crossroad

the semester is about to end

and the break is coming

what should i do?

a. go on a holiday

b. take a break at home

c. work

d. fitness (lol. as if)

crossroads, crossroads..

three random events, one single journey

ahmagad! how long has it been since i indulge in you my ol' lil' blog? been really crazy at my end these days, and now, im breathing again! fuhhhhh! god bless everyone! haha (ok, how many exclamation marks in a sentence there! i must be damn ecstatic!) im beginning to feel like mah-self again!

today, i finally drove home in a peaceful mood. no rush, no tense, no concerns. man, im lovin it! and when im happy, things get random around me. *how and why? mm-hmm, exactly.*

situation: driving through federal highway. today (friday). lots of cars. jam-packed. evening around 4pm.


random event #1:

i saw a kid standing in the middle of the road, with two large garbage bags on his shoulder. weird thing is, he didnt look like he was crossing the road. its as if he was just standing there. maybe he was scared as there were a bajillion cars on the road, and crossing would be like pigs flying: impossible.

but he was there, in the middle. and the weirder thing is, cars on the three-lane road stopped for him. yeah, including me. and we all watched as he crossed and stood on the road divider. and cars moved again. like whaaa? super legend! the busy federal highway users stopped for this kid? gee wheez. malaysian drivers do still have that "budi bahasa" thing in their hearts while their on the road. awesomistic!


random event #2:

as i was reaching the bangsar area from the npe highway, justin bieber's Baby was playing on fly.fm, so i changed the channel (hehe sorry bieber fans :p) and tuned in to hitz.fm. and holy shit! Baby's playing on hitz too! i was like, geez whammy! can anything be more predictable! so in a huff, i changed to mix.fm. Sham was on the mic and he spoke about some traffic stuff. phewwh. managed to escape the Bieberism.

few seconds later, Sham introduced a song, and *wait for it, wait for it* he played bieber's Baby!! arrrghhhhhhh!! same artiste, same song?! somebody, rescue the industry please! dont get me wrong, i like bieber (in a normal dose, not like a super fan or anything), but i dont like that song (Baby). feeling rather cheated (by the three radio stations), i tuned to xfm, knowing that bieber wont make it to this station coz they play all locals. hahah!


random event #3:

was driving, at this time i was around the indian embassy, not sure where lah. anyways, as i was driving and this time listening to good music (hahah!), suddenly a car was honking next to me. it was a black viva with a johor plate. so i looked on my right, and the guy in the passenger seat was waving like mad at me and the driver was honking.

i got scared, like, did something happen to my tyre, or is something hanging out from my door? then they overtook me, and we went into the intersection heading to duke highway (yeah, i use a lot of highways fyi), so i just drove calmly, and next thing i know, they're again on the lane on my right. they matched my speed and gestured for me to wind down my window. i was like "damn! ok. something must be wrong".

when it was down, the guy in the passenger seat almost shouted: "hey awak! mean people sucks kan? (referring to my bumper sticker: Mean People Sucks) kitorang x mean, kitorang nak berkenalan!!"  whatthefruitloops!!! all that trouble just to say that?!?! manusia ni dah jadi psycho! i couldnt help but laugh and by the time, we were approaching a diverging road. they took right, and i was going left. the guys waved and i showed them the peace sign. now that is random.

so those are some of the random things that happened to me on the road today. i still couldnt figure out why i am always witnessing or being in the scene of these randomizations. but most of the times, random is good. i like random. give me random. hahahah!

so yeah. peace to y'all peeps. bounce.



p/s: go check out Caprice's Pilihanku official music video. uber hotness. as hot as global warming these days.

to those who work

in conjunction with labour day, google changed its layout. pretty dope:

HAPPY LABOUR DAY !!


p/s: most of the shops were closed, and the malls were filled with throngs of people (ugh).

another tubesday

haha the midnight beasts really rock parodies! this is awesome. check it out. and stefan is cute hahaha

mantap atau meletup?

mantap sampai meletup.

Ask me anything

just a thought

when everything's put at a cost, then what is important, what is valuable now?

therapy for the eyes and soul

hey lately i've been kind of reallly down in the pits, and i thought it must have showed in some of my previous posts. guess i just need to let it out someway, and well, my blog is my cathartic escape. but i think im doing better. it sucks, the last few days. but hell, life's a b*tch and so what. 

so i just suddenly felt the urge of putting up some photos from my trip with le familia through the Great Ocean Road (OZ), on new year's day, 2009. we saw the Twelve Apostles, and it was the highlight of the trip for me, as the panorama was just breath-taking!

the twelve apostles

on the way to the end

from afar

subliminal

walking against the debris

 long way to the end

hazard!

wow.
 two things to do here:
1. suicide
2. propose

pitstop at Port Campbell

where we stayed for the night

 this is the night when i slept really well. the bed!

where we sheltered. my sis is a real genius. 

wearing close to nothing in one-digit celcius!
in her cheer stance. oh god.

continued the trip

shooting galore

tempted to join

there were cows along the way,

like real healthy cows.

the parents insisted we stop to watch.

my sis, izlia, cried when we had to say goodbye to the pack.
guess she connected with 'em cows.

somewhere on the way

port campbell from atop

how unfortunate, it wasnt a Sunday

a cow. small one.

a lobster. huge one.

no trash astray, even in the middle of nowhere!
look at the strip of ocean behind.

against the coming of the night.

how to caption this! lost for words.

wondering if the world is too big for a human.

there are hundreds more of the trip. if i can find the time, or the patience (with the internet connection) i will put some up later. looking at the photos, the 'bellisimistic' view (ok, i coined that word up), is very therapeutic. it helps the soul. wish i was born, bred, and live in those surroundings. damn cool weyh!

tenang.

semalaman aku tidak tidur. berkali-kali aku refill air teh di McD. jiwa kacau, hati racau lah katakan. berpaket-paket gula aku isi; rakus macam ambil dadah. aku keluar menenangkan emosi aku yang tatkala itu tak ubah seperti ombak menghempas pantai. rasa nak bantai orang pun ada. rasa nak meraung pun ada. rasa nak tutup muka dengan selimut pun ada.

aku layankan juga perasaan. keluar, dengan niat mencari ketenangan. beberapa insan yang prihatin mengajak ku keluar. sebelum itu, aku telah mengisi perut kosong dengan orang-orang terapat di restoran Hassan. gembira sikit hati. tapi tetap berombak.

lantas, jiwa lara ku dibawa ke ampang. mataku disogok pemandangan Kuala Lumpur yang terang benderang, dan langit tak berbintang memayungi ku. telinga disuap alunan muzik dari gitar kapok dendangan rakan ku dan bibir ku perlahan-lahan menyanyikan sekali bait-bait not yang dimainkan.

di antara gelak tawa dan senyuman, minda ku berulang-ulang kali memikirkan sesuatu. hal tersebut sememangnya tak ubah seperti wayang gambar, hampir sukar dipercayai. aku fikirkan, sambil lama-kelamaan hal itu hilang bersama angin yang bertiup menandakan akan hujan.

akhirnya, di tengah kota itu, hujan turun membasah bumi. begitu juga masalah ku, dan emosi ku, dan segala perasaan bercampur-baur di dalam hati ku - jatuh lumut ke tanah, dan hanyut dalam refleksi pada lopak-lopak air.

aku yakin bahawa hatiku akan senantiasa mengingat perasaan yang aku rasai pada malam itu, dan kotak memori ku pasti menyimpan kejadian itu dalam satu lubuk khas. namun, ku bahaskan jua dengan diriku yang perkara lepas tidak patut dijadikan halangan untuk terus maju dalam hidup, walau sesukar mana pun untuk aku lakukannya. 

aku biarkan hilai tawa rakan-rakan ku menggamit ku kembali pada realiti. dan aku minum lagi teh panas tatkala kesejukkan hujan jam 5pagi. ku tenteramkan jiwa, ku motivasi diri agar kembali tenang. kembali pada keadaan asal. ku bayangkan ianya tidak pernah berlaku.

dan sesampai ku di rumah, sang matahari mula menyingkap awan malam, dan kelabu langit yang masih belum puas menangiskan hujan. ku buka tingkap, ku hirup udara segar pagi, ku lihat mendung awan jam 7, dan tiba-tiba jiwa ku menjadi kembali tenang. aku tersenyum sendiri. hidup siapa yang tiada masalah? biasalah, asam garam hidup. 


lalu ku terus sarapkan halwa telinga dan hati dengan playlist cover instrumental oleh David Sides di youtube. lagu Take A Bow oleh rihanna. layan kan saja.

sekarang, masa untuk capai apa yang ku mahu. masa untuk bertindak.
apa pun, misi terbesar jangka masa pendekku perlu diselesaikan dulu: AE.

buat yang terbaik, izza.

ya, aku boleh.

exagerasi emosi

the chest

in a lifetime, there will be a chest;
where you keep all the secrets,
all your wishes,
all your hopes
and your regrets.

that chest,
you lock
and the key,
you keep.

the chest remains,
the secrets,
the wishes
the hopes
and the regrets
remain.
the key,
remains.

it all remains,
with you
and only you.

why it rains.

in the words of my kanojo, wawa, who texted me some time today, he said that when we cry, the sky cries with us.

and tonight, the rain pours, as though it has been secretly trying not to in years.

help

the worst 19 hours of my life.

damn it

please,

i want to get done with my AE.

i want to get done with all of these.

then i just want to go someplace very very far

some place nobody can find me, especially not you

i just want to get away from this!!!!

:'(

aku dan angin

tiada khabar

tiada berita

hanya anginan

terus bertiup

bawa derita

di mana kamu

di saat ini

terusan pergi

tinggalkan aku

mengulam hati

hell week

last week was the hellest of weeks. i couldn't even stop a friggin second to check out my hair, i almost forgot how i even look like. it was a series of madness, and nerve-wrecking moments. if you dare ask, i would say i would never ever want to repeat last week.

on tuesday, we had the final presentation for our current issues class. we were the last group to present, and it was the toughest issue to be presented. "education and globalization"..man, that could be anything under the sun! its like talking about the other 14 topics that has been presented from the beginning of the semester! anyhow, the presentation was prolly not the best i've had, but it was alright, and we all had a moment there where we just felt a little, well, sad. Madam K was our lecturer, and she taught us once when we were in part 3 (ethics), and she had seen us all grow up to be the people we all are today.

on thursday, my group presented our short video for Japanese class. it was amateur-ish (especially in the language department), but i think, in that sense, it was still good. im really proud of all my last minute works so far. haha. it was also the final class for japanese. i had known some wonderful people from that class, and grown closer to some i've known before. on this final class too, i learned two things. that my sensei was the one who sent a report to the HEP (hal ehwal pelajar) saying i didnt come to class for 4 times, and i received a warning letter addressed to my parents' house. my dad flipped but i remained calm. haha. second, i got to know that i had the lowest in the class for the on-going marks for japanese. 30.2 /40. and the rest of the class got 32, or 34 or whatever, and the highest was 39/40.  it was very disappointing for me, as i know if i had the time, i would have done better.

later in the evening, my partner and i, presented on the poem analysis we did for contemporary literature. it was great, we had chemistry (as we just knew each other) and i think we nailed it for the presentation. during this class also, i realized i've made some great friends. i wish we had more time to get to know each other more. they're all pretty awesome.

on friday, i focused all my attention in getting the courseware done, and i missed the deadline for a very important thing. i was really bumped. but on the brightside, my courseware turned out rather cool and awesome-ish. thanks to my friends (who had done it earlier and had some tips to share) in showing me the ropes. another astounding last minute touch.

the weekend turned out to be a whirlwind of things. i couldn't really remember what i did, but i was very sleepy and lethargic. oh yea, i went to the Shah Alam public library for the first time in like 4 years of my study life to do my AE. and sunday i went back to my parents' house (but for only like 3hours) after more than a month. i love the smell of my house. i miss all the little corners and ornaments. i miss the view of sunset from the porch.

one of my only few solace to sanity, which is to fly the kite, has been sabotaged. it rained everytime im about to fly it. i have a very colourful kite, like a vibrant rainbow, and it would be very calming and wonderful if i could see it swimming in the air against the pale blue sky. i need to get sane, i need to pull myself together. and i couldnt. thus, i was sad and my week was horrible.

that was a snippet of what happened last week. full of despair and hopelessness. but in the end, i made it through with some optimism.

formspring.me

Ask me anything http://formspring.me/izzaize

minggu menakutkan

minggu ini sudah hampir tamat. pelbagai perkara yang telah terjadi - ada yang seperti diharapkan, ada yang tidak. namun itu semua adalah norma kehidupan. kini, aku hanya berharap penghujung minggu ini akan menjanjikan pengurusan masa yang lebih teratur agar semua kerja dapat ku selesaikan. amin.

saya kurang selesa

saya tidak gemar/kurang selesa dengan:

1. gambar orang yang latar belakangnya luas.
ermm maksudnya dalam foto tersebut ada orang tetapi nampak kecil sahaja dan background nya melitupi hampir segenap ruang gambar. contoh:

ini kerana ia membuatkan saya rasa takut dan inferior kepada alam persekitaran tatkala melihat gambar-gambar sebegitu. rasa seperti hati sayup. seperti mengingatkan saya betapa kerdilnya manusia.

2. melihat kaki orang di bawah pintu.
tidak kira lah ada kaki atau tidak, tetapi saya tidak suka meletakkan pipi di lantai dan melihat melalui ruang bawah pintu. aksi ini membuatkan saya rasa claustrophobic walaupun hakikatnya saya tidak berasa sebegitu dalam situasi lain. contoh:

3. kombinasi bau rokok dan (isi tempat kosong)
ini antara benda yang saya tidak suka dan tidak boleh elak. perokok dan bau rokok masih boleh saya tolerate, cuma dalam situasi di mana bau rokok tersebut telah bercampur baur dengan, katakan, bau nafas perokok tersebut (yang sudah memang berbau), atau bercampur dengan bau badan, agak sukar untuk saya terima. ini kerana, terdapat pelbagai cara untuk mengelak: chewing gum, gula-gula etc.


itu sahaja buat masa ini.

*menari dalam separa pusingan, sambil tangan ke udara melambai-lambai*

best and worst week

this week could be both the best and the worst week.

why the worst?

1. what else, assignments and AE due. =.="
2. we are nearing the exam weeks! wargghh! :o
3. it would be the third last week of my friggin student life..ever! T.T
4. hence, saying farewells, reminiscing, crying, hugging, goodbyes etc which im not particularly good at (though im not that good at keeping relationships either. bad at returning calls!) :s
5. just the fact of having to say goodbye to (almost) everything. T.T :'(


why the best?

1. performing our co-cu drama that we've been practicing, finally! such a wonderful experience. ^.^
2. it's almost the end of uni life, now i get to go to work and see if i fit in! haha :D
3. pre-grad dinner! :p
4. hence, another performance i've been sickly waiting to perform..

this is how i dream to end my student life:

to show them who the real Gaga is! lol
:z :o yey!

zombie goes to starbucks

i was a walking zombie today. proof?

i felt like my body was beaten up bad like total-rotten type, psychologically abused like i was put on some electric chair with cables stuck to my head and my hair burnt and hit my brain with some ion or that particle shit we learnt at school and i died (only metaphorically. Dear God, i dont intend to pray for this).

i was literally bust out, no energy, not even the slightest milimeter (0.0000000000000001 %) of strength to even walk from my bed to the door to open it. heck, my hand cant even reach out from the bed to my table (which is only next to the bed!) to get my phone!

i rose out of bed, feeling brutally bruised, walking with head tilted and eyes in-between droopy and bulging out. i had no idea what i answered for my Nihongo test this morning which i studied the whole night and morning for as i was too sleepy like super nasty. some people might think i partied the whole night before and came to class hungover!

the look of the day: the combination of Ke$ha (wasted and couldnt care less) and miserable desperate housewife (prolly Lynette Scavo multiply by ten) and also a glimpse of a stray cat (i look like i could use some calcium).

a lot happened in between;, replacement classes, discussions, classes, assignments etc but what turned up my day were:

starbuck's Java Chip (one and only favourite)

yummayh! thank you to whoever invented this,

and the barrista who made it super special today.

ibu and ayah

thank you for the instinctive call

Ayah: buat apa?

Me: baring.

Ayah: huh? baring? are you ok?!?

 *it is seldom that when he (or my mom) calls im lying down or relaxing,

im always, always in the middle of something*

thanks to java chip and my parents, also to tarts and taj for spending a few secs out of their busy schedule with me.


i hope my zombie days to come will be better. and maybe i can upgrade to vampire status, coz it seems fashionable to be one nowadays. only i'd trade blood for syrup.