the couch in 2/312

I was sitting on the couch in my room when i suddenly realized how much i will miss it. According to my rough calculations, i spent approximately 9-12 hours (on average) on the couch everyday. i practically 'lived' on it. When i come back home after classes, i would drop all my things on the table and jump on the couch. It is the most comfortable sofa ever. it almost feels like the couch is customized for me. Whatever position im in (on the sofa), i'd feel comfortable. I can even sleep on it – which I always do (accidentally). after 8 hours of sleep on the couch, my neck and back would rarely, almost never, strain or get cramped. i mean, seriously, i never thought a 400bucks sofa could feel so comfortable. when i go to my friends' room, i'd go sit on the couch (the sofas in cemara are all of the same type).
I was sitting on the couch in my room when i realized that the couch is in most of my memories. When I recall incidents from the past, during my stay in cemara, I could almost see the couch somewhere in it. It’s like you see a filmstrip and in every fragment has a glimpse of the couch. Man, I am so cemara-couch-obsessed. But seriously, it’s really great that I could use the ‘couch’ to symbolize me and everything that’s ever happen to me in cemara. I studied, ate, sang, gossiped, shrunk, reminisced, slept, and do thousands other activities on it. I could probably simplify the whole thing in an equation.
(Me + cemara couch) x 9hrs/day = entire experience of stay in cemara
I was sitting on the couch in my room when suddenly I heard my name being called by one of my roommates. She was asking me if I have any empty, unused boxes. I answered no and asked her what for. She replied that she needed a couple of boxes to pack her things up to bring them back home. It hit me that people had started to pack already. That moment I comprehended that it’s almost the end of the semester, the end of pre-degree, the end of my stay in cemara, the end of my life with the couch. I become conscious that I haven’t packed my things and that my roomies had practically emptied their lockers and the whole room looked like a tidal wave just washed everything over. There were bags, boxes and plastic bags scattered around the room and near the door. Still, I didn’t budge and stay put on the couch. I scrutinized every angle of the room from where I sit and watched my roomies scurry around and one of them was putting one thing in a bag, trying frantically to zip the explicitly overloaded carrier. Another was desperately stuffing a stack of hangers in a pail and another was scrunching worksheets and test papers and throwing it in a huge garbage bag.
I was sitting on the couch in my room when I recalled the 9 months I spent with people that I barely know a year ago. I realized that even if we knew somebody for a long time, it does not mean that the person knows us best and vice versa, and not that we are compatible or can connect with them greatly. What I found with some of the people here in TESLville is the instant connectivity or chemistry between me and them. I found that these people understand me better than some of my friends that I’ve known for practically the whole of my life. I had an immense experience here and would put whatever I’ve learned to good use. My perception changed towards certain people and certain situations. I discovered new ways of handling things that I’ve never been able to straighten out all this while. I have new ways to approach problems and open up to different perspectives when I need to. I also learned about unity in the TESL community, which is applicable to other circumstances. I can pretty much say that I’ve become more mature through these 9 significant months. It’s astounding how so little time can teach me so many things. To list down everything is just impossible.
Now, I am sitting on the couch typing away my opaque, dim-witted thoughts and I still haven’t packed my things, which is ghastly as I will be going home in 24 hours time. I know I don’t need that much time to pack but there’s still a feeling of uneasiness. I gawked in front of me and see my things speckled everywhere. I don’t care; I want to spend as much time as possible on this couch before I go home and wrap up the semester. The couch’s neither plushy nor stylish. It’s just plain brown and simple in terms of the design. But it’s well-structured and it suits me, like hell. I just love the couch in Cemara. Period. Now I want to sleep for a couple of hours, here in this couch, and then wake up to pack. Then, it will all be over for me - and the couch.

where's the silver lining?

every cloud has its siver lining. but the problem is, i haven't seen one. and i have like dozens of clouds here. i am truly hoping that there would be some good things i would get out of all this. maybe it's still not time. or maybe it's not silver, maybe it's gold or pink. (haha) maybe i did not realize. hmm, might just be it. i tend to get blur or ignorant at times. but most of the times, im just plain blur. like someone said, im a certified blur. okay, have to be alert next time around. have to be more attentive.

tobey the spidey

once upon a day, i have a pet. it is a spider. tobey is it's name. i gave it that name because it is significant to tobey mcguire in the movie - spiderman. in fact, it's a good name as it rhymes with spidey. you see, tobey the spidey. it's cool. i love it. i once had a spider. it's all black and a bit furry. my mom hated it but i kept it anyway. me and my brother call it 'abdullah'. the name suits it. anyway, after a few months, mom throw it away, along with the plastic container that i used as its crib. me and my bro were so devastated that we carried up the 'cold storage'. 'cold storage' is something like the cold treatment, you know when u act as if someone does not exist. when i have tobey now, it gives me the vibe that abdullah still exist. well, altho tobey is just a virtual pet and i don't really have to take care of him or feed him, it's still good to have a memory of abdullah.

my love sign

my love sign is - Capricorn. here's what they say:

Having Venus in Capricorn is a sure sign that the game of love will not be rushed. A better question might be whether things will get off the ground at all! Those graced by this placement are cautious to the core, not ones to jump into love or meander through various flings. Rather, the tender care of another is what will bring this lover into full bloom. That said, once insecurities and fear of rejection are shoved aside, those with their Venus in Capricorn can be loyal and true lovers who will work hard at making their relationship click. Don't expect a fountain of feelings to flow from these folks, however; expect them instead to be relatively private, albeit sensualists in the right situation. That situation is likely to be one where emotional and financial security is virtually guaranteed. Now that's not too much to ask, is it? Well, hard worker that the Goat is, those with this placement can expect to spend much of their time doing the work which will ultimately lead to relationship bliss. The fruits of this labor? A faithful and devoted lover. Not bad!

hmm..(thinking)

i'm a teenage dirtbag..wheatus said.

i totally agree to wheatus and think that im the best example of a teenage dirtbag. a teenage is defined as a person at his/her young age which im not really sure of the age range. and dirtbag can be defined as a bag to put dirt. i think it's the bag you use for vacuum cleaner, something like that. so basically, u got the picture, right? but that's literally speaking. the implied meaning is simply dat im a..loser. huu, i did not say it out loud. well, ok maybe i am not a total loser, but at sum points of my life maybe. anyway, i personally think it's cool to be a loser. people don't actually give a damn to you and whatever you're doing and it makes it even easier for you to do your stuffs. i mean, who cares right? i love the fact that people would actually look down on you. but the moment you rise, you will prove them all wrong - flat in their faces. it's like the return of the loser or something, ya know? wonder what it feels to be mocked at and made fun of. and suddenly wat gempaq gle. dat is juz sooo cool. if i can pick, i'd be a cool loser. is there such a thing? anyway, i'd be da best loser ever. like someone said, no matter who u are, and regardless what u do, u'll juz have 2 be da best in it. thus, i'd not only be a loser, but the best loser in town.

empty mind..liberty!!

woah..like, finally! well, now dat da whole drama thing has ended, liberty has actually taken place!! i am free!! at last!! weird thing is, i'm not sure how im gonna face da fact that i will no longer have to think bout drama 24/7, which i was constantly doing for the past few months! an empty mind is so bizarre! it rarely happens this semester, and im having trouble handling it. weird, weird. oh crap, i should be happy for not having to pressurize myself anymore, but well, let's juz say i was already used to it. haha, silly me. hmm, the idea of actually spending my sundays in bed while listening to music and eating cake (so much for an imagination) is tremendously marvellous!! i think i should list down the things that i would like to do during my weekends. woah, this totally freaked me out! i can actually spend time on weekends however i want! yippee!! ok, now i'm starting to sound like a martian. not that i've never experience holiday or whatever, but it's been such a long time, man! and i am going to have so much fun!

it hit me...i'm pathetic

oh yea, it hit me right on the head. for once, i was unable to speak. i mean, frankly speaking, i don't really know how to describe it. at one point i was at the top of the world. i thought i was content enough. i thought i had everything. well, 'almost' of course. and suddenly i was to know that my whole inspiration was a fraud. i know this might not be clear but it's not for others to know except for myself. that was all a big fat lie. for a moment, i lost focus. i don't know the reason me being here. what was the whole point again? i was confused. i was scared. i was everything i ought not be. and the sad thing is, i was alone. yup, all by myself. which made me realize that, i'll just have to learn and cope by myself. life is cruel. needless to say, unfair. fair enough, i took the challenge and i'm still alive till this very moment. alive and breathing.

the world has big tears

I just love rainfall. When it rains, I can feel certain tranquility and a squirt of contentment. I love the fact that people tend to shy away and keep under wraps in their houses or hideaway. And for a moment, the world would be at peace. All that can be heard is the sound of cars swooshing on the roads, pedestrians walking in puddles of water from the rain, and also the pitter-patter of raindrops on windows and surfaces. Bashful faunas that have been keeping themselves away can now reveal themselves. The croaking of frogs and toads occasionally breaks the silence. When all this beautiful things take place, I would go to my bedroom window and open up the panels so that I can breathe in the fresh and unsoiled air while the zephyr caress every inch of my face subtly. This is therapy to me. I don’t need any massages or costly spas; just the sense of being a part in this wonderful piece of nature can ease my clustered mind and soul. In houses, the smell of hot chocolate and quiet chatters filled the empty atmosphere. From where I sit, I can always see interesting ostensible performances of lights from all the headlights of cars, streetlights, glows from house windows and shops along the streets. In time, I would feel a jolt of excitement running through my veins and a feeling of serenity and delight would conquest my psyche and body. Yes, you might call this cheap thrill. But the feeling that you obtain from it is devastating and remarkable and incredibly priceless – seriously, you won’t get it in the market. And when the sound of thunder blared once in a while, my adrenaline rushes like mad. In a way, it excites me that much. The rain falls down gradually heavier and less people would be outside. The sight of some pedestrians desperately rushing to find shelter and some even with their things falling out of grip and tumble in the puddle just amuse me. It’s like the whole world is putting up a show on me, and I am the spectator of this marvelous piece.

It feels like the world is crying, and the raindrops are big tears. How irony that the superior world would shed tears. It tells me in a way that this entire thing is a symbol – imagine, a huge being like the world can cry, what about meek earthlings like us? We are weak, feeble, and frail, and that’s why we need help from Him. That’s why He’s the Almighty. He made something with reasons. And subsequently, a rainbow would form. All seven beautiful colors structure itself from a cloud to another, like a colorful bridge over cotton candies. That moment, it’s back to happy mode. The weather would be moderate – not too hot, not too cold. Everything smells fresh after a rainfall, the grass, the flowers, the air. People would start going out again from their cocoon and happy and cheerful chatters would be heard again. I like the fact that rain can bring both, joy and sorrow. When it rained, it’s dark and gloomy. And when it stops raining, it’s merry and vivid. It’s like the world has alter ego, or have PMS. Anyway, of all the weathers, I love rain the most. It’s also a very romantic weather. My fantasy would be that – to meet my guy in that circumstance. We would share an umbrella, or maybe just walk in the rain - all wet and drained. But in the end, it would all just be hilarious and romantic. How sexy!

of course, heavy rain can cause damages and what not, i like the fact that it just proves that rain can also be powerful. it can destroy things if it wants to. the rain can throw tantrums and nobody would blame it. i would love to be like that. it can be mild and sweet and all, but it can also be harsh and cruel. but all in all, i still love the rain and will still be sitting by the window watching the raindrops fall on the surface and spread into huge loops of water. and i'll still be enjoying the show of lights in the streets and houses. i'll still be smiling and grinning at pedestrians who rushes to find shelter. i'll be enjoying it for the rest of my life.

seventh heaven

Last night, right after I performed my Isyak prayers, still clad in my praying robe, I felt shivers all over my body. It was a totally different feeling – I’ve never felt anything like it before. How I should explain it, I myself do not know. It’s like a very special sensation, probably a mixture of various emotions. All I can say is that, I was at the peak of serenity, tranquility, and peacefulness. The composure and equanimity is just… pure. Strange, yet familiar. I don’t know, it seemed normal, but for once, I was in cloud nine. Yup, it was a piece of heaven. I have no idea how the heck I get that feeling or if I’ll ever feel it again… it’s all left to the unknown. Yeah, I very much love the unknown - as much as I love surprises. *sigh* anyway, at one point, I was aware that the feeling I experienced was just too overwhelming and too immense that I almost lost touch with the world, with the whole contents of it. You can say that I was at the highest high of ecstasy – I was in seventh heaven. It lasted for only about a millisecond, and moments after that everything was back to earth. I looked around and noticed in dizziness, that everything and everyone was doing their things as usual. Up until now, every time after I prayed, I hope to have that kind of feeling again, but I never did. I wish that I would, in the coming future. But, as homework, I’d still have to get it figured out – the feeling. I need to find out if it was some sort of a sign or something; I would never want to miss that out. Or probably, God just wanted me to feel a bit of happiness and contentment – have a taste of heaven. It could be because of that, considering I’ve been going through a lot for the past few days. In any case, it is certainly not something to be brag about. I would keep it to myself with the hope I’d have another helping of it – if it’s not too much to ask for. Till then, good night.

the perishers

Now I know love can turn to hate in the blink of an eye

Another lie another alibi

When your curtain fell heaven turned to hell

What was real I could never tell

I wish I would have known

Wish I would have seen

I wish I’d had some lines to read between

I just can’t understand why you cared to stay

You never truly loved me anyway

I just can’t understand..


okay, these are some of the lines from the song titled 'sway' by 'the Perishers'. the baits are just beautiful and so damn meaningful. last night, someone in a really sad mode gave it to me. he was a friend of mine, a really good friend, i have to say. and he spilled the beans, saying that the person he liked turned away. and bla bla bla. and finally, we both agreed that we were suckers in this love arena. it is seriously not our cup of tea. not dat we don't like the other chromosome, it's just that, this thing is too subjective and too complicated that we'd rather not talk about it. we tried though, to search for 'the one' or whatever shit that is, for years, since high school. but not much result. there are some significant developments, though. a little bit here and there. but basically, still the same old thing. huh, just wish cupid is here to help. mercy us O' Cupid.. we badly need your help. okay, don't get me wrong or anything. i'm not desperate, nor my friend is. but we just want some obvious path to follow through and some guidance in order to meet our destinies. that's all. just a little favour and a simple prayer. from the both of us.

me and my stupid thoughts

i frequently ask myself things that i myself can't explain - well, sometimes i do have the answers at hand.. anyway lately, i've been thinking a lot about what really makes a friendship. two person might happen to be the best of friends just after a few minutes of encounter with each other. but for some, they need a couple of years, maybe, to really trust each other. as for me, it depends. it depends very much on the other party, but normally, i can get along fine just in the nick of time. somehow, i've just come to realize that, i do not really have someone i can call a best friend. seriously, no one. i almost did, though, but something strucked me not to. guess, it was simply a slip of mind. when i thought i nearly grasp the bliss of having a good friend, bad things dropped on me like raindrops. one after another. i hate to say that i do have a lot of friends, but not a single person can make me feel or act like who i really am. no one really understands me when i did something or say something. people thought i was funny. yeah, i do love to joke around. but heck, i'm human. i came to the extent of portraying myself as a clown - one that shows happy expressions on its face, with all those thick make-ups, making other people smile and laugh...but inside and underneath, it's all just a phony. beneath the heavy make-up, is a person trying to shed his fears, sadness, problems, loneliness, whatever etc. i thought i was one of those phony clowns, but i've frequently told myself that, in fact, i am not. and most of the times, i bought it. but it soon hit me that, what are some of the factors that affect me to lead this sort of life? i have to say, i really don't know. at least not yet. and about that friendship thingy, sometimes, i thought to myself, what are the benefits of having a 'friend' if that 'friend' himself feels like he 'had to' be a friend to someone? why do people put on masks and fake as a 'friend' to his friend. what the heck? if you don't want to be a friend, don't fake it. so i guess now, to me, the term 'friend' does not apply to just anyone you know. it is applied to someone who really 'wants' to be your friend instead of just faking it. friends are a small group of people from the large group of people you know. but of course, people from the large group can all be your friends. okay this thing is turning into something really confusing *grins*. therefore in short, not all your friends can be your 'friend' and yeah, stop putting on masks. i believe in total honesty and total frankness in a friendship. a true and pure friendship is realy hard to get. and at the end of the day, i am my own true best friend.

a quiz i picked up somewhere...

Izza, your true color is Orange!

You're a bold, confident orange. A warm, powerful color that indicates a strong, welcoming personality, orange is the mark of people who are social and extroverted by nature. Vibrant, with an upbeat attitude, you have a bright, inviting demeanor. Energetic and fun-loving, you're a real friend-magnet. Your easy charm and unassuming manner make you the sort of person people want to meet and get to know better. Well-rounded and fun to be around, you enjoy helping others, so it's no surprise that orange also symbolizes attraction. Orange is an extraordinary color — for an extraordinary person.

ciao 2005... bonjour 2006! ~recap on the year 2005~

whew~! finally. i can't believe that 2005 is gone. it's all history now. i mean, of course i missed 2005, but at the same time i'm also anxious and excited for a whole new year to come. well, there. 2006 is here. it just came without notice!!(well, literally lah) so nway, thinking back on it, i've had a really roller coaster ride during the whole of '05. starting from the very 1st month 'till the last! and i've to admit quite honestly, i had so much fun!!

'05 had been a hell of a year for me. a LOT had i went through, and although there are quite a few major obstacles along the way, i actully learned a couple of good lessons. oh well, what more can i say?! i really had fun! first with all the party-ing after SPM, and then the working experiences, where i worked with a production house. well, i was kind of a lousy asisstant reporter, of course lah~! how do you expect me, who doesn't even have a clue about the flora wildlife and plants (well,sort of) to suddenly report on balinese landscapes with siamensis species and heliconias and what-nots.and also to memorize 30 different kinds of grass and a few thousand species of plants? ok well, at least they gave me a break. i had ample time doing researches and studies and although i succeed in accomplishing only 3 episodes, i managed to learn a lot and gained plenty of knowledge. not that i am that keen on plants, but at least i didn't go around wasting the few months of my life. and the experiences weren't that bad at all.

so nway, the day when the SPM results came out was also a good memory. i mean, with me and all my friends all over the nation meeting up again after a few months..it was actually, quite sad. well, with a lot of the others from afar who couldn't make it that day, and thinking that it might just be the last time we all meet each other..wuhuu..truly sad. and then with all the chaos of getting into college (or matriculation), things got a little rough and we frequently lost touch of each other. oh ok, no more sad stories. another good memory, was the time when i go to college.or better still, university. i mean, it's the varsity y'all! i don't really when loco with all the uni fever, but u know, i was a bit excited. well, a little bit more than just a little. my whole family also got on the beat. my parents went all mushy and dramatic on the day of the registration..or for the them, the day their daughter just stepped into adulthood.i mean, it's not like i'm getting married and all. they are sometimes over-reacting, but other than that they're just worried that their cutesy little daughter isn't little anymore, and it's time to loosen up a bit.

well, i guessed i missed the part where i went to japan. and not just that, i went alone! i mean, no parents, no clinging sisters around my feet, no height-phobic brother, just me. of course my parents were god damn worried. but somehow i convinced them that i could manage on my own, and that i won't talk to strangers or accept sweets from people that i don't know and follow them. i went there to just widen my horizons.to feel how it's like out there. and i've always been keen on travelling there. i stayed with my cousin, and she brought me to places where 'real' japanese go for shopping, where they do gigs. and famous places to watch the sakura (it was spring). and all in all, it was yokatta! especially the people and the culture. you can see onna and ottoko hanging out at the subway stations wearing high-street fashions and the reknowned 'harajuku' style. they all have their own styles and identities. it was fun just watching them. i feel totally like a drap and dressed-down just wearing a shirt and a pair of jeans.

during the end of the year, on my birthday to be precise, a had a surprise party thrown by my beloved family. my bro called everyone in my mobile and mt friends and invited them to come to ampang sports planet- futsal arena, and even informed them that it was going to be a surprise bufday party for me and that not to tell me (of course). and well, of course, i was bloody surprised! feel like i was punked or dooped! the feeling was just over-whelming! i mean, there are lotsa people that i didn't expect to be there, and just seeing people that i know - be it close friends, cousins, neighbours, etc - is just so..sweet. it's something like jejak kasih laa.anyway, we all had a tremendous time playing futsal, and being the meticulous person, my mom even called for catering in the futsal area. so, we can all play and hog on foods at the same time. everyone had fun, they don't have to say it out loud, i can just see it from their faces. i was quite a good player too. i scored 3 goals, and being an amateur, i was proud of myself.haha. yea, laugh out loud. i received a lot of pressies -thanx to those who cared and were thoughtful enough. but anyhow, some of my friends who couldn't make it to the futsal cum bufday bash were upset. a lot who didn't came called (or msged) and apologized. well, it doesn't matter, i appreciate it though. thanx.

i had a lot of other minor memories too.but save it for later.

and now, i'm sitting at the lobby of mandarin oriental, typing away all my bitter sweet memories of the year 2005. having had a sore feet after walking for miles around klcc and bintang walk, i truly enjoyed the performances and the fireworks. anyway, the sounds of fireworks - the booms and bangs- just reminds me of the bombs which is significant to the war happening on other parts of the world. while i was having fun and party-ing away with friends and families, there are those who lost their beloved ones and suffering the most painful things life could offer, praying for, if not much, a glimpse of peace, serenity and tranquility.wishing for an escapade and just a humble place to call home. i hated to think that there are unfortunate people out there but i couldn't just throw it out of my mind. it's the reality. O.K. well, now i'm crapping like a miss universe. haha. it's not even a point.

so, the point is, 2005 is the best year of all the 18 years i had in my life. and i bet (and hope!) that next year would be even better and prosperous, for me, my family, friends and everyone in this whole wide world. well, one thing is for sure. i will actually start off 2006 quite nicely. hehe i can't hardly wait for the peterpan concert tomorrow!! (or today, since it's already 3 in the morn). well, before i know, i'll be recapping the year 2006 pulak. ya know, time slips like water - so fast! okay, 'till then, happy new year!!! pruuuutttt!!!!! (the sound of party trumpets, and confetti all falling down and messing up the whole place)

new discovery

juz discovered i had a great affection on cheese and butter. i lurrrve cheese and butter sooo much. i mean, everything i eat is with butter, or cheese. well, mostly laa. every single day, (at least at home) i eat french toast slopped with a whole bunch of butter and a slight raspberry jam. yummy! i just feel like having one right now. why did i get into this topic in the first place anyway? ok, so anyway, i love butter. and cheese. i love blueberry cheesecake. especially the one at secret recipe. i once ate with my friend, fa, and it was so tasty and delicious, and and and a whole lot more adjectives! well, probably because she paid that one for me, so nway, it doesn't matter. it's not even a point. so, the point is, i love butter and cheese. i'm devoted to 'em.

finals!!

never thot how da final exams wud be..and last thursday, i gotta experience da first time ever. and it was certainly not a good experience! i hv a feelin i'm gonna flunk! da exam was like as hard and as tough as a plywood!!! or maybe even worse... hoo god, juz hope for da best..still hv 6 papers comin'...

piece of trash?

im x really in da mood 4 writing, but heck, who cares? so, im sort of scrunching up my brain and raking for sum not-dat-good-but-can-do-lah ideas to write. ok well, finally my receptors or cells(wuteva u call it) juz registered 2 my brain. and i chose to write about...ok, well i forgot. damn, i have good brain, highly-sensitive receptors but unfortun8ly, short-term memory. wait,wait, there must b sumwhere at the corner of my mind..ok, now i can conclude dat i dun have da slightest idea of da thing i'm supposed 2 write about. i'm wasting time, electricity (contributes to waste of money), energy (caused from typing), bad health (eye strain from looking at da computer and back pain because of really bad posture), etc. i bet there're thousands of negative outcomes from this bad trait of mine, but i juz dun hv da energy to type it all down. hey hey hey!! look! i'm actually writing sumthng! even without a tint of idea, i can actually write a whole page of...crap. well, ok, i admit dat it's not exactly a good piece of writing, and if it were 2 b an essay for an exam, i'd most certainly get a -100% ! but at least i'm trying my best. a piece of trash to some can be a piece of a valuable thing to another person. in simple words, it might be a trash but i have a good feeling dat sumwhere out there, a small number of people wif gr8 artistic value is apreciating dis piece of writing.juz hv a good look at pablo picasso. he doesn't know a shit about wut he's drawing. everything he drew looked like a whole bunch of disaster. it practically drove me nuts! but he was honoured as one of da best painter. "hell wif dat!", i thot. but maybe to most ppl, his drawings are practically the best! thus, i wouldn't dare say dis piece-of-writing is a piece-of-shit...know wut i mean? well, pray to god dat i'll have a better idea of wut 2 write in days 2 come!

how time flies...

it's still a miracle to me, to see and experience how time flies. i didn't even realize it until the moment came. the moment where we came to the end. and in this case, i'm at the end of a semester. the worst part was that i don't really think i've made full use out of it. i mean, there's still a lot that i haven't achieve. my grades are still not that good. the bond between me and my other college mates is still in progress - meaning, we're still in the middle of fixing ourselves with each other, so that no one will feel like a misfit (or even a black sheep!). so, basically, i'm just upset that i've not gotten much out of this semester. i mean, i didn't do my part. the others were okay, just that i'm a bit late in adapting myself to the campus atmosphere. i've been to a boarding school for 5 yrs before, but a boarding school and a university is so much different with each other! like heaven and earth! hehe. well, i guess i'll have to do better next time..i mean, next sem. just wait and see!

life is a roller coaster

life is like a wheel..but hey, give me a break ok? i mean, honestly speaking..i kind of just felt being at the bottom of the big,heavy wheel of my life.i'm being splat on until my brain splash out from my head shell. i felt like i'm being tortured like hell by my very own..ugh, God-knows-who. oh my fucking god!!! ok, huh..this is not as hard as i had expected, but God-knows-who juz turn me down on the face! i feel like i want to stab myself in the stomach and bury myself as deep as the earth goes! i have nothing against my own friend. God-knows-who is like, my bestie form long time ago. we've been friends since a decade ago.. and i guess, she has (oops kantoi, heh let it be lah) her own wheel. she'll get to the point where she will fell like she's at the bottom of her big, heavy wheel of her own. and that time, (mind you god-knows-who) don't come running (or even crying!) to me, okay? that time, i will not be there for you. mark my word. roger and out.

just us

today is one of my best friend's birthday.she was a my friend when i was in high school. we would normally celebrate together with our 6 other friends. for a whole 5 years (since we were 13 yrs old till 17 yrs old), we've been celebrating together without our families..just us. and now, i can only send her sms to wish her birthday (we can't meet coz she studies way in kedah)..hmm.. i guess this is juz life!

haiyoo...

i'm actually in the computer literacy class..and the lecturer is talking and targeting me, obviously because i'm not paying attention to her..yeah, well.. i'm kind of afraid now that she's looking at me..ok then..bye..hihi..