sehelai kertas putih (of course virtual la, sebab buat kat microsoft words kan) yang dari tadi hanya mengandungi 800 patah perkataan tambah tolak.

tapi kiranya oklah juga tu kan. selalunya the eve of submission day baru nak mula tulis essay. so i should pat myself on the back, tanda penghargaan pada diri sendiri. i could use some self-motivation sekarang ni memandangkan masa dah suntuk dan semangat jati diri dah mula memusnah.

nota buat diri: sila compose semua semangat, spirit, dan whatever else you call it dan fokus dalam memastikan yang esei siap pada masanya.

konklusi: tulis sahaja esei tersebut tanpa reference untuk malam ini. kemudian tidur dan cuba fikirkan tentang esei, mana tahu keluar reference dalam mimpi. esok hari, baru insert references di mana-mana yang patut.

mode: desperasi dan depresi

current thoughts: siapa pengasas sistem referencing? to whoever you are, "thanks a lot!". sila notis simbol quote dan unquote di situ.

sekian terima kasih daun keladi. harap boleh jumpa lagi (di post yang akan datang setelah selesai dengan esei).

two guys cleaning windows: extraordinarily ordinary

i was lunching at that hungry jack's, the one at the corner, and i saw two guys cleaning the windows on top of the Australian Disposals and Telstra.

they were chatting away, whilst cleaning the huge reflecting windows, wearing fluoroscent safety jackets and sunnies. as i watched them in motion, i couldn't help but notice, between my lunch, that they actually have a certain method of cleaning the windows. all this while, i always think of cleaning windows as merely cleaning them..yes, with soaked sponges and then wiped dry with cloths or you-know-that-thing-they-used-at-petrol-stations-for-the-car-windows. but not this time. i was surprised. like, wow, do they really have methods for that?

there were two of them, and like ten window panels, all bigger than them. what they did was:

1) person A soaped (is there such word?) the upper part of 5 windows.
2) simultaneously, person B wiped off the upper parts off the soap and water with the wiper.
3) this is all done vertically, approx 4 strokes for each window panel.
4) they swaped equipments with each other.
5) person B soaped the lower parts for the first 5 panels. but this time, in circular motions or freestyle.
6) person A did step (2) but in curvy motions (like the letter 'm') for the top side, and horizontally for the insides.
7) they moved to next 5 panels and repeat step (1) to (6)

cool, huh? i almost didn't notice that i had finished everything i had in my tray. it was like eating dinner while watching an episode of FRIENDS. and as i walked back to uni, i thought to myself:

why, we tend to overlook simple things happening around us, dont we?

ta :)

and now you have arrived to the time when you don't have a care. so what do you do? nothing. yes, absolutely nothing. you sit back and recall what happened, then you delete. then it will be done and gone.

and so you start over. besides, each day is a new beginning. i am in a good mood, and i will start anew.
God bless :)

tangled up in transliteration

गी व्हीज़, हाहा लुक अत ठाट! इ'म अच्तुअल्ली त्र्यिंग आउट थिस थिंग फॉर थे फर्स्ट टाइम, एंड आईटी'स अच्तुअल्ली प्रेत्टी कूल।.

haha. i was actually bored (despite the amount of work i had to get done), and decided to try out the transliteration (yeah, the above). pretty cool, huh?

who doesn't have them?

ah, the things you think you know.
sometimes it just isn't what it might seemed to be.
everything is an illusion, but everything is illuminated.
life is hard. so we have to try harder.
and we fall, yes we do, all the time.
and then we climb back up, or sometimes we just crawl.
but we move forward.

a friend said, this is your chance. if you dont grab it,
you'll regret.
but regret is what i have plenty of.
not because i never take the chance to do things.
but simply because i never learn from them.
or i just dont feel the need to try.

my most used mantra: ahh well, maybe someday.
i used that a lot for missed opportunities.
but some never came twice.
and they will add to my notorious collection of regrets.

i always wear heavy boots.
i bring these regrets everywhere in my boots.
to remind me every time.
to remind me not to repeat the things i should not.
but i keep forgetting.
and i keep wearing heavy boots.
and they keep getting heavier.

soon i will have to add another one
-this one. and i have
heavy boots filled with regrets.
eyes filled with shame.


but then, who doesn't have them?

Grassroots Will

It is not always that something makes you cry..or almost want to cry. this video is one of it, welling up my tear tank. and most importantly, it makes me feel ungrateful and guilty for taking things for granted.

Grassroots Will

it is a teaser of a documentary shot in Cambodia in February 2005 by a crew of Brazillian filmmakers. the film was released in 2006. i watched it three times, and still couldn't answer the everlasting question of inequity in this world.

they want to change for the betterment of Cambodia, they want to change so badly, but they dont have the means or power. it is true, that education is one of the most fundamental elements of a nation. and these people have nothing left at their disposal. all the wise men and the role models were killed and all they have is themselves and what they know..which is not enough. they need us, people who have the ability, to help them, guide them, give them support and love. and essentially, breathe into them the belief that they can do it, and that they are as good as anyone in this world. i have never felt like crying for quite a long time, until this.


*there are random quotations from the video