things i learned in class 4

nothing extra special today, just the fact that it was the last class for asian literature. it was pretty boring at first as i thought most of the things are rhetoric and like duh im an asian, i dont need to know all these values. but as time rolled and we learned more about the intricate asian rituals and cultures that i have otherwise been oblivious to, i began to love it and to appreciate where i came from more.

my friend and i, we got to present a short story written by Nay Myo Thant about a life of an old woman in Myanmar. the title's "The Tamarind Tree". first we thought it was rather simple, like geez are you freaking challenging my intellectual? kinda feeling, but soon we discovered that its more than just a tamarind tree. i had great pleasure researching for this. nothing extravagant, simple language, but it goes far in depth.

anyways, since today was the last class, i paid extra attention to Mdm Rosalind. she talked summed up about all the things we've learned i had to agree that i really learned a lot from the texts we studied. but one of the points she made, really strucked me. she said:

"there is a difference between being educated and qualified.."

you can go to college and get yourself a freaking degree, but still act with no morale, and then you can just be a plain joe not even graduating from high school but have the best attitude. 

you see, you dont need to go to college or school to be educated. education can take place anywhere at any-freaking-time. education is supposed to make you a better person, not the other way around.

i really liked about what she said. it made me think about what i've become throughout these years i spent in uni. and if im ever gonna make a proper human.

i am boring and (now) weird/loony.

i have turned into a strictly boring person these days, all no thanks to assignments and my academic exercise. but on second thought, i remembered: in the words of pn.normalizah, a motivator, she said that its human nature to point fingers to others and not ourselves. (doesnt take a motivator to tell you that huh? heck i dont want to waste my youth in prison for plagiarism. better be safe than sorry. so im quoting this)

therefore in this case, i guess im just being human, blaming assignments for sucking up my jovial juices out of me. sheesh.

anyways, as i was watching 'Water' (by Deepa Mehta, an award-winning film about the pre-determined lives of widows in India), i was making mental notes about some serious crap and at the same time, thought about some mind-blowing vein-straining issues regarding err yours truly. (talk about multi-thinking). sure, chauvanists have their best interests for themselves, and heck who says its a crime? how often do i get to do checks-and-balances on myself anyway. but why during this film? i dont even know if the Milky Way exists. (connection? i just dont know why)

i was thinking and thinking, and God bless my soul, i hit a jackpot. i realized something and its overwhelming! it kind of explains many of the things i was like huh? about. its a whole lump like a tumor that im afraid if i say it out loud, not only my roommate would hear me, but the "tumor" might spread to every possible healthy organ in my body.

drama aside, i have a serious confession.

i might be a commitment phoebe.

there, there, i said it! fuhh moksha seketika! you're on your first step to rehabilitation! let's skip the "hello, im zordon the god of power rangers, and im a commitment phoebe (that explains why im stuck in that blue-ish tank with only my head coz actually i dont have a girlfriend coz im a body-less freak)" *clap clap* "hello zordon!", the rest of the group chirped.

well, now that i've admitted to it..what next? start making commitments? dang it. i can start with having a pet. and guess i can start with a fish, easier. (well used to have one, Iman, but died, out of starvation. wasnt my fault! i was just away for a long time! and came back seeing it float *guilt and grief*).

or maybe a turtle? (used to have one too, Abdullah. took special care of it till it was like as huge as i dont know, just real huge like a gargantuan sort and it ran away. in all that weight and size, how can it get away so quickly?! this, i must clarify, is not my fault. maybe i've raised it to be independant and adventurous. it took my good values and maybe went backpacking [re: the shell] to the lorong sebelah? or the hills further up my house? haha he would've looked so cute climbing up and breaking a sweat on his amphibian skin. he'd love the hills more than his bright red super tank [read: plain ol' mega container we once used for the laundry] now talking about him made me miss him a lot. *imaginary tears somersaulting down my silky cheeks*)

anyways, i've got to go back to my boring self again and resume the pile of Damnation (otherwise known as assignments). aaarrrrggghhhh! rahhh-rahh-rumma-mahhh!! *break into breakdance to the beat of Bad Romance*

misi terdekat gue

my super-short term goals for today include (masakan bisa gue nemui kesemuanya! ayuh berdoa!):

1. refine chapter 3 and add more to chapter 2 (thesis gue yang entah ke manak ni kok!)
2. begin approaching respondents (masih untuk thesis gue, harep ada yang ingin nolong gratis!)

3. start writing movie review for 'Water', submit this weekend (yang ini khilaf gue kok, patut udah di anter isnin lalu)

4. kite-flying! (yaa, udah selesai kesemuanya yang di atas itu, gue berhak memanjakan diri gue dengan beraktivis riadah gitu. kok intuisi gue kuat ngatakan gue enggak bisa selesain semuanya! ah nggak papa, gue tetep akan ke taman ngebarin lelayang gue!!)


my youtube fix for today, memang sumpah awesome:



original by taio cruz feat ludacris, "break your heart". i've fallen musically in love with kurt and frank. btw, kurt and sam tsui was featured on oprah!

(4+5) x 4

.

what do you do

with the star that you

kept away from time,

but has lost its shine?

.

the star, has fade away

and you, have gone astray..

realiti negara aku 2

kadang-kadang rasa macam nak jadi budak melayu typical. tak nak jadi out-of-the-box, tak nak tanya soalan dalam kelas, tak nak participate apa-apa. tak nak berusaha lebih, tak nak keluar dari negara ni, tak nak tukar mindset, tak nak perbetul mentaliti, tak nak buat apa-apa.

rasa macam nak duduk je tepi tangga tunggu orang suap nasi. tunggu orang hulur duit, tunggu orang pakaikan baju, mandikan, papah ke sekolah. nak tunggu kerajaan bagi insentif, tunggu universiti merayu masuk daftar diri dan belajar, tunggu pensyarah jerit maki hamun lepas tu rotan baru buat kerja, tunggu mak ayah marah baru tolong kat rumah.

tak nak usaha untuk masa depan sendiri, tak nak dengar cakap pemimpin, tak nak pegi mengundi, tak nak ambil pot pasal hal ehwal negara dan sekitar.

nak duduk je dekat rumah tengok tv sampai tv tengok kita. nak tidur je sampai waktu makan lepas tu tido balik. nak jadi orang yang tak ada pendirian, matlamat, prinsip dan sifat ketamadunan. orang yang tak ada patriotism, jati diri, semangat usaha dan dedikasi.

tapi kalo semua orang macam tu, sampai kiamat pun xmaju kaum aku ni! tolong lah sedar dan bertindak dengan conscious. siapa lagi yang nak ubah nasib kita, kalo bukan diri kita sendiri.

tuesday thoughts

began with a puddle of plead
ended with conscience unrulied.

that part clackered,
and flickered
and fluttered
and fidgeted.

it wants to swim
in the ocean of words;
those you threw up,
exited and flew like birds.

it is fragile, it is composed
but you took for granted,
i supposed.

three on three.

the mellow.





the noveu electro.




the hard and new.



between the postal service's and the iron and wine's version, i still am not sure which one is the original. word has it its the postal service. but i like iron and wine's version better.

skinny love

"..cut out all the ropes and let me fall.."

by bon iver.

the deal about life

here's the deal.

you want to be the best you can ever be.

but you dont know how.

so you ask your mom,

and your mom said:

Well dear, that's life. We spend all our time figuring out.

sunny sunday

went to the hot air balloon event today in putrajaya with my two sisters. met up with some campus friends there too. this is the second time they organized this event and i think they should do it annually. it is awesome. at least we malaysians will have more things to look forward to now. haha.

i also heard their doing some backpackers meet-up in putrajaya with music performances and all, where backpackers locally and internationally get together with their tents up and sleeping bags listening to live music. it's still under discussion, but the deal is it's going to be held in putrajaya. cool stuff.

i bought a kite today; it's colorful and cute. i almost bought the one with the octopus head but i thought i might as well get the more professional looking kite. haha. plus cheaper maa.

i dont really like the weather today. very very hot and i was burning. but tonight it rained, so it compensated and balanced out. i guess in life we must do the same, have checks and balances. well, what can i say, im not one to speak - my life sucked too. hahah. have a good week next week.

p/s: if i survive next week, i will reward myself to a bar of cadbury crunchie. next week is war, it is hell, and it is a battlefield of shitass assignments. who bloody created the concept of homeworks and assignments?! if you did, we need to talk!

hati jauh

pada kebiasaan
jarak yang memisah
juga masa
akan tapi
ada kala nya
masih terasa jauh
walau yang memisah
hanya hati
dan rasional kita
perasaan sendiri
perasaan sepi
tidak layak dirasai
tidak oleh siapa pun

how long now?

how many months has it been now?
how many years have passed;
how long did it last?

how do you feel this moment?
how do you want it to be;
how is the future you foresee?

how do you want it to end?
how i can crash and burn;
just watching you take that turn.

i wonder

1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.


sometimes i question my own judgements.



..what if?

"here comes the sun"

the sun has always been a symbol of hope, and new beginnings. once the moon disappear through the dark suede sky, you can see a light emergin from the horizons; the sun.




metric is genius and this song is the most genius product by them. the song is full of cross-references and relatable issues that are subtle, though direct.

c'mon baby play me something..


p/s: first fell in love with metric when they covered elliot smith's behind bars.
pp/s: i like the vox's shades. she has a pair that she always wear.

who, me?

what is life without thinking about it? you came to the world from a place where you were alone, and you end your life the same manner. you make the decisions, you do the things you want to do, you have your likes and hates. at the end of the day, you are the only person you need to please.

give yourself some sympathy.

breathe me

the song is by Sia Furler. this is a live version.



raw and fragile; the song, the singing and the lyrics. like somethings gonna break anytime during the song.

thank you Taj.


alternatively, check out:

the official video

coca-cola olympic commercial featuring this song

life in list

this is a note for self:

please put your life back into perspective.


the things you need to get done in a short amount of time:

1. AE. dammit one-month plus minus more to go!
2. video for TARA.
3. all other assignments clogging/pending.
4. figure out life.

you must and you will get all four done!

tick tock, tick tock, your life is on the clock!

subliminal speed

from the hair and the snowflakes, and the fact that she had to shield her eyes,

i know that she's going at a fast speed.

but the look on her face, the calmness..

subliminal.

p/s: what a beauty!

p/ps: i need a bicycle. a velorbis cost me a friggin RM4k!

have what it takes? be my partner.

i've been dying to join this, but can never get around it. now that im almost graduating, i thought, why not? the application ends in 20days or so. but have i got the right partner? working towards that. would you like to be my partner?

some criteria that may help:

• rough at heart
• good at navigating (photographic memory of places hahahaha)
• rational thinker (coz im the impulsive one, i think quick. i need someone to rationalize for me. lol)
• can eat anything i.e. gooey icky stuff (except of course, those forbidden by religion)
• chemistry (sekepala, sama-sama masuk air la)
• camera-loving :D

and most importantly:

• loves to crack jokes in the midst of tense. haha

really, im into it for the experience, although i do want to win the USD$100,000 (siapa tak nak!). but more importantly than that is to learn about the different cultures in the world, to do something out of the norm, to challenge yourself (you live only once after all!), to be a teamplayer and to get to know more about your teammate and yourself.

so if you share the same desire, and have what it takes, what are you waiting for? give me a buzz, coz im totally in!

WE HAVE 20days MORE (before application ends)

check out more info here.

Maulidur Rasul and Me

As I'm typing this, I'm listening to Dr. Ary Ginanjar Agustian speak on tv (Astro Oasis, channel 106). He is narrating the story of the Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) in conjunction with the Maulidur Rasul tomorrow.

It's quite a surprise that anyone could actually tell the story in a way that i would actually enjoy listening to so much and be affected by it. The way Ary Ginanjar is telling it is so moving that it almost brought me to tears. This reminded me of the ESQ course he held few years back that i went to. the things he say connects so much to your heart that you truly feel them (as if you were there witnessing with your own eyes).

He's speaking without script, and this is a one-hour program. to add to the awe, the language he uses is very poetic..just superb. As he is speaking now, i can see his eyes glistening with tears and his face turning pink. i thinking he's restraining himself from crying. im going to go watch him now.



note for self from the show:

1. tahap pencarian (spiritualitas) - Nabi Muhammad mencari dirinya dengan mencari kebenaran hakiki.
2. pembangunan jiwa tauhid - dengan mencintai Allah, baru boleh mencintai diri sendiri.

3. Jangan jadikan alasan tidak mampu mencintai Rasul kerana kita tidak mengenalinya, kerana beliau bisa mencintai kita tanpa perlu mengenali kita (perkataan terakhir beliau sebelum menghembuskan nafas terakhir di sisi isterinya: "Umati, umati, umati") begitu sayang beliau terhadap umatnya, walau beliau tahu umatnya tidak berpeluang mengenalnya ketika beliau masih hidup.

4. kenali lah dirimu dengan mengenali Tuhan dan Rasul mu.
5. Rasulullah mengajar dua benda: al-Quran dan al-Hadith.
6. Beliau buta huruf, tetapi bisa membaca selepas turunnya surah Al-Alaq. (Malaikat Jibrail menyeru beliau: Iqra'!) betapa penting menimba ilmu dan membaca.

Mortal Kombat

ahahaha this is pretty funny. a parody of the famed mortal kombat. check it out.

sony world photography awards 2009/2010

last week, there was a photo exhibition and my friend and i went to see it. it was refreshing. the Sony World Photography Awards (Global Tour 2009/2010) was held at the Galeri Petronas klcc and it was free. there were lots of photographers, new and seasoned, amateur and professionals. our most favourite has to be dylan collard from uk. his photos are all superb! Here are some of the photos. Copyrights of Sony.

Dylan Collard (UK)

Commercial - Advertising, 3rd place 2009

Julian Abram Wainwright (Canada)

Photojournalism and Documentary - Sport, Winner 2009

 

David Watts (UK)

Amateur, Fine Art - Architecture, Winner 2009

sadly, there were no photographers from malaysia. there was one from singapore (who took a photo of an endangered species of bird in malaysia's rainforest) but none from malaysia. maybe next time there will be more participation in this kinds of competition from malaysian photographers. good stuff.


note: the exhibition is from 04/02-28/03 2010. it's still on, go check it out.

the remains

i empty myself of the names of others. i empty my pockets.
i leave my shoes and leave them beside the road.
at night i turn back the clocks;
i look at the family album and look at myself as a boy.

what good does it do? the hours have done their job.
i say my own name. i say goodbye.
the words follow each other downwind.
i love my wife but send her away.

my parents rise out of their thrones
into the milky rooms of clouds. how can i sing?
time tells me what i am. i change and i am the same.
i empty myself of my life and my life remains.



p/s: this poem was used for my contemporary literature test few days back. i thought it was brilliant.

untitled

un-a-feel.
unknown.
unrepeatable.

.

song by sigur ros.

most played track of the month.

that face

when a face reaches you, what do you see?

do you look at the smile, the lines that tug it at the corners?
do you search deep into the eyes, swimming in its sorrow?
do you unfold the wrinkles, understanding the years it lived?
do you see it for what it is, or for what it could have been?
do you look at it with your eyes, your mind, or your heart?
do you want to touch the face, with the dryness of your palms?
do you want to keep that face, and put it in your heart?

and keep it in a corner, for you to always remember?

little ms. misery

ah misery, misery.
they never let me be.

it's always the same forray;
only on a different day.

or

different kinds of shit;
sent to me on repeat.

blimey

oh misery, misery.
a friend to me you'll be.

what do you want from me

"now here we are,

so what do you want from me?"

p/s:  how convenient it would be if i were to be the one to answer it instead of you.

attacked.

down with fever. and had a wth moment with an asthma attack. i hadnt had it since school, but yeah, things work in circles. i was too comfortable with the air-cond, the cold drinks and walking out in the rain at night, i guess. it all accumulated and came back to haunt me. well what can i do, im just a free spirited girl who thinks life's too short to just sit home and tend to my sickness. carelessness, is pretty much it, if you look at the glass as half empty.

dealing with a lot of things from my bed these days. or sleeping, is what i do most of the times. getting this typed is pretty impressive. i would rather die out of anything but boredom.

been helping out with my sis' cheer stuffs too: the chants, routines, uniforms etc when im awake. hmm got some inside scoop on how its done.

been trying to bond with the bro since his back from uni for the hols. such a waste, he brought his friend home instead. good backup for not listening to me yapping bout what a great life i have. hah. smart boy he is. such an adult now.

another sis is charting out her life pretty much entirely to strategizing ways to get my parents to agree for her to go out and "hang out" with her friends. poor girl, im wayyy pass that (though i still need permission sometimes ugh).

mom is really busy these days. she tries to get her hands into anything, no everything. she's taking painting classes, taking orders and painting for clients. exploring new things, girls' day out, movie dates with dad, anniversary date with dad, hanging out with dad, intruding her children's privacy, investigating her children's lives, visiting friends...the list goes on. all that with in between cooking up a storm for the family, making sure the house is squeaky clean and torturing us. she continues to surprise me.

dad is busy too; with mom, with us children, with the cars, with his channel, with all things work, sleeping, andddd eating. he's such a big eater now! he eats anything, anywhere, all the time. he gets cuter as he gets older. thats my ol' man.

and me; im always in bed. even if im not sleeping, i cant really get anywhere. ive got breathing problems for heavens sake. and fever to add to the suffering. thank god the cyber world is just a click away. even then, i cant really look at the screen for a long time, i'll get headache. so basically, my life these few days revolves around the things between me and the bed and the rest of the house.

but from the bed, i get to appreciate the one thing i always forget to pay more attention to:

my family.

paper bikin gua panas

to be honest, i friggin hate reading the bloody papers nowadays. news they put on the covers are shit and dont even get me started on the exaggerated tabloids. whatthefrankestein are we being fed these days? the news somehow reflects on the readers and i sure dont want to be deemed as some bimbotic who love to take note on whose pants the politicians have been into, or which celebrity has dated whose ex, or this and this VVIP has "melamar" who. i dont bloody care. just like how i dont care who they give the Datuk-ship too. well, if Shah Rukh Khan and Jean Todt who have very little (to none) impact on Malaysia can get the title, than i couldnt be bothered. what a waste.

im now just waiting for my first gray hair to come out, just thinking about all these things! come Chinese New Year, it's all about David Teoh! since when has he been the ambassador for all chinese citizens of Malaysia? he made malaysian movie-goers look like dumb people watching some shitty obvious-dubbing dialogues and wig-wearing casts, and saying "saya buat film (in that weird way he pronounce it) yang permintaan orang ramai, yang orang mahu tonton. di samping itu lah saya dapat profit". whatthefunk. you thought about us first, then the money? how sweet of you. maybe that explains why the media love you so much and granted you that center spread huh. (or maybe its the huge ang pow you give them). and i cant help myself from being reminded of that "small" feud he had with Norman KRU about whose film made it top in the charts. teoh claimed it was his, and Norman was so meticulous and enraged, i think, that he found it a need to demand teoh to prove his numbers. norman did the right thing. cakap gebang la lu.

and there's just so many things i need to let out of my chest, but i just couldnt.  here are some random things.


1. Le Tour de Langkawi demanded by Tun to be returned to Langkawi after some nitwit thought it could be a good idea to bring it elsewhere (coz there's a reason why its named the tour of Langkawi for heaven's sake lahhh. to promote langkawi and since its in kedah, to be at par with the penang tourism, which now has turned into a mini hongkong or singapore)

2. penang plans to open a quay residence, i have no idea where else they plan to build all this, but i have a feeling guan eng is going to approve yet another tambak-menambak project. and then the chinese will buy all these luxurious property, and because the malays cant afford it, they will move to seberang perai, or kedah, but out of penang. penang then achieved 100% chinese citizens as they dreamed. then penang will sink, because tanah tambak jadi lembut sebab air pantai yang semakin deras and too many high-rise. tak counter balance dowh. good luck guan eng and co.

watching in glee

i know i said i didnt like the so-called better version of HSM, Glee after i only watched the first episode. but after i watched some episodes in between, i quite like it. i realised i only hated the show, coz of the main cast, whatever her name is (oh she played rachel i think). i peeved her shrieking annoying voice, and just the way she plays the character. sheesh. quite a spoiler considering the rest of the cast is pretty cool.

here's what really drawed me to the show:



my ever favourite song in the entire universe. and thumbs up to the choreography. not bad!


p/s: for the full song click here. the clip is mirrored, cant find any other version. but good all the same!

Uda dan Dara

 

Uda dan Dara adalah naskhah pertama teater muzikal yang dihasilkan oleh Sasterawan Negara Dato' (Dr) Usman Awang pada tahun 1972. Bermula dengan puisi Gadis Di Kuburan, puisi ini dikembangkan menjadi cerpen, drama radio, drama TV dan drama pentas.

Kini setelah 38 tahun, UA Enterprises Sdn Bhd buat pertama kalinya membawa Muzikal Uda dan Dara kembali. Kali ini ianya akan dipentaskan di Panggung Sari Istana Budaya, Kuala Lumpur.

Nantikan kemunculannya...

(taken from FB events from Haslina Usman)

p/s: penolong produksi adalah fasyali fadzly, yang pernah menjadi penolong pengarah kepada adlan ramly untuk produksi Whoa! Willow!! the musical januari lalu.

takut

takut.

seperti berperang

tanpa senjata.

things i learn in class 3

i was an hour late for asian lit class today. entered the class casually, and sat listening to the discussion. it was comforting that the rain is pouring like no tomorrow so i had an excuse to be late. though i need not explain anything, i bet the lecturer made her own assumptions based on what she saw: me holding an umbrella, kain wet, hair slightly dishevelled, a pair of flip-flops, i-am-not-guilty expression on face. she must have made an inference that i was late cause of the rain, and i let her. i didnt say a thing.

i have to admit, i am not the kind of student who is always early. i occasionally come early, most of the times by accident (absurd, i know). but i dont think that makes me a bad student, entirely. i have always believed that it is better to be late than never. i know a lot of students are like me.

my record of coming late would be 2hours late for a 3hour class. so i still got 1hour's worth of lesson, didnt i? (though the last 1hour was allocated for class meeting, but whocares). i once came late into a class (4years ago and i still remember), and the lecturer looked at me, furious. she said "you're late". i said nonchalantly "oh, it's ok" and she snapped "but i'm not". pergh, that was a knife stab! that gave me the motivation to come (slightly) early for few weeks after that, before i started to come late again. bad habits are hard to die!

me and coming-late-to-class have been partners for years. i understand the nature truly, and have mastered the fine art of it. this is so, until i've heard testimonials from fellow friends saying things like "alah, biasa la dia tuhh kalau datang lambat". who are they to judge right? they dont know shit what i had to go through prior to that late-coming. maybe i was too tired and had to sleep? that doesnt mean i overslept, i just slept more. in fact it's the most foundation of the Maslow's hierarchy of needs. what if i was too sleepy until i cant focus in class. wouldnt that be redundant for me to come to class and sit with my eyes closed, my minds elsewhere? i truly support those who feel that they want to come late to class, with valid reasons (verified by own). if they think in that circumstance it's ok for them to come late, i think "just do it!"

like if you come late to try to complete the assignment due in that class. i know its procrastinating, but maybe you're the kind of person who are inspired at the last minute? i believe it's ok if procrastinating is your game, as long as you know how to get it done on time (or not, depends on situation), and to get it done as best as it could be. dont lah procrastinate, and reflects in the quality of the end product. you gotta make it look as if you spent weeks/months working on it. end product is most important.

that's my two cents for today. hah. look who's talking right? lol yeah i speak from experience :p

kesal

aku hanya bercakap

dan itu hanyalah kata-kata

aku tidak maksudkannya begitu.

Mimpi Sang Realis

Mimpi Sang Realis (atau realisation sang pemimpi) ketika kaki dibasah air laut pada jam 3 pagi.

Sentiasa ada kau yang aku fikirkan

dan kau yang sebenarnya

sentiasa ada diriku yang aku tunjukkan

dan aku yang sebenarnya

sentiasa ada dunia seperti yang kita lihat

dan dunia yang sebenarnya

dan matahari dan bulan dan bintang-bintang di angkasa

dan pasir pantai dan ombak laut

dan gerombolan awan yang berarak

boleh jadi sedang mengikuti hati kita

dan menyanyikan perasaan kita

atau sekadar objek-objek mati yang memenuhi ruang.

- ledisordre '09

[Sajak Salun Eksotikata]

p/s: thanks chip (:

not very glad

.

what's fantastic about life is that nothing seems to really be what they look like.

that's a bonus, or disaster.

for now, a disaster.

.

indonesian's best exports

first saw it from dianarikasari's blog, then my interest was reinforced by zafirahanis when she showed me their cover of beyonce's telephone. and then, tatieta and i stalked them on youtube and they were just amazing! gamal, if you're reading this, we're huge fans of yours! come to malaysia!

here's gamal performing just dance by gaga.



watch gamal, his sister, Audrey and their friends on youtube. they've covered a lot of songs and written some originals. just search for gamaliel. absolute love!

hati pedih

kadang kala ada aku terfikir yang kita semua bina harapan hanya untuk dimusnahkan. tidak kira setinggi mana harapan, sebanyak mana keringat diperlukan , akhirnya harapan itu akan musnah juga.

paling memedihkan, apabila keyakinan yang tinggi telah diletakkan bersama. dengan keyakinan itu, kita menyemai harapan yang semakin lama akan tampak semakin mudah dicapai.

semakin hampir kita dengan harapan itu, semakin sukar kita menggapainya. tiba suatu saat, harapan itu hilang.

pedih, apabila keyakinan hancur bersama harapan.

dan itulah kehidupan; saat kita mengumpul kembali semangat dan keyakinan untuk membina harapan baru.

yang pesimis dan optimis sepakat: itulah hidup.

sing with your body

nice to watch how people interpret songs and translate them into dance. here's a good example from So You Think You Can Dance.

things that tickle

one of my favourite comic relief in high school, the Kelsey Grammer Sketch Show. haha. here's a short one.

realiti negara aku 1

dalam beberapa hari ni, ada satu dua perkara yang buat aku berfikir. (selalu juga aku berfikir sebenarnya, tapi kali ni heavyload punya haha). dalam entri ni, aku cuma ingin kongsi satu perkara sahaja: realiti setempat.

apa maksud aku? mudah je, aku bercakap tentang status quo di Malaysia ni.

mengapa aku menulis dalam bahasa melayu? kerana aku tak tahu berbahasa cina mahupun tamil (satu lagi isu). dan aku tidak berbahasa inggeris kerana aku tidak mahu mat salleh2 sedunia membuat andaian terhadap negara aku bila membaca entri ini, apabila realitinya mereka tidak tahu pucuk pangkalnya.

hari ini aku nak membuahkan pendapat tentang cara-cara menguasai sesuatu negara. ada tiga cara utama, tapi aku akan hanya bincangkan yang pertama dahulu.

1. Ekonomi

aku tahu kau tahu tentang ini. dan realitinya memang distribusi hasil ekonomi di negara ini tidak selaras antara kaum-kaum yang ada. tiada kaum yang dipersalahkan di sini, cuma sejarah dan penjajah. berdasarkan sejarah, penjajah British telah mengamalkan dasar "divide and conquer", iaitu meletakkan sesuatu kaum di kawasan-kawasan tertentu bagi mengelakkan kebersatuan menentang propaganda mereka. dan secara "tidak sengaja", mereka menempatkan kaum cina di kawasan bandar, melayu di ladang, dan india di estet.

secara automatis, bandar menjadi pusat perdagangan dan perniagaan yang justeru menjadi metropolis bagi segala transaksi kewangan. di sini telah terbukti betapa sejarah memainkan peranan penting dalam membantu kaum cina membangun dengan pesat. hasil ladang kaum melayu di jual dengan harga borong di bandar-bandar ini dan kemudiannya dijual semula dengan harga komersial oleh orang-orang cina di sini.

masih tiada kaum yang dipersalahkan, aku hanya menyusun fakta.

dari sini, kaum cina telah jauh meninggalkan kaum melayu dalam menjana ekonomi. kaum india masih bekerja di estet dan juga jauh ketinggalan.

fast forward ke masa sekarang. siapa menguasai 80% ekonomi negara?

dunia hari ini berhambakan wang dan material. tanpa wang, tidak banyak yang boleh dilakukan. yang baik akan menjadi jahat. dengan wang, yang haram itu dihalalkan.

lantas kita bersetuju yang duit itu raja (aku tidak bersetuju, tentu sekali, tetapi itulah realiti. fahaman freemason yang sungguh berleluasa), jadi kita aplikasikan pada keadaan negara sekarang.

dengan wang, segalanya jadi. dengan wang, orang melayu dibeli (aka rasuah, kalau blur). bila ada duit, kau boleh arah, kau boleh dictate. contoh situasi, kaum cina nak upgrade sekolah mereka dengan kelengkapan ICT terkini, tetapi mendapat sedikit saja bantuan kewangan dari kerajaan. dengan adanya ibu bapa yang berpendapatan tinggi, mereka mengumpul wang PIBG dan menggunakan wang tersebut untuk upgrade. orang tidak boleh berkata apa-apa kerana itu adalah duit mereka. jika pun anak-anak mereka tidak pandai, mereka mempunyai wang untuk menghantar anak mereka ke tuisyen dan menjadikan mereka pandai.

dengan adanya wang, mereka tidak perlu mengharapkan dana kerajaan atau biasiswa (yang lazimnya di khusukan untuk pelajar-pelajar melayu) untuk menghantar anak mereka ke luar negara untuk lanjutkan pelajaran. secara kontrasnya, masih banyak lagi keluarga melayu yang hanya kais pagi makan pagi. hendal membeli buku latih tubi pun tidak lepas.

aku malas berhujah panjang, kau faham apa yang aku maksudkan. aku rumuskan:

wang itu raja. justeru siapa yang menguasai wang, dia lah raja. tanya balik diri sendiri, siapa yang pegang duit/ekonomi negara kita sekarang ni? jadi, siapa tuan, siapa hamba?

such great depths

ah,
you think you've felt everything there is that your heart can feel.
but no, it will soon prove you wrong.
like it did me.

your heart is a crystal -
a prism that absorbs and reflects;
multiple sides, with layers of strong particles.
different lights injected at different sides,
will shoot different kinds of light out.

you think you know your anger,
your joy, your grim.
but no, you dont know them all too well.
you think you do, but they may surprise you.
they play games with you.

redemption song

"Music is a vehicle.." - Marley

i wish i had existed during Marley's lifetime. i wish i can watch him perform live!

updated 22/01/10: what a coincidence! just as i was thinking of this song lately, Rihanna sang this song on Oprah for the Haiti Relief. great minds think alike! haha. and thanks to nadtash for telling me about this :) to watch, click here.

things i learn (or not) in class 2

had asian lit class today. it was, stuffy, i must say. but thats what i've been feeling most of the times lately, as i have three literature subjects this semester. i think literature classes that are teacher-centred tend to make me suffocate as i cant express my views. and these type of lecturers cant accept radical alternatives than those they've had embedded in their minds for yonks.

and so whats the point in studying literature in this case?

arent literature supposed to affect different people differently? if so, how is it that we cant have varying opinions and our own individual take on a piece of literature?

i've been thinking to myself, i need to say something or i'll explode coz of information over-load.
and also, damn three-hour lit classes; they should be banned! how can someone stand sitting in the same spot for that long and PLUS a literature subject PLUS a teacher-centred kind of learning environment. i clearly couldnt!

i really like the literature subjects like super-duper like them, but if i ever get lecturers like that ever again i swear i might flunk it! and i dont want that to happen! so help me oh dear ol' lecturers! i am suffocating in your classes!!

to live is to die

i think, and it stemmed from you

that:

we were born to learn about life.

and through life we learn about death.

saw the Mona Lisa smile

i went out today. it was a happy day as i finally get to see the Leonardo Da Vinci exhibition at the pusat sains negara. went to see it with cruiserguy (as mojax cant make it..he'd rather be in genting. your loss! hehe) and met sherry ventig who worked part-time there.

we saw pretty much most of the da vinci's inventions (i dont know if all of them were exhibited there), and i have to say im very impressed. although cruiserguy decided to prove that da vinci's not so great after all, i still think he's got something genius. haha.

anyways, we got a little bit of that da vinci charm as we managed to solve the 'bridge' challenge. we had to remake a replica of a bridge that da vinci designed using sticks that came in two different lengths. we breezed through it like it was nobody's business and even took photos with it.

by that time, the place had to be closed. sherry brought us to hartamas and had food and discussed about all serious stuff possible to be talked about over food. it was headache fun, as it got pretty serious but i was sort of relieved to be able to feel comfortable talking about those shits with these people.

overall, i got to meet Mona Lisa face-to-face (in the painting lahh) and her gaze still followed me back. her smile, remains a mystery.

lonely people vs loners

lonely people

they need someone or something to make them feel not lonely. they are often insecure and need reassurance. they lack attention and crave for it. they require TLC and prolly someone to tend to them. they want to be loved and to love. they need other people to be around them. but generally, it's more of an emotional thing.

the remedy: to have someone who would care, love and understand them.


loners

they just want to be alone. they are most of the times independant people. they can be individualistic and are entitled to their own values and desires. it is not impossible for these people to be in a relationship, but they need a lot of space. also through the alternative view, although they may go out in groups or hang out at crowded places, they can still be loners. loners are normally alone by choice made consciously. hence, they would unlikely feel lonely.

the remedy: realization that human beings are interdependant. and prove that they can't possibly dig their own graves.

heavy boots

you wear those heavy boots again
dragging your great companions;
they who brought you wherever.

entering the nucleus of the march
of them the wearer of heavy boots;
they who left you to manouver.

to follow, be followed and to follow
you witness yourself being stamped;
with those who fall with you together.

you plead to be freed and let go
to finally be bare-footed in hard soil;
that you'll continue to walk miles after.

things i learned in class

in Mr. Arif's contemp literature lesson yesterday. i learned one thing:

"in every relationship, somebody, somehow has gotta sacrifice".


and i learned a quote, by J.P. Sartre:

"Hell, is everyone else".


i love going to class. it is the things out of the books; the life experiences that i can get from coming.

hanging on

i realized i like to hang on to things. old text messages, yellowed letters and random notes from high school. cassettes that can no longer be used, receipts, newspaper cuttings, ornaments from long-gone festivities, envelopes..

to me these things bear a certain resonance. they have memories of their own. they help me remember details that i cant, or might lose someday.

as time goes by, i'll continue keeping the things i feel would help me walk the path of the past. especially for later on in life.

i'm ready

the song: a perfect representation of how I am feeling right now.

1. tired of the year 2009. very rocky. there are Ups, but there are more Downs.

2. happy that 2010 is coming - so I get to start on a clear slate.

3. also simultaneously sad, as last year of uni life is about to end.

4. on second thought, i really peeved 2009. if 2009 were to be a tangible thing, i would burn it and the ashes i would throw in the deepest sea.

5. on another second thought, i really can't wait for 2010 to come, despite self-doubts and other major worries.

p/s: i'm ready for 2010; coming in 4 days!

your walk

the walk was andante. it was steady, but somehow you felt racy; like you were restraining yourself from walking too fast and ended up leaning forward. you cannot wait to get to the destination you were supposed to be at. and the wristwatch you were wearing was evidence of your miscalculations of time and therefore you were late. everything was pushing you. you were supposed to be running, or at least taking huge steps; you should be worried, perspired, heaved.


but your facial canvas is blank. your stride is paced. well, you have everything in your mind.

you look strangely calm. but only you know the chaos in your head.

your mind is racy, it is running, it is miscalculating.

but you remain calm.. because you have to.

and so you take that walk. and your walk is andante.

"When sorrows come, they come not single spies,

But in battalions!"

- W. Shakespeare

o re piya (o beloved)

as the leaves of the willow withered to unite in the ground,

as our youth dries up in the age that we now are bound;

as moments speed and time runs leaving us,

as the sun swims in the vagueness of thick dust;

as the droplets of mist reveal only to disappear,

as we triumph our pasts only to shield our fears;

as the young becomes old and the old becomes dead,

as the nature works, our tears we shan't shed.

this poem is written for the amazing individuals who has perished in the name of God throughout the year 2009. it has been a year of great condolences and gloom, but this also serves as a reminder to those who still lives, to continue living and to move on.

i dedicate this especially to Kak Min, whom i respect so much (mostly for her work ethics, which showed in her films), for Michael Jackson (who died a Muslim), for Patrick Swayze (who proved to me that someone can really fall in love with dancing as much as a person), for my good friend, Adlan's mother, for Niza Syazre whose mother just left the world today, and for others i know and don't and their families who might be having a difficult time.

i say hang in there, it's just life.

p/s: the video is courtesy of Ajami Hashim. the short documentary was showed to the audience of the Yasmin Ahmad's Films book launch by Amir Muhammad at Sunway College recently.

3 x 3 x 3

waves crashing

back and forth

hitting shore

.

storm rumbling

rain dripping

through my skin

.

cry of pain

the heart aches

sombreity

.

you became

you wear and

you use

and

you became.

you put on

you watch

and

you became.

you walk and

you talk

and

you became.

you are pushed

you are reduced

you are used

and

you became.

you were asked

you refused

you were forced

and

you became.

you were told

you were told

you were told

and

you became.

you became

but you became

what you are told.

i really went ga-ga!

pretty fly, huh? the transitions to the various songs are really smart! the guys are cute too. hehe.

also, the matte black guitar caught my eye! it's dope!

i say, double thumbs up :)

p/s: i saw the video from lady fira's blog. thanks babe!

i'm a..slaaaave..for you.

post title: credits to Britney Spears. (obviously)


well hello blog,

today was the day that i feel like i "steal bones" (literally translatated from curi tulang).

ironically, i am damn proud of myself. i really needed the sleep la macha.

but, it is not for long. i am headed to the workshop like in a few minutes to continue enslaving myself. we're currently rushing with our set construction (for the theater i mentioned before) and therefore, it's really crunch time.

ah well, i could use some muscle and biceps myself.

anyway, for those interested, check this out. this is what i've been (happily) slaving myself for:

http://whoawillow.wordpress.com

we've been on the radio, tv, newspapers, websites, magazines etc.

go to the featured link on the web and read for yourselves!

ta for now :)


p/s: questions, suggestions regarding the theatre you can just drop it in the comments and i'll take time to enlighten you.

fools rush, wisely.

wisemen say, only fools rush in.

well, i say.. i dont bloody care!

impulsive is good, if you know when and how to be so.

"hidup ini hanya kepingan"

feeling rather mellow tonight.

here's some kick to go with that moon out there. can we say love? :)

Ingatkah Kita Pernah Saling Memimpikan
Berlari-lari Tuk Wujudkan Kenyataan
Lewati Segala Keterasingan
Lalui Jalan Sempit Yang Tak Pernah Bertuan

Ingatkah Kita Pernah Berpeluh Cacian
Digerayangi dan Geliati Kesepian
Walaupun Sejenak Lepas Dari Beban
Tuk Lewati Ruang Gelap Yang Teramat Dalam

Hidup ini Hanya Kepingan
Yang Terasing Di Lautan

Memaksa Kita
Memendam Kepedihan

Tapi Kita Juga Pernah Duduk Bermahkota
Pucuk-pucuk Mimpi Yang Berubah Jadi Nyata
Dicumbui Harumnya Putik-putik Bunga
Putik Impian Yang Membawa Kita Lupa

i know, this is a weird choice of a song (did you notice the "pria punya selera" at the beginning of the video? hehe). but anyways i just cant help but be reminded of the film Ada Apa Dengan Cinta, and i was pretty bumped that this song was played only up to the first chorus in that film. of all the songs from AADC, this song is the best and yet, it received so little recognition. and my, what good lyrics they have!

indeed, life is what you make out of the jigsaw pieces you have in your hands.

and while you can, go fall in love! (or not. whatever, you get my point)

old layout again (omg i have blog layout bipolar)

yey, back to the old look. i didnt even make it through one day. haha. cant stand any other layouts lah. seriously, i better just stick to this. so enchek pengirim e-mail, you can swallow your good intentions coz im most comfortable with this one and heck, this is my blog! lawl.

yet another annoyance

aku mendapat sebuah teks mesej malam tadi yang berbunyi begini:

"Jikalau anda boleh tahan nikmat koleksi video peribadiku yang hebat! sila balas ya. Warning! Hanya utk umur 18 keatas"


wtf.

kalaulah aku boleh tekan spam report ke apa. ish.

bogel

ini dia layout baru yang aku telah pilih.

pertama kali menukar layout blog.

kosong macam rumah baru.

rasa macam berbogel.

putih, instead of hitam.

argh pelik. warna putih adalah warna yang pelik.

kita biar dulu layout baru ni meresap dalam kalbu.

dalam dua hari nanti tengok balik, kalau rasa macam nak muntah, tukar kepada layout asal.

aku terima e-mail sabotaj

ada seorang pembaca blog ini yang memberi ku email baru-baru ini (takde la sabotaj ke apa haha), mengatakan blog aku sangat "boring and lack of visuals". hmm ok. kemungkinan juga ya, tetapi aku memang sengaja kurang meletakkan gambar, kerana aku tidak mahu mengumpul readers yang "visual" dan shallow.

memang aku sengaja menulis tanpa rasa perlu meng'attach' sekali gambar sebagai stimuli atau "visual aid" untuk para pembaca, kerana pada aku, pembaca blog rock paper scissors semuanya penyabar (dengan entries yang panjang berjela dan tiada paragraph, bak kata seorang peminat amir muhammad tuh), dan reti menggunakan teknik skim and scan selain tidak shallow.

dan aku juga tidak mahu meletakkan gambar aku all over the blog kerana aku rasa minda dan hati aku lebih cantik dari muka aku. dan itu adalah sole purpose aku memulakan blog ini 5tahun yang lalu. untuk berkongsi buah fikiran dan meluahkan emosi. bukan untuk menjadi popular, mendapat "Celebrity Blog", "Best Asia Blog Award" etc.

itu sebabnya blog aku tampak "boring" kerana aku nak tengok sejauh mana ramainya orang yang tak 'judge a book by its cover'. dan oleh kerana objektif yang sama juga aku tidak meletakkan "hits" atau "sitemeter" kerana aku bukan menulis atas sebab-sebab di atas.

berpatutan juga dengan ini, aku merasakan yang layout blog haruslah sesuai dengan inti patinya. kalau menulis tentang fashion (i.e.fashion blogs) of course harus meletakkan gambar-gambar baju atau model etc. or macam fotoblog. dan blog aku ini hanyalah sebuah blog meniti kehidupan yang merencana segala perkara-perkara 'in-betweens' dalam hidup seorang insan bernama teroyalcrapster. lantas, aku merasakan tidak perlu untuk aku mempunyai blog layout yang sangat gempak tahap puaka dan padat dengan gambar-gambar.

dan wahai pengirim email, sekiranya kau ingin benar melihat wajahku, silalah add aku di facebook di mana, aku adalah aku dan aku bukanlah diriku yang ingin bermonolog..mu pahe dok apa yang kawe ghoyak ni?

tetapi ada juga betulnya email yang panjangnya separuh muka surat itu.

dia kata "maybe you should try a new layout".

hmm, mungkin it is time. sudah terlalu lama aku menggunakan layout ini. izlia, adik ku yang juga penulis blog, menukar layoutnya dalam sekali setiap minggu! sungguh radikal! dan aku yang dah 5tahun menulis ini, masih guna layout yang sama!!

aku sememangnya menyukai simplicity, dan sesuatu yang intrinsically explicit. pergh apakah maksudnya itu. rungkai lah sendiri. haha.

ok pokoknya, aku rasa ada kemunkinan yang aku akan menukar layout baru. thanks to insan penghantar email. dan layout baru itu haruslah bertepatan dengan jiwa dan rohani aku dan blog aku. dan keputusan ku ini bukan kerana sogokkan email itu, mahupun kerana penulisnya, tetapi kerana aku merasakan yang "it doesnt hurt to change" dan aku juga mahu buktikan bahawa walaupun luarannya tampak berbeza, di dalam masih serupa.

it is that feeling, of wanting to talk to somebody,

but you dont know who.

motif?

aku rasa menyampah dengan kepura-puraan yang sudah nyata lagi bersuluh. talam dua muka juga aku rasa patut dihukum atau paling tidak, diberi pengajaran. entah lah, rasanya sudah besar panjang untuk dileteri, dan oleh kerana faktor usia yang semakin meningkat itu juga yang membuatkan aku rasa penat untuk melayani karenah-karenah sebegini.

sikap kebudak-budakan. membenci satu sama lain. menikam belakang. semua itu hanyalah senarai pendek perkara-perkara yang bisa diperlakukan. penat, menyampah, sakit hati. itu pula kesan rentetan perbuatan-perbuatan tersebut terhadap perasaan mangsa dan pemangsa.

sudah aku rasai semua itu dan tidak mahu lagi aku berada dalam situasi yang sama. dan aku percaya, kalian pun merasa yang serupa.

my birthday song

this song goes out to all the December babies out there, and one very special friend who shares the same day with me, the 6th, Munirah Hishamshah.




h a p p y b i r t h d a y :)

to Ingrid, you never fail to make beautiful music :p

hmm

big or small, change is essential, and inevitable.

what an ass

What does Alfred Noble has in mind when he first established the Nobel Peace Prize award decades ago? namely, it should be awarded to:

‘the person who shall have done the most or the best work for fraternity between nations, for the abolition or reduction of standing armies and for the holding and promotion of peace congresses.’

therefore, is it appropriate that Barack Hussein Obama receive this award after announcing to send more US army troops to Afghanistan? quoting him saying that he prefers not to hand off the nation to another president.

i know this is practically old news, but it's still relevant right now as he decided to end his 92-day report on the war yesterday with that speech and to actually have mutual agreement with the UK and France to keep on sending troops.

Obama is a puppet. He is deceiving and blowing that smoke screen in front of the people of the world, especially to the Muslims saying "now there, why are you mad at me for? im just doing the right thing. this war shall end that long endless war president Bush set up". for one, a war will never be good. the nature of war itself is evil, but there's no need to make a twist on the "intentions" of war. we all know, war is the epitome of all things bad.

on that account, just like a "by the way" thing, i have never actually believed that bullshit of a nobel prize anyway. exaggerated, and those who ever received that, mostly are jews pretending to be 'victims' or 'underdogs' in whatever field they are in, and then to rise as heroes helping out with the world fraternity. i say berambus with your nobel. Tun Dr. Mahathir should be receiving that. He worked his good ass of to stop that war with the "Criminalize War" conference and everything.

the nobel prize is a ticket. its like if you have that, you are entitled to do anything, and they all would seem "noble". so now, with that new label for Hussein Obama, i believed he's more than happy to use it, for the "benefits" of everyone. why, thank you United States of A*sholes, i believe we have been more peaceful without you interfering in the business of others.

i managed to calm myself down, hearing about the news of Obama receiving the award, some time back. but today i just had to at least say something cause i just felt so baffled and and amused at the joke that he was pulling. like wth. you think we're stupid? obviously some 'former president' has a say in this too. and we all know that guy wants something badly.

to end this, (although my heart and mind is still unrested about the whole thing) i think we all ought to stop believing to propaganda or anything that looks too good to be true. in mass, we are all too vulnerable. ironic, indeed.

the tunnel

some things have gone back to normal. i used to be hopeful, and ridicule my own wishful thinking. but nature do have its way of making things happen. most of the times, unexpectedly; when you think it's an inch to impossible..it happens, just to prove you wrong.

how funny, nature pulling your leg. sometimes i think God might have a sense of humour that we all over-looked.

and here it is, at this very moment.
me, looking down the tunnel in retrospective. i wouldnt have expected any of the things that happened would take course in my life.

the tunnel is full of surprises. especially of what lies at the end of it.

difficult feeling

something's squeezing real tight at the end of my jantung.

hmm.

i miss my students.


really, really miss all of them :'(

Bercerita tentang Si Pencerita

I just finished reading Amir Muhammad's Yasmin Ahmad's Films, and i have to say, it envoked a lot of things in me. just within that one read of the book, i have travelled back and forth to the past, present and future.

one, is because it is pre-requisite, to be able to mentally travel to these separate sections as you need to recall Yasmin's films that you've watched, as you are reading. second, as it involved so many emotions that are relatable to the many life experiences we (the readers)'ve been through, that you jumped from one memory of your life to another constantly. third, i cant help visiting the things that could be ahead of time as i think about the things that Yasmin might have come up with..and how she could actually change our nation, and eventually, the world.

critics have been criticizing (coz thats just what they do) Yasmin's work for as long as i can remember. but thats the thing; they often mark her down for, the technicalities of her products. they see her films as her work, not her art. there's a huge difference there that you could put mexico in between.

she often quotes andrew wyeth (a great painter), and the essence of the quotes are normally consisting of how your emotions and feelings as an artist are portrayed in your art; that art cannot be forced. therefore art is pure, honest, true and simple. unless the beholder of the criticisms want them to be otherwise.

what amir has done is his book, is basically just straightening out all the misconceptions and judgements of people who've made negative remarks, and have constrained ideas of her films. he did an amazing job of laying out all the facts (i.e. the symbolisms in Yasmin's films), and at the same time express his personal views of the films and adverts. he also inserted trivias in the book about the things related to the films or Yasmin herself (i.e. the green tea donut. it was her

favourite j.co flavour, and thus was made the cover of the book).

me personally, when i watch her films, i get more than what i see. there are so many subtexts, and yet she managed to put it all in as simply and as unflustered as possible. her films gave room for debates and discussions, because she normally would deliberately leave some space for the viewers' interpretations and ideas of "how it could be". she lets the audience craft with her, to make it relevant to them too.

i like all her films, except for Mukhsin. it's just too stretched and i have a lot of wtf? moments when i watched it. i might have to watch it again and see how i react then.

of all her works, my most favourite is her film, brilliantly called Talentime. i love it even more, after i read Amir Muhammad's commentary on this film in his book. the fact that it's her last film, also undeniably adds to the appeal. i love everything about this film, that i wished i had written it myself. haha. oh by the way, i love everything about the film, except for the plastic family ties of Melur's family, and Melur herself. Pamela Chong? are you kidding me? she hasnt gone through much in her life and that shows in her acting. whereas her character is supposed to be well-developed. how can you be so calm when you almost lost your loved one! dammit. so it's the fault of wrong casting of Melur and maybe her siblings too. if the film should be criticized, its because of them. hahaha! (yes im blunt with criticising).

anyways, amir muhammad is a fantastic writer and very informative too. his language is simple, yet has a depth that you would not understand if you were so ignorant. in some ways, he reminds me of Yasmin. yes of course because he is writing about her, but also maybe his style of writing, which i think if translated, would be how yasmin did her films. simple, deep, meaningful and most importantly appear as if they (yasmin and amir) are talking to us through their arts.

loser, tapi tak kalah

aku rasa, tak ada seorang yang lebih loser dari aku. terutama selepas kejadian hari ini.

buktinya? hanya dengan satu perkataan: bunkface.

dengar saja alunan gitar, atau suara-suara ala sam, pasti aku terkejar-kejar mencari. dah jumpa, nampak pula raut wajah youk. dan seterusnya paan. jantung terus berdegup bagai bunyi dram rentak lagu revolusi. ah, apakah perasaan ini?

hari ini, aku ditugaskan untuk menyebarkan flyers di sekitar jalan bukit bintang, di mana event everyone connects TM berlangsung. ramai orang tidak terhingga. kebanyakkannya para muda-mudi berkaca mata RayBan, tak pun berkacamata nerdy geeky yang super besar, berseluar skinny, berkasut reebok, vans, macbeth, tiger etc. aku tidak pedulikan.

objektif ku hanya dua:

1. menyebar sampai habis flyers ku. dan memberi informasi tentang tayangan teater itu.
2. melihat kelibat bunkface, dan cuba menarik perhatian mereka. (terutama si Y).

cerita dipendekkan, aku sedang berdiri pabila tiba-tiba imej bunkface muncul di skrin besar. hati ku terus berdetak, aku pusing dan sudah tentu sekali, mereka sedang berdiri di atas mini pentas di belakang ku!

apa lagi, aku terus mendengar diriku menjerit tidak hiraukan orang sekeliling dan melompat-lompat mengikut rentak di hadapan mereka. aku cuba ber'groove' secara paling sopan dan menarik perhatian yang mungkin. aku nampak mata paan mengerling ke arah ku. mungkin aku tampak familiar baginya. mana taknya, kebanyakkan persembahan bunkface, aku berada di depan. namun En. Y terus fokus menyanyi. dia seorang yang serius agaknya.

aku pun mempergedikkan diri sehingga habis lagu tersebut. lagu through my window yang semakin popular dicorong radio dan tv. habis sahaja lagu, Sam berjenaka "asyik lagu ni je, bosan". tetapi En. Y tidak begitu. beliau sentiasa tampak fokus dan menghayati apa jua lagu yang dinyanyikan. aku suka orang yang berdedikasi.

aku sempat juga bergambar ketika mereka sedang beraksi. tetapi, apa yang menjadi 'cherry on top' adalah semestinya saat aku ber"sep" (macam salam la) dengan En. Y. ahh, bahagia! paan juga ku sep, dan dia mengangkat keningnya tanda "aku ingt budak ni from somewhere".

sejurus selepas itu, aku terus mengambil peluang untuk memanjangkan flyers ku pada En. Y (salah satu strategi ku). pada flyer tersebut tertera nombor telefon ku untuk penempahan tiket. lalu aku bulatkan supaya dia jelas, itulah nombor yang sepatutnya dia dail. aku pun berkata "Err Y, nah. teater kitorang..datang tau!" sambil melempar senyuman yang paling manis sehingga beliau mungkin mendapat diabetes. beliau mengambilnya dengan muka "huh?" dan membaca segenap kertas itu. aku mengambil saat itu untuk bernafas. apabila aku kembali membuka mataku, beliau sudah pun beredar.

dan baru ku sedar, betapa losernya aku.

tapi aku tak kisah!

oh hati gembira :)

jika

jika aku diberi satu peluang
untuk berharap
akan ku doa
agar kau pulang.

jika aku diberi hajat
untuk mencari
jejak mu yang hilang
akan ku pergi cepat.

jika kita diberi waktu
agar akhirnya bertemu
akan ku tunggu
tibanya saat itu.



mode: jiwang.

we know how we feel

at times you can just understand how a person feels. you say "yeah, i know how u feel." and that person dissed you saying "no you dont!". but it is no miracle that some things and events that happened to another person has happened to you too at some point in your life. you might have reacted a little differently or maybe similar, but the situation, the problem is identical.

you identify with the sadness, the tears and the disappointment. or if it's a good thing, you share the same happiness, the joy all the laughter and smiles. mostly, it's indescribable. it's not visible. but you know you feel the same. you know all the waves and energy going on in the person's mind. you get why that person do what he/she did. and all your assumptions and predictions of the situation is accurate; your interpretations of the person's feelings are impeccable. so you say what you said: i know how you feel. but after saying that, it made you sound so smart, as if you know all about him/her. as if you can read minds and faces.

then you cant help but show an honest flicker of guilt in your eyes. and that, has given away to that person. that flicker, made the person snapped you with defense mechanism, denying the fact that you might really know how he/she feels.

and you sat silently, wishing you hadnt said all that. and in actual fact, that is all a person ever need. silence. the silence that enwraps your deepest empathy. your silence, will say a thousand words for you. your silence will give the hug you yearn to give. your silence, with great intentions can be the best gift, the best conversation a person ever had with you. in this silence, it is conveyed exactly that you know how he feels.

say yes to me lahhh

pretty bumped for not being able to attend the YES 2009 @ PICC. i think the chance to win a seat there is like finding a string of hair in a hay barn. or like trying to hold water in your hand. impossible. you have to have an amazing ounce of luck in your breed to get a chance. bloody hell.

we talked about the perfect marriage

went out for supper just now with the peeps. 'berkumpul' at McD's and then decide where to eat. pfft. wasted effort. had to use the coke shaker from Chip's phone to help us name the place to eat. wth. nobody ever leave food to fate. haha. we even draw lots and count votes. but all ends in vain.

so finally went to Pelita (just cause i need some hot drink), kira i was the tie-breaker lah. hoh. we played countless rounds of "Apa Pendapat Korang.." or "Ok If Korang.." or "Korang suka/nak...yang macam mana?"

i.e. "Korang nak husband-to-be korang propose macam mana?"

Most of the questions revolved around love, marriage, relationships etc. it was great fun lah. some blasphemous questions thrown around, radical thoughts and all that jazz.

wish can do those stupid ridiculous wth out of this world kind of things more often. i like the smart kind of stupid. or vice versa. (ok, i just took 3 panadol soluble and am not thinking rather straight. forgive my rantings. i promise i did make a point there. haha)

sometimes, i dont like pendaflour lights. its so average. yea random again.

erk.

taken from KL StreetStyle (at Blogspot)

this is hard to say, but i feel if i dont there's gonna be a huge lump in my stomach. i am actually a little bit confused, and overwhelmed at the photo. unique, definitely but there's still something err hmm..?

what is it? you tell me.

footnote: click on photo for larger view. also, i really dig what the person has done with the belt! simply awesome!

as good as honey

was making song requests at the fly.fm webpage (lame, i know) and decided to check out hunny madu's songs. i once heard she has a great voice, but im not really a fan, and dont find her worth checking out.

but.

truth be told, i think she kinda have something there. maybe. after i checked out her home made video i thought "hmm not bad!"

here it is. her best, i think:




so what do you think?

recent updates

nothing physically productive these days. i literally have stocked on fat and sugar in bulk, which makes real sense to me. haha. been going to and fro between shah alam and kl and other destinations in between to pick/send/see/fetch some things/people up. this past two weeks alone i've visited KLIA six times. sheesh.

anyways.

i was doing my pre-registration for next semester the other day and i was slap shocked to earth when i noticed the "Part/Semester" slot was written with the number "8". which means my very final semester (if i manage to finish all my courses in time and with decent grades). oh no, is it really here? dayum.

i really can do without the nostalgic, down memory lane, and whats-next-huh? phase right now. i am not a fan of transitions so much - you know the times where you go from primary to high school and high school to the university..those kinda thing. it's too much hassle sometimes and it drains you out of yourself.

right now i've got too many things in my hands like sand and i feel it slip out from the corners of my fingers. time is on my side, but it doesnt feel so. i'll probably go jogging tomorrow. maybe i'll feel better about myself and my time and who knows, check out on some health-conscious, athletic fellow joggers or basketball players. sounds like a plan.


p/s: been watching running in heels and taking the stage. interesting stuff going on in them!

spot me if you can #5 [extended version]

went to the Readings held at the Seksan's new place in Bangsar, called Sekeping Tenggiri. it was an apt place for an evening of some lit fix. There were great budding and renowned poets and writers who read for last saturday and i definitely felt honoured for being able to read in their presence. i even met Lyna Usman whom i've read with for a tribute for her late father, the Usman Awang, few months back.

it was a bi-monologue by me and my good friend Moja that we sort of brainstormed the night before. hehe. twas about two lovers separated by the sense of their differences. didnt even have a proper title. hope i could come back to read some of my own pieces.

on that note, we were also there to promote our theater production, "Whoa! Willow!!" which is mainly to raise fund for Tasputra Perkim. the theater would be staged in January 2010 and im involved as a crew, not one of the casts. haha can never imagine myself acting! for more info, do check out the webpage here!

some of the people who went there did post up some photos from the Reading. and Sharon Bakar (organiser) did a review on it in her blog. so, spot me if you can (definitely not as hard as like pulling your nose hair).