pending the pendulum

the leaves run
chasing the wind

but i wait
zephyr pushing me

the signs stop
rain begin falling

i searched shelter
we found us

ticks become louder
never does before

the clashing breeze
made us disappear

and time runs
chasing the memories

but i wait
stones hitting me

will it stop
all of it

i still wait
waiting to begin

sunshine highway

i just can't get enough of this. the wimp sound of the accordion and bagpipe in the background is just so superb! only until towards the end did the sound become prominent. hey, who said you have to have only one person on vocals? this is such a roadtrip song!

voices

"how much is enough
if enough is enough for you
i promise i'll start to stop
sounding like the voices that
haunt you.."


performed and written by tharishni arumugam at an environmental awareness gig, That Green Thing.


p/s: that is only part of the lyrics. my favourite part :)

the word distant

yellow
grass my back is on
tickling
skin my feet is against
gentle
wind my cheeks brush
sweet
sun my tongue sips

close
lids my eyes shut
hollow
heart my soul yearns
one
bird flies away
distant
hills from the shore

till death do we bore

ah, that feeling came around again. that tinge of uncertainty, just at the brim between what is within and/or against.










yes, i do waste my time thinking about nothingness, worrying about things beyond my powers and crave for questions and wisdoms and explanations ever so endlessly. always searching for that little gap that everyone misses. that's my job; and i love it ;)

through hardships, gems are found

you do learn a lot of things from your students. as much as they learn from you, if not more. i realized they are not to be underestimated. their interests can be unworldly, but they sure are very passionate about the things they like or do not like. they can give you a gazillion reasons if you ask them to justify that.

i grow to respect them as individuals, despite their shortcomings; and more importantly, i realized this early. therefore i still have time to be the best i can to them :)

as one of my students wrote in his journal today:

Per Aspera Ad Astra

(through hardship, to reach the stars)

it has been such a long time since i saw this phrase. the first time i got across it was when i read about Apollo 13, second time was when i heard a song by that title (sang by Haggard) and the third time, in a 16 year old's journal, five years later. though i read about it when i was about his age (17), trust me, i am still impressed.

very impressed.

just enjoy the show

when the going gets tough
when the sun seems to hide
when the stars dont shine
when the zits multiply
when the thinking isnt straight
when the ride is wild,

you...CHILL.

life further unfolds

new discoveries made. when it almost feels like the end. this is the Crystal Frog. You can see its organs. scientifically known as Hyalinobatrachium.

put me in and let me out

put me in a box
i dont ever want
to see
to feel
to be

put me in a circle
just me and me
and nothing
and think
and sink

put me on a string
one that is ever
so stable
so able
so probable

and then let me out
up out away
but where
just there
- anywhere

i am walking away because i can

all there's left to do is see where it takes me.

she bangs

these are some of the tutorial videos by Hahn that i think is pretty cool and informational. this would benefit much to those who lack styling knowledge, like me, and feels that the set of hair called the bangs doesn't need styling and is a waste of time.

post-watching videos: cant believe how easy and quick it is!










she also does make-up. and i think this video in particular is just so funny, cause she made up the name of the look on the spot. haha. this girl is natural you can bet!



check her on youtube: ahahnbarbie34 for more simple/accessible tutorials.

p/s: my fringe is flat and just a mere patch on the forehead, combed sideways. need volume!

i would date these guys

especially the one playing the taylor swift/coldplay song on the piano. if only he also plays the cello. send him to my doorstep please.



i specifically love the fact that he has his daughter in mind whilst arranging this. and also the part in the slight second during the transition from Love Story to Viva La Vida. and also the way he plays it.

and this guy is not bad either. he could pass as a cool roommate. he can play the guitar and we can sing together all night looong.

check his video out here.

sometimes, dreams remain as dreams; nothing more.

tall order

i envy those who have the privilege of height. if i could, i would prefer to be tall; just a little taller than everybody else.

what is it about being tall that made me scowl in frustration of this average height i have? just one thing: the point of view.

being taller than the rest of the crowd provide you a different view of everything. sort of an added extra. you see things higher and further than anyone else. the radius stretches.

i guess you can say that i am pretty bored with the view i have to date. it is so normal. i see the things that pretty much everyone sees. maybe that is why i am not acrophobia. i am not afraid of heights. i crave for it. i want to climb mountains, i did skydiving and paragliding, and i have yet to experience the sensation of submitting to gravity from a certain altitude, and i want to break the 'height' of the depth of the ocean.

if i have the means/height, i would.


p/s: also if i have the height, i can pull off a lot of styles! sheesh.. LOL

6th - 12th of June 2009

i am currently undergoing my practicum - the school orientation program for a week. next week im going to be in classes; teaching. i have no idea if i have what it takes to be a teacher. more pressure when the GPK KoKu briefed us just now, asking us a bunch of questions on application of the theories we actually learned - the things we would do in class, and also a whole lotta other things about the height of Batu Caves, how to cook rice on wet logs, and the Holland personality tests. i got nil right for all the questions. it got to me that general knowledge is too very important to be a teacher. geez, and i thought i had read a lot. clearly not enough. never enough.

i have got three hectic days to prep myself mentally and physically (also emotionally) for whats worst to come. i am friggin scared to the bones, anxious, but i am also very enthusiastic, excited and on my toes to get started with this career. its a beginning!

everyone seasoned in this field would suggest us to have one thing in common: sincerity.

u gotta be ikhlas to be an educator, a great one. and things will fall in to place.

i am wishing the best for myself now :)

"if i dont try then i dont hope"

days of haze

i walk around in blurred vision nowadays. no thanks to the haze caused by the sumatran open burning. maybe i need a bigger and thicker pair of glasses. geez.





Video by Silent Prayer. An artistic sarcastic form of expression to those concerned.

love at first sight

I used to like this song; i still like it (amidst all the angst-driven numbers i listen to in school, we all do). haha. heard it again after such a long time on mix.fm today. miss those carefree days when love is all that matters. some things never change, dont you think? :)

faith and belief

Demi matahari, dan cahayanya di pagi hari,

Demi bulan bila ia mengiringi,

Demi siang bila ia menampakkannya.

Demi malam bila ia menutupinya.

Demi langit serta pembinaannya.

Demi bumi serta penghamparannya.

Demi sukma dan penyempurnaannya,

maka Allah Mengilhamkan kepada jiwa itu jalan kefasikan dan ketakwaannya,

sesungguhnya beruntunglah orang yang menyucikan jiwa itu,

dan sesungguhnya merugilah orang yang mengotorinya.

- QS Asy Syams (Matahari) 91:1-15

Let me ask you a personal question. How many times do you pray each day? How many times, each day do you really, really pray? How many times do you pray with all your heart, at the most sincerest, and sense of submission in a day? How many times?

I will use myself as the subject of victimisation. I honestly only pray occasionally. In times when life is too hard too handle, when only I have time, when somebody invited me to pray together, when my mom or dad asked whether or not i have prayed, then i will pray. I lack discipline, responsibility and gratitude. I was not aware of the fact that I too often ignore or put Him on the sidetrack, and not as the main purpose of my life. I always forget the little detail that He is always, always, all the time, every single nanosecond with me and taking care of me and being not just by my side, but within me. He essentializes me. I forgot. Being human, that's what we all are - forgetful.

I have gone through many 'realization' phases concurrently. I recently came about a thorough expose of the ESQ program in the April 2009 edition of 'Majalah I' whereby Dr. Ary Ginanjar was interviewed and the ESQ program was reviewed. I know a lot of people who would die to participate in the program, and i was truly lucky to be able to join although for the short course (cheaper!). The articles in the magazine of Dr. Ary Ginanjar definitely moved me to reread the books that i got from the program and those that my dad bought: The Islamic Guide to Developing ESQ: Emotional Spiritual Quotient, Rahasia Sukses Membangun Kecerdasan Emosi dan Spiritual and other related books. Quoting from Allah's Manual (the Holy Quran), the books definitely affected me in a whole new level.

I felt very far. It's unexplainable, but i feel very far, from wherever I am supposed to be. I know I am not going to be donning the hijab any time soon, but who knows, with his Hidayah, i might. they say never say never. but what is clear, i will try my best to right all the wrongs and try to be the better version of me everytime i have the choice.

A second 'realization' incident. my dad recently brought home the script for a soon-to-be released drama series for this Ramadhan, titled Fitrah (but may be changed to Cinta Sempurna). So i read the script to give a review to my dad about the series. and i have to say, it is one moving tale! definitely one to watch out for in Ramadhan (August)! It is based on a true story of a brother and a sister who is 'far' from the truth of Islam and trying to find their way back through a young Ustaz who uses not Sunnahs and Hadiths, but Facebook, blogs and YouTube to explain the meaning of human life in the eyes of Allah. Very, very interesting, huh? And so from there, i learned a lot myself, and imagined myself in the shoes of the siblings. the line-up of casts is interesting too: Ashraf Muslim, Tungku Tiara, Fizow, Siti Fazurina, Ellie Suriaty, Akhil Hayy, Akbar Azmi, Maria Farida, Jalil Hamid and etc. The most interesting part of the story is of course, there will be love. But will the love between humans defy the love of the Almighty? We'll have to wait and see! (note: even the scriptwriter hasleft the ending hanging as it is based on true story, so they still dont know whats about to happen). It will be aired on Astro Oasis channel 106.

I have yet to read a book called 'Mother of the Believers: A novel of the birth of Islam' by Kamran Pasha which i will have to borrow from a friend, Baiti, as it is not released yet in Malaysia. We saw it at the Singapore Kinokuniya and i had to save some money, so I couldnt buy it. but not to fret, I will get my hands on those! :) I have to say, the book caught my eye from the very first page. The first sentence of the prologue is this:

What is faith?

How cool. the words Kamran Pasha uses definitely pulled the strings of my heart, comparing memories to the wind and etc. of course, he is a well-known cowriter for NBC's Bionic Woman amongst many others. You can check him out at his website.

So again, i would say that this past few weeks have been very very testing and i am glad that i have great support from all these books and resources to keep me strong ang going. But one that is constantly there to help is definitely Him :) I wish that the days to come will be better for me and for you.

Take care everyone.

we're not on the same page

today feels like a just-broke-up day. everything went either wrong, or monotonous. the last straw was the incident tonight. this mouth, didnt do what it's supposed to do - speak up! really, im not very good at talking about this kind of feeling; i rarely talk about it. or if i do, i do it in circles.

some things are better felt, than said.

this swept me off my feet

if a person asks me what the perfect moment for me to find my significant other would be, i can explain in detail. i can get down to even naming the perfect tone of the colour of the dress i would be wearing. i can name the year/era/age that the incident would take place. but hell, we all know things like that dont come true in the real world. you agree?

but recently, i found the 'perfect moment' in the form of a film. Becoming Jane (starring Anne Hathaway). there is this slight second in the film that really caught my attention. i was too happy beyond explanation.

then i was in a cyber cafe in singapore, doing some work on the internet. youtube in the background. i was listening to one of my all-time fave bands, Iron and Wine, and came this song, My Lady's House, which is dear to my heart. normally i would listen to it on iTunes and just daze off to space. but this time, someone (an angel for sure. lol) has made a video for this song. so i checked it out. i was gobsmacked, ecstatic and all the emotions along that line; the person used scenes from Becoming Jane for this video of My Lady's House!! how convenient! so i can watch my fave scene with my fave music!!

the scene of the 'perfect moment' is also included. hehe. here's the video:




ok check out the dancing scene, (1:16 - 1:60 min). that's the best part of it all. and the 'moment', is from 1:53 to 1:58. OMG. perfect.

that was how (young) people in the old age get to know each other and search for their long-life partners. i definitely want to be in that time. notice how hathaway's face was first very grim and sad in the beginning of the dance? as if she couldnt find anyone that she likes. and then, BOOM!, the 1:56 minute, the right guy danced along, giving a knowing smile. and the dance fits perfectly with the music (or the other way around). i think i might die just watching it over and over again. haha.

oh lord, save me from over-romanticizing a simple video, and aggravating over the fact that this would never happen to me. can dreams ever come true? :)

kudos to Jake Slavik!

Slumdog star returns to the slums

I watched this and questioned the future of the human kind; not the pre-determined, but more of the choices made by us for our own sake.




watch this video and read the comments on youtube. this is the link to it. how do you feel reading the selfish American bastards saying that this homeless boy (amongst thousands others with the same fate) is just begging to America and using his fame from Slumdog Millionaire for his benefits? he's just a kid with no powers in his hands. and the States cant even save their own economic ass for crying out loud! so stop being so ignorant and selfish as i think this is a lesson for you to learn and take more notice to others for once. here's a piece of my mind:

"the end is near, and yet we are growing further"