cult!

As long as you don't confuse this with HIM's version, you're in the right mob. But they're both great in their own ways anyway. So, depends.

(Don't Fear) The Reaper by Blue Oyster Cult

 "Romeo and Juliet, are together in eternity"



Well what can I say.. It was a long and hard battle fought. And in the end, we were just too tired to continue on. I just wish I could be less bitter though.


p/s: This song actually reminds me of the theme song for the J-Dorama titled "God Give Me More Time" starring the famous Takeshi Kaneshiro. Especially HIM's version.

 

from here

no exception

It was a damp night - the rain has just stopped falling and my feet shuffled, one after the other. And I was missioned to get home and retire in the comfort of my bed.

As I was walking, a soft cry broke the still corridor - it was a girl, in her 20s.

I asked her why she's crying. "I'm heartbroken", she managed.

Like how I would expect another person to tell me things are going to be fine, I told her the same thing.

"No", she said. "It won't"

And how would you know that, I challenged her.

"You don't understand".

I told her that every one will get their hearts broken at some point, and asked her to take a breather.

She cried even harder than before; like she just heard the worst thing.

Guilt simmered through my veins at that, and I offered her my arms - to hold on to.

"It's the fact that I let him broke my heart. Twice. I let him".

You feel like you broke your own heart, I murmured.

"Yes, that's right".

It happened to me too. I felt the same way.

"Really?", she sniffled.

Yes.

And at this point, the wind shifted us a little and I was moved.

You know what, sometimes I don't get it either. I don't get how it happens. How you think you are all aware of it, but you just can't control it. And by the time you try to stop it, it's already too late.

There was silence; thoughts and emotions were floating in the air freely.

She suddenly stopped crying and said

"You're broken too".

And the night closed with a curtain of mist.

Queen of Small Talks

Hi there
How are you
Where're you from
Yes I'm from here
No it's not my first time
Really
When
Haha no you don't look familiar to me
Maybe it's the beer
Oh it's juice
You're funny

I think she's great
She used to be in a band
Yes quite a weird wavering voice he has
I doubt he knows chinese
Oh what dialect is that

Wow you're great
Really
You know some
Like what

Haha
Cows eat grass
That's random
Who taught you that
Are you sure it's not a comic
What else

Oh haha hi
Ya nama saya Izza



(for Dominic from Austria with 'a bit of a German descent')

Adele 21

Someone Like You by ADELE

"There's nothing quite like the feeling when you're listening to a song, written by someone you don't know, whom you've never met, who somehow manages to describe exactly how you felt, at a particular moment in your life. 
If you've ever had a broken heart, you're about to remember it now"

- introduction of Adele at the Brit Awards 2011

I downloaded her latest album, 21, last month, and thought it was brilliant - that she deserves my full support.

So as impulsive as I am, I bought her album. Yep. I did it right this time, and legally too.

I do buy originals when I feel like the artiste/band deserves it - like Greenday, BSB (lol), One Buck Short etc.

I definitely did the right thing. You can try and find out more about her 21 album on the net.

What I like about her:

1. She is smart - her self-branding (what I learn at work does not go to waste! lol), her archetype is suitable with the genre she is in.

2. She is sufficiently dramatic - you will believe her when she sings heartbreak songs.

3. She describes her own department - she calls her musical style as "heartbroken soul"

4. Frank lyrics - spot on, honest, and she has exactly what you are thinking captured into a song.

5. Physical attraction - unusual proportion, sexy lips and elaborated fake eyelashes which accentuates that longing gaze she has when she sings

6. Consistency - almost all her songs are about her ex/ broken relationship which she wrote from experience and yada yada. Her album covers, her album titles; everything grows and expands within the same theme. Which is hard to do when you're famous and everyone wants a say in your record and change is tempting.

7. Smart, subdued, and yet different - take some time to watch all her music videos and you'll know what I mean. She makes difficult look effortless.

Get/ download/ steal her record and let me know if you think I'm wrong.

haiku for you

Drowned in blooded sea.
Gasping loudly for your name -
Can you still hear me?

Skinny Love

I like repetitions in some forms.

A favorite song, for instance.

Here is a fresh version of Bon Iver's Skinny Love. I have posted the original in my blog long time ago.

Skinny Love by Birdy

shock the middle class

I Wanna Be a Homosexual by Screeching Weasel

I might just, if it's a choice. LOL. The lyrics are epic funny.

pleasing image

the glasses.
the backpack.
the hoodie.

WIN.

kerja pembersihan

Sememangnya kalau sudah manusia itu, tentu sekali banyak melakukan sampah.

Malah, sesetengah daripada kita terus menjadi sampah; sampah masyarakat.

Tidak bolehkah kita menjadi insan yang bersih?

Boleh. Tapi sukar.

Sedangkan makan lagi diberak, apatah lagi barang dipersampah.

Apa yang dahulunya dikira baru, akan diiktiraf sampah setelah dimamah masa. Lapuk.

Bilik aku ini penuh dengan sampah. Sampah dari masa lampau. Kertas, surat, buku, resit, kotak, tali, plastik..segala-galanya.

Tapi sampah ku berharga. Semua ada nilai tersendiri.

Jadi hari semalam, bagi merai Hari Pekerja (Labor Day), aku mula melakukan kerja-kerja pembersihan.

Tidak cukup dengan barang-barangku, barang lain pun diletak di bilik ini. Maklumlah, "bilik bibik".

Aku pun mengemas, mengasingkan "Keep", "KIV", "Donate", dan "Sell".

Semuanya sama banyak.

Bapaku memberitahu tidak lama dahulu, "we are moving".

Rasanya masa untuk itu sudah pun tiba.

Anytime now.

Ocean

Ocean by John Butler

There are music out there that deserves a listen. And I believe that every song has a right to be heard before anyone make a decision whether it is good or not, despite of its genre and makings.

Good music can bring all sorts of emotions. For this particular guitar instrumental, I felt heroic. I have no idea why.

Check out other songs by him and the trio.

Haiku pergi

Toleh belakang -
Lihatku dari jauh
Selamat tinggal.

The destroyer

As a person, there are certain wisdoms, or wise words that you hold dear and swear by.

These are the philosophy that you either stumble upon, or seek for. Or sometimes blossom from your own experiences. It does not matter where they come from.

What matters most is that you believe in it and then use it.

The wisdom I cling on to like a tree bark is that 'Only you can destroy yourself'.

It's not smart and/or witty. But it's from the many things that had happened to me.

Yes, I strongly believe in the power of the individual.

It is not ego, nor is it selfish. It is simply having faith in yourself.


Sorry, I feel like such a bore today. Hehe.

Dad asked..

On Monday morning, my Dad asked me in the car when he was sending me to the LRT.

Dad: How much is 53 minus 46?
Me: *tempted to take out my handphone for the calculator* hmm..seven?
Dad: Ok..
Me: Why??
Dad: Nothing..

I figured he was counting the age gap between him and my mom. Somehow I felt sad.

Do you know, I once read in a study that the average life span of a Malay male is 60years, and Chinese men 65. Malay women goes up to 70 and Chinese women goes up to 75years old.

But of course, that's just a mean score, average. You would live a shorter life, if you smoke, or eat piles of sugar everyday and get diabetes which attracts high-blood pressure and yada yada. Or live longer if you consume fresh vegetables from the backyard everyday and drink lots of river osmosis water etc.

My point is, if the average Malay male lives up to 60 years of age, and my dad is now 53 years old, I only have 7 years left with him!! (This is just theoretically speaking, I know life and death is in the hands of God)

And my Dad is not the type of person who exercises, eats healthily, get enough sleep..in short, he just doesn't really worry about sickness and..death.

But I do worry, for him. I feel like I need more time with him. Indeed, we can never get enough; especially of the things and people we love.

I miss him, even when I'm with him.

Dad said..

My Dad said a wise guy told him that we always ask for what we want, but God only give what we need.

That actually kept me positive - for a while.

Until I came to a thought - we always ask for what we want and need, but only get what we deserve.

-.-"


Cue the cricket sound now.

Curiosity killed only the cat

The case is fragile.
I know not what is in store.
I will let it break.

herd

from here

Dear A

I am feeling a huge lump of air in my liver trying to burst out.

First of all, I'd like to apologize.. For everything. I mean it - everything.

Everytime I talk to you, I feel like I'm throwing up garbage. I feel like such a liar. And even if I am, you wouldn't know it. Because you only associate me with good things.

In fact, you always feel like you don't deserve me; that I am better than you. But A, let me tell you, it is me who don't deserve you. I don't even deserve to acquaint a person such as you, let alone to hurt and to lie to.

When I pretended not to see you the other day, it is not because I don't want to talk to you, but it's because I worry I wouldn't be able to contain myself from crying.

I will cry, because I know I am not for you. Neither are you for me, even though I know you like to think otherwise. You see the glass as half full, and you have such a big heart, so you will not understand where I'm coming from.

Sometimes I wonder myself, why I am so unlucky. I was lucky enough to know you, but unlucky that I won't be able to have you.

I know, when we talk it feels like there is nothing in between us, you would get my jokes, and I would get yours. We could talk endlessly and confide in each other. As a matter of fact, I really care about you, genuinely always wanting to know that you are ok.

It humbles me to see you grow before my eyes - from a very shy person, to someone who is confident and successful. You think you have achieved nothing, but I think you should be proud of yourself.

I will never be all the other girls who would fall at your feet anytime. I will never be like all the girls that could be yours. I will only be me, and I have no intentions of changing you.

You will meet another girl, who you will fall in love with so deeply, that you will forget me. I will accept this although it saddens me to know that that girl can share her happiness with you. I will be jealous, and will probably take quite some time to let this feeling go.

You are a great person, brought up in a great family. Come to think of it, there is nothing that I don't like about you. If I must, then probably your optimism - how you always believe that things are ok, even though in reality they aren't.

Your smile, your doe eyes, the way you look at me and think I didn't notice.

For now, as a powerless human being, I can only say that if it's meant to be, it is meant to be. But lest if it's not, do know that I wish not to see you ever again, simply because the hurt will be unbearable.

Again, I am so sorry. At the risk of sounding cliche, please take comfort in knowing that at least, whatever feelings I have for you, and whatever "connection" we have had, is true.


Yours truly.

Friday blues

A school friend gave me a call - it was unexpected. I was extremely glad she called, because a familiar voice was just what I needed at that time.

So we talked, about generic stuff - her sister is planning to take the course I took in uni and she had some questions.

Just as how you would feel when riding a bicycle after a long time not doing so, you just sort of ride like you never stopped doing it before. We quickly fell into the mould that we have had back then, and running jokes resurfaced, expected punchlines still surprised us, and we just kind of had a warm conversation altogether.

We then talked about the present. What each of us is currently doing. I as usual spoke of my not-too-bad job and how I am still surviving. She was happy to hear that.

And then it was her turn.

"Nothing new..", she said. I kind of can tell she was smiling when she said it.

"Oh come on, there must be something. So when are you getting married?!", I laughed.

"Err yea..actually, ermm, this coming November, if everything goes well..".

There was a pause. There shouldn't be.

"OMG. Are you for real?!?", I half shouted in the office.

"Hehe. Yes. Ey, don't tell anyone yet, you're the first person to know".

And I felt something building up in my tear duct.


That night, I was listening to the radio in the car ride home. My brother was quiet, and so was I.

And then, as if some spirits out there has been listening to me, a very dear song played on the radio.

Perfect timing.

I guess now I can just say that I shouldn't be embarrassed to admit it. I may not be the only one.





So Lonely by The Police

 
To sign off, here is a short poem:

Tomorrow is Saturday, 
and in the office I will be, Yay.

 

life. and deaths

And so, the ordinariness of the every day things brought me back to earth. Small things, that are huge to others, made me realize how we are in fact insignificant, what more the things I witness which are beyond my comprehension.

My kitchen was flooded today, so was my current "bed room" in the house - living room in front of TV (coz lately I was too scared to sleep in the mini library downstairs where I reside with boxes of my things unpacked still; ever since I heard the story my sister told me - I'll tell later). Point is, comfort before misfortune. I sometimes take things for granted and disregard things that should matter.

I also saw two fat mama and papa rats the other day, running straight from the house roof and skydive onto the backyard. I didn't save them, I didn't yell "stupid rats!!" to them, I didn't do anything. I just let them splat there for a good 5 seconds before they dust of their coats and started running through the drain. Somehow this incident made me feel insignificant. Because (I have a point ok), they didn't need me to go to them with a broom and brush them away. They got back up by themselves and continue doing whatever rats do.

A few people I know lost their loved ones - of old age, of stress, of an accident. Within the span of a month, having to attend 3 funerals is quite draining. It gives you like a black washout effect on your face and you somehow feel obliged to grieve.. at least I do. I asked my Mom to braid my hair for work last Monday out of randomness because I dreamed about her drinking rotten milk to save my life. Yes, I don't really know how to show love properly. Believe it or not, especially to my Mom. Again, taking good care of what you have. Love before lost.

My sister went for an intensive safety course (yes she is a worrywart) where only a handful of people were allowed to participate. She took notes, and was excited when I came home from work because she wanted to share with me what she learned. I laughed when I first heard, but she insisted and forced me to sit with my mom (who was busy chatting and facebooking with her girlfriends) and listen to her. I thought it was going to be some boring-ass kiddy safety 101. But no, it was serious points about safety in taking cabs, how to deal with robbery at your house (this was what got me scared to sleep downstairs), at the ATM etc. She even forced my dad to sit and listen. Prevention better than cure. Safety is all about that - making sure there are no opportunities for unwanted things to happen.

How we became someone we don't plan to be. How we became someone we hated. How we became unknown to ourselves. Had some serious talk with some friends at work (some I regard more as friends than colleagues lol) and yes, this is what happens and is happening. I'm not sure if it has happened to me yet (I'm still pretty much myself I think. Haha), but I've seen it happen. In fact just today. So never say never (don't imagine Bieber now, I'm serious). Might be next.

Small gestures of kindness. Like the dude who held the door for me eventhough he has passed through, the cab driver who gave a discount of RM6 for a ride, the lady who smiled like mothers would when she saw me bang my head on the car boot at the petrol station, the hug of a good friend.. all of that has made me feel better this week.

And then there is this person. Whom I have liked for a reason, and still likes, for a different reason. I rarely meet him, but when I do.. well, time just stops, as they say. But I dare not say a word because I know there are mountains I have to climb before I reach the river. And a friend said, "these things are never easy eventhough they are". So I'll just take her word since she's the expert and I'm not.

As of right now, you can say I'm in a state of a mild shock. Because of all the deaths that's been recurring. I need to shower now, to cleanse off all the "bad things" one can get from a funeral.


Have a great weekend.