i miss Atok

Went to visit my Atok - she just came back from the hospital past few days. She had a smile on her face when she saw me. She thought I was still mad (about a particular incident) and went MIA because of merajuk.

I said no, when in fact it was because of that, but I didn't want her to feel sad or like create drama, so I denied it.

I secretly weeped looking at Atok - she is no longer as strong as she used to be; no longer bubbly and talkative the way she was as I remembered her to be.

I miss her so very badly. She was telling me about how the doctors poked her fingers and hands to put in the drippers and complained about how bad the hospital food was. She said she remembered my grandpa, and missed him everyday at the hospital. Grandpa passed away in 1991. She said if Grandpa was still alive, he wouldn't let her go to the hospital; he would take care of her at home.

I miss my Atok, I wish I can stay with her everyday. But she's so far away in Johor. She's always alone at home and all of us are here in KL.

I hope my mom will never have to go through that when she's old. I will take care of my parents the best I could.

Gentle the Rain at Home

Gentle the Rain at Home by The Innocence Mission


Going, at no return.

Diary of an Angry Kid

Well hello there mofakazz, I have decided to be rude today.

Yes, don't thank me, thank the stupid *insert particular race here* motorcyclist who knocked my car window because he thought I was in the wrong lane (like hello?! I'm a freaking awesome driver, I wouldn't be caught dead in the wrong lane evahh!), when actually HE was in the wrong one. Some very high self-confidence right there mister!

And he was like "(curse word) (curse word) (curse word) (more curse words) tak nampak jalan ke?!?!"

Errr kalau aku buta aku tak layak dapat license!

Biyatch. Well, thankfully nothing happened to my car, just some high-valued damage to my ego and patience.

Anyways, just got a call from the office (I just hate calls from the office when I'm home), and I'm supposed to go to the office, when I am already, like right this moment, in the comfort of my bed.

What is this world I'm in?!?!

Ughhhhhhh Lord grant me patience, grant me will power. Patience, and will power. Please! Or I might kill someone!!!

Sang Pemimpi

I was reading a blog - a good one at that - and read his latest post. Bellissima.

From his blogpost (an excerpt from a book, Sang Pemimpi):

"biar kau tahu, Kal, orang seperti kita tak punya apa-apa kecuali semangat dan mimpi-mimpi, dan kita akan bertempur habis-habisan demi mimpi itu!!". "Tanpa mimpi, orang seperti kita akan mati..."

                                                                                                    ~Sang Pemimpi~


How true. Dreams keep us alive. 

Read the rest of his post here. 





 

life after death

I had the biggest fear today:

What happens after death?

One can only imagine.

getcha kicks on

Pumped Up Kicks by Foster the People

a glimpse

When you count the days
o went you count the days,
were you thinking of me?
o were you, were you?

the Weepies

Be My Thrill by The Weepies


My flavor-of-the-month. Can't get enough of them! Catchy tunes and great avant-garde music videos. Most importantly, speaks of the truth, frank and inspirational without being too in-the-face.

Getting all of their 4 albums.

Long live indiefolk!

p/s: you might have heard them in Grey's Anatomy, How I Met Your Mother, Gossip Girl, and the recently released (err last year?) Morning Glory starring Rachel McAdams.

how can people tell?

To be honest, I don't think there is anybody in this world who are very sure of who they are. They might have some idea of what kind of people they are - but in truth, they too will find that over time they will surprise themselves.

What shocks the hell out of me, is when I myself is unsure of who I am, but somebody else are able to read me like a book. WTH moment right there.

And I don't mean it the bad way, but rather in an amusing, kind of "really??" way.

Especially when it comes to music (oh, not again. yes, apparently it consumes me and you lot more than we think it does). Often times, I find myself in an entire disbelief when someone says:

"I think you'll like this song. Try and give a listen.."

And you give a listen. And yeah! You do like the song! In fact, it is very 'you'!

Then you go: "Damnnnn.. how'd you know?"

And they will say: "I don't know..it's just you"

How? How? How in the world do you know if this song is me or you or him or her. How?

And then they will be right for the next hundred songs.

And then you will try to figure out what kinds of music that person might like, and you give a shot.

In my case, mostly when I suggest, they go:

"Hmm..yeah, not bad. Not really my type though.."

-___-"

But in unexpected circumstances, sometimes, I listen to a song, and that song automatically remind me of someone.

And I'll give an immediate call or whatever and let that person know that that particular song reminds me of them.

And they'll go: "Really!? Aww..ok I'll give a listen"

And they give a listen. And yes, they like it. In fact, it is so them, that it practically sums who they are up in just that one song. Hahaha exaggeration alert.

"This song is sooooo me!!! Thanks so much!!"

So yes, I guess it's either we get that 'moment' right when it just comes to us or it's a case of hits and misses. I'm not as 'talented' as some people who always nail it and just like rock our worlds with all the songs they suggest that are so you/ us.

I aspire to be that person. Because music can cure all pain (well, mostly), and if I can cure people's pain, it'll be the coolest thing in the universe to be doing.




Because someone just did to me.

HELP. SOS. FOOD EMERGENCY.

I am having severe cravings for strawberry milkshake and donuts with twinkles on top. And dark chocolate tarts with crushed strawberry toppings. 

Aaargghh!!

I was passing by Jalan Ampang on Friday, and recalled a diner that used to be there which my parents and I frequent every Saturday night - when I was about 7 years old. It was called Grandy's and it has the most awesomistic (awesome+fantastic) strawberry milkshake in the entire universe.


This is only half as good as Grandy's!


They have whip cream on top, and my less sane side of the brain said they also have chocolate sprinkles on top of the whip cream; but I don't know for sure, coz my brain's playing tricks on me about food right now!!

 

Eternal love..



OMG, all things strawberry cupcake and twinkles!! Be still, o' tummy!


To make matters worst, I switched on the TV and there was this program, DC Cupcakes and they make all sorts of cupcakes! TORTURE. Thank god Cake Boss wasn't on, or I'll probably be dead by now due to heavy salivating hence lack of body liquid.




 Please promise me you'll be mine very soon. How my tastebuds long for your silky sweet caress..

And then in order to offer my craving some pathetic negotiation, I googled photos of food, specifically on food blogs and tumblr - coz their photos are the best.

WRONG MOVE. I craved even more!






Now I'm pulling my hair, because it's in the middle of the night - all bakery/cake shops/restaurants are closed. Damn!



 

I know I am impatient, but I hope I survive just a few hours more - more like half a day! I'll have to sleep first for 7 hours, wake up, wait for shop to open, then walla! omg, long wait... tonight will definitely be lonely.. I can't take this..





Guys, in case something happens to me, just let my parents know that the memories in Grandy's are the best memories and I will engrave them in my heart. Taking that first sip of strawberry milkshake was the best decision I have ever made. Goodbye cupcakes and tarts of the world - I shall see you in Paradise.




Nigella Lawson, Anna Olsen.. help :'(

everyone gets a star

Everyone Gets A Star by Albert Hammond Jr.

"these guys, have all got problems.."

note to self

Hey, the world is not perfect, it never will be. Snap out of it; wake up. Face it.

cult!

As long as you don't confuse this with HIM's version, you're in the right mob. But they're both great in their own ways anyway. So, depends.

(Don't Fear) The Reaper by Blue Oyster Cult

 "Romeo and Juliet, are together in eternity"



Well what can I say.. It was a long and hard battle fought. And in the end, we were just too tired to continue on. I just wish I could be less bitter though.


p/s: This song actually reminds me of the theme song for the J-Dorama titled "God Give Me More Time" starring the famous Takeshi Kaneshiro. Especially HIM's version.

 

from here

no exception

It was a damp night - the rain has just stopped falling and my feet shuffled, one after the other. And I was missioned to get home and retire in the comfort of my bed.

As I was walking, a soft cry broke the still corridor - it was a girl, in her 20s.

I asked her why she's crying. "I'm heartbroken", she managed.

Like how I would expect another person to tell me things are going to be fine, I told her the same thing.

"No", she said. "It won't"

And how would you know that, I challenged her.

"You don't understand".

I told her that every one will get their hearts broken at some point, and asked her to take a breather.

She cried even harder than before; like she just heard the worst thing.

Guilt simmered through my veins at that, and I offered her my arms - to hold on to.

"It's the fact that I let him broke my heart. Twice. I let him".

You feel like you broke your own heart, I murmured.

"Yes, that's right".

It happened to me too. I felt the same way.

"Really?", she sniffled.

Yes.

And at this point, the wind shifted us a little and I was moved.

You know what, sometimes I don't get it either. I don't get how it happens. How you think you are all aware of it, but you just can't control it. And by the time you try to stop it, it's already too late.

There was silence; thoughts and emotions were floating in the air freely.

She suddenly stopped crying and said

"You're broken too".

And the night closed with a curtain of mist.

Queen of Small Talks

Hi there
How are you
Where're you from
Yes I'm from here
No it's not my first time
Really
When
Haha no you don't look familiar to me
Maybe it's the beer
Oh it's juice
You're funny

I think she's great
She used to be in a band
Yes quite a weird wavering voice he has
I doubt he knows chinese
Oh what dialect is that

Wow you're great
Really
You know some
Like what

Haha
Cows eat grass
That's random
Who taught you that
Are you sure it's not a comic
What else

Oh haha hi
Ya nama saya Izza



(for Dominic from Austria with 'a bit of a German descent')

Adele 21

Someone Like You by ADELE

"There's nothing quite like the feeling when you're listening to a song, written by someone you don't know, whom you've never met, who somehow manages to describe exactly how you felt, at a particular moment in your life. 
If you've ever had a broken heart, you're about to remember it now"

- introduction of Adele at the Brit Awards 2011

I downloaded her latest album, 21, last month, and thought it was brilliant - that she deserves my full support.

So as impulsive as I am, I bought her album. Yep. I did it right this time, and legally too.

I do buy originals when I feel like the artiste/band deserves it - like Greenday, BSB (lol), One Buck Short etc.

I definitely did the right thing. You can try and find out more about her 21 album on the net.

What I like about her:

1. She is smart - her self-branding (what I learn at work does not go to waste! lol), her archetype is suitable with the genre she is in.

2. She is sufficiently dramatic - you will believe her when she sings heartbreak songs.

3. She describes her own department - she calls her musical style as "heartbroken soul"

4. Frank lyrics - spot on, honest, and she has exactly what you are thinking captured into a song.

5. Physical attraction - unusual proportion, sexy lips and elaborated fake eyelashes which accentuates that longing gaze she has when she sings

6. Consistency - almost all her songs are about her ex/ broken relationship which she wrote from experience and yada yada. Her album covers, her album titles; everything grows and expands within the same theme. Which is hard to do when you're famous and everyone wants a say in your record and change is tempting.

7. Smart, subdued, and yet different - take some time to watch all her music videos and you'll know what I mean. She makes difficult look effortless.

Get/ download/ steal her record and let me know if you think I'm wrong.

haiku for you

Drowned in blooded sea.
Gasping loudly for your name -
Can you still hear me?

Skinny Love

I like repetitions in some forms.

A favorite song, for instance.

Here is a fresh version of Bon Iver's Skinny Love. I have posted the original in my blog long time ago.

Skinny Love by Birdy

shock the middle class

I Wanna Be a Homosexual by Screeching Weasel

I might just, if it's a choice. LOL. The lyrics are epic funny.

pleasing image

the glasses.
the backpack.
the hoodie.

WIN.

kerja pembersihan

Sememangnya kalau sudah manusia itu, tentu sekali banyak melakukan sampah.

Malah, sesetengah daripada kita terus menjadi sampah; sampah masyarakat.

Tidak bolehkah kita menjadi insan yang bersih?

Boleh. Tapi sukar.

Sedangkan makan lagi diberak, apatah lagi barang dipersampah.

Apa yang dahulunya dikira baru, akan diiktiraf sampah setelah dimamah masa. Lapuk.

Bilik aku ini penuh dengan sampah. Sampah dari masa lampau. Kertas, surat, buku, resit, kotak, tali, plastik..segala-galanya.

Tapi sampah ku berharga. Semua ada nilai tersendiri.

Jadi hari semalam, bagi merai Hari Pekerja (Labor Day), aku mula melakukan kerja-kerja pembersihan.

Tidak cukup dengan barang-barangku, barang lain pun diletak di bilik ini. Maklumlah, "bilik bibik".

Aku pun mengemas, mengasingkan "Keep", "KIV", "Donate", dan "Sell".

Semuanya sama banyak.

Bapaku memberitahu tidak lama dahulu, "we are moving".

Rasanya masa untuk itu sudah pun tiba.

Anytime now.

Ocean

Ocean by John Butler

There are music out there that deserves a listen. And I believe that every song has a right to be heard before anyone make a decision whether it is good or not, despite of its genre and makings.

Good music can bring all sorts of emotions. For this particular guitar instrumental, I felt heroic. I have no idea why.

Check out other songs by him and the trio.

Haiku pergi

Toleh belakang -
Lihatku dari jauh
Selamat tinggal.

The destroyer

As a person, there are certain wisdoms, or wise words that you hold dear and swear by.

These are the philosophy that you either stumble upon, or seek for. Or sometimes blossom from your own experiences. It does not matter where they come from.

What matters most is that you believe in it and then use it.

The wisdom I cling on to like a tree bark is that 'Only you can destroy yourself'.

It's not smart and/or witty. But it's from the many things that had happened to me.

Yes, I strongly believe in the power of the individual.

It is not ego, nor is it selfish. It is simply having faith in yourself.


Sorry, I feel like such a bore today. Hehe.

Dad asked..

On Monday morning, my Dad asked me in the car when he was sending me to the LRT.

Dad: How much is 53 minus 46?
Me: *tempted to take out my handphone for the calculator* hmm..seven?
Dad: Ok..
Me: Why??
Dad: Nothing..

I figured he was counting the age gap between him and my mom. Somehow I felt sad.

Do you know, I once read in a study that the average life span of a Malay male is 60years, and Chinese men 65. Malay women goes up to 70 and Chinese women goes up to 75years old.

But of course, that's just a mean score, average. You would live a shorter life, if you smoke, or eat piles of sugar everyday and get diabetes which attracts high-blood pressure and yada yada. Or live longer if you consume fresh vegetables from the backyard everyday and drink lots of river osmosis water etc.

My point is, if the average Malay male lives up to 60 years of age, and my dad is now 53 years old, I only have 7 years left with him!! (This is just theoretically speaking, I know life and death is in the hands of God)

And my Dad is not the type of person who exercises, eats healthily, get enough sleep..in short, he just doesn't really worry about sickness and..death.

But I do worry, for him. I feel like I need more time with him. Indeed, we can never get enough; especially of the things and people we love.

I miss him, even when I'm with him.

Dad said..

My Dad said a wise guy told him that we always ask for what we want, but God only give what we need.

That actually kept me positive - for a while.

Until I came to a thought - we always ask for what we want and need, but only get what we deserve.

-.-"


Cue the cricket sound now.

Curiosity killed only the cat

The case is fragile.
I know not what is in store.
I will let it break.

herd

from here

Dear A

I am feeling a huge lump of air in my liver trying to burst out.

First of all, I'd like to apologize.. For everything. I mean it - everything.

Everytime I talk to you, I feel like I'm throwing up garbage. I feel like such a liar. And even if I am, you wouldn't know it. Because you only associate me with good things.

In fact, you always feel like you don't deserve me; that I am better than you. But A, let me tell you, it is me who don't deserve you. I don't even deserve to acquaint a person such as you, let alone to hurt and to lie to.

When I pretended not to see you the other day, it is not because I don't want to talk to you, but it's because I worry I wouldn't be able to contain myself from crying.

I will cry, because I know I am not for you. Neither are you for me, even though I know you like to think otherwise. You see the glass as half full, and you have such a big heart, so you will not understand where I'm coming from.

Sometimes I wonder myself, why I am so unlucky. I was lucky enough to know you, but unlucky that I won't be able to have you.

I know, when we talk it feels like there is nothing in between us, you would get my jokes, and I would get yours. We could talk endlessly and confide in each other. As a matter of fact, I really care about you, genuinely always wanting to know that you are ok.

It humbles me to see you grow before my eyes - from a very shy person, to someone who is confident and successful. You think you have achieved nothing, but I think you should be proud of yourself.

I will never be all the other girls who would fall at your feet anytime. I will never be like all the girls that could be yours. I will only be me, and I have no intentions of changing you.

You will meet another girl, who you will fall in love with so deeply, that you will forget me. I will accept this although it saddens me to know that that girl can share her happiness with you. I will be jealous, and will probably take quite some time to let this feeling go.

You are a great person, brought up in a great family. Come to think of it, there is nothing that I don't like about you. If I must, then probably your optimism - how you always believe that things are ok, even though in reality they aren't.

Your smile, your doe eyes, the way you look at me and think I didn't notice.

For now, as a powerless human being, I can only say that if it's meant to be, it is meant to be. But lest if it's not, do know that I wish not to see you ever again, simply because the hurt will be unbearable.

Again, I am so sorry. At the risk of sounding cliche, please take comfort in knowing that at least, whatever feelings I have for you, and whatever "connection" we have had, is true.


Yours truly.

Friday blues

A school friend gave me a call - it was unexpected. I was extremely glad she called, because a familiar voice was just what I needed at that time.

So we talked, about generic stuff - her sister is planning to take the course I took in uni and she had some questions.

Just as how you would feel when riding a bicycle after a long time not doing so, you just sort of ride like you never stopped doing it before. We quickly fell into the mould that we have had back then, and running jokes resurfaced, expected punchlines still surprised us, and we just kind of had a warm conversation altogether.

We then talked about the present. What each of us is currently doing. I as usual spoke of my not-too-bad job and how I am still surviving. She was happy to hear that.

And then it was her turn.

"Nothing new..", she said. I kind of can tell she was smiling when she said it.

"Oh come on, there must be something. So when are you getting married?!", I laughed.

"Err yea..actually, ermm, this coming November, if everything goes well..".

There was a pause. There shouldn't be.

"OMG. Are you for real?!?", I half shouted in the office.

"Hehe. Yes. Ey, don't tell anyone yet, you're the first person to know".

And I felt something building up in my tear duct.


That night, I was listening to the radio in the car ride home. My brother was quiet, and so was I.

And then, as if some spirits out there has been listening to me, a very dear song played on the radio.

Perfect timing.

I guess now I can just say that I shouldn't be embarrassed to admit it. I may not be the only one.





So Lonely by The Police

 
To sign off, here is a short poem:

Tomorrow is Saturday, 
and in the office I will be, Yay.

 

life. and deaths

And so, the ordinariness of the every day things brought me back to earth. Small things, that are huge to others, made me realize how we are in fact insignificant, what more the things I witness which are beyond my comprehension.

My kitchen was flooded today, so was my current "bed room" in the house - living room in front of TV (coz lately I was too scared to sleep in the mini library downstairs where I reside with boxes of my things unpacked still; ever since I heard the story my sister told me - I'll tell later). Point is, comfort before misfortune. I sometimes take things for granted and disregard things that should matter.

I also saw two fat mama and papa rats the other day, running straight from the house roof and skydive onto the backyard. I didn't save them, I didn't yell "stupid rats!!" to them, I didn't do anything. I just let them splat there for a good 5 seconds before they dust of their coats and started running through the drain. Somehow this incident made me feel insignificant. Because (I have a point ok), they didn't need me to go to them with a broom and brush them away. They got back up by themselves and continue doing whatever rats do.

A few people I know lost their loved ones - of old age, of stress, of an accident. Within the span of a month, having to attend 3 funerals is quite draining. It gives you like a black washout effect on your face and you somehow feel obliged to grieve.. at least I do. I asked my Mom to braid my hair for work last Monday out of randomness because I dreamed about her drinking rotten milk to save my life. Yes, I don't really know how to show love properly. Believe it or not, especially to my Mom. Again, taking good care of what you have. Love before lost.

My sister went for an intensive safety course (yes she is a worrywart) where only a handful of people were allowed to participate. She took notes, and was excited when I came home from work because she wanted to share with me what she learned. I laughed when I first heard, but she insisted and forced me to sit with my mom (who was busy chatting and facebooking with her girlfriends) and listen to her. I thought it was going to be some boring-ass kiddy safety 101. But no, it was serious points about safety in taking cabs, how to deal with robbery at your house (this was what got me scared to sleep downstairs), at the ATM etc. She even forced my dad to sit and listen. Prevention better than cure. Safety is all about that - making sure there are no opportunities for unwanted things to happen.

How we became someone we don't plan to be. How we became someone we hated. How we became unknown to ourselves. Had some serious talk with some friends at work (some I regard more as friends than colleagues lol) and yes, this is what happens and is happening. I'm not sure if it has happened to me yet (I'm still pretty much myself I think. Haha), but I've seen it happen. In fact just today. So never say never (don't imagine Bieber now, I'm serious). Might be next.

Small gestures of kindness. Like the dude who held the door for me eventhough he has passed through, the cab driver who gave a discount of RM6 for a ride, the lady who smiled like mothers would when she saw me bang my head on the car boot at the petrol station, the hug of a good friend.. all of that has made me feel better this week.

And then there is this person. Whom I have liked for a reason, and still likes, for a different reason. I rarely meet him, but when I do.. well, time just stops, as they say. But I dare not say a word because I know there are mountains I have to climb before I reach the river. And a friend said, "these things are never easy eventhough they are". So I'll just take her word since she's the expert and I'm not.

As of right now, you can say I'm in a state of a mild shock. Because of all the deaths that's been recurring. I need to shower now, to cleanse off all the "bad things" one can get from a funeral.


Have a great weekend.

muse

from here

lean closer, ladies

Three things:

1. I like beautiful men.
2. I like boys who grew up into beautiful men.
3. I like the grown up John, and he is a beautiful man.

Roses by Outkast covered by The Maine

Gone are the days of his messy mullet; and now sporting a neater, shorter hair with a fragile, couldn't-care-less rocker dude look.

I. Dig. It.

And the crooning of his just-got-outta-bed-and-imma-whisper-in-your-ear vocals.

Major. Dig.

Similar guys like John and John wannabes are invited to apply within. Hahas.

Also I noticed that the lyrics of their songs are always in favor of women/girls/chicks. I like I Must Be Dreaming and Whoever She Is (I forgot from which album, but like few years back).


Good job guys.

fuh-rai-day

Look at this photo.



And this photo.

What do Rebecca Black and this girl have in common?


THEY BOTH LOVE FRIDAY!


Friday is Playday. Woo to the Hoo.

madhouse

Ayah ku seorang yang unik. Tahap keunikan beliau adalah agak tinggi berbanding mere mortals yang lain, dan oleh itu, beliau bercakap dalam bahasanya sendiri. Seringkali beliau akan menggunakan perkataan-perkataan pelik yang hanya kami yang faham (kadang-kadang tak faham juga). Mostly, it's his gastronomic vocabularies that are just beyond us.

Contoh 1:

Ayah: Izza, go and buy franchise.
Me: Huh? *looking at sisters* Buy what?
Ayah: Franchise..McD
Me: Err..french fries ke?
Ayah: Ye lah! What did I say just now?? Franchise kan?
Me: -.-" Berapa juta ringgit dia ada nak beli franchise..sigh


Contoh 2:

Ayah: Oh dah pukul 10 (malam) patut la lapar..
Ibu: Haa, nak makan la tuh? We just ate dinner!
Ayah: Biarlah, I nak makan. You nak makan I tak halang pun
Ibu: *gives up*
Me: Yeap, orders?
Ayah: Go and buy Nippies. Dua. Yang besar.
Me: Buy what??
Ayah: Nippies!!
Me: *consults sisters* Did he say nappies? Nipples?
Sis A: I think the chocolate that he likes tuh..
Sis B: Yang red packet rasanya, ada kacang inside..
Me: Nips?
Sisters: Haaaaa yes yes
Me: Ayah, Nips ke?
Ayah: Ya Allah, ye lah! Kenapa tak pergi lagi? Nak duit ke? You kan dah kerja!
Me: T.T


Contoh 3:

Ayah: Someone, tolong belikan Lot 10 please!
Everyone: Huh?! Buy what??
Ayah: Lot 10! Semua kena korek telinga lah!
Me (who else): Nak apa again? Lot 10? Yang shopping mall tuh?
Ayah: *annoyed* Lot 10 laa, yang ada mango punya flavor tuh..dia macam chewing gum sikit.
Me: Yellow packet? Yang kita beli masa nak balik kampung?
Ayah: Haa yea that's the one
Me: That's Lot 100 lah!!! You missed a zero.
Ayah: Oh yeke? Whatever lah. Go now.
Me: *pulls hair*


By now, you get a glimpse of what a crazy house I live in. And that's only just my dad. Wait until you know my siblings, annnndddd my mom. Seriously, it's a miracle I'm still alive and fabulous (hahs!)
Let's take a sneak peek at my mom's gibberish semantics. But for her, it revolves more around electrical appliances and kitchenware rather than food.


Contoh 1:

Ibu: Ya Allah, baju tak basuh lagi! Who wants to volunteer!!!
Me: (eventhough I don't want to, I know by volunteer means "somebody better do this before anyone gets killed!") Me! I'll do it!
Ibu: Do it now! Put the laundry in the fridge first before you go shower.
Me: Huh? Whaa? Fridge? Who?
Ibu: Put the laundry in the fridge before you shower! so that it can spin first then you finish shower go and hang them.
Me: You meant washing machine right? Not fridge? *snickers*
Ibu: What are you laughing at?! You'll be like that when you turn 40! then you'll know not to laugh!! *defensive*
Me: oookkaaayyyyy


Contoh 2:

Ibu: Izza! Please put the cili kering in the microwave!
Me: Microwave?
Ibu: Eh, microwave pula. Fridge!
Me: Fridge?
Ibu: Eh, apa nama tuh..mixer!
Me: Blender..
Ibu: Apa-apa lah! Cuba bergerak tu cepat sikit! Buat kerja kena pantas!!
Me: (dalam hati) Nak cover line, aku pula yang kena -.-"


And my brother, no exception.

Contoh 1:

Bro: Ibu, remember me at 6 please.
Ibu: Why, would I want to remember you at 6?
Bro: Alah, just remember la, got something to do..
Me: You mean "remind" you at 6?
Bro: Poyo lah. You get what I mean. Bye.


Haha, sounds like some slapstick comedy, but it's not. When I think about it, they are funny moments - in retrospect. But while they were happening, you feel so outraged because they got you all confused and then get angry at you for things you didn't do! I'm sure you got your own stories to tell too!

But anyways anyhow, I love my family (I have to, coz otherwise I don't really have anyone else to love other than myself and I don't want to end up being like Sue Sylvester where I have to marry myself), and as crazy as they get, they're blood. Sooo which means..I'm crazy too? Ha ha, spend a day with me to find out!

And speaking about me (err haha), I've been down with fever and it's not even funny. I hate not being able to do anything and just like lying in on the couch watching MasterChef and Glee on repeat. Lucky there's Parenthood, KUWTK and also some old school stuff I got my brother to download and to just plug the drive into the tv. Seriously, Unifi is uh-mazing. Hope I get better soon, else, it's a no-work day for me!

To the victims of the recent tsunami attack, hang in there, good things will come your way! Peace be to the world. Amen!

mountain girl

Grateful Dead, Carolyn "Mountain Girl" Adams

From here.

come clean

it is human to sin
so now just come clean

afloat

Swimming in the horizon,
Ascending to the mountain,
But gravity. Gravity.

say hello to my new boyfriends

Subhanallah, or as Kimora Lee Simmons say it Hallelu.

My eyes were literally glued to the huge poster I saw of Topman Spring/Summer 2011 collection when I was passing by it for a good 2minutes.

And my little heart skipped a bit, saying to itself Who are these wonderful men that suddenly became my reason of beating?


Prepare to drool.

Milo Spijkers and Dan Felton. *heart bursting at the seams*

And my favorite guy in my favorite look:

Milo Spijkers; Milo at the mamak never taste the same anymore.

The inward cheeks, the slight eyebags, the downward generous lashes, the stud, the expression. How many guys can rock the granny knit sweater? Exactly.

And Dan Felton, *sighs dreamily* is definitely like dipping your hand in a huge packet of M&M's - your hand is bound to get dirty, and you can't expect what color you'll get.

Dan Felton - Dressed to undress (teeheehee)

He is every girl's type - but he lost by a small margin to Spijkers coz he doesn't have the drowsy, dopey, bagged eyes. And this is imperative, in my books at least, as it gives the whole I-don't-give-a-shit attitude that I am so in love with.

And together, they make girls (like me) go to Topman and buy unnecessary slogan t-shirts and socks for their brothers/boyfriends just to stay a little longer in front of the cashier for the best fad/decor/item in the entire store - the poster (first photo).

Yes, we are fragile, we are broken, we are romantics, but we care about how we look while at it.

I won't ask for a lot, just to spend forever looking at you (until time and age start to take over you lol).

keep trying!

Eventhough We Tried by Johnny Comes Lately

Can't wait for the Ska Fest this christmas!

bla bla bla blarghhh

Darsa-warsa ini (haha karangan sekolah), semua orang nak jadi unik.

"Your singing is good, but you need to find what is it that's unique about you.." J.Lo berkata di American Idol.

"Wow..the taste is unique! I've never taste a pie like this before!" juri di Master Chef berkata.

"Awak kena jadi unik, apa yang orang boleh ingat tentang awak.." pakar motivasi memberi ceramah.


Jap, boleh tak kalau aku tak nak jadi unik? Aku nak jadi diri aku je.

Bibik sebelah rumah akan kata: Yaa Dik Ijjah! Kok itu kan dipanggil unik juga. Karena kan setiap insan itu berbeda-beda dari yang lainnya!

Pandai pula Bik Syoliha ni.

Kadang-kala tak salah bersetuju dengan pendapat Bik Syoliha, tapi salah kalau asyik guna nama dia. Haha! Sorry Bik! Nak spicekan sikit blog ni, so terpaksa lah. Kesian dia, walhal tak bersalah pun.

Speaking of which, aku rasa Bik Syoliha agak unik orangnya. Aku pernah nampak dia lap meja makan guna mop..a freaking MOP!! itu memang epik. Orang guna mop untuk lantai, dia buat jadi 2-in-1, mop untuk lantai and meja. Yuck!


Dan aku pernah ada bibik yang suka cubit-cubit roti Gardenia menjadi bebola kecil dan campak kan ke backyard. Like, kalau tengok backyard rumah aku, macam lautan cotton balls amidst the green grass.  Baik makan roti tuh!

Also, Bik Syoliha ada habit suka ambil gambar dengan aku. Well, at least I have a fan! Sebelum dia nak ambil gambar, dia akan tukar baju, tukar tudung and pakai bedak. Then dia akan cuci gambar (kamera pakai filem) and post ke Indonesia. I bet I'm quite famous kat kampung dia tuh. Boleh buat homestay, haha!

Bik Syoliha juga bukanlah muda orangnya, tetapi dia masih takutkan gelap. Setiap kali malam menjelma dia akan mula menampakkan reaksi cemas diwajahnya dan dia akan berjalan lebih laju dari biasa. Aku selalu nampak dia berjalan ke kedai runcit seperti Flash.

Ok, cukuplah bercakap tentang Bik Syoliha. What if dia sebenarnya baca blog aku? Damn. haha.

Nak tidur. Goodnight.


p/s: I was hating my life for the past few weeks. But then again, I realized being emo is boring and even worse than actually pretending to be happy. So I chose to pretend to be happy, or like really be happy. But not emo. haha. kthxbye.

pp/s: Sorry about the 'Fuck You' post, I know it's quite vulgar. I still hate that person though.

i spit it clean, just like Listerine

Do It Like This by the Black Eyed Peas

What's not to like? Mesh of a music video, karaoke clip, and video game.

I'm very much into cross-genre songs/music and all-things-art, as we speak. Especially in obvious experimental forms and deliberate rough mixes like oil and milk in a batter.

And also especially things that hipsters like but would pretend not to for fear of being called "mainstream". Haha.

Kids, if it's good, it's good. No matter. And yes, the Black Eyed Peas is mainstream. Go play with your indie alter-ego.

p/s: hail to BEP for The Beginning album. Bravo. *kissing fingers like French chefs upon wonderful cuisine*

sope

The harder you squeeze
The tighter you grip
The more it slips

disco superfly

Sex and Candy by Marcy Playground

Just the way he pauses in between the word candy: "can--dayy"

And his nonchalant singing with that occasional slight curve at the corner of his lips he has.

Holy smokes. Mega turn on.

I'd lounge in your chair anytime.


p/s: blue fluffy drumsticks ftw

Fuck You

Since you know all about me, you know who I am, you know what I'm made of, let me tell what you DON'T know about me.

I am not a fucking coward, I don't fucking give a fuck about you, I don't fucking care about anything but myself, I don't fucking rely on anybody and that's why you don't fucking get me. I fucking clean up my own fucking shit, I fucking hate people like you. I don't fucking need you in my life.

And yes, you're right. Your life IS fucking perfect, you ARE fucking perfect. And yes, my entire life is fucking screwed up, I am fucking screwed, everything about me is fucked up.

SO WHY DO YOU FUCKING CARE?!

Go fuck yourself, coz you're as fucked up as I am.

 


FUCK YOU.

Thank You

Apparently quite a number of people dig my crap.

I reached 100 followers a few days ago, and went whoa, these people actually read my blog? Guys, there's a reason why it's called mightycrap. Haha.

But anyways, THANK YOU for following. You are a mere 0.01% of the world population who are weird..like me.

Muchas gracias, virtualla amigos!

Could have, but won't

Just as you see me as that, I see you as this.

Differences is better than indifference, and so we shalt agree to disagree.

We are nothing but two people on two separate boats, travelling on opposite ways.

Thanks for your two cents, and you can keep mine.

the low that is high to me

They belong in my good book forever (as long as they make good music, and stick to who they are that is).

Some bands/musicians are better in records, but these guys fall into the better-live wagon with the rest of the small number.

Don't believe me? Listen/watch for yourselves:



Things to listen for in their music:

1. wicked harmonization (the backup)
2. the instruments they play (try to take guesses, the sounds may not come from instruments you imagined they would be) --> they're famous for recycling stuff to make music
3. the "empty" and "hollow" sound that make you think about high-ceiling spaces
4. the vocals of Miller. rough and edgy to soft whispery.. instant switch!
5. the imperfections. they're full of it, but somehow it always becomes part of the songs
6. the heart and soul they put into their music.


I wonder, how long they can stay true to their musical personality. Here's hoping it's forever :)


*This is a tribute to @Bonnaroo

you

uu
What do I think about when I brush my teeth

 in the morning when I wake up

at night before I sleep?

nn

BONNAROO

My days are now filled with sunshine. I made a few important decisions, and visions are once again clear (so is my desk at work yeehaa). I've been making too many mistakes twice, and I will not let that happen again.

I just wish one thing would happen for me as the pinnacle of this temporary happiness.

One word: B O N N A R O O




You can check their website here.

It's happening very soon! But it's half the world away, and I might have to sell myself to go there.
Mission: Impossible!




Normally, I wouldn't bother to look up the infos on these music fests as I know I would only disappoint myself in the end. But this is just too irresistable!

Check out the line-ups!! (I'll only cover those I like here):

- Neil Young (oh how I cry listening to Heart of Gold and the tunes of sleek harmonica in your songs! Imagine listening to it live)

- Iron & Wine (I downloaded your albums!! If you play My Lady's House I'll kill myself. Sam Beam rocks the "Jesus" look and I&W is definitely a religion in the music world)

- The Strokes (shit man, shit. I need to be there. Julian Casablanca!!! Need I say more!!)

- The Decemberists (Mariner's Revenge is the shizz ughhhhh)

- The Low Anthem (apparently they sound better live than in records! The three part harmonization, the eccentric instruments, dudes with 'staches, the range of subgenre just within folk itself - EPIC. I need to hear them live)

- The Drums (I featured them here before in my blog. Their tunes remind me of carefree days! Let's Go Surfing!)

- Smith Westerns (their stage antics and cute band members! indie rock with sounds ala Nuggets and I love Nuggets from before!)

- Ratatat (not into electronica but somehow they got me! Loud Pipes is the anthem!)

- Pretty Lights (OMG. I just posted their song here! Please, lyricless madness. Fusion of all sorts. I think when all the music genre in the world are combined and gets mashed up in a blender, it would sound like their songs. Finally Moving all the way!!!)

- Eminem (I mean, come on. He's a genius no matter how main stream he is. I am a groupie since '99 Slim Shady days but like really fell in love with him during his most deepest and darkest period. When he sing, he owns it. Gotta be there to live it)

- Mumford & Sons (Since first heard of them on the free CD by the Uncut magazine some time ago, I just didn't look back. Smart persona, upbeat folk-ish tunes, waaaaaaa I just need to see them live!!! Folk with attitude!)

And then there are the rest of the 2011 lineup which you can check at their official website. All ticketing details are there too. And they have some art installation thingamajig going on too. So it's really an event not to be missed for those who actually CAN make it. Please go on my behalf!

To be honest, it is kind of a fantasy lineup for any music events! (If they would include AFI and Elliott Smith is still alive, and maybe also bring in A&J Stone, this could have been a music festival organized by the angels in heaven.)

And then there's another sad case where Bob Dylan is concerned. He is coming down to Singapore for the Rock and Roots music fest. Aaarrrggghhhh.

 

Although this is more possible than Bonnaroo, I don't really feel like going just for him since the lineup pretty much sucks (for me, I'm sure other people think otherwise).

But oh, wouldn't I love to hear his silky voice on the mic? And who knows, he might meet&greet with a few lucky groupies. In which case, might be me..

Suddenly my life looks pretty darned gloomy in comparison to those in the USA or Singapore. I hate y'all biatches!!!

pretty lights

You wouldn't need any form of substance to get high on this. Ah, the right kind of laid-back and groove.

Picture this: You. At the roadside in some quaint province. Just before sunset. The smell of beach sand not very far. Hair in a neat mess and dark Persol shades on. A few european strangers waiting to be cultured. Rolled-up ciggies. Groovin' on the street. Barefeet, hands up. Raw.

Finally Moving by Pretty Lights

The piano and violin is sick. The song is orgasm to my ears.


p/s: check out covers of this song. They're good too, but I swear the original is the best.

stunner

wow, she actually wore this on the street like on a normal day? I am ever-envious!

From here

It's like living a fairytale everyday!

These days, work has toned down a bit, and I get more time to myself. So what do I do? Read. (Although I miss watching TV and downloading movies to watch at my own expense.)

I especially love to indulge myself in books that are of simplistic narration but with heavy and deep content. I am very impatient, so I prefer prose, short stories and poetry. Or novels with fast-paced narrative.

So I read this book. A small collection of poetry written by Spargo Postle.

I would like to share with you a stanza from one of his poems, A man of few words...

for i am a man of many words
nil by mouth
all by hand
churn in my mind
beseeching me to be silent
compelling me to write

I am drawn to this particular stanza. I guess you can say because there are a lot of people whom we meet who are of few words/reserved/introverted/quiet whatever you want to call. 

But I am particularly intrigued by it because it reminds me of someone. Someone who I know goes through exactly like the persona in the stanza all the time. I know he is a man of opinions, ideas and has a lot to say..it's just that he doesn't say it. A person who talks with actions, instead of words.

This someone is just like the man on the cover of this book (could be Postle himself hehe), half-smiled holding a glass of beer and a lit cigarette in between his fingers, in the same hand. Plaid shirt.

Oh why do I always have to take poetry personally?!?

But that person now belongs in a distant memory. I'll have to walk quite a journey down memory lane to find him. Sigh.

truth snowballs

Joseph Conrad said

"Inside every heart, burns the desire 

to set down once and for all

the true record of what has happened"

I think he is right. No matter how true we stay to ourselves, there's prone to be exaggerations of the truth, dramatic effects to our stories, little white lies to conceal what might not seem/be too nice, and amping up the pale or toning down of the frills.

There will come a time when we all lie so compulsively that we believe in our own lies.

So who's this smarty ass Conrad guy? A renowned Polish novelist in the English Literature. He barely speak the language, so I say he's a hero. Google him.

Classic Grenade

Grenade by Bruno Mars

Bruno Mars: I'd like to take this opportunity to tell y'all about the girl that I love..


3 Dudes behind: Awww, watchu know about love?


Bruno Mars: As far as I know, I'm broken-hearted, coz I wanna spend forever with this girl..And when I asked her you know what she said to me?


3 Dudes behind: What she say?


Bruno Mars: She said NO...OWU OH.. (sing song voice)


3 Dudes behind: Damnnnnn


Ahahaha classic. Lovin' it!

waiting to be saved

                                        Broken by Wani Ardy

One of my favorite Malaysian indie folk singers. 

p/s: Even if it's broken, there are pieces from it that we can keep.

why i'm in a bad mood

I've been going through a hard time. I'm unofficially depressed. Here's why:

1. Mubarak + Egypt + the US of A = New World Order The power against the Power of Voice of the Masses (sorry, hope you understand this)
2. Najib and his paranoia (re: point #1)
3. Anti-valentines day celebration policies by a certain party (??????) in Malaysia
4. 22,000 kids around the world still suffering from malnutrition each day (when some parts of the world can spend so much on nuclear plants and military)
5. Malaysia, to have its own nuclear power plant by 2021 (FOR WHAT? to defend ourselves from Singapore? Oh yeah, they're getting it too to "solve mankind's energy problems". yeah right Lee)
6. Kids who have adopted careers as suicide bombers (to make it symbolic, they'd do it wearing school uniforms)
7. Good leaders who grew up to become who they should be, until money is involved, which made them who they are today.
8. Teachers who develop a hobby at school which is to rape their students (aren't you ashamed of yourselves?!)
9. everyone's obsession with everything!! can't we all be moderate!! (too many to list. oh maybe one: money)
10. the adopted cat we have at home has died. It was a very sad image of death at its worst.

So, I'm generally not in such a good mood..DO NOT DISTURB.

LOL! (<-- wait, isn't this a bit inappropriate? well who cares!)

i will not be a corporate slave

As a friend put it, "I am having the bluest of Monday blues today".

Word.

After the an entire week of Chinese New Year holiday last week, and the short vacation I had in Phuket ( it was totally random).. man, I don't deserve to work today!

But it's not all that bad. I actually stayed up the night before to get some work done (slept at 5am), and was supposed to have a WIPs meeting with my team at 9am at the office this morning. 

I was thinking, This is going to be the worst day of my working life. I'm sleep-deprived and I'm not ready to face my bosses/clients whatever (especially after what had happened - I was caught in some tangle in the office).. I just want to make it alive by 5pm and dash home.

Work has been evil to me for the past few months. 

But as it turns out, today was actually quite ok.

The to-do list I had on a post-it actually got crossed out one by one, and by end of the day, I got everything done! And after a very long time, I managed to get home by 7pm and have dinner with the family.

I was totally beat and sleepy at the office towards the end, but it's all good coz I got home early!

Hah..the little things in life that we often forget to enjoy :)

fine, i'll get over it

As you know, I was a bit reluctant to embrace the new year. But I thought, you know, it doesn't even matter. What difference does it make, if it's 2011 or 2025, or 1974?

What matters most is how I make use of the year.

So here's a (sarcastic) hello to the new year. Finally.

A Sarcastic Hello by Anni B Sweet

Introduced by a friend, a film/arts/music and everything-indie buff. Thanks TAF!

indifferent

from here

caring is creepy

At this hour of the day (or shall I say, night) most of us would be lying in bed, thinking about the day we've gone through.

Some would have dozed off into Dreamland, to encounter the impossibles.

I am no different. As per usual, I'd be lying in my bed, staring into time warp, just replaying some parts of the day, and thinking what could have been, or how different it could be.

I would break the silence as silence would break me. Random songs would be playing in my head, and tonight, it is The Shin's Caring is Creepy.


It is.

When a person starts to care (often too much), creepy things happen. But I don't find any wrong in that.

We just care, and like to care.

But one wonders, if ever, a person would care about her.

And with the notion that there is, there will be, there has to be, someone who cares, somewhere in the world, she dozes off to join the slumber parade.


p/s: i just really miss him. RIP.

match made in music heaven

Hold On by Angus and Julia Stone

Somebody once told me, if you were not to listen to anyone, it would be singers; simply because they don't necessarily know what they're singing about.

But I only partly agree with him. Those who sing from their hearts (vocals and all technicalities aside) do know what they're singing about.

Anyways, it is always such a relief, whenever you find someone who likes the same music as you.

hey listen to me

People talk, here and there. About important things, non-important things, whatever.

Sometimes it's just too much I feel like screaming shut up a*seholes!

I know the person I should be saying that to is probably myself, I'm fond of talking gibberish and nonsense in general that what I say may actually gatecrash people's invisible sanity walls.

I like doing that to people, but don't necessarily like it when people do that to me *pfft selfish ain't she*

But hang on, before you judge (which you might have already), I actually really do listen to people. It's just that sometimes it's tiring.

So how do I filter all that useless trash dialogue the public throw around?

Believe it or not, my ears are powerful; well my mind is, at least (walaw!).

I am a selective listener, so I keep my ears from becoming strained.

The first 50seconds, I will listen attentively. If you got me within that, well, you've got me hooked. If it's not important, or does not catch my fancy, I drop it. Sometimes I pretend to be interested, or a huge proportion of the time, I just wander into other things in my mind.

For you noobs out there, let Yoda help you. You should be grateful, just for my presence in this world.

Here I've got some pointers for you. Read on.

If you want to look interested, but think about something else in a conversation:

1. [If it's a guy] Look at that person's beard/stubs/moustache; it makes you look like you're listening closely, while thinking about what he is saying, but at the same time not giving him the wrong signal by gazing deep into his eyes. Unless you're into him - this is allowed.

2. [If it's a girl] Look at her face in general (don't specify area, the girl will think you're looking at her flaws) and don't ever look away. Even if there's a fly that is bugging you. Or the guy that just passed smelled so good you want to just get a glimpse of his face. Don't.

3. [General] Do not nod your head too much and vary the rapidness of the nods. Ensure good mix of slow nods, and a few vigorous nods where you notice that person is raising his/her voice.

4. Say "hmm" when you sense he/she is asking a question (but you missed it), and follow by saying "I don't know man..really. But I understand what you're saying" It gives the person the assurance he/she needs whilst at the same time, providing enough freedom for he/she to make a decision without you influencing. Win-win.

5. Squint your eyes a little. Not too frequent, just to add some variety to your "attentiveness" in the conversation. For best effect, squint your eyes while looking at the person talking, then blink your eyes slowly and turn away from that person before you open them again. It gives the "thinking far" feel.

6. Tilt your head. This is normally for when someone is talking about how great his/her relationship is going. But you don't really want to hear all about how cute the teddy bear her boyfriend gives her or how his girlfriend has the best body on earth it's alien to humans etc. The more excited the person is talking about it, the closer you position your ear to your shoulder. You can also rest your hand on your elbow, and place your chin in your palm. Don't forget to throw in a little smile here and there.

7. If you suddenly see the person is laughing (which is probably because he/she just cracked a joke that you have no idea what about), cover your mouth with both your hands and face down. If you're supposed to laugh really hard, than cross your arms on the table and put your head on it (facing your knees) and shake your shoulders in a "shivering" manner. Face the speaker once in a while whilst breathing heavily or gasp for air and put a hand on your stomach; indicating you've been laughing real hard. Bang the table a few times, face down, with the combo of all the above if he's still laughing. The key here is: to face down.

TRIVIA: This is because when you laugh, your face actually creates, biologically, some fine lines at the corner of the eyes, and the corners of your mouth - these, you can't fake. So if you don't want to get busted, better hide it.

8.  Put a hand on his/her arm if he/she is telling a sad story. Leave it there. Rub a little, but nothing too extravagant, like hugging etc. The maximum you can go is to put your arm around him/her from the side.

9. Hug him/her from the front, only if he/she is crying (with tears streaming). Make your eyebrows into one straight line, and raise the middle part (where the two eyebrows meet). Turn both your upper and lower lips inward and let out small sighs along the way. Incorporate pointer #8 if need be.

10. Try to counter-attack. This is a weapon for when he/she actually caught you not listening. Begin your sentence with "I know, I'm listening, I'm listening. Just trying to imagine/think". This can be followed by "Hmm..but you know [continue with any counter-reflex statements from his/her previous sentence]" Also, since prevention is better than cure, you can drop here and there when he/she is in mid-sentence with the words "But..don't you think.." and stop there. When he/she asks you what, you tell "No, no, continue. Nothing important"

So, I will stop at #10, before you all start using this against me when I'm talking to you next time. Haha. And just for the record, I normally really listen to people, this is just based on observations on what I think works when you really want to try and listen to people but they are just too boring.

In a way, I'm actually teaching you how to be polite to other people. Hehe. Otherwise, do take the time to really listen to what people are actually really saying (by what they are not saying), rather than just merely listening to the sentences they conjure and throw out to you.

Not saying anything, is also saying something. Think about it. (Walaw! Trying to be deep)

Hope this helps. Goodbye, and be a better listener!

the untying of the ribbon

A small that is big,
A surprise that is expected,
A small surprise.

dude is smart

Stu? What are you doing?
Making chocolate pudding.
It's 4am in the morning, why on Earth are you making chocolate pudding?
Because I have lost control of my life.

- AndyNolastname

Was looking for a song by The Mountain Goats, and found the above by a commentator. Thought it was smart.

A W K W A R D

Disclaimer: highly egocentric, and from a very limited view point of the writer.

Hello World. You are awkward. Yes you, the World. (Don't try to shake your head and cause a dis-orbit)

Some observations to prove:

Observation #1

How you are divided into three categories of people: smokers, second-hand smokers, and non-smokers.

I unwillingly fall into the second category. I have no problems with those who are in the other categories (especially the third), but it always left me in a very awkward spot with the first. When those who smoke, smoke around me, I will most often than not, become a wallflower, eventhough I don't want to. Because then the smokers will feel awkward to smoke around me. Especially when they are smoking while standing, I'm not too sure whether I should cross my arm, stand with a foot in the front, try to act like the smoke they exhale doesn't bug me etc.

I noticed I got the hang of observing smoking friends whom I always hang out with, whether they exhale to the right or to the left, and choose to sit/stand on the opposite so that my hair won't smell of cigarette. It is very awkward.


Observation #2


How you succeed in making me eat my own words. When I say something, for example "I won't ever fall for that kind of dude", I will then fall deeply and madly in love with a guy of that sort and will go for him. Or when I say, "I won't laugh", I will laugh the whole way.

Why do you make me act awkward!


Observation #3


Who invented the lift/elevator? The journey I have to take everyday to work; that 33 floors I have to ride up the elevator can be the most torturous silence I will ever be in. I have no clue how to not make it obvious that I feel awkward or like hide my expression when somebody lets out a "silent killer" that stinks like a soiled underwear, especially when the elevator has mirrors on all four sides. You pretty much can't do anything without anyone trying to look.

Or when there's a cute guy, and you're trying to steal looks, and he caught you looking. How do you hide that blush? (wahhh)

And typical conversations starters will involve whether anyone has eaten (lunch/breakfast/dinner), whether anyone is working late/going back already or how they come to work. And it normally ends there. Major awkwardness.


Observation #4


I am good at this, but I am just wondering how. How I can pretend to laugh real hard at an inappropriate joke told by a boss, a person I've only met for the first time and does not click or have any interest to be so, or a person who tells the joke really badly. Awkward.


Observation #5


How to act when somebody caught you smiling to yourself. I mean, to be able to smile is a basic human right, and these people make it look like you're weird, and stare at you like you're bananas. It's not like there's someone walking around naked.


Observation #6


Awkward-immune people. Those who do not understand how an awkward situation is like. I know I really like to create awkward situations with people for the sake of it, because I like to test how far the mere mortals can put up with such a situation (walaw!), but I know what awkward is.

Some people do awkward things without realizing it is awkward, like for example, a friend I had in school, she was really pretty (we all are --> all girls school, what do you expect), and sweet and all that jazz guys always fall for. In class, she always turns around to talk to me and another friend. One day, she turned around, and while I was talking, she picked her nose. She picked her friggin nose. In front of us. With her index. It was deep. And it was green.

Like what the!

I really don't know how to react to that, and to this day, I'm traumatised. The situation still haunts me in my sleep. I have nightmares coz of it.


Goodbye, I'm going to leave you with an awkward ending. You suck! (try react to that. bahaha)

love lost

Love Lost by The Temper Trap

aku dan gua ku

Beberapa kebelakangan ini aku semakin menjadi anti-sosialis yang berjaya. Aku amat jarang berkomunikasi di internet, malahan juga meng-update blog ini. Apabila di rumah, aku hanya mengurungkan diri di bilik, tenggelam dalam duniaku.

Memang pada dasarnya aku masih yang dulu; keluar bersama rakan-rakan, menghabiskan masa bersama keluarga dan segala apa masyarakat sosial yang lain lakukan. Cuma, entah, mungkin sebenarnya aku tidak "ada" di situ.

Bilik aku, tidak ubah seperti gua zaman moden - buku-buku dan kertas-kertas berselerakan, barang-barang peribadi masih di dalam kotak-kotak hijau Ikea dari tahun-tahun terdahulu. CD yang bertimbun di satu sudut tanpa rak (cuma di susun alphabetically), gambar lukisan abstrak tidak bergantung dan amplifier yang tiada guna di suatu sudut bertentangan.

Bilik ini sebenarnya kecil, untuk orang yang berpewatakan seperti aku - aku suka mengambil dan membeli kerana aku seorang yang adventurus dan jakun, aku suka menyimpan kerana aku seorang yang nostalgis, lalu aku tidak membuang. Aku jarang mengemas dan menyusun semula kerana aku orang yang tidak sukakan kesempurnaan dan perlu berasa familiar dengan sesuatu keadaan.

Akhirnya bilik ini menjadi semakin sempit kerana barang yang banyak, dan aku hanya ada ruang untuk tidur, berdiri dan berjalan sekitar empat tapak sekeliling (radius).

Tetapi, bilik ini membuatkan aku rasa seperti dikelilingi perkara-perkara yang merangkumi segala sejarah ku. Seperti muzium hidup.

Lantas, sepanjang dua minggu kebelakangan ini, aku mulai membaca semula buku-buku lama yang aku jumpa di bawah katil. Haha. Othello, karya Shakespeare baru sahaja ku tamatkan. Agak berat.

Semalam aku membaca The Dog Who Walked With God hasil tulisan Michael J. Rosen dan ilustrasi oleh Stan Fellows, tentang sejarah kejadian manusia di muka bumi serta hidupan lain dari sudut pandangan masyarakat Kato Indians di Athapaskan, utara California.

Buku folklore dan myth ini sebenarnya ditulis untuk kanak-kanak, tetapi aku membelinya ketika di Australia dahulu kerana ilustrasinya yang cantik dan naratifnya yang mendalam.

Tuhan, dalam buku ini, dipanggil The Great Traveller. Terbuka untuk argumentation oleh masyarakat sejagat, tetapi juga spesifik untuk kaum yang memanggilnya sebegitu.

Cara penceritaan asli dari wakil kaum Kato ini sangat menarik. Contoh (seperti diceritakan oleh Bill Ray):

Water went, they say.
Waters well melt, they say.
Land was not, they say.
Water only then, mountains were not, they say.
Stones were not, they say.

Dua pengajaran daripada buku ini:

1. Setiap kejadian tuhan itu diberi nama, dan berhak untuk dihormati dan dipanggil dengan nama yang diberi.
2. A dog, is a man's best friend.

Sekian, aku akan kembali berhibernasi di gua ku.

the graceful struggle

.

A lotus;
A duck;
In a lake.

...

For 2011

from here

tahun baru --> masa --> aku -->?

Sebagai seorang yang degil dan bersikap neo-konservatif, saya dengan ini mengisytiharkan Tahun Baru untuk diri sendiri jatuh pada 11 Januari 2011.

"Mengapa begitu non-konformis wahai Izza? Apa yang cuba kau buktikan?!" teriak masyarakat dunia.

Ya, kerana saya belum bersedia menerima hakikat bahawa ini adalah tahun baru! Saya berhak membuat klamasi dan deklarasi sebagai manusia bebas!

Dan juga sebab nak tarikh: 11.1.11

Oleh kerana saya sentiasa percaya akan prinsip Masa yang dibentangkan oleh Stephen Hawking dalam bukunya yang paling terkemuka, A Brief History of Time, bahawa:

Time is relative

Atau alih bahasanya: Masa itu keluarga.


Eheh, bukan, bukan.

Maksudnya masa itu terpengaruh dek individualis dan persepsi mereka nan tersendiri. Ia terinterdependan pada pelbagai faktor, terutama manusia itu sendiri.


Bibik sebelah rumah akan mempersoalkan:

Dik Ijjah, kalok gitu, maksudnya masa itu ya berbeda-beda dari guwe sama loh? Mana mungkin hari Senin guwe samaan hari Rabu loh. Usah bikin bingung dehh! 


Ya Bibik, oleh kerana masa itu bukan suatu yang objektif dan muktamad (suka hati je buat teori sendiri), saya yakin yang kita boleh mendefinisikan masa mengikut keperluan dan kehendak individualistik.

Bibik masih ingin memprovokasi teori yang aku baru bentangkan:

Haha ya percuma aja guwe deklarasi hari Libur setiap hari! Majikan guwe juga ngak bisa marahin guwe! Kok bisa begitu Dik Ijjah? Enggak mungkin sihhhh! Guwe ni masih bingung nih!


Masa itu hak setiap insan! Masa itu hak setiap insan! Masa itu hak setiap insan!

Khabarkan pada majikan mu wahai Bik Syoliha, bahawa masa itu juga tiada majikan! tiada siapa boleh menuntut hak sebagai pemilik masa yang unggul dan satu!

Malahan lagi, sebenarnya, masa itu majikan kita! Kitalah hamba kepada masa!

Bibik berfikir sejenak, sambil mengupas kulit bawang dengan rakus, seolah-olah bawang itu adalah kepala majikannya.

Guwe percaya sama loh sratus persen.

(wah wah, boleh jadi sinetron)

Oleh itu, guwe, eh guwe pulak dah. Saya dengan ini masih belum meng'embrace' Tahun Baru.

Sebagaimana usia itu hanyalah nombor, begitu jugalah tarikh tahun baru bagi saya.

Bahahahahahaha.