the word distant

yellow
grass my back is on
tickling
skin my feet is against
gentle
wind my cheeks brush
sweet
sun my tongue sips

close
lids my eyes shut
hollow
heart my soul yearns
one
bird flies away
distant
hills from the shore

till death do we bore

ah, that feeling came around again. that tinge of uncertainty, just at the brim between what is within and/or against.










yes, i do waste my time thinking about nothingness, worrying about things beyond my powers and crave for questions and wisdoms and explanations ever so endlessly. always searching for that little gap that everyone misses. that's my job; and i love it ;)

through hardships, gems are found

you do learn a lot of things from your students. as much as they learn from you, if not more. i realized they are not to be underestimated. their interests can be unworldly, but they sure are very passionate about the things they like or do not like. they can give you a gazillion reasons if you ask them to justify that.

i grow to respect them as individuals, despite their shortcomings; and more importantly, i realized this early. therefore i still have time to be the best i can to them :)

as one of my students wrote in his journal today:

Per Aspera Ad Astra

(through hardship, to reach the stars)

it has been such a long time since i saw this phrase. the first time i got across it was when i read about Apollo 13, second time was when i heard a song by that title (sang by Haggard) and the third time, in a 16 year old's journal, five years later. though i read about it when i was about his age (17), trust me, i am still impressed.

very impressed.

just enjoy the show

when the going gets tough
when the sun seems to hide
when the stars dont shine
when the zits multiply
when the thinking isnt straight
when the ride is wild,

you...CHILL.

life further unfolds

new discoveries made. when it almost feels like the end. this is the Crystal Frog. You can see its organs. scientifically known as Hyalinobatrachium.

put me in and let me out

put me in a box
i dont ever want
to see
to feel
to be

put me in a circle
just me and me
and nothing
and think
and sink

put me on a string
one that is ever
so stable
so able
so probable

and then let me out
up out away
but where
just there
- anywhere

i am walking away because i can

all there's left to do is see where it takes me.

she bangs

these are some of the tutorial videos by Hahn that i think is pretty cool and informational. this would benefit much to those who lack styling knowledge, like me, and feels that the set of hair called the bangs doesn't need styling and is a waste of time.

post-watching videos: cant believe how easy and quick it is!










she also does make-up. and i think this video in particular is just so funny, cause she made up the name of the look on the spot. haha. this girl is natural you can bet!



check her on youtube: ahahnbarbie34 for more simple/accessible tutorials.

p/s: my fringe is flat and just a mere patch on the forehead, combed sideways. need volume!

i would date these guys

especially the one playing the taylor swift/coldplay song on the piano. if only he also plays the cello. send him to my doorstep please.



i specifically love the fact that he has his daughter in mind whilst arranging this. and also the part in the slight second during the transition from Love Story to Viva La Vida. and also the way he plays it.

and this guy is not bad either. he could pass as a cool roommate. he can play the guitar and we can sing together all night looong.

check his video out here.

sometimes, dreams remain as dreams; nothing more.

tall order

i envy those who have the privilege of height. if i could, i would prefer to be tall; just a little taller than everybody else.

what is it about being tall that made me scowl in frustration of this average height i have? just one thing: the point of view.

being taller than the rest of the crowd provide you a different view of everything. sort of an added extra. you see things higher and further than anyone else. the radius stretches.

i guess you can say that i am pretty bored with the view i have to date. it is so normal. i see the things that pretty much everyone sees. maybe that is why i am not acrophobia. i am not afraid of heights. i crave for it. i want to climb mountains, i did skydiving and paragliding, and i have yet to experience the sensation of submitting to gravity from a certain altitude, and i want to break the 'height' of the depth of the ocean.

if i have the means/height, i would.


p/s: also if i have the height, i can pull off a lot of styles! sheesh.. LOL

6th - 12th of June 2009

i am currently undergoing my practicum - the school orientation program for a week. next week im going to be in classes; teaching. i have no idea if i have what it takes to be a teacher. more pressure when the GPK KoKu briefed us just now, asking us a bunch of questions on application of the theories we actually learned - the things we would do in class, and also a whole lotta other things about the height of Batu Caves, how to cook rice on wet logs, and the Holland personality tests. i got nil right for all the questions. it got to me that general knowledge is too very important to be a teacher. geez, and i thought i had read a lot. clearly not enough. never enough.

i have got three hectic days to prep myself mentally and physically (also emotionally) for whats worst to come. i am friggin scared to the bones, anxious, but i am also very enthusiastic, excited and on my toes to get started with this career. its a beginning!

everyone seasoned in this field would suggest us to have one thing in common: sincerity.

u gotta be ikhlas to be an educator, a great one. and things will fall in to place.

i am wishing the best for myself now :)

"if i dont try then i dont hope"

days of haze

i walk around in blurred vision nowadays. no thanks to the haze caused by the sumatran open burning. maybe i need a bigger and thicker pair of glasses. geez.





Video by Silent Prayer. An artistic sarcastic form of expression to those concerned.

love at first sight

I used to like this song; i still like it (amidst all the angst-driven numbers i listen to in school, we all do). haha. heard it again after such a long time on mix.fm today. miss those carefree days when love is all that matters. some things never change, dont you think? :)

faith and belief

Demi matahari, dan cahayanya di pagi hari,

Demi bulan bila ia mengiringi,

Demi siang bila ia menampakkannya.

Demi malam bila ia menutupinya.

Demi langit serta pembinaannya.

Demi bumi serta penghamparannya.

Demi sukma dan penyempurnaannya,

maka Allah Mengilhamkan kepada jiwa itu jalan kefasikan dan ketakwaannya,

sesungguhnya beruntunglah orang yang menyucikan jiwa itu,

dan sesungguhnya merugilah orang yang mengotorinya.

- QS Asy Syams (Matahari) 91:1-15

Let me ask you a personal question. How many times do you pray each day? How many times, each day do you really, really pray? How many times do you pray with all your heart, at the most sincerest, and sense of submission in a day? How many times?

I will use myself as the subject of victimisation. I honestly only pray occasionally. In times when life is too hard too handle, when only I have time, when somebody invited me to pray together, when my mom or dad asked whether or not i have prayed, then i will pray. I lack discipline, responsibility and gratitude. I was not aware of the fact that I too often ignore or put Him on the sidetrack, and not as the main purpose of my life. I always forget the little detail that He is always, always, all the time, every single nanosecond with me and taking care of me and being not just by my side, but within me. He essentializes me. I forgot. Being human, that's what we all are - forgetful.

I have gone through many 'realization' phases concurrently. I recently came about a thorough expose of the ESQ program in the April 2009 edition of 'Majalah I' whereby Dr. Ary Ginanjar was interviewed and the ESQ program was reviewed. I know a lot of people who would die to participate in the program, and i was truly lucky to be able to join although for the short course (cheaper!). The articles in the magazine of Dr. Ary Ginanjar definitely moved me to reread the books that i got from the program and those that my dad bought: The Islamic Guide to Developing ESQ: Emotional Spiritual Quotient, Rahasia Sukses Membangun Kecerdasan Emosi dan Spiritual and other related books. Quoting from Allah's Manual (the Holy Quran), the books definitely affected me in a whole new level.

I felt very far. It's unexplainable, but i feel very far, from wherever I am supposed to be. I know I am not going to be donning the hijab any time soon, but who knows, with his Hidayah, i might. they say never say never. but what is clear, i will try my best to right all the wrongs and try to be the better version of me everytime i have the choice.

A second 'realization' incident. my dad recently brought home the script for a soon-to-be released drama series for this Ramadhan, titled Fitrah (but may be changed to Cinta Sempurna). So i read the script to give a review to my dad about the series. and i have to say, it is one moving tale! definitely one to watch out for in Ramadhan (August)! It is based on a true story of a brother and a sister who is 'far' from the truth of Islam and trying to find their way back through a young Ustaz who uses not Sunnahs and Hadiths, but Facebook, blogs and YouTube to explain the meaning of human life in the eyes of Allah. Very, very interesting, huh? And so from there, i learned a lot myself, and imagined myself in the shoes of the siblings. the line-up of casts is interesting too: Ashraf Muslim, Tungku Tiara, Fizow, Siti Fazurina, Ellie Suriaty, Akhil Hayy, Akbar Azmi, Maria Farida, Jalil Hamid and etc. The most interesting part of the story is of course, there will be love. But will the love between humans defy the love of the Almighty? We'll have to wait and see! (note: even the scriptwriter hasleft the ending hanging as it is based on true story, so they still dont know whats about to happen). It will be aired on Astro Oasis channel 106.

I have yet to read a book called 'Mother of the Believers: A novel of the birth of Islam' by Kamran Pasha which i will have to borrow from a friend, Baiti, as it is not released yet in Malaysia. We saw it at the Singapore Kinokuniya and i had to save some money, so I couldnt buy it. but not to fret, I will get my hands on those! :) I have to say, the book caught my eye from the very first page. The first sentence of the prologue is this:

What is faith?

How cool. the words Kamran Pasha uses definitely pulled the strings of my heart, comparing memories to the wind and etc. of course, he is a well-known cowriter for NBC's Bionic Woman amongst many others. You can check him out at his website.

So again, i would say that this past few weeks have been very very testing and i am glad that i have great support from all these books and resources to keep me strong ang going. But one that is constantly there to help is definitely Him :) I wish that the days to come will be better for me and for you.

Take care everyone.

we're not on the same page

today feels like a just-broke-up day. everything went either wrong, or monotonous. the last straw was the incident tonight. this mouth, didnt do what it's supposed to do - speak up! really, im not very good at talking about this kind of feeling; i rarely talk about it. or if i do, i do it in circles.

some things are better felt, than said.

this swept me off my feet

if a person asks me what the perfect moment for me to find my significant other would be, i can explain in detail. i can get down to even naming the perfect tone of the colour of the dress i would be wearing. i can name the year/era/age that the incident would take place. but hell, we all know things like that dont come true in the real world. you agree?

but recently, i found the 'perfect moment' in the form of a film. Becoming Jane (starring Anne Hathaway). there is this slight second in the film that really caught my attention. i was too happy beyond explanation.

then i was in a cyber cafe in singapore, doing some work on the internet. youtube in the background. i was listening to one of my all-time fave bands, Iron and Wine, and came this song, My Lady's House, which is dear to my heart. normally i would listen to it on iTunes and just daze off to space. but this time, someone (an angel for sure. lol) has made a video for this song. so i checked it out. i was gobsmacked, ecstatic and all the emotions along that line; the person used scenes from Becoming Jane for this video of My Lady's House!! how convenient! so i can watch my fave scene with my fave music!!

the scene of the 'perfect moment' is also included. hehe. here's the video:




ok check out the dancing scene, (1:16 - 1:60 min). that's the best part of it all. and the 'moment', is from 1:53 to 1:58. OMG. perfect.

that was how (young) people in the old age get to know each other and search for their long-life partners. i definitely want to be in that time. notice how hathaway's face was first very grim and sad in the beginning of the dance? as if she couldnt find anyone that she likes. and then, BOOM!, the 1:56 minute, the right guy danced along, giving a knowing smile. and the dance fits perfectly with the music (or the other way around). i think i might die just watching it over and over again. haha.

oh lord, save me from over-romanticizing a simple video, and aggravating over the fact that this would never happen to me. can dreams ever come true? :)

kudos to Jake Slavik!

Slumdog star returns to the slums

I watched this and questioned the future of the human kind; not the pre-determined, but more of the choices made by us for our own sake.




watch this video and read the comments on youtube. this is the link to it. how do you feel reading the selfish American bastards saying that this homeless boy (amongst thousands others with the same fate) is just begging to America and using his fame from Slumdog Millionaire for his benefits? he's just a kid with no powers in his hands. and the States cant even save their own economic ass for crying out loud! so stop being so ignorant and selfish as i think this is a lesson for you to learn and take more notice to others for once. here's a piece of my mind:

"the end is near, and yet we are growing further"

Temasek

Currently in Singapore; hostile humid austere Singapore. yet, trying to find what is so special about this place. been here a couple of times; came here again with some friends. more developments for sure. but the people, nothing's changed at all.

i am here in physical. my mind, my heart is somewhere else. i wish i was there. or the other way around.

Malaysian's kind of jokes. "Haha"

jokes of the century: (for malaysians, at least)

1. DUN Perak - macroscopically

wth? omg, i was too embarassed to even talk about it. i saw the video from Malaysiakini (thanks to Shukri!) last week and at the end of it i just had to laugh. i mean, how worse can it get? gila catfight. i get that v. sivakumar is probably in denial that he had just been (finally) dropped off his position, and as most veterans would react due to biologically old age (i.e. a.samad said. explained later), he refuse to 'move from his seat'. as if that would make any difference. then later on the opposition bench was outraged of this i think and they soon all indulged in a "Kabammm!!" session. these are the people whom we call leaders, that supposedly represents us. leaders who should abid to the judiciary system and laws..how do you expect the citizens to act mature when you are not being good examples yourself?? very, very childish for a nation that claims to practice a mature democracy. what a shame. very very skanky.

2. It invloves the King

dalam mata pelajaran sejarah yang kita belajar dulu, siapa orang paling tinggi dalam negara ni? (bukan gabenor. ni pasca-kolonisasi lahh) RAJA. ni apa hal sampai tak hormat Raja ni? Pemangku Raja Perak (Raja Dr. Nazrin Shah) terpaksa tunggu selama 5jam sebelum dia boleh masuk. apa ni?!? saya tahu ramai orang cina, india dan melayu liberal di luar sana (ni lah fungsi aku speaking malay ni. lol. kiddin) yang asyik mengatakan bahawa kita patut bubar institusi ke'raja'an, raja semua tak ada fungsi. ada PM seorang cukup lah. tp aku still percaya yang raja tu ada fungsi. salah satunya? ha, patutnya kes-kes macam ni lah dia kena jatuhkan titah. arahkan je si v.sivakumar tu pergi. kalau dia tak nak ganjak juga dari kerusi, suruh security angkat dia dengan kerusi sekali letak kat luar. ni satu penghinaan kepada raja dan rakyat yang menghormatinya!

3. the Opposition

para pembangkang pula, dah jadikan 'emotional outrage' ni macam trademark mereka pula. sesuka hati nak jerit pekik, gaduh-gaduh, tunjuk perasaan, hantar MEMO (bukan petition atau surat. kurang ajar kan namanya tu) dan sebagainya within the lines of laws and bureucracy. kenapa perlu sampai macam ni? nak sangat berkuasa, kita bagi dia tengok sikit. tak payah tengok jauh-jauh, ni dekat selangor/shah alam ni dah cukup. nampak tak billboard yang selalu ada kat roundabout tuh? apa dia tulis? "Kembalikan Hak Air Kepada Rakyat" kan? ha, mana janji -janji yang tak terlaksana lagi tuh? daripada dok gaduh sana sini, apa kata fokus keje-keje anda yg tak siap lagi ni. ni yang buat aku membebel ni. naik angin.

4. PPSMI

sekarang ni, i want to know why these people despise so much the idea of teaching S&M in english. yea, i read the six arguments here the other day (and some hidden for wth purposes) but whats the worst that can happen? yes, some UK institution did a research that BM bole berkembang sebagai one of the top 4 languages used in the world. do u think i give a shit? last time they say the year 2010 will have flying cars and mobile houses on clouds. look now, we're in the 2009 and the only thing thats flying is your zipper. give your fantasies a break. speaking as a malay, i want my race to be one of the top 10% breeds in the world. and other races in our country has the privilege of being fluent in at least 2 languages, do you still want our people to be left behind? when else do we start if not now?! of course, we cant see the implications right away, it may take years to show any signs of negativity or positive impacts; so why jump? i love what muhyiddin is doing. he said that the people opposing this are arguing based on emotions and sentimentals, but what we should really do now is study the affects that may take place in an objective manner. hence, the extension of the time for research of PPSMI. we dont want things to 'flip flop' as muhyiddin put it. dah banyak sangat dah yang flip dan kemudian flop semenjak dua menjak ni. this time around, we have to make a decision, and make it work. no more having to always go back to square one.


ok bye, jari jemari dah kena osteoporosis. will continue later

My friend makes the headline

Kanak-kanak maut kereta jatuh gaung

KUANTAN 11 Mei - Seorang kanak-kanak maut manakala kakaknya koma selepas kenderaan yang dinaiki bersama keluarga mereka terbabas lalu terjunam ke dalam gaung di Kilometer 40, Jalan Kuantan-Segamat dekat sini semalam.

Dalam kejadian kira-kira pukul 3.30 petang itu, mangsa, Mohd. Suria Hidayat Mohd. Nasir, 7, dari Sungai Isap Damai di sini meninggal dunia di tempat kejadian akibat kecederaan parah di kepala manakala kakaknya, Maimunah, 9, koma dan dirawat di Hospital Tengku Ampuan Afzan (HTAA) di sini.

Ketika kejadian, kedua-dua mangsa bersama dua ahli keluarga mereka dalam perjalanan dari arah Muadzam Shah ke Kuantan dengan menaiki sebuah kereta yang dipandu abang mangsa, Zulhelmi, 22.

Ketua Polis Daerah Pekan, Supritendan Yahaya Othman berkata, semasa kejadian, abang mangsa yang memandu kereta dipercayai gagal mengawal kenderaannya sebelum terbabas ke sebelah kiri jalan.

"Kereta itu kemudian melanggar sebatang tiang papan tanda amaran di bahu jalan menyebabkan ia berpusing beberapa kali sebelum terjunam ke dalam gaung," katanya ketika dihubungi di sini hari ini.

Berikutan kejadian itu, Yahaya memberitahu, Zulhelmi patah kaki kanan dan ibu mangsa, Norazizon Saiman, 45, yang duduk di bahagian penumpang depan cedera parah pada bahagian kepala.

Menurutnya, Mohd. Suria Hidayat dan Maimunah duduk di bahagian belakang kereta itu.

Sementara itu, beliau berkata, kesemua yang cedera dikejarkan ke HTAA untuk menerima rawatan dan dilaporkan stabil.

p/s: Zulhelmi is my friend. Let's put our palms together and recite the al-fatihah to his family members who perished, and those who are injured and still waiting to be healed. He is the one in white shirt (obviously.huhu)

news article taken from here. picture taken from here.