what an ass

What does Alfred Noble has in mind when he first established the Nobel Peace Prize award decades ago? namely, it should be awarded to:

‘the person who shall have done the most or the best work for fraternity between nations, for the abolition or reduction of standing armies and for the holding and promotion of peace congresses.’

therefore, is it appropriate that Barack Hussein Obama receive this award after announcing to send more US army troops to Afghanistan? quoting him saying that he prefers not to hand off the nation to another president.

i know this is practically old news, but it's still relevant right now as he decided to end his 92-day report on the war yesterday with that speech and to actually have mutual agreement with the UK and France to keep on sending troops.

Obama is a puppet. He is deceiving and blowing that smoke screen in front of the people of the world, especially to the Muslims saying "now there, why are you mad at me for? im just doing the right thing. this war shall end that long endless war president Bush set up". for one, a war will never be good. the nature of war itself is evil, but there's no need to make a twist on the "intentions" of war. we all know, war is the epitome of all things bad.

on that account, just like a "by the way" thing, i have never actually believed that bullshit of a nobel prize anyway. exaggerated, and those who ever received that, mostly are jews pretending to be 'victims' or 'underdogs' in whatever field they are in, and then to rise as heroes helping out with the world fraternity. i say berambus with your nobel. Tun Dr. Mahathir should be receiving that. He worked his good ass of to stop that war with the "Criminalize War" conference and everything.

the nobel prize is a ticket. its like if you have that, you are entitled to do anything, and they all would seem "noble". so now, with that new label for Hussein Obama, i believed he's more than happy to use it, for the "benefits" of everyone. why, thank you United States of A*sholes, i believe we have been more peaceful without you interfering in the business of others.

i managed to calm myself down, hearing about the news of Obama receiving the award, some time back. but today i just had to at least say something cause i just felt so baffled and and amused at the joke that he was pulling. like wth. you think we're stupid? obviously some 'former president' has a say in this too. and we all know that guy wants something badly.

to end this, (although my heart and mind is still unrested about the whole thing) i think we all ought to stop believing to propaganda or anything that looks too good to be true. in mass, we are all too vulnerable. ironic, indeed.

the tunnel

some things have gone back to normal. i used to be hopeful, and ridicule my own wishful thinking. but nature do have its way of making things happen. most of the times, unexpectedly; when you think it's an inch to impossible..it happens, just to prove you wrong.

how funny, nature pulling your leg. sometimes i think God might have a sense of humour that we all over-looked.

and here it is, at this very moment.
me, looking down the tunnel in retrospective. i wouldnt have expected any of the things that happened would take course in my life.

the tunnel is full of surprises. especially of what lies at the end of it.

difficult feeling

something's squeezing real tight at the end of my jantung.

hmm.

i miss my students.


really, really miss all of them :'(

Bercerita tentang Si Pencerita

I just finished reading Amir Muhammad's Yasmin Ahmad's Films, and i have to say, it envoked a lot of things in me. just within that one read of the book, i have travelled back and forth to the past, present and future.

one, is because it is pre-requisite, to be able to mentally travel to these separate sections as you need to recall Yasmin's films that you've watched, as you are reading. second, as it involved so many emotions that are relatable to the many life experiences we (the readers)'ve been through, that you jumped from one memory of your life to another constantly. third, i cant help visiting the things that could be ahead of time as i think about the things that Yasmin might have come up with..and how she could actually change our nation, and eventually, the world.

critics have been criticizing (coz thats just what they do) Yasmin's work for as long as i can remember. but thats the thing; they often mark her down for, the technicalities of her products. they see her films as her work, not her art. there's a huge difference there that you could put mexico in between.

she often quotes andrew wyeth (a great painter), and the essence of the quotes are normally consisting of how your emotions and feelings as an artist are portrayed in your art; that art cannot be forced. therefore art is pure, honest, true and simple. unless the beholder of the criticisms want them to be otherwise.

what amir has done is his book, is basically just straightening out all the misconceptions and judgements of people who've made negative remarks, and have constrained ideas of her films. he did an amazing job of laying out all the facts (i.e. the symbolisms in Yasmin's films), and at the same time express his personal views of the films and adverts. he also inserted trivias in the book about the things related to the films or Yasmin herself (i.e. the green tea donut. it was her

favourite j.co flavour, and thus was made the cover of the book).

me personally, when i watch her films, i get more than what i see. there are so many subtexts, and yet she managed to put it all in as simply and as unflustered as possible. her films gave room for debates and discussions, because she normally would deliberately leave some space for the viewers' interpretations and ideas of "how it could be". she lets the audience craft with her, to make it relevant to them too.

i like all her films, except for Mukhsin. it's just too stretched and i have a lot of wtf? moments when i watched it. i might have to watch it again and see how i react then.

of all her works, my most favourite is her film, brilliantly called Talentime. i love it even more, after i read Amir Muhammad's commentary on this film in his book. the fact that it's her last film, also undeniably adds to the appeal. i love everything about this film, that i wished i had written it myself. haha. oh by the way, i love everything about the film, except for the plastic family ties of Melur's family, and Melur herself. Pamela Chong? are you kidding me? she hasnt gone through much in her life and that shows in her acting. whereas her character is supposed to be well-developed. how can you be so calm when you almost lost your loved one! dammit. so it's the fault of wrong casting of Melur and maybe her siblings too. if the film should be criticized, its because of them. hahaha! (yes im blunt with criticising).

anyways, amir muhammad is a fantastic writer and very informative too. his language is simple, yet has a depth that you would not understand if you were so ignorant. in some ways, he reminds me of Yasmin. yes of course because he is writing about her, but also maybe his style of writing, which i think if translated, would be how yasmin did her films. simple, deep, meaningful and most importantly appear as if they (yasmin and amir) are talking to us through their arts.

loser, tapi tak kalah

aku rasa, tak ada seorang yang lebih loser dari aku. terutama selepas kejadian hari ini.

buktinya? hanya dengan satu perkataan: bunkface.

dengar saja alunan gitar, atau suara-suara ala sam, pasti aku terkejar-kejar mencari. dah jumpa, nampak pula raut wajah youk. dan seterusnya paan. jantung terus berdegup bagai bunyi dram rentak lagu revolusi. ah, apakah perasaan ini?

hari ini, aku ditugaskan untuk menyebarkan flyers di sekitar jalan bukit bintang, di mana event everyone connects TM berlangsung. ramai orang tidak terhingga. kebanyakkannya para muda-mudi berkaca mata RayBan, tak pun berkacamata nerdy geeky yang super besar, berseluar skinny, berkasut reebok, vans, macbeth, tiger etc. aku tidak pedulikan.

objektif ku hanya dua:

1. menyebar sampai habis flyers ku. dan memberi informasi tentang tayangan teater itu.
2. melihat kelibat bunkface, dan cuba menarik perhatian mereka. (terutama si Y).

cerita dipendekkan, aku sedang berdiri pabila tiba-tiba imej bunkface muncul di skrin besar. hati ku terus berdetak, aku pusing dan sudah tentu sekali, mereka sedang berdiri di atas mini pentas di belakang ku!

apa lagi, aku terus mendengar diriku menjerit tidak hiraukan orang sekeliling dan melompat-lompat mengikut rentak di hadapan mereka. aku cuba ber'groove' secara paling sopan dan menarik perhatian yang mungkin. aku nampak mata paan mengerling ke arah ku. mungkin aku tampak familiar baginya. mana taknya, kebanyakkan persembahan bunkface, aku berada di depan. namun En. Y terus fokus menyanyi. dia seorang yang serius agaknya.

aku pun mempergedikkan diri sehingga habis lagu tersebut. lagu through my window yang semakin popular dicorong radio dan tv. habis sahaja lagu, Sam berjenaka "asyik lagu ni je, bosan". tetapi En. Y tidak begitu. beliau sentiasa tampak fokus dan menghayati apa jua lagu yang dinyanyikan. aku suka orang yang berdedikasi.

aku sempat juga bergambar ketika mereka sedang beraksi. tetapi, apa yang menjadi 'cherry on top' adalah semestinya saat aku ber"sep" (macam salam la) dengan En. Y. ahh, bahagia! paan juga ku sep, dan dia mengangkat keningnya tanda "aku ingt budak ni from somewhere".

sejurus selepas itu, aku terus mengambil peluang untuk memanjangkan flyers ku pada En. Y (salah satu strategi ku). pada flyer tersebut tertera nombor telefon ku untuk penempahan tiket. lalu aku bulatkan supaya dia jelas, itulah nombor yang sepatutnya dia dail. aku pun berkata "Err Y, nah. teater kitorang..datang tau!" sambil melempar senyuman yang paling manis sehingga beliau mungkin mendapat diabetes. beliau mengambilnya dengan muka "huh?" dan membaca segenap kertas itu. aku mengambil saat itu untuk bernafas. apabila aku kembali membuka mataku, beliau sudah pun beredar.

dan baru ku sedar, betapa losernya aku.

tapi aku tak kisah!

oh hati gembira :)

jika

jika aku diberi satu peluang
untuk berharap
akan ku doa
agar kau pulang.

jika aku diberi hajat
untuk mencari
jejak mu yang hilang
akan ku pergi cepat.

jika kita diberi waktu
agar akhirnya bertemu
akan ku tunggu
tibanya saat itu.



mode: jiwang.

we know how we feel

at times you can just understand how a person feels. you say "yeah, i know how u feel." and that person dissed you saying "no you dont!". but it is no miracle that some things and events that happened to another person has happened to you too at some point in your life. you might have reacted a little differently or maybe similar, but the situation, the problem is identical.

you identify with the sadness, the tears and the disappointment. or if it's a good thing, you share the same happiness, the joy all the laughter and smiles. mostly, it's indescribable. it's not visible. but you know you feel the same. you know all the waves and energy going on in the person's mind. you get why that person do what he/she did. and all your assumptions and predictions of the situation is accurate; your interpretations of the person's feelings are impeccable. so you say what you said: i know how you feel. but after saying that, it made you sound so smart, as if you know all about him/her. as if you can read minds and faces.

then you cant help but show an honest flicker of guilt in your eyes. and that, has given away to that person. that flicker, made the person snapped you with defense mechanism, denying the fact that you might really know how he/she feels.

and you sat silently, wishing you hadnt said all that. and in actual fact, that is all a person ever need. silence. the silence that enwraps your deepest empathy. your silence, will say a thousand words for you. your silence will give the hug you yearn to give. your silence, with great intentions can be the best gift, the best conversation a person ever had with you. in this silence, it is conveyed exactly that you know how he feels.

say yes to me lahhh

pretty bumped for not being able to attend the YES 2009 @ PICC. i think the chance to win a seat there is like finding a string of hair in a hay barn. or like trying to hold water in your hand. impossible. you have to have an amazing ounce of luck in your breed to get a chance. bloody hell.

we talked about the perfect marriage

went out for supper just now with the peeps. 'berkumpul' at McD's and then decide where to eat. pfft. wasted effort. had to use the coke shaker from Chip's phone to help us name the place to eat. wth. nobody ever leave food to fate. haha. we even draw lots and count votes. but all ends in vain.

so finally went to Pelita (just cause i need some hot drink), kira i was the tie-breaker lah. hoh. we played countless rounds of "Apa Pendapat Korang.." or "Ok If Korang.." or "Korang suka/nak...yang macam mana?"

i.e. "Korang nak husband-to-be korang propose macam mana?"

Most of the questions revolved around love, marriage, relationships etc. it was great fun lah. some blasphemous questions thrown around, radical thoughts and all that jazz.

wish can do those stupid ridiculous wth out of this world kind of things more often. i like the smart kind of stupid. or vice versa. (ok, i just took 3 panadol soluble and am not thinking rather straight. forgive my rantings. i promise i did make a point there. haha)

sometimes, i dont like pendaflour lights. its so average. yea random again.

erk.

taken from KL StreetStyle (at Blogspot)

this is hard to say, but i feel if i dont there's gonna be a huge lump in my stomach. i am actually a little bit confused, and overwhelmed at the photo. unique, definitely but there's still something err hmm..?

what is it? you tell me.

footnote: click on photo for larger view. also, i really dig what the person has done with the belt! simply awesome!

as good as honey

was making song requests at the fly.fm webpage (lame, i know) and decided to check out hunny madu's songs. i once heard she has a great voice, but im not really a fan, and dont find her worth checking out.

but.

truth be told, i think she kinda have something there. maybe. after i checked out her home made video i thought "hmm not bad!"

here it is. her best, i think:




so what do you think?

recent updates

nothing physically productive these days. i literally have stocked on fat and sugar in bulk, which makes real sense to me. haha. been going to and fro between shah alam and kl and other destinations in between to pick/send/see/fetch some things/people up. this past two weeks alone i've visited KLIA six times. sheesh.

anyways.

i was doing my pre-registration for next semester the other day and i was slap shocked to earth when i noticed the "Part/Semester" slot was written with the number "8". which means my very final semester (if i manage to finish all my courses in time and with decent grades). oh no, is it really here? dayum.

i really can do without the nostalgic, down memory lane, and whats-next-huh? phase right now. i am not a fan of transitions so much - you know the times where you go from primary to high school and high school to the university..those kinda thing. it's too much hassle sometimes and it drains you out of yourself.

right now i've got too many things in my hands like sand and i feel it slip out from the corners of my fingers. time is on my side, but it doesnt feel so. i'll probably go jogging tomorrow. maybe i'll feel better about myself and my time and who knows, check out on some health-conscious, athletic fellow joggers or basketball players. sounds like a plan.


p/s: been watching running in heels and taking the stage. interesting stuff going on in them!

spot me if you can #5 [extended version]

went to the Readings held at the Seksan's new place in Bangsar, called Sekeping Tenggiri. it was an apt place for an evening of some lit fix. There were great budding and renowned poets and writers who read for last saturday and i definitely felt honoured for being able to read in their presence. i even met Lyna Usman whom i've read with for a tribute for her late father, the Usman Awang, few months back.

it was a bi-monologue by me and my good friend Moja that we sort of brainstormed the night before. hehe. twas about two lovers separated by the sense of their differences. didnt even have a proper title. hope i could come back to read some of my own pieces.

on that note, we were also there to promote our theater production, "Whoa! Willow!!" which is mainly to raise fund for Tasputra Perkim. the theater would be staged in January 2010 and im involved as a crew, not one of the casts. haha can never imagine myself acting! for more info, do check out the webpage here!

some of the people who went there did post up some photos from the Reading. and Sharon Bakar (organiser) did a review on it in her blog. so, spot me if you can (definitely not as hard as like pulling your nose hair).

spot me if you can #4

recently joined mycjn for the 350 climate change flash dance and mob "freeze" around kl. it is concurrently getting much needed attention from malaysians.

it was also featured in the nut graph. find me in one of the photos.

kau harus ada

this is the first song by Hujan that i actually like. i enjoy the fact that the keyboard tunes is able to reach a corner of my heart that it would otherwise fail to without the keyboard. magical, that it takes the song to a whole different level altogether.

also, it's close to mind-boggling over how Noh unfailingly reminds us in most of his lyrics that all of us and everything else in this world are temporary, as evident in this song too:

"rasa itu ini sementara, ku takkan di sini selamanya.."

and from one human being to another, i think he's doing a good deed.

lelah parut senyum dah jemu

metafora cair bertemu

rasa itu ini sementara

ku takkan di sini selamanya

rugi jika sendiri

hanyut jika sendiri

kau harus ada

kau harus ada di mana tempat ku berada

kau harus ada

kau harus ada bersamaku

pull and tug

what
a constant spinning action

how
a sensation of pulling and tugging

why
a lop-sided weigh machine

choosing comes after choices

we are all just too spoilt for choice. and we wrongly name it, rights and equality. pfft.

side-tracked

is it okay to sometimes wish you are someone else? or rather, just yourself but in a different setting? to maybe grow up some place the extreme opposite of the one you are accustomed to. hold a different citizenship. live the life of a person in a different position.

if only we can live a long life and learn all the things there is to learn in this world and beyond.

if only everyone can get their happy-endings.

if only, if only.

but most of the times, what you're looking for is just right where you left it.

deferred.

just found out a bad news today. ugh. she said i have to wait another year. "you're barely out of school!" i will be, soon. "but still, you never know. things can go wrong in a minute, what more 6 months!". i hate nay-sayers.

sigh, guess that'll be a long wait for me. meantime, chin up!

peeves

what i wouldn't live for these days:

1. bad drivers

stupid, plain stupid.

2. food poisoning

just had one this morning.

3. wannabes

budak-budak baru nak 'up'

4. impostors, liars

honesty is the best policy lahhh

5. rigid people with confined judgements

it's the millenium for crying out loud!

6. ignorant and stupid human beings

especially those in power and deemed as leaders.

7. suckers

they suck positivity, opportunities, your ass, asses, endorphine; just about anything to get what they want. and they suck.

8. those who dont signal on the road

i know this refers to #1, but its so unforgivable that it has to be under its own category.

9. certain group of indonesians

enough said. (cant say too much without starting a war! haha) <-- pun intended.

10. bugs

ants, flies, whatever; they all piss me off a lot these days. they are everywhere. it could be the mating season, but heck. they're in my food, cup, hair, on the table, between the kain etc. please go away bugs.