Who was I in the past life?

My sister showed me this website: Past Life Analysis (click to go) and it will diagnose you to who you were in the past life.

So, who was I? A jeweller or a watch-maker apparently. Sounds good.


Your past life diagnosis:

---

I don't know how you feel about it, but you were female in your last earthly incarnation.You were born somewhere in the territory of modern Portugal around the year 400. Your profession was that of a jeweler or watch-maker.

---

Your brief psychological profile in your past life:
Inquisitive, inventive, you liked to get to the very bottom of things and to rummage in books. Talent for drama, natural born actor.

---

The lesson that your last past life brought to your present incarnation:
The world is full of ill and lonely people. You should help those, who are less fortunate than you are.

---

Do you remember now?

So find out yours now!! *Excited*

#bersih

There are two types of people in this world:

1. Those who conform
2. Those who conform blindly

Be the first all you want, but don't be the latter.

All in the Nuance

Come August.

Manusia dan Masalah

Kadang-kala rasanya macam diri ini kurang bersyukur; sentiasa menyalahkan keadaan, mencari cela dan yang negatif - sungguh ironis kerana rasanya aku seorang yang optimis.

Kebelakangan ini, aku seperti hilang kepercayaan dan sukar untuk melihat yang baik.

Bukan untuk mencari salah siapa, tetapi lebih untuk mencari penyelesaian. Mungkin juga bukan penyelesaian yang aku cari; mungkin suatu kebenaran. Ah, aku sendiri tidak pasti.

Memang, setiap manusia itu didatangi dengan masalah, cuma bezanya skala masalah tersebut. Aku tahu, Tuhan tidak akan beri umatnya masalah yang Dia rasa kita tidak boleh atasi. Tetapi adakah aku cukup tabah untuk semua ini?

Setiap kali aku rasakan masalah aku cukup besar, aku akan mengimbas nasib orang lain yang lebih teruk - bukan sebagai escapism , tetapi sebagai peringatan, bahawa aku tidak layak untuk merungut.

Baru semalam aku mendapat tahu beberapa rakanku kehilangan insan-insan yang mereka sayangi, malah, ada juga yang telah cacat anggota akibat kemalangan. Namun mereka semua mengharungi hidup seperti biasa.

Aku sebenarnya cukup bertuah, tetapi aku juga tidak lari dari masalah. Ada masanya aku merasakan diri ini sungguh jauh - dari Tuhan, dari sahabat-sahabat, dari keluarga, dari kehidupan ku sendiri. Dan cukup sukar untuk aku berpatah balik.

Rakanku pernah berkata: Kita hanya hidup tiga hari - semalam, hari ini, dan esok. Semalam sudah pergi dan tiada apa yang boleh dilakukan untuk mengubahnya. Dan hari Esok, belum pasti ada untuk kita. Apa yang pasti dan nyata adalah hari ini. Kita masih boleh lakukan yang terbaik untuk hari ini.

Aku berazam untuk menjadi versi diri aku yang terbaik hari ini.

Peribadi

Peribadi by The Azenders

A local band consisting of Sam (Bunkface), Izal (One Buck Short), Ajam (Dichi Michi), and Kudut (Robot Asmara) formed mid last year (2010) as their side project.

I have to say that their songs reflect a diluted, slightly more melancholic kind of punk, with a whisp of some electronica. This song in particular sounded like Sam's (and possibly the others too) cathartic platform of what could be his personal ocean of doubts. I like honesty in songs. This is a win, although I thought it has a rather slow build-up. And somewhere in the song, I was reminded of the Killers.
               
All in all, good, but I think they are still searching for that niche factor that sets them apart from the sea of aspiring bands.


p/s: I lost my glasses today, and everything seemed to go wrong. Ordering a new pair pronto!

The Wilhelm Scream

The Wilhelm Scream by James Blake

I pretty much am sure that I have a weird attachment to songs with the phrase "I don't know" in the lyrics. Like Damien Rice's Le Professor and others that I can't really recall top-of-mind. Especially if it's said repetitively. Or anything else that is said repetitively in a song - I think that's the heart of the song, the emphasis.

Anyways, I think this song is almost hypnotic. It feels like your ears are being teased with feathers. Nice.

Mr. Mystery Man

                         

The smell

- familiar.

Who are you?

A nobody

- just a person

who happens to be in your life.

The sight

- well, none.

Where are you?

A place

- very near.

As close as you want me to be.

The presence

- inevitable, unrepentant.

Why are you here?

A purpose

- for you.

I am the reason you live.

I make the blind see.

Life: Un-updated

Ugh pretty much what I've been lately? A soiled sock tucked under a bed and frosted with cobwebs. Lo and behold, I have been at home, STUDYING!

I know, simply bizarre. But these photos are proof I've been a good girl.

 Really, the colored pens and highlighters aren't necessary.  They served more for the aesthetics rather than being functional. But they did keep my left brain on its toes. (I realized my bed is so orange! Must change color scheme!)

I had to take an exam (Market and Social Research Accredited Exam or something) which was supposed to mark my approx one year in the company - and it was certainly a milestone! What would be great though, is if I get a solid distinction. I'll be taking the cert and show it up my face in the mirror and tell my alter ego "You said what?! I ain't got the brain and passion anymore?! Take this!"

Yes, that's me. Earning my 45min nap after every half an hour interval of studying. More rest than study. Severe ADD when it comes to studying.

And life in general has been pretty rocky in every department - so taking this exam was, ironically, a form of an escape for me. Well, good and bad. Good: It took my mind off things. Bad: Well, I had to study! And like memorize things, underline keypoints bla bla bla all that ugliness.

So I was the only person who took the test, in the entire big hall. One invigilator, and one me. So there's the two of us. 10mins to 5:00 he said "Ok, we'll start at 5". I said ok and looked at him, coz there's nothing else to look at. So he got nervous for being the centre of the attention and declared "OK, maybe you can just start now". I got 10mins extra - hey, that's a huge thing ok!

So I came home from the exam, had some dinner before, and log on to Facebook. One new Friend Request. Hmm.. who could it be? So I checked, and voila! The guy who was my invigilator added me on Facebook!! OMG! WTH! (No offense dude, if you like stalked me and like found my blog). Where is his professionalism?! Seriously.

I've also grown into a monster if you see me up close. Since I haven't relied on home food for quite a while now (since that fight with mom. Bad bad girl!), the rempit guy from McDelivery has been my bestfriend. I've been feeding myself junk and it's taking its toll on me. I am fugly. Plus, my room is a mess. I eat, sleep, study, socialize within the vicinity of the four walls of my room. I don't even jog at night anymore - the only exercise I do is breeze-walking from my room to the toilet (around 6-7 steps). YUCK IZZA!

Nothing's going great, really. It's all been downhill. But wait a sec - that call; that fateful call I received just this week. Yep, that's one happy thing. But I can't share with you just yet. Hehe. Will see how it goes!


p/s: I'd like to see Prema Yin make it big in Hollywood and screw the world over. Hah!

Apparatus

Let the balloons go
I've had someone say
But chase the chase of a dream

And just before you grasp
the entirety of it
in your hands,

record the wind underneath
keep the feeling in your hand

and then pull it by the string.

Let it float free
but tug at it when need be.

Who let the dogs out? Teachers.

I saw some photos that my friend from high school uploaded on Facebook. Normally, I would just scroll down the news feed really fast like a finger on a treadmill and ignore stuff that aren't a) related to me b) appeal to me c) involve Malaysian politics (ok I lied. I actually like stupid, unnecessary drama).

So anyways, I saw this album that he uploaded and I clicked on it. It was of a friend's wedding that I was supposed to go, but couldn't at the last minute. And there they were, my schoolmates - those whom I was always in a fight with, those whom I've pranked and have pranked me, and those who have taught me the meaning of friendship (or how to differentiate real friends and FFBs)

They all looked so.. civilised. So grown up. The bizarreness of it went to a whole new level when I felt a smile actually growing on my face. And a tiny little tear peeped through the corner of my eye.

I missed those carefree/careless days, in school. Days when all adults can do to you if you're being naughty is to shout at you, cane you, humiliate you publicly or throw a *insert item* at you. But never could they make you feel small despite your size, because at that moment in your life, kids rule.

However miniature or geeky you are, you are bound to have at least one friend who share the same interest as you. All the better if you can actually influence other kids to be your 'followers' or minions, to break into the science lab in the middle of the night, or not go to class and hide behind the frail and pathetic bushes at the risk of getting busted by teachers whom you hated for knowing what's best for you and etc.

These friends you have in school are the ones who grow up with you. Who've seen you pre and during puberty. Who've shared tips on how to cheat in a test, who've helped you go through a 'surgery' to bust a zit on your nose, who've covered for you when you didn't do your homework.

These are the people who you've cried together with over a lost of RM50 (this is big bucks those days)coz you don't recall where you put it, whom you've ganged up with to go against the boys, or the teachers/authorities/government/world/universe, who had accompanied you to leave lyrics to Greenday songs under the desk of a boy you have a crush on, in the hopes that he would actually 'read between the lines' and know how you feel about him. And these are the people who, on prom night, stood with you on the stage to sing 'Where Have All the Boot Boys
Gone' by ACAB.

I can't say I was a good kid throughout my schooling days (who is anyway right? Well, no offence to those who really were good kids) but it was all definitely worth it when you do all the wrong things with the right people.

I miss my school friends, and school itself (the academic aspects weren't that bad either. You actually like, learned, like..stuff). I'm so proud to see them all grown up - some looked the same but have grown some facial hair (quite an upgrade). Most of them looked different, but still with the same glimmer of mischief in their eyes.

I hope someone from my school will get married soon, so that I have a reason to meet up with them - I mean some normal lame ass reunion is sooooo uncool, and I wouldn't want to ruin my rep in front of these punks who'd pranked me! Haha.

I love RM1 mee goreng, nasi lemak, and mihun goreng. RM1 canteen food FTW!

I'd give anything to go back to school - minus homeworks, exams, the school uniform, assembly, teachers, BCG, rubella, kawad kaki, and kelas tambahan on weekends. Other than that, I LOVE SCHOOL!

i am not

a legend
a role model
a whiz
a maestro
a beauty
a match
a good daughter

your expectations
bucketful of sunshines all the time
like every bit of your dream

perfect

somebody or
a person with potential to be somebody

a person who knows you anymore

coming back to where we were.

Mr. Tambourine Man

Happy 70th this year to Dylan.

"I was so much older then.."

- Robert Allen "Bob Dylan" Zimmerman, UNCUT Magazine: Dylan 70th Birthday Special

 I owned a copy. YEAY!

i miss Atok

Went to visit my Atok - she just came back from the hospital past few days. She had a smile on her face when she saw me. She thought I was still mad (about a particular incident) and went MIA because of merajuk.

I said no, when in fact it was because of that, but I didn't want her to feel sad or like create drama, so I denied it.

I secretly weeped looking at Atok - she is no longer as strong as she used to be; no longer bubbly and talkative the way she was as I remembered her to be.

I miss her so very badly. She was telling me about how the doctors poked her fingers and hands to put in the drippers and complained about how bad the hospital food was. She said she remembered my grandpa, and missed him everyday at the hospital. Grandpa passed away in 1991. She said if Grandpa was still alive, he wouldn't let her go to the hospital; he would take care of her at home.

I miss my Atok, I wish I can stay with her everyday. But she's so far away in Johor. She's always alone at home and all of us are here in KL.

I hope my mom will never have to go through that when she's old. I will take care of my parents the best I could.

Gentle the Rain at Home

Gentle the Rain at Home by The Innocence Mission


Going, at no return.

Diary of an Angry Kid

Well hello there mofakazz, I have decided to be rude today.

Yes, don't thank me, thank the stupid *insert particular race here* motorcyclist who knocked my car window because he thought I was in the wrong lane (like hello?! I'm a freaking awesome driver, I wouldn't be caught dead in the wrong lane evahh!), when actually HE was in the wrong one. Some very high self-confidence right there mister!

And he was like "(curse word) (curse word) (curse word) (more curse words) tak nampak jalan ke?!?!"

Errr kalau aku buta aku tak layak dapat license!

Biyatch. Well, thankfully nothing happened to my car, just some high-valued damage to my ego and patience.

Anyways, just got a call from the office (I just hate calls from the office when I'm home), and I'm supposed to go to the office, when I am already, like right this moment, in the comfort of my bed.

What is this world I'm in?!?!

Ughhhhhhh Lord grant me patience, grant me will power. Patience, and will power. Please! Or I might kill someone!!!

Sang Pemimpi

I was reading a blog - a good one at that - and read his latest post. Bellissima.

From his blogpost (an excerpt from a book, Sang Pemimpi):

"biar kau tahu, Kal, orang seperti kita tak punya apa-apa kecuali semangat dan mimpi-mimpi, dan kita akan bertempur habis-habisan demi mimpi itu!!". "Tanpa mimpi, orang seperti kita akan mati..."

                                                                                                    ~Sang Pemimpi~


How true. Dreams keep us alive. 

Read the rest of his post here. 





 

life after death

I had the biggest fear today:

What happens after death?

One can only imagine.

getcha kicks on

Pumped Up Kicks by Foster the People

a glimpse

When you count the days
o went you count the days,
were you thinking of me?
o were you, were you?

the Weepies

Be My Thrill by The Weepies


My flavor-of-the-month. Can't get enough of them! Catchy tunes and great avant-garde music videos. Most importantly, speaks of the truth, frank and inspirational without being too in-the-face.

Getting all of their 4 albums.

Long live indiefolk!

p/s: you might have heard them in Grey's Anatomy, How I Met Your Mother, Gossip Girl, and the recently released (err last year?) Morning Glory starring Rachel McAdams.