such great depths

ah,
you think you've felt everything there is that your heart can feel.
but no, it will soon prove you wrong.
like it did me.

your heart is a crystal -
a prism that absorbs and reflects;
multiple sides, with layers of strong particles.
different lights injected at different sides,
will shoot different kinds of light out.

you think you know your anger,
your joy, your grim.
but no, you dont know them all too well.
you think you do, but they may surprise you.
they play games with you.

redemption song

"Music is a vehicle.." - Marley

i wish i had existed during Marley's lifetime. i wish i can watch him perform live!

updated 22/01/10: what a coincidence! just as i was thinking of this song lately, Rihanna sang this song on Oprah for the Haiti Relief. great minds think alike! haha. and thanks to nadtash for telling me about this :) to watch, click here.

things i learn (or not) in class 2

had asian lit class today. it was, stuffy, i must say. but thats what i've been feeling most of the times lately, as i have three literature subjects this semester. i think literature classes that are teacher-centred tend to make me suffocate as i cant express my views. and these type of lecturers cant accept radical alternatives than those they've had embedded in their minds for yonks.

and so whats the point in studying literature in this case?

arent literature supposed to affect different people differently? if so, how is it that we cant have varying opinions and our own individual take on a piece of literature?

i've been thinking to myself, i need to say something or i'll explode coz of information over-load.
and also, damn three-hour lit classes; they should be banned! how can someone stand sitting in the same spot for that long and PLUS a literature subject PLUS a teacher-centred kind of learning environment. i clearly couldnt!

i really like the literature subjects like super-duper like them, but if i ever get lecturers like that ever again i swear i might flunk it! and i dont want that to happen! so help me oh dear ol' lecturers! i am suffocating in your classes!!

to live is to die

i think, and it stemmed from you

that:

we were born to learn about life.

and through life we learn about death.

saw the Mona Lisa smile

i went out today. it was a happy day as i finally get to see the Leonardo Da Vinci exhibition at the pusat sains negara. went to see it with cruiserguy (as mojax cant make it..he'd rather be in genting. your loss! hehe) and met sherry ventig who worked part-time there.

we saw pretty much most of the da vinci's inventions (i dont know if all of them were exhibited there), and i have to say im very impressed. although cruiserguy decided to prove that da vinci's not so great after all, i still think he's got something genius. haha.

anyways, we got a little bit of that da vinci charm as we managed to solve the 'bridge' challenge. we had to remake a replica of a bridge that da vinci designed using sticks that came in two different lengths. we breezed through it like it was nobody's business and even took photos with it.

by that time, the place had to be closed. sherry brought us to hartamas and had food and discussed about all serious stuff possible to be talked about over food. it was headache fun, as it got pretty serious but i was sort of relieved to be able to feel comfortable talking about those shits with these people.

overall, i got to meet Mona Lisa face-to-face (in the painting lahh) and her gaze still followed me back. her smile, remains a mystery.

lonely people vs loners

lonely people

they need someone or something to make them feel not lonely. they are often insecure and need reassurance. they lack attention and crave for it. they require TLC and prolly someone to tend to them. they want to be loved and to love. they need other people to be around them. but generally, it's more of an emotional thing.

the remedy: to have someone who would care, love and understand them.


loners

they just want to be alone. they are most of the times independant people. they can be individualistic and are entitled to their own values and desires. it is not impossible for these people to be in a relationship, but they need a lot of space. also through the alternative view, although they may go out in groups or hang out at crowded places, they can still be loners. loners are normally alone by choice made consciously. hence, they would unlikely feel lonely.

the remedy: realization that human beings are interdependant. and prove that they can't possibly dig their own graves.

heavy boots

you wear those heavy boots again
dragging your great companions;
they who brought you wherever.

entering the nucleus of the march
of them the wearer of heavy boots;
they who left you to manouver.

to follow, be followed and to follow
you witness yourself being stamped;
with those who fall with you together.

you plead to be freed and let go
to finally be bare-footed in hard soil;
that you'll continue to walk miles after.

things i learned in class

in Mr. Arif's contemp literature lesson yesterday. i learned one thing:

"in every relationship, somebody, somehow has gotta sacrifice".


and i learned a quote, by J.P. Sartre:

"Hell, is everyone else".


i love going to class. it is the things out of the books; the life experiences that i can get from coming.

hanging on

i realized i like to hang on to things. old text messages, yellowed letters and random notes from high school. cassettes that can no longer be used, receipts, newspaper cuttings, ornaments from long-gone festivities, envelopes..

to me these things bear a certain resonance. they have memories of their own. they help me remember details that i cant, or might lose someday.

as time goes by, i'll continue keeping the things i feel would help me walk the path of the past. especially for later on in life.

i'm ready

the song: a perfect representation of how I am feeling right now.

1. tired of the year 2009. very rocky. there are Ups, but there are more Downs.

2. happy that 2010 is coming - so I get to start on a clear slate.

3. also simultaneously sad, as last year of uni life is about to end.

4. on second thought, i really peeved 2009. if 2009 were to be a tangible thing, i would burn it and the ashes i would throw in the deepest sea.

5. on another second thought, i really can't wait for 2010 to come, despite self-doubts and other major worries.

p/s: i'm ready for 2010; coming in 4 days!

your walk

the walk was andante. it was steady, but somehow you felt racy; like you were restraining yourself from walking too fast and ended up leaning forward. you cannot wait to get to the destination you were supposed to be at. and the wristwatch you were wearing was evidence of your miscalculations of time and therefore you were late. everything was pushing you. you were supposed to be running, or at least taking huge steps; you should be worried, perspired, heaved.


but your facial canvas is blank. your stride is paced. well, you have everything in your mind.

you look strangely calm. but only you know the chaos in your head.

your mind is racy, it is running, it is miscalculating.

but you remain calm.. because you have to.

and so you take that walk. and your walk is andante.

"When sorrows come, they come not single spies,

But in battalions!"

- W. Shakespeare

o re piya (o beloved)

as the leaves of the willow withered to unite in the ground,

as our youth dries up in the age that we now are bound;

as moments speed and time runs leaving us,

as the sun swims in the vagueness of thick dust;

as the droplets of mist reveal only to disappear,

as we triumph our pasts only to shield our fears;

as the young becomes old and the old becomes dead,

as the nature works, our tears we shan't shed.

this poem is written for the amazing individuals who has perished in the name of God throughout the year 2009. it has been a year of great condolences and gloom, but this also serves as a reminder to those who still lives, to continue living and to move on.

i dedicate this especially to Kak Min, whom i respect so much (mostly for her work ethics, which showed in her films), for Michael Jackson (who died a Muslim), for Patrick Swayze (who proved to me that someone can really fall in love with dancing as much as a person), for my good friend, Adlan's mother, for Niza Syazre whose mother just left the world today, and for others i know and don't and their families who might be having a difficult time.

i say hang in there, it's just life.

p/s: the video is courtesy of Ajami Hashim. the short documentary was showed to the audience of the Yasmin Ahmad's Films book launch by Amir Muhammad at Sunway College recently.

3 x 3 x 3

waves crashing

back and forth

hitting shore

.

storm rumbling

rain dripping

through my skin

.

cry of pain

the heart aches

sombreity

.

you became

you wear and

you use

and

you became.

you put on

you watch

and

you became.

you walk and

you talk

and

you became.

you are pushed

you are reduced

you are used

and

you became.

you were asked

you refused

you were forced

and

you became.

you were told

you were told

you were told

and

you became.

you became

but you became

what you are told.

i really went ga-ga!

pretty fly, huh? the transitions to the various songs are really smart! the guys are cute too. hehe.

also, the matte black guitar caught my eye! it's dope!

i say, double thumbs up :)

p/s: i saw the video from lady fira's blog. thanks babe!

i'm a..slaaaave..for you.

post title: credits to Britney Spears. (obviously)


well hello blog,

today was the day that i feel like i "steal bones" (literally translatated from curi tulang).

ironically, i am damn proud of myself. i really needed the sleep la macha.

but, it is not for long. i am headed to the workshop like in a few minutes to continue enslaving myself. we're currently rushing with our set construction (for the theater i mentioned before) and therefore, it's really crunch time.

ah well, i could use some muscle and biceps myself.

anyway, for those interested, check this out. this is what i've been (happily) slaving myself for:

http://whoawillow.wordpress.com

we've been on the radio, tv, newspapers, websites, magazines etc.

go to the featured link on the web and read for yourselves!

ta for now :)


p/s: questions, suggestions regarding the theatre you can just drop it in the comments and i'll take time to enlighten you.

fools rush, wisely.

wisemen say, only fools rush in.

well, i say.. i dont bloody care!

impulsive is good, if you know when and how to be so.

"hidup ini hanya kepingan"

feeling rather mellow tonight.

here's some kick to go with that moon out there. can we say love? :)

Ingatkah Kita Pernah Saling Memimpikan
Berlari-lari Tuk Wujudkan Kenyataan
Lewati Segala Keterasingan
Lalui Jalan Sempit Yang Tak Pernah Bertuan

Ingatkah Kita Pernah Berpeluh Cacian
Digerayangi dan Geliati Kesepian
Walaupun Sejenak Lepas Dari Beban
Tuk Lewati Ruang Gelap Yang Teramat Dalam

Hidup ini Hanya Kepingan
Yang Terasing Di Lautan

Memaksa Kita
Memendam Kepedihan

Tapi Kita Juga Pernah Duduk Bermahkota
Pucuk-pucuk Mimpi Yang Berubah Jadi Nyata
Dicumbui Harumnya Putik-putik Bunga
Putik Impian Yang Membawa Kita Lupa

i know, this is a weird choice of a song (did you notice the "pria punya selera" at the beginning of the video? hehe). but anyways i just cant help but be reminded of the film Ada Apa Dengan Cinta, and i was pretty bumped that this song was played only up to the first chorus in that film. of all the songs from AADC, this song is the best and yet, it received so little recognition. and my, what good lyrics they have!

indeed, life is what you make out of the jigsaw pieces you have in your hands.

and while you can, go fall in love! (or not. whatever, you get my point)

old layout again (omg i have blog layout bipolar)

yey, back to the old look. i didnt even make it through one day. haha. cant stand any other layouts lah. seriously, i better just stick to this. so enchek pengirim e-mail, you can swallow your good intentions coz im most comfortable with this one and heck, this is my blog! lawl.