best and worst week

this week could be both the best and the worst week.

why the worst?

1. what else, assignments and AE due. =.="
2. we are nearing the exam weeks! wargghh! :o
3. it would be the third last week of my friggin student life..ever! T.T
4. hence, saying farewells, reminiscing, crying, hugging, goodbyes etc which im not particularly good at (though im not that good at keeping relationships either. bad at returning calls!) :s
5. just the fact of having to say goodbye to (almost) everything. T.T :'(


why the best?

1. performing our co-cu drama that we've been practicing, finally! such a wonderful experience. ^.^
2. it's almost the end of uni life, now i get to go to work and see if i fit in! haha :D
3. pre-grad dinner! :p
4. hence, another performance i've been sickly waiting to perform..

this is how i dream to end my student life:

to show them who the real Gaga is! lol
:z :o yey!

zombie goes to starbucks

i was a walking zombie today. proof?

i felt like my body was beaten up bad like total-rotten type, psychologically abused like i was put on some electric chair with cables stuck to my head and my hair burnt and hit my brain with some ion or that particle shit we learnt at school and i died (only metaphorically. Dear God, i dont intend to pray for this).

i was literally bust out, no energy, not even the slightest milimeter (0.0000000000000001 %) of strength to even walk from my bed to the door to open it. heck, my hand cant even reach out from the bed to my table (which is only next to the bed!) to get my phone!

i rose out of bed, feeling brutally bruised, walking with head tilted and eyes in-between droopy and bulging out. i had no idea what i answered for my Nihongo test this morning which i studied the whole night and morning for as i was too sleepy like super nasty. some people might think i partied the whole night before and came to class hungover!

the look of the day: the combination of Ke$ha (wasted and couldnt care less) and miserable desperate housewife (prolly Lynette Scavo multiply by ten) and also a glimpse of a stray cat (i look like i could use some calcium).

a lot happened in between;, replacement classes, discussions, classes, assignments etc but what turned up my day were:

starbuck's Java Chip (one and only favourite)

yummayh! thank you to whoever invented this,

and the barrista who made it super special today.

ibu and ayah

thank you for the instinctive call

Ayah: buat apa?

Me: baring.

Ayah: huh? baring? are you ok?!?

 *it is seldom that when he (or my mom) calls im lying down or relaxing,

im always, always in the middle of something*

thanks to java chip and my parents, also to tarts and taj for spending a few secs out of their busy schedule with me.


i hope my zombie days to come will be better. and maybe i can upgrade to vampire status, coz it seems fashionable to be one nowadays. only i'd trade blood for syrup.

the latest 6 things

1. for the last two posts i've been starting to use a larger font. haha i found that i cant see very clear when im typing in the dim yellow light, without my glasses.

2. i came back from having lunch, and felt very tired and dozy. so i laid on the bed and next thing i know, i woke up +- 4hours after! geez. i hate sleeping in daylight. what a waste. *i hate sleeping during the day, and during rain. just something i dont like to do*

3. so consequently, i woke up, got online for a bit, and then there was this announcement:

"perhatian eh, kepada semua penghuni pangsapuri anggerik, kami dari MBSA akan melakukan kerja-kerja penyemburan untuk denggi. haa, di harap anda dapat berikan kerjasama dengan membuka pintu rumah sebelum penyemburan bermula. sekian."

and then there were people throwing back replies and all:

"Lerrrhh, apsal sekarang?! pund*k!!"

"hahhh?? bukan haritu dah ke? teruk ke denggi kat sini?!"

"aku tengah makan lahhhh!!!!"

and then there was me, sitting quietly thinking ohh shitt now i have to get up and cover up all the food (not that theres any) and go open the door.

but i kinda felt amused though, thinking about how this place (this "apartment" where i stayed) is so communal that i can hear somebody's (from god-knows which floor) alarm clock everyday at 1am in the morn (why 1am anyway?), hear somebody's baby cry at 4am, the occasional mother scolding her children in a maniac manner (complete with sound effects from the kitchen - pots and pans clanking etc), and all those remarks mentioned above about the fogging.

my room is facing the corridor, where i can see people walking going to their houses, and they, can see me. i can see people's windows, and even when i shut my windows, i can still hear them. i practically memorized what ringtones people from my block used - coz i always hear them ringing! *but im gonna miss all these when i move out next few months*

4. that aside, im down with the flu..nothing special there. just a running nose, if u havent seen one. hahaha. *lame joke, mannn i sucked*

5. i have +- 15 more days before the submission of my AE and im flipped yo! it would take a miracle for me to get it done by then! *no you wise ass, you can get it done if you move away from this blog and stop being online and do your work instead!*

6. whatever.

things i learned in class 4

nothing extra special today, just the fact that it was the last class for asian literature. it was pretty boring at first as i thought most of the things are rhetoric and like duh im an asian, i dont need to know all these values. but as time rolled and we learned more about the intricate asian rituals and cultures that i have otherwise been oblivious to, i began to love it and to appreciate where i came from more.

my friend and i, we got to present a short story written by Nay Myo Thant about a life of an old woman in Myanmar. the title's "The Tamarind Tree". first we thought it was rather simple, like geez are you freaking challenging my intellectual? kinda feeling, but soon we discovered that its more than just a tamarind tree. i had great pleasure researching for this. nothing extravagant, simple language, but it goes far in depth.

anyways, since today was the last class, i paid extra attention to Mdm Rosalind. she talked summed up about all the things we've learned i had to agree that i really learned a lot from the texts we studied. but one of the points she made, really strucked me. she said:

"there is a difference between being educated and qualified.."

you can go to college and get yourself a freaking degree, but still act with no morale, and then you can just be a plain joe not even graduating from high school but have the best attitude. 

you see, you dont need to go to college or school to be educated. education can take place anywhere at any-freaking-time. education is supposed to make you a better person, not the other way around.

i really liked about what she said. it made me think about what i've become throughout these years i spent in uni. and if im ever gonna make a proper human.

i am boring and (now) weird/loony.

i have turned into a strictly boring person these days, all no thanks to assignments and my academic exercise. but on second thought, i remembered: in the words of pn.normalizah, a motivator, she said that its human nature to point fingers to others and not ourselves. (doesnt take a motivator to tell you that huh? heck i dont want to waste my youth in prison for plagiarism. better be safe than sorry. so im quoting this)

therefore in this case, i guess im just being human, blaming assignments for sucking up my jovial juices out of me. sheesh.

anyways, as i was watching 'Water' (by Deepa Mehta, an award-winning film about the pre-determined lives of widows in India), i was making mental notes about some serious crap and at the same time, thought about some mind-blowing vein-straining issues regarding err yours truly. (talk about multi-thinking). sure, chauvanists have their best interests for themselves, and heck who says its a crime? how often do i get to do checks-and-balances on myself anyway. but why during this film? i dont even know if the Milky Way exists. (connection? i just dont know why)

i was thinking and thinking, and God bless my soul, i hit a jackpot. i realized something and its overwhelming! it kind of explains many of the things i was like huh? about. its a whole lump like a tumor that im afraid if i say it out loud, not only my roommate would hear me, but the "tumor" might spread to every possible healthy organ in my body.

drama aside, i have a serious confession.

i might be a commitment phoebe.

there, there, i said it! fuhh moksha seketika! you're on your first step to rehabilitation! let's skip the "hello, im zordon the god of power rangers, and im a commitment phoebe (that explains why im stuck in that blue-ish tank with only my head coz actually i dont have a girlfriend coz im a body-less freak)" *clap clap* "hello zordon!", the rest of the group chirped.

well, now that i've admitted to it..what next? start making commitments? dang it. i can start with having a pet. and guess i can start with a fish, easier. (well used to have one, Iman, but died, out of starvation. wasnt my fault! i was just away for a long time! and came back seeing it float *guilt and grief*).

or maybe a turtle? (used to have one too, Abdullah. took special care of it till it was like as huge as i dont know, just real huge like a gargantuan sort and it ran away. in all that weight and size, how can it get away so quickly?! this, i must clarify, is not my fault. maybe i've raised it to be independant and adventurous. it took my good values and maybe went backpacking [re: the shell] to the lorong sebelah? or the hills further up my house? haha he would've looked so cute climbing up and breaking a sweat on his amphibian skin. he'd love the hills more than his bright red super tank [read: plain ol' mega container we once used for the laundry] now talking about him made me miss him a lot. *imaginary tears somersaulting down my silky cheeks*)

anyways, i've got to go back to my boring self again and resume the pile of Damnation (otherwise known as assignments). aaarrrrggghhhh! rahhh-rahh-rumma-mahhh!! *break into breakdance to the beat of Bad Romance*

misi terdekat gue

my super-short term goals for today include (masakan bisa gue nemui kesemuanya! ayuh berdoa!):

1. refine chapter 3 and add more to chapter 2 (thesis gue yang entah ke manak ni kok!)
2. begin approaching respondents (masih untuk thesis gue, harep ada yang ingin nolong gratis!)

3. start writing movie review for 'Water', submit this weekend (yang ini khilaf gue kok, patut udah di anter isnin lalu)

4. kite-flying! (yaa, udah selesai kesemuanya yang di atas itu, gue berhak memanjakan diri gue dengan beraktivis riadah gitu. kok intuisi gue kuat ngatakan gue enggak bisa selesain semuanya! ah nggak papa, gue tetep akan ke taman ngebarin lelayang gue!!)


my youtube fix for today, memang sumpah awesome:



original by taio cruz feat ludacris, "break your heart". i've fallen musically in love with kurt and frank. btw, kurt and sam tsui was featured on oprah!

(4+5) x 4

.

what do you do

with the star that you

kept away from time,

but has lost its shine?

.

the star, has fade away

and you, have gone astray..

realiti negara aku 2

kadang-kadang rasa macam nak jadi budak melayu typical. tak nak jadi out-of-the-box, tak nak tanya soalan dalam kelas, tak nak participate apa-apa. tak nak berusaha lebih, tak nak keluar dari negara ni, tak nak tukar mindset, tak nak perbetul mentaliti, tak nak buat apa-apa.

rasa macam nak duduk je tepi tangga tunggu orang suap nasi. tunggu orang hulur duit, tunggu orang pakaikan baju, mandikan, papah ke sekolah. nak tunggu kerajaan bagi insentif, tunggu universiti merayu masuk daftar diri dan belajar, tunggu pensyarah jerit maki hamun lepas tu rotan baru buat kerja, tunggu mak ayah marah baru tolong kat rumah.

tak nak usaha untuk masa depan sendiri, tak nak dengar cakap pemimpin, tak nak pegi mengundi, tak nak ambil pot pasal hal ehwal negara dan sekitar.

nak duduk je dekat rumah tengok tv sampai tv tengok kita. nak tidur je sampai waktu makan lepas tu tido balik. nak jadi orang yang tak ada pendirian, matlamat, prinsip dan sifat ketamadunan. orang yang tak ada patriotism, jati diri, semangat usaha dan dedikasi.

tapi kalo semua orang macam tu, sampai kiamat pun xmaju kaum aku ni! tolong lah sedar dan bertindak dengan conscious. siapa lagi yang nak ubah nasib kita, kalo bukan diri kita sendiri.

tuesday thoughts

began with a puddle of plead
ended with conscience unrulied.

that part clackered,
and flickered
and fluttered
and fidgeted.

it wants to swim
in the ocean of words;
those you threw up,
exited and flew like birds.

it is fragile, it is composed
but you took for granted,
i supposed.

three on three.

the mellow.





the noveu electro.




the hard and new.



between the postal service's and the iron and wine's version, i still am not sure which one is the original. word has it its the postal service. but i like iron and wine's version better.

skinny love

"..cut out all the ropes and let me fall.."

by bon iver.

the deal about life

here's the deal.

you want to be the best you can ever be.

but you dont know how.

so you ask your mom,

and your mom said:

Well dear, that's life. We spend all our time figuring out.

sunny sunday

went to the hot air balloon event today in putrajaya with my two sisters. met up with some campus friends there too. this is the second time they organized this event and i think they should do it annually. it is awesome. at least we malaysians will have more things to look forward to now. haha.

i also heard their doing some backpackers meet-up in putrajaya with music performances and all, where backpackers locally and internationally get together with their tents up and sleeping bags listening to live music. it's still under discussion, but the deal is it's going to be held in putrajaya. cool stuff.

i bought a kite today; it's colorful and cute. i almost bought the one with the octopus head but i thought i might as well get the more professional looking kite. haha. plus cheaper maa.

i dont really like the weather today. very very hot and i was burning. but tonight it rained, so it compensated and balanced out. i guess in life we must do the same, have checks and balances. well, what can i say, im not one to speak - my life sucked too. hahah. have a good week next week.

p/s: if i survive next week, i will reward myself to a bar of cadbury crunchie. next week is war, it is hell, and it is a battlefield of shitass assignments. who bloody created the concept of homeworks and assignments?! if you did, we need to talk!

hati jauh

pada kebiasaan
jarak yang memisah
juga masa
akan tapi
ada kala nya
masih terasa jauh
walau yang memisah
hanya hati
dan rasional kita
perasaan sendiri
perasaan sepi
tidak layak dirasai
tidak oleh siapa pun

how long now?

how many months has it been now?
how many years have passed;
how long did it last?

how do you feel this moment?
how do you want it to be;
how is the future you foresee?

how do you want it to end?
how i can crash and burn;
just watching you take that turn.

i wonder

1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.


sometimes i question my own judgements.



..what if?

"here comes the sun"

the sun has always been a symbol of hope, and new beginnings. once the moon disappear through the dark suede sky, you can see a light emergin from the horizons; the sun.




metric is genius and this song is the most genius product by them. the song is full of cross-references and relatable issues that are subtle, though direct.

c'mon baby play me something..


p/s: first fell in love with metric when they covered elliot smith's behind bars.
pp/s: i like the vox's shades. she has a pair that she always wear.

who, me?

what is life without thinking about it? you came to the world from a place where you were alone, and you end your life the same manner. you make the decisions, you do the things you want to do, you have your likes and hates. at the end of the day, you are the only person you need to please.

give yourself some sympathy.

breathe me

the song is by Sia Furler. this is a live version.



raw and fragile; the song, the singing and the lyrics. like somethings gonna break anytime during the song.

thank you Taj.


alternatively, check out:

the official video

coca-cola olympic commercial featuring this song

life in list

this is a note for self:

please put your life back into perspective.


the things you need to get done in a short amount of time:

1. AE. dammit one-month plus minus more to go!
2. video for TARA.
3. all other assignments clogging/pending.
4. figure out life.

you must and you will get all four done!

tick tock, tick tock, your life is on the clock!