we're not on the same page

today feels like a just-broke-up day. everything went either wrong, or monotonous. the last straw was the incident tonight. this mouth, didnt do what it's supposed to do - speak up! really, im not very good at talking about this kind of feeling; i rarely talk about it. or if i do, i do it in circles.

some things are better felt, than said.

this swept me off my feet

if a person asks me what the perfect moment for me to find my significant other would be, i can explain in detail. i can get down to even naming the perfect tone of the colour of the dress i would be wearing. i can name the year/era/age that the incident would take place. but hell, we all know things like that dont come true in the real world. you agree?

but recently, i found the 'perfect moment' in the form of a film. Becoming Jane (starring Anne Hathaway). there is this slight second in the film that really caught my attention. i was too happy beyond explanation.

then i was in a cyber cafe in singapore, doing some work on the internet. youtube in the background. i was listening to one of my all-time fave bands, Iron and Wine, and came this song, My Lady's House, which is dear to my heart. normally i would listen to it on iTunes and just daze off to space. but this time, someone (an angel for sure. lol) has made a video for this song. so i checked it out. i was gobsmacked, ecstatic and all the emotions along that line; the person used scenes from Becoming Jane for this video of My Lady's House!! how convenient! so i can watch my fave scene with my fave music!!

the scene of the 'perfect moment' is also included. hehe. here's the video:




ok check out the dancing scene, (1:16 - 1:60 min). that's the best part of it all. and the 'moment', is from 1:53 to 1:58. OMG. perfect.

that was how (young) people in the old age get to know each other and search for their long-life partners. i definitely want to be in that time. notice how hathaway's face was first very grim and sad in the beginning of the dance? as if she couldnt find anyone that she likes. and then, BOOM!, the 1:56 minute, the right guy danced along, giving a knowing smile. and the dance fits perfectly with the music (or the other way around). i think i might die just watching it over and over again. haha.

oh lord, save me from over-romanticizing a simple video, and aggravating over the fact that this would never happen to me. can dreams ever come true? :)

kudos to Jake Slavik!

Slumdog star returns to the slums

I watched this and questioned the future of the human kind; not the pre-determined, but more of the choices made by us for our own sake.




watch this video and read the comments on youtube. this is the link to it. how do you feel reading the selfish American bastards saying that this homeless boy (amongst thousands others with the same fate) is just begging to America and using his fame from Slumdog Millionaire for his benefits? he's just a kid with no powers in his hands. and the States cant even save their own economic ass for crying out loud! so stop being so ignorant and selfish as i think this is a lesson for you to learn and take more notice to others for once. here's a piece of my mind:

"the end is near, and yet we are growing further"

Temasek

Currently in Singapore; hostile humid austere Singapore. yet, trying to find what is so special about this place. been here a couple of times; came here again with some friends. more developments for sure. but the people, nothing's changed at all.

i am here in physical. my mind, my heart is somewhere else. i wish i was there. or the other way around.

Malaysian's kind of jokes. "Haha"

jokes of the century: (for malaysians, at least)

1. DUN Perak - macroscopically

wth? omg, i was too embarassed to even talk about it. i saw the video from Malaysiakini (thanks to Shukri!) last week and at the end of it i just had to laugh. i mean, how worse can it get? gila catfight. i get that v. sivakumar is probably in denial that he had just been (finally) dropped off his position, and as most veterans would react due to biologically old age (i.e. a.samad said. explained later), he refuse to 'move from his seat'. as if that would make any difference. then later on the opposition bench was outraged of this i think and they soon all indulged in a "Kabammm!!" session. these are the people whom we call leaders, that supposedly represents us. leaders who should abid to the judiciary system and laws..how do you expect the citizens to act mature when you are not being good examples yourself?? very, very childish for a nation that claims to practice a mature democracy. what a shame. very very skanky.

2. It invloves the King

dalam mata pelajaran sejarah yang kita belajar dulu, siapa orang paling tinggi dalam negara ni? (bukan gabenor. ni pasca-kolonisasi lahh) RAJA. ni apa hal sampai tak hormat Raja ni? Pemangku Raja Perak (Raja Dr. Nazrin Shah) terpaksa tunggu selama 5jam sebelum dia boleh masuk. apa ni?!? saya tahu ramai orang cina, india dan melayu liberal di luar sana (ni lah fungsi aku speaking malay ni. lol. kiddin) yang asyik mengatakan bahawa kita patut bubar institusi ke'raja'an, raja semua tak ada fungsi. ada PM seorang cukup lah. tp aku still percaya yang raja tu ada fungsi. salah satunya? ha, patutnya kes-kes macam ni lah dia kena jatuhkan titah. arahkan je si v.sivakumar tu pergi. kalau dia tak nak ganjak juga dari kerusi, suruh security angkat dia dengan kerusi sekali letak kat luar. ni satu penghinaan kepada raja dan rakyat yang menghormatinya!

3. the Opposition

para pembangkang pula, dah jadikan 'emotional outrage' ni macam trademark mereka pula. sesuka hati nak jerit pekik, gaduh-gaduh, tunjuk perasaan, hantar MEMO (bukan petition atau surat. kurang ajar kan namanya tu) dan sebagainya within the lines of laws and bureucracy. kenapa perlu sampai macam ni? nak sangat berkuasa, kita bagi dia tengok sikit. tak payah tengok jauh-jauh, ni dekat selangor/shah alam ni dah cukup. nampak tak billboard yang selalu ada kat roundabout tuh? apa dia tulis? "Kembalikan Hak Air Kepada Rakyat" kan? ha, mana janji -janji yang tak terlaksana lagi tuh? daripada dok gaduh sana sini, apa kata fokus keje-keje anda yg tak siap lagi ni. ni yang buat aku membebel ni. naik angin.

4. PPSMI

sekarang ni, i want to know why these people despise so much the idea of teaching S&M in english. yea, i read the six arguments here the other day (and some hidden for wth purposes) but whats the worst that can happen? yes, some UK institution did a research that BM bole berkembang sebagai one of the top 4 languages used in the world. do u think i give a shit? last time they say the year 2010 will have flying cars and mobile houses on clouds. look now, we're in the 2009 and the only thing thats flying is your zipper. give your fantasies a break. speaking as a malay, i want my race to be one of the top 10% breeds in the world. and other races in our country has the privilege of being fluent in at least 2 languages, do you still want our people to be left behind? when else do we start if not now?! of course, we cant see the implications right away, it may take years to show any signs of negativity or positive impacts; so why jump? i love what muhyiddin is doing. he said that the people opposing this are arguing based on emotions and sentimentals, but what we should really do now is study the affects that may take place in an objective manner. hence, the extension of the time for research of PPSMI. we dont want things to 'flip flop' as muhyiddin put it. dah banyak sangat dah yang flip dan kemudian flop semenjak dua menjak ni. this time around, we have to make a decision, and make it work. no more having to always go back to square one.


ok bye, jari jemari dah kena osteoporosis. will continue later

My friend makes the headline

Kanak-kanak maut kereta jatuh gaung

KUANTAN 11 Mei - Seorang kanak-kanak maut manakala kakaknya koma selepas kenderaan yang dinaiki bersama keluarga mereka terbabas lalu terjunam ke dalam gaung di Kilometer 40, Jalan Kuantan-Segamat dekat sini semalam.

Dalam kejadian kira-kira pukul 3.30 petang itu, mangsa, Mohd. Suria Hidayat Mohd. Nasir, 7, dari Sungai Isap Damai di sini meninggal dunia di tempat kejadian akibat kecederaan parah di kepala manakala kakaknya, Maimunah, 9, koma dan dirawat di Hospital Tengku Ampuan Afzan (HTAA) di sini.

Ketika kejadian, kedua-dua mangsa bersama dua ahli keluarga mereka dalam perjalanan dari arah Muadzam Shah ke Kuantan dengan menaiki sebuah kereta yang dipandu abang mangsa, Zulhelmi, 22.

Ketua Polis Daerah Pekan, Supritendan Yahaya Othman berkata, semasa kejadian, abang mangsa yang memandu kereta dipercayai gagal mengawal kenderaannya sebelum terbabas ke sebelah kiri jalan.

"Kereta itu kemudian melanggar sebatang tiang papan tanda amaran di bahu jalan menyebabkan ia berpusing beberapa kali sebelum terjunam ke dalam gaung," katanya ketika dihubungi di sini hari ini.

Berikutan kejadian itu, Yahaya memberitahu, Zulhelmi patah kaki kanan dan ibu mangsa, Norazizon Saiman, 45, yang duduk di bahagian penumpang depan cedera parah pada bahagian kepala.

Menurutnya, Mohd. Suria Hidayat dan Maimunah duduk di bahagian belakang kereta itu.

Sementara itu, beliau berkata, kesemua yang cedera dikejarkan ke HTAA untuk menerima rawatan dan dilaporkan stabil.

p/s: Zulhelmi is my friend. Let's put our palms together and recite the al-fatihah to his family members who perished, and those who are injured and still waiting to be healed. He is the one in white shirt (obviously.huhu)

news article taken from here. picture taken from here.

no easy feat

nobody said it was easy. well easy to say, but not when you have to do it.

letting go is even harder than having to hold on to something.

oh, can we not let go, but still move on?

red roses

i received a bouquet on the doorstep,
the other day.

along with a card.

it was sent to the wrong house,
but then returned to me.

such a bold move,
i thought.
red roses, and 25 of them.

a very bold move,
for something that is not his..


p/s: thank you for the flowers. they are beautiful.

the problem with this world is that women worry too much about their age,

and men don't act their age.

haha.

sometimes i seriously believe that men and women ARE from different planets.

why, oh why?

*laughs*

to impress

we go a long way to impress people. i've witnessed a lot people doing the things that are against their values and principles just to impress.

most people try to make their marks in this world, not excluding me. we find ways on how we can be noticed and appreciated and be deemed as those who have 'helped' the world in one way or the other. but this is not the same with having to impress. these people are often called the 'wannabes'. nobody should blame them/us for being so.

the need to impress others, comes naturally to human beings. we love to be appreciated and praised. but i think, it is only necessary and fitting if we deserve it.

a painting of black and red

oh God, everytime i look at that painting of his, my knees go weak. all i am able to do is ask myself why. the painting of pain lives up to its name, and striked right through my beating heart. i cant stop questioning myself, as if searching for a justification. i know it's partly my fault, but dont people get second chances. too quick to judge.

and the trail ends there. i didnt bring it back with me. i want to, but i just cant and wont. i dont want it to haunt me. but that painting, i underestimated. it gives me goosebumps and wells up my tearduct.

it is more difficult than i thought.



p/s: ok maybe i miss him just a tad. ugh.

two things

two significant things happened in the duration of last night, specifically while i was doing my research proposal due today (yes, it was last minute, hehe):

One. my laptop crashed while i was typing away. the screen just went blank, but the blue light was blinking. kira punya kira, i have only left it off for about 10hours (?) in the course of five days! no wonder it's throwing a tantrum at me. i have not been looking after it well. maybe it needs a much deserved rest. (eh tapi jangan mati terus selama-lamanya! journal tak siap lagi due nex week nih!). so i had to borrow my housemate's laptop. may God bless her, my dear life-saver :)

Two. I found this great quote in A Comprehensive Guide to Writing a Research Proposal textbook (of all the places, haha).

" Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away."

Words spoken by Antoine de Saint Exupery. Yep, one helluva name! "Exupery". very cool. like you go to a party and people ask you "Hey beautiful, what's your name?" and you smile and answer sexily "Oh, I'm Exupery. Call me Exu", in that deep french accent that you fake. woohoo. haha. i bet she's long dead. nobody i know has that name anymore. (as if i have any french pen-pals or CouchSurf buddies). haha anyway my point was, the quote is very meaningful.

on another note, life's far from great, but im close to happiness :D (at least i try to think so)

i hope everything (better be!) will go well. it has to.

the truth hurts, but it is the remedy in the long run.

see you guys soon.

chasing Time

what is "busy" in today's world? there is no surprise nor is it gobsmacking if you hear someone is busy. everyone seems to be very busy these days. "oh, i have a lot to do", "im soooooo busy!", "i cant do this now, im busy".

nobody knows what anyone busy is really doing. they are just...busy. you can try throwing in a reason that it's just a matter of time management, but really, it doesnt change the fact that they will still be busy. it's not that they have less to do, it's just that they managed the things they have to do.

sometimes i wondered if the root word for business is busy. it could be. that's probably why people with business to do are always busy. haha. like you become too caught up in the 'business' (busyness) of life that you forget trivial things.

you forget how the sky looks like at night, you forget the taste of rain, you forget the people around you; and you put everything else on hold, while you go chasing time .

i am always busy too. sometimes to the point where i dont even know the hell im doing. which saddens me, because i always believe that i need to do my best in everything i do. right now, it just seems as if im doing things for the sake of doing, like the malay saying: "melepaskan batuk di tangga". because im chasing time, i need everything to be done at instant.

but you know what i realize? i will always be left behind no matter how quickly i chase it. thats just it. you always think that time is not enough, and therefore it will be your loss to think such.


p/s: i have one week to get 10 things done before i can finally be a free man. have no idea if i can pull off this feat. we'll see!

Intention and Implementation

These two things are different. they complement each other in a process, but differ in their own rights.

Intention. This is the root. this is where a jurisdiction takes place, i always believe. what you intent to do is very much different from what you really do. plan and action. two units that works together. intention always justifies for everything.

Implementation. This is one thing that confuses people. implementation always acts as a traitor to your intentions. most of the times, you dont really do what you intent to do. you have a major plan laid out upon you, but you didnt follow through. many factors affect the implementation of your intention. society, personal values, impulsiveness, ego, rationale, and other factors. sometimes you betray your own intentions. only because you refuse to show it i.e you want to appear as if you have other purposes. this act is commonly called deceit. but in my opinion, that is not necessarily the case.

personally, i can tell a person's intention. i know when a person meant well, but couldnt express it in actions that are straight-forward. a good example is how different people show their loved ones they care. some will give caring text messages like "How r u 2day?" or some goes through the hustle of asking someone else rather than the person him or herself. some may just give a meaningful look from afar...the way you implement you intentions vary. one plan can be put into action in countless ways.

however, it is dangerous if others fail to see your intention because of the way you express it. this is where miscommunications take place, and drama happens. also, on your part, you may also take a persons actions as something else, although that person meant something else. make sure you try to understand the roots before making any judgements or decisions.

most of the times, i have problems with this: people who didnt apply their intentions well, but i understood what they actually want to do and they dont get that i actually do understand them. in other words, i can read deception and dishonesty, but people who practice them dont usually think i can decode their intentions.

that's why i always believe in second chances; some people cant do it right the first time, therefore, they might work on it, and actually implement their intentions the second time around :)

role-play

the other day, i had nothing better to do; or rather refuse to do. and i did role-play on solo and imagined myself being a 60 year-old grandma. it was not the best time i had. it felt depressing and got heaps of negative sensations that i am unable to describe by words. highlights:

first of, i felt envious. of the young people - whose innocence shone in their faces. they have one privilege i ever wanted more and more - time. it is a luxury they possess that i know they might and could waste at their dispense. they take risks - they know time is on their side. they rebel, and people dont blame them, they blame their hormones.

secondly, i also envy the 'surprise' element that they hold on to, as they know not of what the future may bring them. they are as excited as they are scared. very thrilling.

then i sympathize. i pity them. for the things they are unable to foresee, for the problems they are unable to control, for the lessons they have to learn. there is no such thing as the easy way - condom for the heart, helmet for the mind, bullet-proof suit for the soul.

then i realize i am one of them. so i snapped out of the granny role, and came back to reality. suddenly i felt relieved. thank god i still have ample opportunities to do what i want. i know it's still not too late.

but at the same time, i also feel like shit. the things i want, i dont always get it. close to never. i do get things i need, but not so much of those that i want. (i know everybody faces the same thing) i seriously do feel like shit when i know that things are a-changing. shit, in this sense, is in the same category of melancholic. guess one can only move on. get on the wagon and ride along.

the rite of passage

the rain is currently falling like it has been doing for the past few weeks. eyebags are agrown and lethargic abound.

what do we write about in our blogs? we complain, we whine.

some write great things that happened in their lives. our blogs bear witness to the things we want the world to know (unless your blog is private).

i see great progress in myself throughout these past five years through my blog archive alone. my first entry was about me being a freshman in college (2005). how lame. but how true. it reflects me at that time. when i read back all the ancient posts i wrote, all the memories rushed in to mind like black and white film flashed on projector. those were amazing years. amazing things have happened. sometimes i regret the things i did, or the clothes i wear. i.e cargo pants and polo tee?! wtf. but yeah, when i give it a second thought, it wasnt so bad after all. in fact, i regret ever feeling regret. haha.

now in the speed of light, i have almost come to the peak of my study: practicum. after that, i will do my last semester and than thats it. it will be over. so in simple calculation, this semester will be the last semester for me and my friends (those in different batches and the same) to hang around the faculty together. tesl square. shitt i am going to miss that spot.

friends from senior years are soon going away, moving on with the next phase of their lives: masters or work. friends from the link program are going too, continuing their practicum at their respective training colleges (KB and Gaya), friends from junior years, well, when i get back from prac, they'll be going for it and it'll be very hard to meet up.

geez. how time really flies! it used to be just a figure of speech. but now it is really happening. doing practicum, finishing studies, graduating, continuing with studies, finding Mr.Right-For-Me, watching friends getting married, getting married myself, having children, and etc etc etc.

the rite of passage. thats what we all do. we move on, all the time. im looking forward to see what the future has in store for me. but in the meantime, i just cant wait to spend my time with those i have and love with all my heart, while i still can :)

simple people

Some people makes me drive my thoughts back to basics. the mere simplicity, the non chalance amidst the consciousness of everything else. the care-free, unbinded attitude and the liberated free-will thinking.

i thank these people. they provide me with the occasional breath of fresh air.

they dont deny consumerism, but they dont swear by it either.

they go with globalisation, but they put borders where there should be.

they read and talk to others, but dont necessarily believe all of it.

they are their own people, but they accept others as one of them.


these people;

one who sits on the pavement on the roadside.

one who only owns 7 pairs of tops and bottoms for each day of the week.

one who sits at home when people are out.

one who rides the old bike everywhere.

one who smiles, laughs, and cries when they should.

one who makes mistakes, and take it as a lesson.

one who doesnt do everything right, but doesnt disappoint.

one who is human, and is not afraid of the fact.


these are the people that have often given me new and useful insights on things i find complicated.
find these people around you, believe me, they are there.
the best thing is? they dont know who they are :)

susah la nak cakap

kenapa orang susah nak faham?

atau mereka faham tapi cuba nafikan apa yang diorang faham?

hish, aku pun tak faham.

tolonglah faham supaya aku tak payah fahamkan.

penat, pening, agitated dan keliru.

sila uruskan diri anda sendiri.

Here In My Home

I know that this is probably old juice. And i've used too many videos and music recently to cover up for my lack of commitment in writing a real post kan? HAHA. But it's not wrong to burn up that spirit of nationality over and over again lah i think. HAHA. And plus, this is a very good video. Just the right dose of values and humour lah.
Watched it with some friends during Micro-teaching Reading. Ngahaha. (Kantoi tak focus di kelas).

My favourite part is of Harith Iskandar. Dia buat moonwalk seyh!! And then, Awie's raspy voice and Ning's big notes. Ooohh man, perfecto. And also, the rap part. It's in four main languages used in Malaysia. Seriously cool. Seriously.

And oh, I LOVE MALAYSIA; and PROUD TO BE A MALAYSIAN.





p/s: do you think unity is far-fetched in Malaysia? I think it's achievable, but it does take time :)

"No matter where I roam, this is Home Sweet Home.."

Sakura Beat

Life has been hectic (still..). what more, the semester is coming to an end; everyone's trying to get their work done to be submitted before the study leave. even the lecturers look stressed out around the faculty.

i am coping pretty well. planning a trip, mentally. haha. and still manage to fool around and enjoy being this age amidst all the workload :) some unwanted distractions occur unexpectedly, but thats what makes life much thrilling!

so here's a song, to those of us who still hangs in there, and rocking wild despite all the pressures in our lives.
well, as they say, the way to live is to love! so love life [^ ^]v

Cheers!

[i love this video for its canvas look. very delicate and anime-ish, don't you think? :)]

"Time shall unfold what plaited cunning hides"

-Shakespeare, King Lear

a wise ass and an ass

note:

the wise ass: him
the (fabulous) ass: me

went on tea with my neighbour whom i've not seen for some years now at la bodega. he always has wise things to say whenever he speaks.

"Time equals gold. You can never replace time with gold and eitherwise;

no matter how valuable they are"

How very true. i think i've wasted too many hours on unimportant things. i bet he always thinks of great quotes while on auto-pilot. oh well, pilots are smart-asses. and they are paid ridiculously high amount of moolah just for pressing on buttons and reading meters. (i know, i know, it's more complex than that).

anyway, that is another thing i have yet to think about; my future. dammit how in the world am i supposed to assume what i want in the next few years? i am utterly popular with being unpredictable with myself, and i can never decide today for what's to be in the next two years; heck, not even tomorrow!

but let's put that aside, shall we? one day at a time.



p/s: listening to the velvet underground - im sticking with you.
(heart-- how ironic, im not stuck to anyone.)
(head -- well, so the insecurities and the denial speaks.)

kenapa tak mimpi bunkface??

mimpi yang best! 4 malam yang lalu, dalam kesibukan alam, dan kesuntukkan masa untuk tidur, aku telah pun bermimpi. uhhh sangat indah! (tapi decent la, jgn fikir bukan-bukan).

mimpi simple je: drummer gerard et les stars datang bilik aku and kitorang pillow talk. WAHAHA. tak ingat pula detail apa yg diborakkan, tapi dia puji senyuman aku lah. katanya (dalam bahasa perancis, tapi aku faham) "apa pendapat kamu tentang hidup ini?"

aku tak ingat apa aku jawab, tapi you can bet aku jawab something lame lah (and tak ingat juga bahasa apa). pastu at the end tuh, mak aku panggil dia. sambil cakap "wahhh, ni lah dia bakal menantu ibu ye?"

OMG. how i wish! tapi dah nama pun mimpi kannnn! tepaksa la mak control desire makk!! tak taste la gini nokk!

tapi pape pun, dia pakai baju shirt kotak2 kelabu dalam tu ada t-shirt putih, with fedora hat.

sangat weird, sebab jade puget yg aku minat bagai nak rak tu pun aku tak penah mimpi pillow talk dengan dia. ni kan pulak drummer kecil-kecilan kat lorong kat paris tuh.

but it was a great dream lah! tidur sejam je, tapi mimpi mcm cerita hindustan.



p/s: dalam seminggu ni, the sleeping hour i get has increased! (approx 15jam/minggu)

Point where you should ponder

All dead white boys say "God is good"

White tongues hang out "God is good"

-Sodom, South Georgia

Indeed, i believe so. He knows what is best for me and you, and thusfore, lay them down upon us. What happened, what is happening, and what will from now happen, i let Him decide.

And so, we are in the hands of God. (Shyheim)

Latuk Lee

hey hey, newsflash!

itu Latuk Lee Chong Wei sulah menang itu swiss open!! waaaa sangat gembira la ini macam!! hari itu saya sulah marah2 dia, kasi macam2 hal mencarut la, sekalang dia sulah redeem himself woo!! and also saved the nation's ass from what could be another humiliation!!

haha. hati saya ar sangat hepi!!

menang jugak nombor sangat ong!

set 1: 21-16
set2 : 21-16

points adalah sama untuk kedua-dua set!!

saya rasa latuk sulah faham tactic permainan lin dan. itu sangat mempuaskan! kerana ar, lin dan itu jenis olang yang main pantas. fast speed punya olang. typical chinaman la itu. jadi ar, ini latuk pulak jenis slow-mo la bak kata spielberg; jenis pemain yang main secara cool.

lantas ar, pada set pertama selepas point ke 10 lin dan macam itu, latuk cepat menangkap cara permainan latuk lin dan. eh eh bukan latuk lin dan la dia, silap la. hehe.

so ar, u boleh tengok la, selepas itu latuk bagi kaw-kaw sama dia guna tactic long rally la. dia bagi itu chinaman penat ar, hilang stamina; bagi smash banyak-banyak sama dia so tunggu dia hilang fokus dan make mistake.. sangat bijak la! mungkin misbun dan rashid sulah bagitahu sama dia la, sebab ar, masa itu all england saya nampak beliau ada tulis2 macam-macam atas kertas la masa match. haha. bagus2 ini macam.

moment paling digemari oleh saya, sulah tentulah pada point ke 15/16 set pertama dan point ke 14/15 set kedua. latuk ar sampai pusing 360 woo untuk backhand itu shuttle. gila ka apa ini latuk! sungguh kagum la! haiya, saya sangat hepi la. ini macam baru kali ke empat la dia bagi tewas itu lin dan dalam jangka 15match macam itu, accumulatively la. tapi harus pasti tingkatkan lagi la dia punya semangat fighter! jika tidak ar, sangat cepat la itu latuk putus asa, betul?

jadi ar, kasi tanam itu semangat waja dan patriotik bagi dia kerakyatan sedikit. wahahaha. ok la, hepi hepi ar lu latuk. saya juga mau tido la. latuk, lu nampak sangat leng loi la waktu lu minum air selepas match itu. wa sangat suka tengok!! hahaha. ok la, chowzz!



p/s: omg. aku dah jadi bimbo versi cina.

fantasi berakademi

went to watch AF (or akademi fantasia for those who are ignorant enough, or just couldn't care less, or havent been in malaysia for the past decade, or just deleted the memory of voting for it haha) last saturday at the futsal arena in bukit jalil. i was with my brother; we both despised the idea of having to go watch some amateur entertainers with awkward showmanship and stage skills AND having to go with our more-adult neighbour and her more-adult friends. yes, what more can be worse than having to watch funny people sing karaoke in a competition with elderly AF fanatics right? well, it was not so bad as it turned out. we actually had fun! and i kind of like one of the contestants (or two!). haha. gila menjilat ludah sendiri ;p i like Qhaud and Aril. got the potential baybeh!

definitely a season to watch out for!



p/s: ada orang kata tiara jacquelina sangat gedik sebagai seorang pengetua AF. apa kata anda? mari kita tunggu dan lihat!

goodbye

" i hope life treat you kind,

and i hope you have all you dreamed of.

and i wish you joy,

and happiness,

but above all these,

i wish you love.."

not something i do

sometimes you just dont know that it is happening. by the time you realize, it is already over. and you are left alone wondering what the hell just happened and why the hell were you so oblivious and was such a dumbass that such an eventful thing sept you in but you did not so much notice, let alone feel it.

yes, dear friends, there are people like that in this world. in fact, most of us probably has gone through this. you want it so much, but you deny it. but with the power of the universe, you get it, and then you didnt realize. so you couldnt appreciate it. and it goes away. and you blame yourself. and you missed a chance; could be the chance.

and you start to feel as if the world is crumbling down around you. and as painful as it is to swallow, you owe to yourself. the only person you could and would blame is you and no other.

and all that is left for you to do is to only hope.

to hope for a hope.

patience is virtue

you know that feeling when somebody took a portion of your heart, pull it out and keep it in a jar? yes, it will leave a hole in your heart. it hurts, it sucks, but it happens all the time. and they say time heals all wounds. but time is very, very abstract. some take longer time to heal, some in a blink of an eye.

but you heal, sooner or later. just need to be patient.

patience.

if only i had more of it.

being someone else may seem very tempting, but never ever give in to the temptations.

just be yourself, only better :)

corat-coret seorang perwira

went to watch Marley & Me the other night, amidst all the hectic-ness, BUT it was worth it. felt like i need a refresher course and last weekend has given me just that. i now feel relinquished, fresh and more creative than i was in previous weeks (last time i can come up with a thousand reasons why not to go to class, but now macam dah less kreatif utk berfikir. nway, skng dah improve sikit dah). HAHA. annndd, di samping itu juga, aku dah organize kan diri sket. dah ada calendar (ye, kali ini ADA and GUNA. selalu ada je), organizer, notebook..you name it, i got it. ceh. dah kata sexytary, kena la hidup tersusun. (ye, next time aku nak upah org lain pula jadi secratary aku. tak dan la kome nak buat semua). rasanya, Pak Lah pun tak busy macam ni. (yela, dia keja bercinta je. negara porak peranda pun peduli apa dia. haha. jgn marah pak lah. sindiran bermakna, sila ambil tindakan).

nway, marley and me was very sad. i think coz it's regarding unconditional love between the dog and its family/master. so, very touching. based on true story lagi. acad, moja, chip sampai beli buku dia buat koleksi sampai akhir hayat. cuti-cuti nanti nak pinjam boleh baca tambah ilmu. bagi yang belum tonton, hari selasa dan rabu murah. malah harga early bird memang tak masuk akal. silalah bergegas ke panggung bersama kad pelajar anda.

rentetan itu, minggu ni menjanjikan sebuah lagi minggu yang pasti mencabar kesabaran dan kecekalan ku dek kesibukan dan tuntutan kerja (cewah gitu!). lantas, masa itu semestinya emas. janganlah kita membuat kerja minit terakhir kerna sesungguhnya, hanya aku yang tahu bala bencana akibat melengahkan kerja. HAHA. tapi saya pasti anda semua hebat dalam bidang procrastinatism ini. memang, saya akui sendiri, ia adalah satu sindrom berbahaya! oleh itu, jika masih mahu membuat kerja last minute, jangan berseorang, biarlah berdua bertiga dan lagi ramai lagi bagus. supaya rakan-rakan anda bisa memberi anda satu jenis ego-boost yang anda pasti perlukan di saat genting. support system, bak kata orang barat dari segi demografinya lah. jika buat hanya seorang, anda pasti akan berasa guilty, lonely, dan low self-esteem. renung-renungkanlah coretan ini. semoga kapan kita ketemu lagi. iya bisa doank!

lesson of the day: ya apa saja bisa!! (adapted from Obama, 2009: Yes We Can!)

salam sayang dari perantauan.

captain cook sans the hook

yeap, i need ponstan for that. haha, can't believe such a minor accident can be so painful. it was swollen to double the real size. and now, i can only wear huge pants and long clothing that can disguise this bandage from the eyes of the public. wahahaha. if you must know, i am skinless (well, at that particular spot) and now have to wait till the skin regrow and my leg will look (almost) normal again. can't wait for brand-new skin. it surely would feel like i have been reborn (not!).

what a tragedy. can't reveal much, or you'll faint upon seeing it. LOL

atlit malaysia

ye, baru selesai menonton piala All England Open 2009 yang bagaikan kertas conteng dikeronyok lantas dibuang ke tong sampah. perasaan membuak-buak dengan kekecewaan dek kekalahan DATUK lee chong wei kepada lin dan dari china. nak katakan kalah tipis, memang jauh panggang dari api lah. memang diketahui bahawa dalam 15 kali pertemuan mereka berdua (tak kira tourney apa) Lin Dan meragut kemenangan sebanyak 12 kali dan lee c.w. hanya menang 3 kali dengannya. tapi seorang rakyat malaysia sejati tidak akan nafi mempunyai segelumit harapan yang lee akan menang. sekali tengok, first set dah lemah. second set lagi la. dapat satu mata, bagi satu mata. dapat satu, bagi satu - tu motto baru dia ke? sampai lah akhirnya masa point ke 15 macam tu, Lin Dan dah sangat selesa, dengan 4 mata di hadapan, and time tu aku sedar yang tak mungkin untuk lee mengejarnya. bukan pesimis, tapi realistik. orang tu dah nak match point; masa tu mata ke 20, tinggal satu je lagi. tak kan lah nak harap dia buat silap je? tak mungkin.

yang aku nampak kelemahan lee: bila dia jatuh, lambat bangun. and he's a late bloomer. so dia ambil masa agak lama nak warm up. by the time dia dah heat up, opponent telah pun bersorak gembira dengan kemenangan dalam tangan. bubur dah jadi sup. time waits for no man. ombak pergi meninggalkan kerang. hahaha.

not only that, yesterday DATUK nicole ann david, KALAH kepada Natalie Grainger, an american in the final CIMB KL Open. one thing i noticed is that, she has this 'habit' of losing when it comes to national championships. how funny. i have no clue if it has anything to do with the prize money, as money is still money, but seriously, she's the world no.1 squash player in the world and she lost on her own turf more than anywhere else in the world. very interesting, nicole. maybe it's just tough luck kot, although im starting to think you have something up your sweaty sleeves.

talking about malaysian athletes. they all claim that they were given too little incentives and rewards. the black sheep when it comes to that. now the allowances has been raised, more incentives are given, and there are other rewards in accordance to the their performance and achievement. i.e. datukship. and i.e. both the datuks mentioned above.

when they have been given all these nice things and special treatments - kompang at arrivals at the klia, all the menteri coming down to greet them, not 'punishing' them by taking back the incentives if they suck at their game - then all they do is relax. every game that comes after that will be taken not so seriously as they feel superior and already good enough at whatever they're doing.

please la people, wake up. one thing our athletes lack - and surpass any other aspect as it is the most essential - patriotism and resilience. (oh wait, thats two things. haha nway.) so better do something guys. the malaysian football team has long been a disgrace to us.

somebody's got to clean up this mess. and it ain't gonna be me.

penantian = penyeksaan

betul kata orang, penantian itu satu penyeksaan. dah lebih dua jam dah ni menunggu. tapi nasib baik menunggu di tempat selesa (yakni bilik) dan berinternet. haha.

aku sudah lambat untuk kerja. haih. nak salah kan orang tu, dia yang bagi aku kerja ni, tapi dia juga yang boleh menyebabkan aku kehilangan kerja. another irony of life ;p

pagi tadi hantar liyana, dia nak pegi on a trip to cameron highlands with some of our friends. something that i kind of need myself. but its ok. the time will come for me lah soon. hope they bring back some tea and strawberries for me ;p

today, i want to reward myself with something i've longed for for a very long time:

to curl up in a book before i fall into deep slumber.. hehe. economical, simple, yet very very rewarding :)

one and a half weeks in one post

mode: definitely busy.

highlights:

1. my sisters' sports day was fantabulous. was held at the bukit jalil sports complex. izrin was the flyer for her rumah sukan and i couldnt believe my eyes seeing her cheer like an expert, given that this is her first attempt. thinking of cheer comp, girl? ;p

2. the short film awards at KLCC CC was a refreshing event. got to meet some cool personalities (i.e. ehem ehem, bunkface), and we breathed the same air and took the same escalator! hahah, loser gila! omg. we even stalked them at the end of the event. i am such a groupie. but i dont give a sh*t. they're cute and i like them ;p

3. another week of post-poned quizzes and presentations. i just want to get them done and over with! please!

4. jason mraz was the highlight of the week! i believe he's one elligible bachelor but not ever up for grabs. coz he's every girl's man. full report soon :)

5. helped fa move out. just the two of us, we managed the can-fill-one-whole-warehouse load of stuff! to level 3!! fa, Angel Face satu! LOL.

6. chilled with gfs. definitely trying the New Age next :) im so loving this!

7. -ve: MAJOR injury on right thigh caused by the dumbass exhaust of a bike.flesh exposed. right before mraz's show! like hadi said..no pain, no gain! yea right, this is almost fatal la dude :)) hahahaha (exaggerate)

i hope more great things will come my way. repeat, only great things. got too much bad chi nowadays. shooh negative aura, shooh!

people make mistakes

Miss Norhashima my Methodology in Teaching Grammar lecturer asked us today, the difference of errors and mistakes. we were to come up with answers to that, in which i thought is pretty narrowed. however, i soon came to realize that there is a huge difference between them.

errors, you make without knowing how to do something right. and mistakes are errors that you make with prior knowledge. in this sense, when you err and someone explains to you the correct way, it will be the first time you are enlightened with such knowledge. and then you strive to do it right the next time.

and mistakes, well, they are simply the things you do whilst knowing exactly how it is supposed to be. but given under certain circumstances, a "twist of fate", or mere unconsciousness and carelessness, mistakes happen. this is why people keep making mistakes, to do and then to re-do over and over. the errors are patented with habits and principles and ego that it becomes fossilized. it happens, normally more than once, before we arrive at the state of actualization. when we realize our mistakes fully, we then learn from it.

we actually learn from both making errors and making mistakes; learning happens in both the processes. that is the good thing of getting something wrong.

to learn.

at the end of it all, we are only human. and to err is human. sometimes we make mistakes just to feel human; perfect is not human - it is God.

thus, this is a song i'd like to share with all of you, about making mistakes..in Love :)

it is sung by Joanna Wang, whom i reckon will be the next big hit soon. she has the voice of norah jones, lisa ono and the likes. although her face does not seem to match her voice (thats what i think), but listening to her whispy singing and immaculate US accent, one would straight away fall into deep love. definitely one of taiwan's best product. enjoy!

start learning from your mistakes and forgiving others when they make one :)

"useless passion"

terima kasih sartre atas kata-kata mendalam itu. hari ni tak ada isu. semua berjalan lancar dan tenang. hari yang cukup pleasant. oh, sebenarnya ada satu perkara lah. hahaha. pergi fakulti hari ni memang super awal. bangun-bangun pagi je, terus terfikir oh Lord, the day has finally arrived. hari untuk aku memakai baju yang telah dikirim oleh bonda. haha. baju oren berlengan puffy dengan motif bunga ditengah. bright orange ok, bukan calang-calang oren. dah kata my mom dulu kaki glamer memang la baju semua meletop ala-ala pearl harbour! so yang aku ni, baju kurung limited, so asyik pakai yang sama sampai koyak kat bahu la, hangus masa gosok la, berlubang, berbau loker dan sebagainya.

lantas mulut ini pantas mengusulkan pada mak suruh bagi baju kurung. haha. sah-sah la dia bagi semua hand-me-downs dia. yang warna kuning, merah, hijau, berbunga 3D dari bahu sampai pinggang, cutting rapat cutting jauh, ada pesak, xde pesak...semua ada kak! haaa, mai pilih pilih pilih! haha. aku pun hamparkan semua baju yang memang macam untuk dress rehearsal citrawarna tu, and "rambang mata". actually, bukan banyak sangat pilihan, tapi takde pilihan! semuanya tak taste la nok! hehe. semuanya yang stok fabric mahal; chiffon, kasa rubiah, english cotton..seganlah i nak amek! haha. dah tu, nak bawa pegi fakulti je. memang abes kena caci la aku nanti! hehehe.

contoh terdekat, tadi. belum pape dah kena gelak ngan kak aisyah (sampai hati u ;p) pastu si hafizuddin lelaki macho tunjuk-tunjuk dari jauh sambil cakap "hahaha, bahu..bahu.hahaha. bahu, bahu (terus bergelak)". tak ke mematahkan semangat? haha. mak, atep semua pun tegur dengan nada sinis dicincang halus. hehehe. xdela. komen membina.


dalam kelas shakespeare best gila. semua orang jadi watak macam-macam. hafriz jadi king lear, liyana jadi kent, aku jadi cornwall, nazri jadi edmund, firhan, aimi, niza semua ada watak la. and a few other people. yang kelaka sekali firhan dengan niza sebab suara masing2 tak sesuai dengan watak. hahahaha. haih, kelaka la.

akhirnya dapat juga lidah ini menjamah Meltz di KFC buat kesekian kalinya. pegi dengan liyana, tapi dia xbelanja pun. haha. (hint) pastu hantar brader macho seorang lagi (junior brader macho di atas) yang semangat sangat nak belajau french tuh. yang aku dengar dari first class sampai hari ni bonjour, bonjour, bonjour je. xpun cava, cava bien. haha. xpe, tengah berkobar tuh, kita pupuk jela.

pastu pegi makan kari kepala ikan paling sedap di shah alam. haha. dengan the royal scoopness yang aku dah lama xjumpa. ada kawan2 advertising dia sekali. turns out one of them sekolah VI. apa lagi, sorang CBN, sorang BBGS, sorang VI. bermula lah al-kisah sekolah-sekolah inggeris ber'secret pathways' dan ber'penghuni paderi' dan sebagainya. secara tak langsung, merindui zaman sekolah yang gemilang lagi terbilang.

tiba-tiba mendapat panggilan dari kawan yang akan pulang ke bumi kangaroo malam ni. ada sorang lagi balik esok, dan lusa. haih, aku pasti merindui mereka. and vice versa. haha. dan rindu jua akan bumi adelaide. tapi actually paling rindu ialah the Great Ocean Road. ohmaigod. the most amazing place on Earth i've been thus far. haha.

i remembered the words my dad uttered on the way back on murray bridge "bila lagi agaknya kita nak datang sini. ntah-ntah the next time you guys datang sini dengan family masing-masing pula..ibu ngan ayah dah takde..mesti korang nangis bila lalu balik jalan ni..cantik betul tempat ni. kalo mati kat sini aman je agaknya.."

T_T

the long, endless road in Victoria

berita terkini (kott)

kuah, kalau tak ke nasi, ke mana kuah akan tumpah?

- Samy Vellu

pandai-pandai je dia tukar susunan proverb tuh. takpe la, at least dia ada juga keberanian untuk menggunakannya. ha, harini ada beberapa perkara/aktiviti terkini yang nak di ketengah-pastu-ketepi-sikit-kan. seperti berikut, ladies and gentleman (gentle itu bukan literal):

1. aku akhirnya mewarisi jam tangan ayahku yang telah kuperhatikan sejak dari dulu lagi. jam tangan idamanku. tak perlu jam baru, jam ini sudah cukup untuk membuat hati seorang gadis gembira (waima bentuk ukir seperti sedikit kelelakian).

2. tgk PGL dengan abang photographer bertangan kaku. hahaha. haih lawak betul. gambar paklah kemain snap lagi, sampai jambang baru nak tumbuh pun amek gak, gambar Stephen Rahman? ZERO. hahaha. xpe bro, you are still the best :)

3. pemberontakkan dan kebobrokkan sikap sesetengah pihak. akan diulas lebih jelas dikemudian hari. clue: ada kaitan dengan fakulti, eh silap, majlis perbandaran.

4. pergi ice skate sampai sprain ankle. nasib baik minor injury. semua sebab tali xdiikat dengan serius. havoc sekejap skating rink dengan jeritan powerku. hahaha. sekarang tinggal kesan lebam sahaja. kalian jangan risau.

5. ada jemputan ke rumah nabil ahmad siri jemputan umrah, depa buat makan-makan. kalau ahli keluarga fa tahu, mesti mereka teruja. hahahaha.

6. insiden birthday party di Las Carretas. oh mengapa sebegitu?!

7. hidup ni banyak asam garam. aku ni banyak sangat makan benda bergula. harap di masa depan dapat kurangkan dan lebih reseptif terhadap kemasinan hidup.

sekian. itu sahaja buat masa ini. semoga hidup kita semua lebih diberkati dan lebih ceria!!

mengapak, mengapak? mengapa aku susah sangat nak manage time. hidup ni memang sebenarnya adil, semua orang dapat 24jam sehari. tapi aku rasa macam aku dapat 10jam je sehari. gila banyak benda nak dibuat, tapi sememangnya tak sempat. nak kata aku buat kerja lambat, tak juga. cepat gila (tahap xpeduli produk yang penting siap). tapi kenapa masih tak cukup masa?

aku nak topup masa. nak topup masa banyak banyak. ada jual x?

the better road, taken

today, i established a Thewperr Thunshine Mission 22 with a friend, Fa. this mission is to help us get by every day, in the best way possible. i believe i will be able to be a better person if i follow through with the plan.

may God assist me in every sense.

:)

my briefs

today i feel like writing about these tiny things in briefs:

1. most of the times, i prefer the traffic light than the traffic police - they dont always know what they're doing in the middle of the road. and bad traffic jams can get really jammed when they're around sometimes.

2. valentine's day celebration is overrated. it causes heavy traffic especially around the city centre, impacts people who dont want to be involved and encourages feeling of low self esteem to people who dont celebrate.

3. le tour de langkawi is not internationally recognized. only during the Tun's era. further information you can get it from our prime minister.

4. a lot of the chinese business style and tactics can be observed at the KL IT centre, Plaza Low Yatt. watch and learn.

5. immigrants, legal and otherwise, could one day overstep us by number. i go everywhere, and i feel like either im in india, vietnam, indonesia or bangladesh. please, i dont mind mamak, but i want to be in malaysia. i hope i wont lose a job to them someday.

6. the phrase "on the way" could mean anything in the whole wide world.

7. i love more people than i thought i do, and that, can bring me down sometimes.

8. extreme weather symbolizes the angst of the worldly spirits. do take good care of the environment and nature. start by doing things that are reacheable.

9. you always find helpful people at unexpected places and events, and at untimely times.

10. i think everyone realizes that whenever we do a list, it always ends at number 3, 5, 10, 15. mostly at #10.

biarkan. tak penting.

kita semua badut

kadang kadang terasa geli hati melihat gelagat orang..tak ubah macam pelawak kelas pertama. cuma mereka tak sedar yang mereka diperhatikan. orang yang suka 'berjenaka' ni selalunya orang yang suka menghibur. bila orang terhibur, maka dia pun secara tak langsung dihiburkan. selalunya mereka ini adalah orang-orang yang pada hakikatnya sedih.

mungkin terlalu sukar untuk mereka menerima realiti, atau mungkin memang mereka sengaja lari daripada realiti; tidak penting, apa yang penting, penghujungnya tetap sama.

tak ubah juga seperti badut yang menangis, tetapi terukir senyuman merah diwajahnya. walau sesedih mana sekali, tugas menghibur diteruskan.

maka berterusan lah cereka dan sengketa,
yang mana hanya dia yang rasa.

just one more time

i've put my mind to it. and now it's really a problem to take it out of my head.
i think, it might explode.

in between four years.
in the course of twenty years.

only once, just once.
that one time i had.
that was all.

in between four years.
in the course of yet,
another twenty years.

there could be another,
and it could be twice.

oh God. help me go through this. breathe patience into me for i have a long and torturing wait before me. i have yet to find out if there will be a second time. hopefully, time is on my side. hopefully, it will still be there.

haiku on the hour

the wind blows here, there
gently; blew, caressed and went
- like migrating birds.

i once heard from someone who said something really worth quoting, especially now.

"i am missing the feeling of missing something"

i miss all the things i have been doing for the past few months, i miss everyone i have been fated to see each day of the past few months. and one person in particular - out of no reason.

or maybe there is a reason. it is for the ending we had. certainly not one that i (or we) expected to have. the distance, the differences. unattainable, unmanageable, unabriged. i regret everything i said, and the things i didn't say.

but out of all that, i am happy for all that happened. i learned from it. an experience, a person i will never forget for the rest of my life. an episode i had wished for my entire life. it happened; although it ended a bit differently. i loved everything about it. and i miss it now. i want to go back to that time.

i need a time machine.

:p

Look at your outfit!!

Yes, clearly somebody thinks that whatever you wear means a lot to not only you, but also to everyone that sees you. I was walking down Russell St of Melbourne City, and I saw this sprayed on the tar pavement. I wonder, how many people thought about his/her appearance when they saw this 'public message' and turn back to change their outfits..cause i definitely, immediately checked mine (although i didnt necessarily think about changing it.haha) but i admit, there was a slight feeling of 'care' for a while :p

we definitely need this kind of reminders everywhere, for people like me. lol

you cry, and nobody cries with you

in contrary to the previous post, i now feel like a bucket full of bullsht.

i hate this path i am on.

hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate

it leads me to nowhere.

and i am sad.

really, really sad.

:'(

people have been asking me how i was doing (there) and how i have been (here). it is somewhat tiresome since i myself am just starting to get a grip of things. too many things are happening at one single moment, in a good way of course!

hehe. well, generally all things life have been on the upside, upside, upside! i can never be happier..(let me keep the reasons to myself :p)

studies. im kind of catching up a LOT. i have to. i've missed 2-3 weeks worth of classes.