side-tracked

is it okay to sometimes wish you are someone else? or rather, just yourself but in a different setting? to maybe grow up some place the extreme opposite of the one you are accustomed to. hold a different citizenship. live the life of a person in a different position.

if only we can live a long life and learn all the things there is to learn in this world and beyond.

if only everyone can get their happy-endings.

if only, if only.

but most of the times, what you're looking for is just right where you left it.

deferred.

just found out a bad news today. ugh. she said i have to wait another year. "you're barely out of school!" i will be, soon. "but still, you never know. things can go wrong in a minute, what more 6 months!". i hate nay-sayers.

sigh, guess that'll be a long wait for me. meantime, chin up!

peeves

what i wouldn't live for these days:

1. bad drivers

stupid, plain stupid.

2. food poisoning

just had one this morning.

3. wannabes

budak-budak baru nak 'up'

4. impostors, liars

honesty is the best policy lahhh

5. rigid people with confined judgements

it's the millenium for crying out loud!

6. ignorant and stupid human beings

especially those in power and deemed as leaders.

7. suckers

they suck positivity, opportunities, your ass, asses, endorphine; just about anything to get what they want. and they suck.

8. those who dont signal on the road

i know this refers to #1, but its so unforgivable that it has to be under its own category.

9. certain group of indonesians

enough said. (cant say too much without starting a war! haha) <-- pun intended.

10. bugs

ants, flies, whatever; they all piss me off a lot these days. they are everywhere. it could be the mating season, but heck. they're in my food, cup, hair, on the table, between the kain etc. please go away bugs.

choosing to fail

it was a deep engraving in the heart;

a hundred nails hammered through.

giant waves, that crashed against the stonewalls;

creating apostles..

fragile. and waiting to tumble.

i stood on the edge

and took the plight down

even before;

long before.

i can talk about anything i want

been a very hectic week, for a few weeks now. i think since Ramadhan. my feet are beginning to show signs of rebellion: "You made us stand too long!" "We walked here and there in your uncomfortable shoes!". Oh the shriekings my feet would have made.

which (always) brings me back to think macroscopically. what do all these mean? all the raya and open house and all the frills. it made us all so darned tired and now when we go to see people we cant even fake a smile. all i give now is a '1/2 of 1/4 smile', which looks like im about to go to the loo. (haha, you know that was a lie. i enjoyed it all, i smiled and laughed my heart out! just being over dramatic). but still, at the end of everyday for the past few weeks, i went to bed and everytime i begin to recite the bedtime prayer i snored an endless, im-friggin-tired-i-can-sleep-for-years kinda snore. baru bismillah mata dah separuh.

but what i want now is not sleep. (what a surprise!) all i want is to swim in a pool filled with chocolate and wine (eh haram.) and make an appearance in gerard butler's dream. how awesomistic.

villager 1: who does she think she is! wanting to be in gerard's dream!
villager 2: yeah! there's a waiting list if you havent noticed!
villager 3: what a #$^#&! i liked him first!
metro girl: hey have you guys heard? the Isetan pre-sale is today! you get an extra 10% discount with every purchase!
villagers: ???

editor's note: this particular writer is currently undergoing an intensive search for her cerebral cortex, the place where rational thinking takes place (duh). she has lost hers, it seems, for the time being; due to overdose of perencah segera mi bandung and rapid flashes of bright light from cameras.

title here

just read Karim Raslan's Ceritalah: Malaysia in Transition which i found unmoved on the shelf. there was his signature "For Izelan, Karim Raslan". it was my father's. he was always whining about not having a 'passion', a hobby. like his other brothers: music, gadgets and even the supernatural. but i said; look, maybe your passion is in books, in reading. and i remembered him nodding slowly.

i like that about him. i like how my parents had me sleep in the mini library (there were not enough rooms. all were growing up and three in a room is like placing the whole of America in Singapore --> political pun) and i would discover unusual, old books from yesteryear and just look at the words. the typewritten words' fading black ink in times new roman.

but for sure i am not as shallow as i might sound. the contents of the books are very much 'educational' or mostly, provocative. i think that was where i found my interest in politics. books of warfare are not too much of my interest; there wasnt many books on that anyway. but soon when my brother grew a little bit older he started filling up the shelves with cold war, ancient weaponry etc.

he got that from my uncle. i think all my uncles are bookworms. they spent hundreds on books, but not on a wedding. hehe joke.

anyway, where was i going with this? oh ok, karim raslan. ok he's gonna be in the next post. too much info here.

coolest thing on Earth (for me, for now)

afiq just bought me a Smiggle 4-in-1.

it is a red pen, blue pen, a mechanical pencil and a highlighter all in one "pen". the highlighter is also detacheable from the whole thing. i think it is the coolest thing i've received so far this year. transcending the factor of price, and taking into the light the function.

it is called: Cuattro Maxi Pen (by Smiggle).

also a new item from Smiggle (i noted), as the time i went to the Smiggle store i didnt see any of those. ahaha. i bought a bunny eraser and two notebooks the first time i went. irresistable.

he bought it from Australia (which was i think a long time ago!) but only got around to giving it just now, in a brief encounter.

along with the Smiggle, he gave me a box of blue-man paperclips. how adorable.

afiq if you're reading this (which im assuming you are, since you're always quoting back to me..hehe), i'd like to say thank you so much! how did you know my infatuation with stationeries? you totally get me man. ahahaha. and also thanks for your support with my "arts" (i.e. coming to the poetry recital), for calling me up for hours of gossip, fetching me when my car broke down and for the times you made to hang out when im bored. haha.

Afiq, you're the coolest neighbour a person can have!

breaking

the forces that pulls
you out of it
is too powerful.

the core however
pulls you in
with deep strengths.

and you break,
you break
with no sympathy.

drug

this is a drug.

the heart

one of the great things about the heart is that it can feel and not have to be wrong or right. it transcends rationality yet is able to comprehend the most intricate of interactional messages. it is allowed to be overboard, overwhelming, and overinterpreted; but it remains free from judgements and punishments.

it influences others in ways that are unimaginable, unexpected. it appears in many different forms that one can never tell. it disguises itself, hides behind actions, responses to reactions.

it moves the eyes, and make it cry. it moves the mouth and let it speak truth; the heart never lies. it battles the frontal lobe of the brain and wins; with empathy and humanly reasons. it moves the hands, so that it gives to those who need. it moves the feet to walk the right path.

it makes you do the things you think are irrational, but somehow, just feel right.

those are the signs of a good heart. and paired with good thinking, the best is bound to happen.

tip of the day uh-uh

here's a tip:

dont park at Sooka Sentral..ever. (next to KL Sentral, opposite Suasana Sentral Condo)

reasons:

1. horrendous officers and service
2. extremely expensive. (RM8.00 for 1hour and 10min)
3. very limited parking bays (there's only one level)

silver lining:

the waiter at Zen forgot to charge my lunch meal set. so i got free lunch! (which i later used to pay the parking. crap.)

"fantastic"

what a bummer.

im supposed to be sleeping and dreaming away about the greatness of rendang tok and lemang haha but im right here trying to rake every corner of my brain for ideas.

i mean, its not a particularly difficult topic anyway, i kinda love this stuff.

52 Tahun Kemerdekaan: Isu dan Cabaran

but i just really cant think of any good ones. i have a few cliched points, but then i might as well just sleep. i need something fresh, a great angle to see it from. but im just too tired pegi beraya the whole freaking day.

the presentation is tomorrow. for kolej mara banting students. gilo apo. ahh what the heck. the power point needs to be at least something up to date la kan, sat gi bebudak tu dok kutuk bunyi tepuktepuk kat slideshow aku. hahaha.

if any of you is still awake at this hour, and looking for a pastime activity. with lots of great malaysianism ideas and general knowledge, single hot and looking for a date (gender unspecified), please respond to this call for help. mercy me. 911. help. help. i need ideas for the aforementioned topic.

good day people. or if you are exceptionally optimistic, then GREAT day for you. you know, you cant run away from problems. indulge! indulge!

i <3 challenges
i <3 problems
i <3 challenging hot males

ok you're reading a literal, i-just-lost-my-brain post. i got a brain concusion in my right knee. proves how crazy this minute is. i should think of a career as a rapper. i can do hiphop. i'll learn how to 'drop em beats'.

ok people, fo real. shizzo manidzzo. i better bounce, coz the old me is dead and gone.

ahahahha. den gilo, den memang gilo.

flustered cluster

what do you do when your head is filled with a carnival of things, and your heart is a jamboree of feelings?

how do you straighten them all up one by one, and sort them out one after another and lay your eyes in peace?

when your adrenaline is racy and your blood maximizing the vessels, how do you cope?

how do you manage to stay in the same state of mind, same position even after the endless rollercoaster ride?

how do you find peace and serenity in all the chaos?

the answers to all the questions, surprisingly, do not vary that much from a person to the next. goes to show that humans crave for the same priceless things.

that time of year

it's that time of the year again, the holy month of Syawal. i am just like every other Muslims out there; busy celebrating - visiting relatives, friends and vice versa. and i have unconsciously forgotten about my blog. hahaha. i'll update about my Eid pretty soon.

as for now, i'd like to humbly wish all my Muslim readers and the rest of the Muslim population of the world a prosperous and meaningful Eid Mubarak.

Selamat Hari Raya

Maaf Zahir dan Batin

:)

pokerfaced covers

currently in love with this pretty new band. and this version of Pokerface, im totally enamored!






of course there are other covers which are as nice to listen to, like Daughtry's and Pixie Lott's, but i still like the original by Ladu Gaga best. it makes me want to groove whenever, wherever its on!

the letter

you look at those photos

and you feel a huge pang

in your stomach

like an arrow shot

right through the heart

but not in a cupid manner.

a very simple gesture

made years ago

an assurance of something

and a turning around

but then it dropped in silence.

you wondered.

and then you stopped wondering.

and later you found them again,

the photos

and things have changed.

not so much of

a verbal confrontations

but there was a letter.

there was a letter

and all the exact words

are drummed into my head

one after another.

and so i remembered

e ve ry thing

but i have no evidence

i have no idea where

i put the letter

and so it all

dropped in silence again.

hello Monday.

what do people do on a Monday? work, go to class, arrange things for the rest of the week.



what do i do on a Monday? *long silence*

the Dollar Trump

WARNING: contents might be boring. this is strictly not about Donald Trump (though he is involved not straight-forwardly) but about ze Trump of ze Dollar.

how long has it been since the last time i blogged about politics? gosh, i must've have mellowed. ahaha.

anyway, big news.

bloomberg has reported that the UN now wants to have a new currency to avoid financial imbalances, which created the current state of economy.

i dont say it's too late, but rather, i feel like saying "I told you so".

Malaysia (specifically Tun Mahathir) has voiced out the concerns of a possible global recession due to this predicament some time in 2006, however was left to be blown with the wind as (quoting Tun) "Malaysians are not supposed to know anything about money, about finance. So nobody listens."

Now suddenly they want to propose to everyone with this "divine idea" and say that oh we can rescue this. and call for the global nations to support this "idea". wth. it's been thought of long time ago.

But back in those years when he reigned Malaysia, Tun suggested that all Islamic countries come together under one financial umbrella, which is to use the Dinar Emas..which i FULLY SUPPORT. but then he stepped down, hand over his position to Pak Lah and then BOOM. we all fell into the supermassive blackhole not to be seen or heard.

in truth, this is actually perfect. we all need this. it's just that i feel like there's a huge double standard that we dont get to suggest ideas, our ideas are all pre-labelled lame and useless without any chances of being heard, and then suddenly they secretly re-package this proposal and make it theirs. THEY (you-should-know-who) always wants to be the one to rescue, to save the people of the world. when in true fact, they're a bunch of baddies trying to look innocent and heroic.

anyways, we'll see how this thing with the new currency goes. see if it works or not. if it doesnt, i think Malaysia should just stick to the idea of using Dinar Emas. i still think it's one of the best things Tun has ever think of that has not been realised. it'll be good if somebody make it a reality.



p/s: next post (on politics), i'll tell you why i 100% dig the usage of Dinar Emas.

life is inconsistently consistent; like the weather.

one thing we are allowed to have, sometimes: escapism.

get blown away

from poop-art by dianarikasari

many things these days just swept me off my feet. the little things people do for you and say to you or about you. i can never feel ever so happy and life is one huge lollipop.





ironic. the mind said.





yes, ironic that these two weeks have been very dramatic and tragic with two big farewells and an inappropriate ending of this semester - assignments. ironic, that tears have been hanging around the lids and the gloomy mood i've been in. ironic, that i should not be eating (buka puasa) alone in such a harmonic month of Ramadhan and yet i did. ironic, that i've so much to do and to be completed that i should be planning the perfect japanese-style suicide right now. ironic, in every way and every sense.





yet, there is that little feeling that makes you smile. triggered by things that people do and say to you. there are good people in this world. i've always believed that. im an optimist, yes. but im also a realist. so yeah, its possible to be a person who magnetize good people and good vibes. i hope i am that person so that i shall never be sad. even if i do, all the positive aura will tear the somberness down.